So, I arrived home this evening to find a bag of food and a card hanging on my door. The card was addressed to Shereen. Of course this did not stop me from opening it. Apparently, she has a lunch date with a young lass, but she canceled it. So the lass bought Shereen lunch, and a card of apology! That's so nice!
But apparently Shereen didn't tell her she moved out, either!
The food is now resting in my refrigerator. I bet wacky hijinks will come of this!!
In other news, the show is going much better, thanks. There were some amusing occurrences that I had wanted to relate (not related to the show), but I've forgotten them all. Oh well. Next time.
Thursday
Friday
Gah.
D'you ever have something to say to someone, but you're so worried that it's not going to be ... right to say? Maybe because you know that their feelings are the more important, but you really just want to talk about your own feelings? Something like that. Anyway. This is one of those.
You are so fucking right. God. So ... everything. One of my pet hatreds is of the phrase "I know how you feel." But, some of the things you say, Jesus, I fucking was you. And I would have given fucking anything to have you never know what it feels like. You are completely right.
Fuck.
You are so fucking right. God. So ... everything. One of my pet hatreds is of the phrase "I know how you feel." But, some of the things you say, Jesus, I fucking was you. And I would have given fucking anything to have you never know what it feels like. You are completely right.
Fuck.
Thursday
Worlds folded more than 4.
In case you were wondering ... that was the gimmick.
All in all, I've had a most pleasant and entertaining 4th.
All in all, I've had a most pleasant and entertaining 4th.
Friday
What collides?
I have had a miserable day. I want sympathy. I'm far too tired to write out my troubles again, and yet, I still don't feel sated with prior rantings. So I am just going to copy and paste directly from emails that I sent to the Boy. Aren't you lucky! It's like a super secret glimpse into my life!
Preface: As ... someone may know, I am running a show now. Normally, I love this. I am an actress, foremost, but I love working crew, and I love my producing work. I am a theatre enthusiast in general. So when I say that I was achingly disappointed in my evening, I ain't just bullshitting you. Also, since I didn't mention this in the email, my scene partner for my class most definitely has a crush on me. It's really pissing me off. And if he doesn't learn his lines, I think I have every right to murder him. Moving on.
Email the first: Oh good, it's you. As my designated lifemate, you get to hear me carry on about my completely shitty day. I took a lot of napping last night, and actually slept for a good deal of the night. However, since I'd been so ... awake for a few days prior, I was still extremely tired. And I had to wake up early to do my laundry, because I'm not sure when I'm going to *get* another free *hour*. Whilst doing my laundry, I discovered something insidious. The dryers, which cost 75 cents per use, run for 54 minutes. Without exception. 75 more cents if you want 54 more minutes. What I have done in the past is, at select times, remove select clothing items which are already dry, to help the still-damp ones dry faster. I could take as much time as I wanted, since the timer only counted down while it was running. NOT ANYMORE, THOUGH! Now, the minutes get used up -- even if the dryer isn't on! What the fuck am I forking over my change for? Anyway, because of the need to do laundry, I had a very short time to get to class, even though my class was at one. First, though, I had to stop off at the store to get a gift for my "secret valentine" -- because my class decided this would be a good thing to do. I got a sample box of chocolates and a card with a smiley face on it. It cost less than three dollars, but that was still more than I was willing to spend. I need to conserve all my money for train tickets and, you know, to live. Despite my poverty, I still felt shame that mine seemed to be if not the cheapest, than one of the bottom two of everyone. Even though I am destitute. (On a that note, my father is bringing my prescription down to me on Sunday morning. I will beg for funds because I do not know shame or guilt.) My gift was a bar of candy that I didn't like, and a bag of "Veggie Twists" which actually is the sort of fruity new-age snack I'd go in for. Except the flavor - garlic and rosemary. ?!!?! So, after class I took the bus back to my room, unloaded some stuff and grabbed my pills and checked my emails. About 12 minutes total. Then I had to get another bus to go back to the other campus to work on the show. The bus was at the stop as I arrived. The EE. As I was *running up to and along side it* is when it started to pull away. I WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE! As it leaves me there, hoping that the driver sees my extended middle finger in his rear view window, I look across the street to see the F bus also pulling away. So I had to stand at the bus stop for about 15 minutes. All this means that I had about 15 minutes to go to the dining hall and attempt to have food. The only thing that had that I could actually eat were dry chicken finger (no honey or honey mustard) of which I had about four. It was terrible. And that's all I've had to eat all day. Also, I've been very dehydrated (which I note as I suck back my last bottle of water). Then I get to the show! I soon find that I have not yet begun to be pissed off. Let me start a new paragraph.
So, I am running props. My duties include setting the props and some furniture that will be onstage, and arranging items off-stage that will be carried on by the actors. This can all be done before the show starts. During the show, I hand one thing to one person, take one thing from one person, and hold open a door. That's it. As I am backstage, I cannot watch the show. That's what tonight was supposed to be for. Tonight was the *crew watch*. That is the title of the evening. It's an opportunity for the crew to watch the show. But did I? Well, fuck no! Because the stage manager thought it would be a good idea for the prop people to "watch" the show from backstage. Even though none of our duties are even set as they are still changing things around. I did fuck nothing for an hour and 45 minutes. Absolutely nothing. I stood around being frustrated and bored and taking up space, and then pretending to be happy when the actors introduced themselves. I could not see the show and I could not hear the show. I only have a slightly better understanding of it than I did before. I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO THE SHOW. I don't even know what's fucking going on on the stage. So fucking frustrated and so fucking bored. It was torture, and it's going to be torture every fucking night.
What I could tell of the play was the following: not thirty seconds into it, there's a scene of simulated sex. The word "cunt" is used a great deal of times. This play was obviously written the day after the Sexual Revolution occurred. I don't know if you'd enjoy seeing it or not. There's a musical number at the end (there are musical numbers - it's weird) in which the ladies sort of ... heckle and insinuate upon the male members of the audience.
So, yeah. I had a fucking awful night. I barely know what's going on in the show. I have no connection to it, and my first impression of it is that it's a horrifically boring waste of my time. None of which I would have to feel right now if they had just let me *watch* the fucking show and feel connected to it. But no. Now the next three weeks of my life will suck a boatload of ass.
Email the second: Today (which is by now "yesterday") was also ten years since Karen died. I don't know if that contributed to my shitty day. I don't think it did, but then, as I discovered the other day when I was talking to Anita, we both have a lot of unresolved feelings about it. I meant to mention this somewhere in the other email. You don't have to make this its own reply. I don't know if I want to continue a discussion about it.
I think I'm going to see if I can get some sustenance from the vending machines in the basement. I might get a Coke, though it will surely fuck up my desperately needed sleep session.
Epilogue: I decided to get a bottle of water from the drink machine instead. It was 75 cents. I gave my money, pressed the button, and it pretended to vend. It accepted my money, but gave me no water. There were some chaps there playing that table-football game, so I couldn't even cry. Next, I made my way to the snack machine. It took my money gratefully, but every selection I made, though there was clearly a snack to be had, prompted the message "Make Another Selection". Every single one. So, dejected, I pushed the coin return and collected my change. Then I pressed my luck with the drink machine again, the fruit of which is the opened can of Coca~Cola now sitting in front of me.
Someone shoot me.
Preface: As ... someone may know, I am running a show now. Normally, I love this. I am an actress, foremost, but I love working crew, and I love my producing work. I am a theatre enthusiast in general. So when I say that I was achingly disappointed in my evening, I ain't just bullshitting you. Also, since I didn't mention this in the email, my scene partner for my class most definitely has a crush on me. It's really pissing me off. And if he doesn't learn his lines, I think I have every right to murder him. Moving on.
Email the first: Oh good, it's you. As my designated lifemate, you get to hear me carry on about my completely shitty day. I took a lot of napping last night, and actually slept for a good deal of the night. However, since I'd been so ... awake for a few days prior, I was still extremely tired. And I had to wake up early to do my laundry, because I'm not sure when I'm going to *get* another free *hour*. Whilst doing my laundry, I discovered something insidious. The dryers, which cost 75 cents per use, run for 54 minutes. Without exception. 75 more cents if you want 54 more minutes. What I have done in the past is, at select times, remove select clothing items which are already dry, to help the still-damp ones dry faster. I could take as much time as I wanted, since the timer only counted down while it was running. NOT ANYMORE, THOUGH! Now, the minutes get used up -- even if the dryer isn't on! What the fuck am I forking over my change for? Anyway, because of the need to do laundry, I had a very short time to get to class, even though my class was at one. First, though, I had to stop off at the store to get a gift for my "secret valentine" -- because my class decided this would be a good thing to do. I got a sample box of chocolates and a card with a smiley face on it. It cost less than three dollars, but that was still more than I was willing to spend. I need to conserve all my money for train tickets and, you know, to live. Despite my poverty, I still felt shame that mine seemed to be if not the cheapest, than one of the bottom two of everyone. Even though I am destitute. (On a that note, my father is bringing my prescription down to me on Sunday morning. I will beg for funds because I do not know shame or guilt.) My gift was a bar of candy that I didn't like, and a bag of "Veggie Twists" which actually is the sort of fruity new-age snack I'd go in for. Except the flavor - garlic and rosemary. ?!!?! So, after class I took the bus back to my room, unloaded some stuff and grabbed my pills and checked my emails. About 12 minutes total. Then I had to get another bus to go back to the other campus to work on the show. The bus was at the stop as I arrived. The EE. As I was *running up to and along side it* is when it started to pull away. I WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE! As it leaves me there, hoping that the driver sees my extended middle finger in his rear view window, I look across the street to see the F bus also pulling away. So I had to stand at the bus stop for about 15 minutes. All this means that I had about 15 minutes to go to the dining hall and attempt to have food. The only thing that had that I could actually eat were dry chicken finger (no honey or honey mustard) of which I had about four. It was terrible. And that's all I've had to eat all day. Also, I've been very dehydrated (which I note as I suck back my last bottle of water). Then I get to the show! I soon find that I have not yet begun to be pissed off. Let me start a new paragraph.
So, I am running props. My duties include setting the props and some furniture that will be onstage, and arranging items off-stage that will be carried on by the actors. This can all be done before the show starts. During the show, I hand one thing to one person, take one thing from one person, and hold open a door. That's it. As I am backstage, I cannot watch the show. That's what tonight was supposed to be for. Tonight was the *crew watch*. That is the title of the evening. It's an opportunity for the crew to watch the show. But did I? Well, fuck no! Because the stage manager thought it would be a good idea for the prop people to "watch" the show from backstage. Even though none of our duties are even set as they are still changing things around. I did fuck nothing for an hour and 45 minutes. Absolutely nothing. I stood around being frustrated and bored and taking up space, and then pretending to be happy when the actors introduced themselves. I could not see the show and I could not hear the show. I only have a slightly better understanding of it than I did before. I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO THE SHOW. I don't even know what's fucking going on on the stage. So fucking frustrated and so fucking bored. It was torture, and it's going to be torture every fucking night.
What I could tell of the play was the following: not thirty seconds into it, there's a scene of simulated sex. The word "cunt" is used a great deal of times. This play was obviously written the day after the Sexual Revolution occurred. I don't know if you'd enjoy seeing it or not. There's a musical number at the end (there are musical numbers - it's weird) in which the ladies sort of ... heckle and insinuate upon the male members of the audience.
So, yeah. I had a fucking awful night. I barely know what's going on in the show. I have no connection to it, and my first impression of it is that it's a horrifically boring waste of my time. None of which I would have to feel right now if they had just let me *watch* the fucking show and feel connected to it. But no. Now the next three weeks of my life will suck a boatload of ass.
Email the second: Today (which is by now "yesterday") was also ten years since Karen died. I don't know if that contributed to my shitty day. I don't think it did, but then, as I discovered the other day when I was talking to Anita, we both have a lot of unresolved feelings about it. I meant to mention this somewhere in the other email. You don't have to make this its own reply. I don't know if I want to continue a discussion about it.
I think I'm going to see if I can get some sustenance from the vending machines in the basement. I might get a Coke, though it will surely fuck up my desperately needed sleep session.
Epilogue: I decided to get a bottle of water from the drink machine instead. It was 75 cents. I gave my money, pressed the button, and it pretended to vend. It accepted my money, but gave me no water. There were some chaps there playing that table-football game, so I couldn't even cry. Next, I made my way to the snack machine. It took my money gratefully, but every selection I made, though there was clearly a snack to be had, prompted the message "Make Another Selection". Every single one. So, dejected, I pushed the coin return and collected my change. Then I pressed my luck with the drink machine again, the fruit of which is the opened can of Coca~Cola now sitting in front of me.
Someone shoot me.
Thursday
Yeah, it brought me to this place, into this gorgeous time.
I keep thinking that I have things to write about. And I probably do. I just never seem to get around to actually doing them. And as of this evening, I will have NO TIME.
That blows. I also have things to do for people. Which I am not doing. I am very tired.
Eh, so, anyway. The point of this entry was to mention that my sister died ten years ago today. So, that's rather ... huh.
My font style does not allow for any aesthetically pleasing way to credit the song in my title, so perhaps I'll just let them build up again, and then do another explanation in the future. Woo hoo! And idea.
That blows. I also have things to do for people. Which I am not doing. I am very tired.
Eh, so, anyway. The point of this entry was to mention that my sister died ten years ago today. So, that's rather ... huh.
My font style does not allow for any aesthetically pleasing way to credit the song in my title, so perhaps I'll just let them build up again, and then do another explanation in the future. Woo hoo! And idea.
Sunday
Up-Date.
Heeeee!
Yes, so. I had a very good weekend. And I am now upset that several of my friends had weekends nowhere near as good.
My weekend gifts/engagements included movie (Monster - a good film, but incredibly cheapened for me by the fact that the storyline was completely fake!), candy (from the movie - but super good!), a meal which did not include chicken, but instead shrimp (shocking!), My Fair Lady on DVD (even though I don't have a DVD player, which he knows), a book of Mensa™ logic puzzles, some illegally recorded music CDs (which I assume are actually on loan), and um, sporting events.Also, for all of Valentine's Day, I was wearing a shirt that said "My Girlfriend Can Totally Beat Up Your Girlfriend." It was great.
In the spirit of Venereal Disease, here is a sort of gift for you all (three) that actually isn't a gift, just something I've been meaning to do for a while. A list of all the lyrics I've used as titles, and the songs from whence they come! I'll come in great handy if you have insomnia, but won't help you otherwise! Ehem ...
January 29, 2003
"I Can't Reach You" by The Who (song written out in full)
February 26, 2003
"Happy Birthday to me"
from "The Happy Birthday Song" by Anonymous.
April 25, 2003
"It's a girl, Mrs. Walker, it's a girl."
from "Glow Girl" by The Who
June 14, 2003
"A new twist on a very old song."
from a live version of "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac
August 9, 2003
"Timorous Me" by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists
August 13, 2003
"The Tyranny of Distance, Pt. 2"
album by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists
September 1, 2003
"Make Your Bed The River, Young Girl."
from "Make Your Bed" by Neko Case
November 7, 2003
"And nothing else matters when I turn it up loud."
from "Speakers Push The Air" by Pretty Girls Make Graves
November 26, 2003
"I plachu, I rydaiu mylyi za toboiu."
from "In A Glade" by Milla Jovovich
December 11, 2003
"And the world may be long for you, but it'll never belong to you."
from "Grace Cathedral Hill" by The Decemberists
December 16, 2003
"And time will tell us all."
from "The Battle Of Evermore" by Led Zeppelin
December 17, 2003
"Watch the clouds sift through the irreal."
from "No Need To Cry" by Neko Case
February 4, 2004
"Who's gonna start a rock and roll band?"
from "The Cheat Theme Song" by The Skate Party
Man. There were a lot fewer than I thought there were.
Yes, so. I had a very good weekend. And I am now upset that several of my friends had weekends nowhere near as good.
My weekend gifts/engagements included movie (Monster - a good film, but incredibly cheapened for me by the fact that the storyline was completely fake!), candy (from the movie - but super good!), a meal which did not include chicken, but instead shrimp (shocking!), My Fair Lady on DVD (even though I don't have a DVD player, which he knows), a book of Mensa™ logic puzzles, some illegally recorded music CDs (which I assume are actually on loan), and um, sporting events.
In the spirit of Venereal Disease, here is a sort of gift for you all (three) that actually isn't a gift, just something I've been meaning to do for a while. A list of all the lyrics I've used as titles, and the songs from whence they come! I'll come in great handy if you have insomnia, but won't help you otherwise! Ehem ...
January 29, 2003
"I Can't Reach You" by The Who (song written out in full)
February 26, 2003
"Happy Birthday to me"
from "The Happy Birthday Song" by Anonymous.
April 25, 2003
"It's a girl, Mrs. Walker, it's a girl."
from "Glow Girl" by The Who
June 14, 2003
"A new twist on a very old song."
from a live version of "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac
August 9, 2003
"Timorous Me" by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists
August 13, 2003
"The Tyranny of Distance, Pt. 2"
album by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists
September 1, 2003
"Make Your Bed The River, Young Girl."
from "Make Your Bed" by Neko Case
November 7, 2003
"And nothing else matters when I turn it up loud."
from "Speakers Push The Air" by Pretty Girls Make Graves
November 26, 2003
"I plachu, I rydaiu mylyi za toboiu."
from "In A Glade" by Milla Jovovich
December 11, 2003
"And the world may be long for you, but it'll never belong to you."
from "Grace Cathedral Hill" by The Decemberists
December 16, 2003
"And time will tell us all."
from "The Battle Of Evermore" by Led Zeppelin
December 17, 2003
"Watch the clouds sift through the irreal."
from "No Need To Cry" by Neko Case
February 4, 2004
"Who's gonna start a rock and roll band?"
from "The Cheat Theme Song" by The Skate Party
Man. There were a lot fewer than I thought there were.
Thursday
I have a valentine (date)!
I am so happy!
I keep meaning to update this with ... things. But, well. You see how well that's turned out.
I keep meaning to update this with ... things. But, well. You see how well that's turned out.
HORRIFIED GASP!!
(Do not get used to an entry every day, three people that are reading this. This is brought about by insomnia.)
Say, Superhero Girl. You know how I totally hated you because Mona Lisa Smile was filmed about your town, and you were very close to Kirsten Dunst? WELL GET THIS!
Mona Lisa Smile was also filmed in GLEN RIDGE, NJ! Dude, dude, dude .... dude. Kirsten Dunst was, literally, two blocks away from where I live. SHE COULD HAVE COME TO MY HOUSE FOR TEA!
Jesus fuck. If I were able to sleep right now, I'd simply have to go take a nap.
Say, Superhero Girl. You know how I totally hated you because Mona Lisa Smile was filmed about your town, and you were very close to Kirsten Dunst? WELL GET THIS!
Mona Lisa Smile was also filmed in GLEN RIDGE, NJ! Dude, dude, dude .... dude. Kirsten Dunst was, literally, two blocks away from where I live. SHE COULD HAVE COME TO MY HOUSE FOR TEA!
Jesus fuck. If I were able to sleep right now, I'd simply have to go take a nap.
Wednesday
Who's gonna start a rock and roll band?
And can I be in it? Seriously. I have decided that I am best suited to be the singer of a band. While my aspirations are many, one of my primary goals will be to provide the public with songs that reflect an accurate use of the subjunctive.
It can be a chick band, but I'm not particular. I'll rock overtime.
Also, in the spirit of my clone here's a very short list:
Four songs that are not in my top four of favorite songs, but that I love nevertheless:
• "Aqualung" by Jethro Tull
• "St. Teresa" by Joan Osbourne
• "Biomusicology" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
• "Summertime" by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
It can be a chick band, but I'm not particular. I'll rock overtime.
Also, in the spirit of my clone here's a very short list:
Four songs that are not in my top four of favorite songs, but that I love nevertheless:
• "Aqualung" by Jethro Tull
• "St. Teresa" by Joan Osbourne
• "Biomusicology" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
• "Summertime" by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Tuesday
I may be horrible to live with.
Subtitle: My Roommate Has Left the Building.
So, I was at home until today (having left my dormitory on Frieve) because yesterday was my father's birthday (he's a groundhog! and sixty!) and then today I had a doctorb's appointment (I'm fine! and I was taken off one of my medications!). So I returned to my dorm room about midday, on this very day, and all of my roommate's things are gone.
This is most unexpected! There is much emptiness! All she said to me on Friday was "See you soon". And now she appears to have left. No note or anything!
She had been discussing moving into a house with some of her sorority ... people, but I assumed that was for, you know, next year or something. I'd have appreciated a mention of "Oh, hey, I'm going to be leaving, like, now."
As you will recall, my previous roommate also left me mid-schoolyear. But she was a heinous bitchfiend. This one is actually nice and we get on well.
In unrelated events, I have not had a night of restful sleep in over two weeks.
I think that if I am made to live alone, that I will be sad. Last year I was cool with it, you know, because I was in the throes of major depression and such and such ... but I'm feeling quite personable now! Why does everyone want to leave Amy?
I will be very busy this semester, and I probably won't even be in the room enough for this to make a difference. And you know, come to think of it, I've never liked living with someone I don't know, and now I can play my music at a reasonable volume without fear of reproach, I never have to watch reruns of 7th Heaven again, and I can stay up late insomniatic nights working on graphics and long rants about the establishment. But, still.
You know what I mean.
Oh! Also, in mysteriously related news, I am very happy for and proud of someone today.
So, I was at home until today (having left my dormitory on Frieve) because yesterday was my father's birthday (he's a groundhog! and sixty!) and then today I had a doctorb's appointment (I'm fine! and I was taken off one of my medications!). So I returned to my dorm room about midday, on this very day, and all of my roommate's things are gone.
This is most unexpected! There is much emptiness! All she said to me on Friday was "See you soon". And now she appears to have left. No note or anything!
She had been discussing moving into a house with some of her sorority ... people, but I assumed that was for, you know, next year or something. I'd have appreciated a mention of "Oh, hey, I'm going to be leaving, like, now."
As you will recall, my previous roommate also left me mid-schoolyear. But she was a heinous bitchfiend. This one is actually nice and we get on well.
In unrelated events, I have not had a night of restful sleep in over two weeks.
I think that if I am made to live alone, that I will be sad. Last year I was cool with it, you know, because I was in the throes of major depression and such and such ... but I'm feeling quite personable now! Why does everyone want to leave Amy?
I will be very busy this semester, and I probably won't even be in the room enough for this to make a difference. And you know, come to think of it, I've never liked living with someone I don't know, and now I can play my music at a reasonable volume without fear of reproach, I never have to watch reruns of 7th Heaven again, and I can stay up late insomniatic nights working on graphics and long rants about the establishment. But, still.
You know what I mean.
Oh! Also, in mysteriously related news, I am very happy for and proud of someone today.
Saturday
I'm ugly!!!!
Dear God! I'm ugly! Ugly and BALD! I am bald and I have no hair!!
I got my hair cut today. No, no. You do not understand. I got my hair cut off today. Over a foot of hair. FOOT OF HAIR! Like, nearly a fifth of the length of myself ... in hair!
I am donating my hair. Marvel at my depth and kindness of soul, while feeling guilty that you are not as good a person as I.
But first, PITY ME! I am bald and have no hair!
"But, Amy," you may say if you could see my now hideous visage, "your hair is still down to your shoulders. That's not that short."
Yes, but you're forgetting on important thing: NOBODY ASKED YOU!
I changed my shirt when I got home. And when I put on the new shirt, I didn't have to reach back and pull my hair out. It was already out!!
When I reach behind my back, I can't feel my hair!! Now how can I comfort myself by stroking my lovely wonderful hair? I CAN'T! Because I'm bald!!
Um. Seriously. It looks pretty good. And my hair is all swishy, which is kind of cool. But. Um. I cannot get used to this being my head. It's all ... lacking in hair.
I got my hair cut today. No, no. You do not understand. I got my hair cut off today. Over a foot of hair. FOOT OF HAIR! Like, nearly a fifth of the length of myself ... in hair!
I am donating my hair. Marvel at my depth and kindness of soul, while feeling guilty that you are not as good a person as I.
But first, PITY ME! I am bald and have no hair!
"But, Amy," you may say if you could see my now hideous visage, "your hair is still down to your shoulders. That's not that short."
Yes, but you're forgetting on important thing: NOBODY ASKED YOU!
I changed my shirt when I got home. And when I put on the new shirt, I didn't have to reach back and pull my hair out. It was already out!!
When I reach behind my back, I can't feel my hair!! Now how can I comfort myself by stroking my lovely wonderful hair? I CAN'T! Because I'm bald!!
Um. Seriously. It looks pretty good. And my hair is all swishy, which is kind of cool. But. Um. I cannot get used to this being my head. It's all ... lacking in hair.
Thursday
My new desktop wallpaper is so sexy.
Seriously. I have to stop staring at it. I made it myself! Because I am excellent.
In related news, I have PhotoStudio. Because boys, on rare occasions, can be excellent.
In further related news, Robert Plant is a foxy man.
In completely unrelated news, the P@ has reminded me that I totally need to write about stuff. This stuff will be unrelated to any upcoming gimmicks.
In related news, I have PhotoStudio. Because boys, on rare occasions, can be excellent.
In further related news, Robert Plant is a foxy man.
In completely unrelated news, the P@ has reminded me that I totally need to write about stuff. This stuff will be unrelated to any upcoming gimmicks.
Friday
I don't even want to know about the rerun schedule...
Okay so, you know that show I was telling you about? Well, it was on again. And I almost missed it! Luckily though, I tuned in right wehn it started. I didn't even know it was going to be on! Does anyone know where I can find a schedule for it?
Anyway...
[Begin Spoiler for Ape10 episode 1.2 "Big Time" — Highlight to view]
Dude, get it? Big time? Heee!
You know, I think I like Zombielyn. Yeah, at first, she didn't seem too lively, but I really like her dry wit. Do you suppose it was all the dying that made her so funny? I think so. Anyway, the subtitles were in a much better font this week, so if anyone was having trouble reading them before, I don't think it'll be a problem now.
No Bluebush this week. Well, I mean, they mentioned him but ... man. It's so suspenseful! What's he up to? And, if he put the dinosaur in the forties, which time period does he want to conquer? He can't be like, a Master of All Time, can he? CAN HE!?
Spark saved the day! Just like I knew he probably might. I was worried for a while though, I didn't want him to have to die for his heroism though ... um, die by attracting planets and whatnot. But they figured it all out ... one way or another, so that was cool. He's just cool anyway. He's just like "Hey, while we work on savin' the city ... I'm gonna have a Hot Pocket." That's so cool!
I wonder if they were actually filming on location for this episode. How big a budget does this show have, anyway? I mean, probably a lot, if they could get Russell Crowe to do a cameo. Maybe the producers have eerie powers.
Was this episode more filler, or do you think they're still setting up for things we have to know. Setsumei looks like he could be a reoccuring character, and I want to know if they're going to work in his lab more, maybe discovering some secrets!
Anyway, I turned it off when the previews for next week came on. I really don't want to know any spoilers.
[End Spoiler]
Anyway...
[Begin Spoiler for Ape10 episode 1.2 "Big Time" — Highlight to view]
Dude, get it? Big time? Heee!
You know, I think I like Zombielyn. Yeah, at first, she didn't seem too lively, but I really like her dry wit. Do you suppose it was all the dying that made her so funny? I think so. Anyway, the subtitles were in a much better font this week, so if anyone was having trouble reading them before, I don't think it'll be a problem now.
No Bluebush this week. Well, I mean, they mentioned him but ... man. It's so suspenseful! What's he up to? And, if he put the dinosaur in the forties, which time period does he want to conquer? He can't be like, a Master of All Time, can he? CAN HE!?
Spark saved the day! Just like I knew he probably might. I was worried for a while though, I didn't want him to have to die for his heroism though ... um, die by attracting planets and whatnot. But they figured it all out ... one way or another, so that was cool. He's just cool anyway. He's just like "Hey, while we work on savin' the city ... I'm gonna have a Hot Pocket." That's so cool!
I wonder if they were actually filming on location for this episode. How big a budget does this show have, anyway? I mean, probably a lot, if they could get Russell Crowe to do a cameo. Maybe the producers have eerie powers.
Was this episode more filler, or do you think they're still setting up for things we have to know. Setsumei looks like he could be a reoccuring character, and I want to know if they're going to work in his lab more, maybe discovering some secrets!
Anyway, I turned it off when the previews for next week came on. I really don't want to know any spoilers.
[End Spoiler]
Wednesday
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I found it! My life is complete!
ROBERT PLANT WITH A GIBBON!
And because God loves to mock me, I can no longer use PhotoStudio, my other true love, and thus can not turn this into ... like, every type of graphic ever.
ROBERT PLANT WITH A GIBBON!
And because God loves to mock me, I can no longer use PhotoStudio, my other true love, and thus can not turn this into ... like, every type of graphic ever.
Tuesday
"We are gonna kick Jurassic."
That really never stops being funny.
To clarify my previous journal entry: last week I began interning (part-time!) at the lovely McCarter Theatre in Princeton, NJ. I assist Mara Isaacs, who is the producing director there. As we determined today, I am officially a "producing intern". Neato. Furthermore, I work for no fee, but I am putting in hours there to partially fulfill my requirements to obtain a Bachelor of Arts degree in Theatre Arts from Rutgers University, the accredited institution in which I am currently enrolled and from which, if everything goes according to plan, I will graduate this summer. In addition to this, it is fervently hoped that I will be further repayed for my assistance by being able to observe and participate in the goings-on of a well-respected theatre.
The preceding wealth of information has been brought to you by Mike Mariano, who totally freaked me out with his mysterious comment, prompting me to prove that I am not, in fact, lying and making up cryptic stories all day. He is someone to whom I have probably been introduced but can't exactly recall at the moment, because I was introduced to a large number of people, and I'm still so new and helpless. I am now having the sinking suspicion that I will run into him on Friday and feel very, very awkward. Hi Mike!
With that out of the way! Here is the truly entertaining (to Pat) entry that I was going to write today, which actually has something to with the title. Is this a first? Maybe!
So, anyway. Last night I was flipping through some web channels, when I caught this new show on my local WBguy station. Did anyone see it? Ape10? Anyway, I simply could not stop watching it. I don't really know how to describe it, it's not sci-fi, and it's not, like, a nature show, or anything like that. It was just really funny and kind of... weird. But in a good way. Weird in that way where the writers are either completely brilliant or else off-the-wall dope smokin' hippies. Anyway, I really think that it's the type of show I could enjoy watching, and I really hope it gets picked up for the rest of the season, and maybe even a second season. I mean, Buffy started out as a mid-season replacement, right? Good precedent, I say!
Anyway, if anyone is interested in seeing it, I don't want to spoil you, so ...
[Begin Spoiler for Ape10 episode 1.1 "Monkey vs. Dinosaur" — Highlight to view]
Dude! What is up with this Ape10 guy? He hangs out with a robot and and zombie starlet in the middle of nowhere, just waiting to solve time related hijinks? It's so ... mysterious. Speaking of which, I looked up the show's official website, and the FAQ said that he can be any ape, except human. Hmm. Why, I wonder? And, again, is that only extant apes? What about Homo erectus or perhaps the first primate ancestor? Wouldn't that stand to reason, since he can go back in time and all the stuff? It really makes me think about all the metaphysical implications. Like, what are the creators of the show trying to say? I really hope they go further into his background and mystical powers (?) because the suspense is just killing me. I have to say, though, I really credit the actor playing him. It has to be hard to take on and perfect the mannerisms of a bonobo, a gorilla, and an orangutan, like he did in this episode. It was subtle and affecting. Really great casting, I think.
Speaking of which, Spark is definitely my favorite character so far. I mean, I don't want to say that after only the first episode, but I mean, come on! He's like a throwback to those ultra-cool camp seventies series. I half expected him to pull up in a Cadillac convertible sporting a 'fro or something.
What is up with Zombielyn, though? Is she a zombie? How are we supposed to know?
Also, Bluebush is such a cool villain. Well, not cool. I don't really know how to explain it. Like, he's endearing because he's so ineffectual and outlandish, but at the same time, there's this underlying sinister quality to him, because you know he could do a lot of damage if he ever managed to obtain any sort of power. Excellent nemesis.
The special affects were also kickin'. And the subtle, odd-ball humor in the writing is just hilarious. Primatology jokes are so up my alley.
I'm not sure what I'd give it as a rating. I think I'll forgo that and see how the show progresses. Man, I cannot wait for the next episode!
[End Spoiler]
To clarify my previous journal entry: last week I began interning (part-time!) at the lovely McCarter Theatre in Princeton, NJ. I assist Mara Isaacs, who is the producing director there. As we determined today, I am officially a "producing intern". Neato. Furthermore, I work for no fee, but I am putting in hours there to partially fulfill my requirements to obtain a Bachelor of Arts degree in Theatre Arts from Rutgers University, the accredited institution in which I am currently enrolled and from which, if everything goes according to plan, I will graduate this summer. In addition to this, it is fervently hoped that I will be further repayed for my assistance by being able to observe and participate in the goings-on of a well-respected theatre.
The preceding wealth of information has been brought to you by Mike Mariano, who totally freaked me out with his mysterious comment, prompting me to prove that I am not, in fact, lying and making up cryptic stories all day. He is someone to whom I have probably been introduced but can't exactly recall at the moment, because I was introduced to a large number of people, and I'm still so new and helpless. I am now having the sinking suspicion that I will run into him on Friday and feel very, very awkward. Hi Mike!
With that out of the way! Here is the truly entertaining (to Pat) entry that I was going to write today, which actually has something to with the title. Is this a first? Maybe!
So, anyway. Last night I was flipping through some web channels, when I caught this new show on my local WBguy station. Did anyone see it? Ape10? Anyway, I simply could not stop watching it. I don't really know how to describe it, it's not sci-fi, and it's not, like, a nature show, or anything like that. It was just really funny and kind of... weird. But in a good way. Weird in that way where the writers are either completely brilliant or else off-the-wall dope smokin' hippies. Anyway, I really think that it's the type of show I could enjoy watching, and I really hope it gets picked up for the rest of the season, and maybe even a second season. I mean, Buffy started out as a mid-season replacement, right? Good precedent, I say!
Anyway, if anyone is interested in seeing it, I don't want to spoil you, so ...
[Begin Spoiler for Ape10 episode 1.1 "Monkey vs. Dinosaur" — Highlight to view]
Dude! What is up with this Ape10 guy? He hangs out with a robot and and zombie starlet in the middle of nowhere, just waiting to solve time related hijinks? It's so ... mysterious. Speaking of which, I looked up the show's official website, and the FAQ said that he can be any ape, except human. Hmm. Why, I wonder? And, again, is that only extant apes? What about Homo erectus or perhaps the first primate ancestor? Wouldn't that stand to reason, since he can go back in time and all the stuff? It really makes me think about all the metaphysical implications. Like, what are the creators of the show trying to say? I really hope they go further into his background and mystical powers (?) because the suspense is just killing me. I have to say, though, I really credit the actor playing him. It has to be hard to take on and perfect the mannerisms of a bonobo, a gorilla, and an orangutan, like he did in this episode. It was subtle and affecting. Really great casting, I think.
Speaking of which, Spark is definitely my favorite character so far. I mean, I don't want to say that after only the first episode, but I mean, come on! He's like a throwback to those ultra-cool camp seventies series. I half expected him to pull up in a Cadillac convertible sporting a 'fro or something.
What is up with Zombielyn, though? Is she a zombie? How are we supposed to know?
Also, Bluebush is such a cool villain. Well, not cool. I don't really know how to explain it. Like, he's endearing because he's so ineffectual and outlandish, but at the same time, there's this underlying sinister quality to him, because you know he could do a lot of damage if he ever managed to obtain any sort of power. Excellent nemesis.
The special affects were also kickin'. And the subtle, odd-ball humor in the writing is just hilarious. Primatology jokes are so up my alley.
I'm not sure what I'd give it as a rating. I think I'll forgo that and see how the show progresses. Man, I cannot wait for the next episode!
[End Spoiler]
Monday
I work here.
Eee! Um. Yes. Today, I spent many an hour alphabetizing and sorting. Best job ever? Oh, I think so. I will also maybe do other things, and may also get a desk.
Heee. This ranks right up there with buying cake.
Also, stay tuned for some long awaited ... things. I shouldn't say that. I'm jinxing myself terribley.
I miss my clone.
Heee. This ranks right up there with buying cake.
Also, stay tuned for some long awaited ... things. I shouldn't say that. I'm jinxing myself terribley.
I miss my clone.
Thursday
New Year's resolution: make young girls cry.
Hee! That's not true.
It's 2004!! This is so my year! I am so entertaining. (cf. Bethysphere)
It's 2004!! This is so my year! I am so entertaining. (cf. Bethysphere)
Monday
It's like the present I accidentally gave myself.
So, for a specific set of reasons, I decided last night that it would be pertinent to delete my temporary internet files. However! upon my embarking to do so, I located a bunch of folders, seemingly lost in time ... containing only files dating from late 1999 to early 2001. Up to about the time I upgraded to IE 6, I suppose.
Dude! Dude! Dude! There are so many cool things that I found! Such as whole web pages! Of board related things! From back in the day! I have old PMs! I have drafts of posts and replies and PMs that I was apparently once in the process of making! I have postlists! Beautiful, beautiful postlists, which are almost as exciting as posts! Profiles, spotlights, the old main page and episode guide from the Brain and also Will era! I have the black and red and blue and yet more black scheme! I have an old version of the help manual stating that Bruce is the only moderator! DUDE!
Do you want to know who was online on the 15th of March, 2000? I'LL BET YOU DO!
Curious as to who might have written a post entitled: "Do you even have a job anymore? (mild S4 spoilers)"? I'LL BET YOU ARE, WBGUY!
I found the post by Jamie, which I blame for making me a crappy PMer for the longest time. She said people were using PMs too much! So I used PMs as sparingly as possible! And then, like two years later, I had over a thousand PMs in my inbox! Heee!
Um. Ignore that last part. No, seriously though, all this stuff I found is pretty much completely useless. Very few posts, and random ones at that. But, dude. This makes me so happy. So, so happy. I am such a strange girl. I saved blank forms. BLANK FORMS!
I also found this: "what do all of you fans think of tara and willow do you want them to get ut together on screen or what personally i think keep those tongues in your mouths girlz . i would rather not know what goes on behind closed doors if you know what i mean yuk"
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! KELLY!!!!!
Dude, I have so many thoughts.
1.) Kelly is probably what, 18, 17? At least 16 now? And people are still making fun of her halfway across the planet! Hee! It makes you wonder though, where are earth are they making fun of you? [eyebrow]
2.) I like the feeling of finding old things. I can't explain it very well. It's not really nostalgia. Like, these files for instance. I very nearly deleted them all, without ever knowing they were there. And if I had, it would have been no loss to me. My quality of life would not have gone down, and honestly, I have no practical use for them. Yet I've been using lots of disk space to save them all for posterity, even, as I've mentioned, blank forms. "Send a PM to [user]" - dude, I could still see that form anytime I want, in theory. But I'm going to keep them for the same reason that I keep my nightgowns from when I was small, or any other type of crap. Because one day, I will randomly open a drawer, and there they will be. And I will spend a few minutes, or maybe hours, basking in that "I remember all these tiny things! At one time I fit into all these tiny things!" happy, giddy glow. Because I really like that feeling.
3.) In twenty-four hours, I will have Pants. Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, really, eeee.
Dude! Dude! Dude! There are so many cool things that I found! Such as whole web pages! Of board related things! From back in the day! I have old PMs! I have drafts of posts and replies and PMs that I was apparently once in the process of making! I have postlists! Beautiful, beautiful postlists, which are almost as exciting as posts! Profiles, spotlights, the old main page and episode guide from the Brain and also Will era! I have the black and red and blue and yet more black scheme! I have an old version of the help manual stating that Bruce is the only moderator! DUDE!
Do you want to know who was online on the 15th of March, 2000? I'LL BET YOU DO!
Curious as to who might have written a post entitled: "Do you even have a job anymore? (mild S4 spoilers)"? I'LL BET YOU ARE, WBGUY!
I found the post by Jamie, which I blame for making me a crappy PMer for the longest time. She said people were using PMs too much! So I used PMs as sparingly as possible! And then, like two years later, I had over a thousand PMs in my inbox! Heee!
Um. Ignore that last part. No, seriously though, all this stuff I found is pretty much completely useless. Very few posts, and random ones at that. But, dude. This makes me so happy. So, so happy. I am such a strange girl. I saved blank forms. BLANK FORMS!
I also found this: "what do all of you fans think of tara and willow do you want them to get ut together on screen or what personally i think keep those tongues in your mouths girlz . i would rather not know what goes on behind closed doors if you know what i mean yuk"
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! KELLY!!!!!
Dude, I have so many thoughts.
1.) Kelly is probably what, 18, 17? At least 16 now? And people are still making fun of her halfway across the planet! Hee! It makes you wonder though, where are earth are they making fun of you? [eyebrow]
2.) I like the feeling of finding old things. I can't explain it very well. It's not really nostalgia. Like, these files for instance. I very nearly deleted them all, without ever knowing they were there. And if I had, it would have been no loss to me. My quality of life would not have gone down, and honestly, I have no practical use for them. Yet I've been using lots of disk space to save them all for posterity, even, as I've mentioned, blank forms. "Send a PM to [user]" - dude, I could still see that form anytime I want, in theory. But I'm going to keep them for the same reason that I keep my nightgowns from when I was small, or any other type of crap. Because one day, I will randomly open a drawer, and there they will be. And I will spend a few minutes, or maybe hours, basking in that "I remember all these tiny things! At one time I fit into all these tiny things!" happy, giddy glow. Because I really like that feeling.
3.) In twenty-four hours, I will have Pants. Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, really, eeee.
Thursday
Holy Crap!
Elijah Wood is only 22 years old? That's unpossible!
Oh, in other news, Happy Secular Wintry Season Event!
Oh, in other news, Happy Secular Wintry Season Event!
Tuesday
Monday
It is still 2003?
Man. I could have sworn it was at least 5 years from now or something. Anyway, it should be 2004, because that will totally be my year.
In other news,.
In other news,
.
Wednesday
Tuesday
And time will tell us all.
Wow.
That Google ad collector thingy really seems to like that one entry I made. It's like- "Finally! She said something I understand!"
I can't think of anything to write about. Which is strange, because I've been thinking of things to write about all day. And now that I'm sitting here ... pluh. I finished all my exams. Yay! No more school for me! Until ... there's more school. Um, at the very least: it was my last undergraduate fall semester. Aw. See? You can turn anything into a milestone.
So, in lieu of whatever I was going to talk about before, let me posit a question. Does anyone know/care that most of my titles are song lyrics? Do you know which songs they're from, and if you don't, do you ever try to figure it out? And if you were fool enough to do such a thing ... were you still confused?
And before you ask - yes, I do feel that you should devote some time, every day to trying to solve the mystery that is Amy. For, am I not the most important thing there is? Of course I am. Let's continue.
As far as I've been using song lyrics as subject lines, titles, sigs, what have you, I've always done something odd. ("No !!" gasps everyone.) What I'm "getting at" or whichever lyric I find most relevant at that moment is rarely ever the one I write down. I tend to pick just one line, and the "important" part - whatever part of the song I feel might speak to my experience - is often the line that comes after the one I've written down, or the one preceding it. Sometimes, it's the whole stanza that I want to emphasize, but I'll still pick only the one line that I feel represents that piece best.
Am I alone on this? I know the Pants (i.e. "Beth the licensed driver eee") tends to have songs lyrics as blog titles, but they all make sense in context with her entry. And she credits the title and artist! Pffffffft! Where's the mystery in that, I ask you?
So, anyway, if you've ever used a song lyric in such a fashion, what were you thinking about? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT??
It also works with question marks.
Goodnight all.
That Google ad collector thingy really seems to like that one entry I made. It's like- "Finally! She said something I understand!"
I can't think of anything to write about. Which is strange, because I've been thinking of things to write about all day. And now that I'm sitting here ... pluh. I finished all my exams. Yay! No more school for me! Until ... there's more school. Um, at the very least: it was my last undergraduate fall semester. Aw. See? You can turn anything into a milestone.
So, in lieu of whatever I was going to talk about before, let me posit a question. Does anyone know/care that most of my titles are song lyrics? Do you know which songs they're from, and if you don't, do you ever try to figure it out? And if you were fool enough to do such a thing ... were you still confused?
And before you ask - yes, I do feel that you should devote some time, every day to trying to solve the mystery that is Amy. For, am I not the most important thing there is? Of course I am. Let's continue.
As far as I've been using song lyrics as subject lines, titles, sigs, what have you, I've always done something odd. ("No !!" gasps everyone.) What I'm "getting at" or whichever lyric I find most relevant at that moment is rarely ever the one I write down. I tend to pick just one line, and the "important" part - whatever part of the song I feel might speak to my experience - is often the line that comes after the one I've written down, or the one preceding it. Sometimes, it's the whole stanza that I want to emphasize, but I'll still pick only the one line that I feel represents that piece best.
Am I alone on this? I know the Pants (i.e. "Beth the licensed driver eee") tends to have songs lyrics as blog titles, but they all make sense in context with her entry. And she credits the title and artist! Pffffffft! Where's the mystery in that, I ask you?
So, anyway, if you've ever used a song lyric in such a fashion, what were you thinking about? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT??
It also works with question marks.
Goodnight all.
Monday
A post for mayhem. I guess !
Feet clapping like seals
I am topful of strangeness
What the fucking fuck?
Brought to you by the "Me, Trying To Sleep Last Night" Corporation.
I am topful of strangeness
What the fucking fuck?
Brought to you by the "Me, Trying To Sleep Last Night" Corporation.
Sunday
Malfunctioning Squishie Machine.
It has overflowed into all of my dominion.
Christ on a crumpet!! It's like neverending precipitation!! NEVERENDING PRECIPITATION!
(ah ahh ahh, ah ahh ahh, ah ah ahh...)
First there was more snow. Then there was several hours of rain. So now, there is Squishie all over the ground. And I had to go outside today!!
So much exclamation.
Christ on a crumpet!! It's like neverending precipitation!! NEVERENDING PRECIPITATION!
(ah ahh ahh, ah ahh ahh, ah ah ahh...)
First there was more snow. Then there was several hours of rain. So now, there is Squishie all over the ground. And I had to go outside today!!
So much exclamation.
Saturday
Feast, my pets!
So, today, instead of going to the Wendy's, I decided that I might save some five dollars and go instead to the dining hall, and get a salad. This was not a good idea. They seem to no longer carry radishes, with meant that my salad was lacking in the one bit of color that I like to put on it. Also, I think they now have a different ranch dressing. The one they had before was better.
Then, there's the people. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!! Okay, not really. As I expected, there were far fewer people than there would be otherwise. But, still. It felt like every one of their number was staring at me. And walking in my way! I keep meaning to mention this, but lately I've felt like I'm some kind of people-magnet. And I don't mean that in a pleasant "I am attractive and intriguing and magnetic" sort of way. I mean, I literally feel like a magnet. It seems like people are constantly walking directly at me . It's pretty upsetting, really. I've measured this phenomenon, and sometimes, I look at where a person starts their walk, and where they ended up at a near collision with me, and dude. There is no way to accomplish such a thing without a massive and illogical shift in their trajectory. What the fuck!?
So, everyone was staring at me, and being drawn in by my magnetism, and my food was sub par, and I then remembered why exactly it was that I tend to take my meals in my chambers. So, I abandoned the excursion, but not before I had grabbed a sesame seed encrusted bagel. I do not like sesame seeds, so I spent a good part of the walk out picking them off and letting them fall onto the floor. Screw you, dining hall! When I managed to get out, and look at the bagel in the light of day, I saw that it was horribly stale. I also noticed some birds sitting about. I looked at them, and it seemed they looked at me, and then they flew off to higher ground.
I contemplated my stale bagel, and then began to break it apart into avian-manageable pieces, and throw it to the ground. That one bird came back. He looked at me. (It was a he - a boy sparrow.) We had an understanding. He picked up a piece and flew away again. I started hearing birds in the trees making noises. It was kind of exhilarating.
When I was finished, I walked off toward the student center. Behind me, I could hear all manner of bird swooping down to get bread. Wild, man. Wild. To think that the actions of human beings could have such a direct effect on the behavior of other species.
You see, P@ would be laughing now if I had bothered to write him an email. What's my problem? Oh yeah, the studying. It's taking far more time than I had anticipated. Stupid reading! Reading is for chumps! But trust me dude, that was funny.
You know, if that line between genius and insanity is so fine, how can you tell when you've crossed it?
Speaking of which, I still didn't get Wendy's. Instead, I purchased a submarine sandwich of turkey and lettuce. It seemed like the thing to do in the moment. It was okay, but now my sinuses are itchy. I don't think there's a correlation, but I hope the lack of spicy chicken hasn't had an adverse effect on my health. Note to self: if you get sick, I will fucking kill you!!
[insert Izzard-esque "Not really" ... "No, really" facial gestures]
Then, there's the people. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!! Okay, not really. As I expected, there were far fewer people than there would be otherwise. But, still. It felt like every one of their number was staring at me. And walking in my way! I keep meaning to mention this, but lately I've felt like I'm some kind of people-magnet. And I don't mean that in a pleasant "I am attractive and intriguing and magnetic" sort of way. I mean, I literally feel like a magnet. It seems like people are constantly walking directly at me . It's pretty upsetting, really. I've measured this phenomenon, and sometimes, I look at where a person starts their walk, and where they ended up at a near collision with me, and dude. There is no way to accomplish such a thing without a massive and illogical shift in their trajectory. What the fuck!?
So, everyone was staring at me, and being drawn in by my magnetism, and my food was sub par, and I then remembered why exactly it was that I tend to take my meals in my chambers. So, I abandoned the excursion, but not before I had grabbed a sesame seed encrusted bagel. I do not like sesame seeds, so I spent a good part of the walk out picking them off and letting them fall onto the floor. Screw you, dining hall! When I managed to get out, and look at the bagel in the light of day, I saw that it was horribly stale. I also noticed some birds sitting about. I looked at them, and it seemed they looked at me, and then they flew off to higher ground.
I contemplated my stale bagel, and then began to break it apart into avian-manageable pieces, and throw it to the ground. That one bird came back. He looked at me. (It was a he - a boy sparrow.) We had an understanding. He picked up a piece and flew away again. I started hearing birds in the trees making noises. It was kind of exhilarating.
When I was finished, I walked off toward the student center. Behind me, I could hear all manner of bird swooping down to get bread. Wild, man. Wild. To think that the actions of human beings could have such a direct effect on the behavior of other species.
You see, P@ would be laughing now if I had bothered to write him an email. What's my problem? Oh yeah, the studying. It's taking far more time than I had anticipated. Stupid reading! Reading is for chumps! But trust me dude, that was funny.
You know, if that line between genius and insanity is so fine, how can you tell when you've crossed it?
Speaking of which, I still didn't get Wendy's. Instead, I purchased a submarine sandwich of turkey and lettuce. It seemed like the thing to do in the moment. It was okay, but now my sinuses are itchy. I don't think there's a correlation, but I hope the lack of spicy chicken hasn't had an adverse effect on my health. Note to self: if you get sick, I will fucking kill you!!
[insert Izzard-esque "Not really" ... "No, really" facial gestures]
Friday
I am not a book adaptation purist.
This is something that I have come to realize about myself recently. While some people get all up in arms about film versions of their favorite books ("What the fuck! His hair is supposed to be light brown, yet this actor's hair is clearly dark ash blonde!") I do not. Many of my favorite books have been made into films, and never has a movie been completely faithful to its source. However, I typically don't care, provided one thing: that it's good.
Perhaps it comes from reading mythology, of which there are a zillion different versions. But as long as the story is the same, and it's told well, then I don't care about how it's packaged. I can (in time - sometimes it takes work) learn to appreciate the book and the movie as separate entities, trying to tell the same stories. And sometimes I'll be in the mood to hear the tale told through cinema, and sometimes I'll want the written version.
In other news, I have just seen some stills from the new film, what is it, "The Return of the King"? And Minas Tirith looks Fucking. Sweet. I love you Denethor!
Screw trauma, I will need to be seeing that cinematic retelling.
Perhaps it comes from reading mythology, of which there are a zillion different versions. But as long as the story is the same, and it's told well, then I don't care about how it's packaged. I can (in time - sometimes it takes work) learn to appreciate the book and the movie as separate entities, trying to tell the same stories. And sometimes I'll be in the mood to hear the tale told through cinema, and sometimes I'll want the written version.
In other news, I have just seen some stills from the new film, what is it, "The Return of the King"? And Minas Tirith looks Fucking. Sweet. I love you Denethor!
Screw trauma, I will need to be seeing that cinematic retelling.
Thursday
And the world may be long for you, but it'll never belong to you.
I've decided that I'm going to start saying "farewell" instead of "goodbye". It's more secular. What would the shortened form of that be? "'Well"? That seems stupid. Or at least confusing, and probably not going to garner the response I want. I had my last class today. Aw.
I really appreciate Lauren keeping that countdown going. It's so useful to me!
The time from Sunday until now went just as quickly as I expected it to. It's very strange. I have a feeling that the following few days will seem very long, though.
In other news, I want to go back to sleep.
I really appreciate Lauren keeping that countdown going. It's so useful to me!
The time from Sunday until now went just as quickly as I expected it to. It's very strange. I have a feeling that the following few days will seem very long, though.
In other news, I want to go back to sleep.
Wednesday
Happy Birthday!!
Yaay me! It's not my birthday, but I find the title adequate. I am feeling rather exuberant at the moment. [/Beth] I have just completed my last day of my very hard class, turning in my paper, my exam, and giving a presentation on case marking. All today! Soon I will go to my last monkeys class of this semester.
But hey, who wants to talk about Harry Potter and/or the Agricultural Revolution?! ... or case marking?
Obviously, I had no time for proper entry making yesterday. But I did read some posts at that WD place! Dear Tiny Del: I agree! I loved your post. I also believe in Father Christmas (hee) in that same way. I've tried to explain this before when talking about how I "believe" in astrology. Logically, I know that it doesn't really work. But I still believe in it. But not in the sense that I put actual faith in it. It's just a nice thing to believe, and so I do. This isn't making much sense, but at least I know I am not alone in my understanding of truth and belief, etc. And now I know why you don't believe in physics! Don't worry. They'll all see when their bicycles stop working.
Man, if only there were a more efficient means of communicating my thoughts on posts!
Speaking of birthdays, I only just now mailed Tiny Annie her card. It will probably not get there in time, and she will be left to conclude that I hate her. ... Which I do.
And the other day, the P@ was all "Hey, let's email!" I replied and was all "BLeEArGH!!"
My Pants is in N'awlins.
I'll get to sleep this evening! And on into the morrow!
But hey, who wants to talk about Harry Potter and/or the Agricultural Revolution?! ... or case marking?
Obviously, I had no time for proper entry making yesterday. But I did read some posts at that WD place! Dear Tiny Del: I agree! I loved your post. I also believe in Father Christmas (hee) in that same way. I've tried to explain this before when talking about how I "believe" in astrology. Logically, I know that it doesn't really work. But I still believe in it. But not in the sense that I put actual faith in it. It's just a nice thing to believe, and so I do. This isn't making much sense, but at least I know I am not alone in my understanding of truth and belief, etc. And now I know why you don't believe in physics! Don't worry. They'll all see when their bicycles stop working.
Man, if only there were a more efficient means of communicating my thoughts on posts!
Speaking of birthdays, I only just now mailed Tiny Annie her card. It will probably not get there in time, and she will be left to conclude that I hate her. ... Which I do.
And the other day, the P@ was all "Hey, let's email!" I replied and was all "BLeEArGH!!"
My Pants is in N'awlins.
I'll get to sleep this evening! And on into the morrow!
Sunday
Saturday
Some reasons you should buy the album "Castaways And Cutouts"
1. Contains the sweetest song ever that also contains the phrase "fuck all".
2. Contains a song about one's mother being a dock whore.
3. Contains songs told from the point of view of: a normal, regular guy from California; the ghost of an infant; a French Legionnaire.
4. The guy who sings sounds like some other guy, but Stephanie likes him anyway.
5. Most of the songs contain disturbing imagery, but seem to be against Nazis.
6. I told you to.
7. Vocabulary used includes the following: wastrel, parapet, balustrade, kith, moribund, fecundity, bereft, castanets, indelibly, dram.
8. Decemberists freak the establishment.
2. Contains a song about one's mother being a dock whore.
3. Contains songs told from the point of view of: a normal, regular guy from California; the ghost of an infant; a French Legionnaire.
4. The guy who sings sounds like some other guy, but Stephanie likes him anyway.
5. Most of the songs contain disturbing imagery, but seem to be against Nazis.
6. I told you to.
7. Vocabulary used includes the following: wastrel, parapet, balustrade, kith, moribund, fecundity, bereft, castanets, indelibly, dram.
8. Decemberists freak the establishment.
Friday
Score!
Dude, my age is now a euphemism for winning. There is nothing cooler than that.
Anyway, I was debating whether or not I would try to make an entry every day this month, as per froquest. Hee! That word made no sense. And I decided that no, I would not. Because there will be at least several days this month during which I will not have access to a computer, and will not be concerned with finding one. Yay! Um. But then I realized that I'm making far more frequent entries, and that I suppose I should do some kind of half-assed "blog every day thing". Like you know how when Pat said he was going to answer every boq in August, but then he changed it to "Every boq in August, except that one, because I don't want to"? Well, I will totally do that. I will blog every day this month! Except for days on which I don't feel like it.
Yay! Speaking of the P@, I got to converse with him and his adorable family this day. The Steph has a remarkably nice voice - I remarked on it. I did not get to converse with his smallest, though. She was watching Winnie the Pooh. And I respect that.
In other news, I ate the last of my left over sweet-potatoes today. It was a solemn moment. And then I had to shovel snow from in front of my house. And then my mommy made hot cocoa, and we had hot cocoa. And then the snow laughed at me, and fell back on the walkways.
I promise that not every frequent entry will be this boring. Except for days on which I don't feel like it.
Anyway, I was debating whether or not I would try to make an entry every day this month, as per froquest. Hee! That word made no sense. And I decided that no, I would not. Because there will be at least several days this month during which I will not have access to a computer, and will not be concerned with finding one. Yay! Um. But then I realized that I'm making far more frequent entries, and that I suppose I should do some kind of half-assed "blog every day thing". Like you know how when Pat said he was going to answer every boq in August, but then he changed it to "Every boq in August, except that one, because I don't want to"? Well, I will totally do that. I will blog every day this month! Except for days on which I don't feel like it.
Yay! Speaking of the P@, I got to converse with him and his adorable family this day. The Steph has a remarkably nice voice - I remarked on it. I did not get to converse with his smallest, though. She was watching Winnie the Pooh. And I respect that.
In other news, I ate the last of my left over sweet-potatoes today. It was a solemn moment. And then I had to shovel snow from in front of my house. And then my mommy made hot cocoa, and we had hot cocoa. And then the snow laughed at me, and fell back on the walkways.
I promise that not every frequent entry will be this boring. Except for days on which I don't feel like it.
Thursday
"Goddamn no good teenagers" by Jupe - now with 99% less irony!
It is now past 9:39AM.
Happy Amymas everybody!
I will leave you with a small blurb, which does far more justice to the fabulousness that is me, than ever I could. Feel free to comment with your own thoughts about how much joy I bring to your lives.
Happy Amymas everybody!
I will leave you with a small blurb, which does far more justice to the fabulousness that is me, than ever I could. Feel free to comment with your own thoughts about how much joy I bring to your lives.
Twenty-three years ago today, the Led Zeppelin broke up. Humanity then entered a dark, dark age, known by most as "The Eighties".
But amidst all the perms and jumpsuits and shoulderpads, the synthesizers and cocaine, the universe did try to restore some balance. It took three years, but lo, and there was born a little girl child, and she was called Amy. And thus was some order restored unto the chaos.
Wednesday
Today is the day!
Actually, every day will eventually have its turn at being "the day". Think about that, it's kinda deep. Anyway, the day that today is is my last day of being a teenager. Yaaaaay!
It's about damn time. I'm very excited.
In other news, I haven't been sleeping very much lately. To wit, I've been not sleeping quite a lot. Unfortunately, when I lack for sleep, I tend to get badly bloodshot eyes. It's kind of gruesome. Right now, one of my eyes is terribly bloodshot. Just the one though. I look like the crymonkey. In fact! Wait, wait a minute, let me check ...
Oh dude, it's totally the same eye! That's exactly what my eyes look like.
Thankfully, I will have a chance to sleep in tomorrow. ... By which I mean today. So my eye will get all better.
Do you know what you'll be doing on 9:39AM on Thursday? I do. I'll um, actually probably be headed out the door to go to class, where I will give a presentation about language revitalization. Anyway, at that time, I will turn 20. I expect you all to rejoice, ever so slightly, during that one minute. Then you can go about the rest of your days. I think that, in preparing for this day, that I will wear pretty clothes and even put on makeup. You know, so that I look kind of like an adult.
Sleep now.
It's about damn time. I'm very excited.
In other news, I haven't been sleeping very much lately. To wit, I've been not sleeping quite a lot. Unfortunately, when I lack for sleep, I tend to get badly bloodshot eyes. It's kind of gruesome. Right now, one of my eyes is terribly bloodshot. Just the one though. I look like the crymonkey. In fact! Wait, wait a minute, let me check ...
Oh dude, it's totally the same eye! That's exactly what my eyes look like.
Thankfully, I will have a chance to sleep in tomorrow. ... By which I mean today. So my eye will get all better.
Do you know what you'll be doing on 9:39AM on Thursday? I do. I'll um, actually probably be headed out the door to go to class, where I will give a presentation about language revitalization. Anyway, at that time, I will turn 20. I expect you all to rejoice, ever so slightly, during that one minute. Then you can go about the rest of your days. I think that, in preparing for this day, that I will wear pretty clothes and even put on makeup. You know, so that I look kind of like an adult.
Sleep now.
Sunday
Jimmy Page is such a tease.
So, the other evening, I had a dream that included Jimmy Page. No I mean, young, skinny Jimmy Page. We were sitting on a couch, and I was trying to talk to him and he was being all evasive and coy and mysterious. This is not to say that we didn't kiss a lot, though. Because, you know. Jimmy Page! Anyway. It didn't go very far. (He's no Dream Robert Plant, I'll tell you that. I suppose he was on a Dream Solo Tour, or something.) He seemed more interested in being evasive and mysterious.
So I was thinking, perhaps I've gotten too old for Dream Jimmy Page. The final days of my teenagerhood are quickly slipping through my fingers! Twenty! I might as well be dead!*
* Highlight to view: Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeee!!!!
Highlight if Beth: Jimmy Page is not younger than my father. Doh?
I'm wearing black, white, and aqua socks. [/random] In other news, I'm going to be doing lots of projects at the last minute in the next few days. It will rule! With tremendous apologies to Heath, I think he's given me an excuse to do schoolwork. You see I volunteered to read his screenplay, and that's like, committing to doing something. So naturally, I needed to find something to procrastinate on that. And that something wound up being schoolwork that I was supposed to be doing in the first place! That's nuts.
In more other news, I will finally be sending out a long due piece of mail sometime in the near future. Don't get excited, it's probably not going to you. ... Unless of course ... it is. [eyebrow]
2004 is totally going to be my year, I've decided. I mean, obviously! Let's hope sometime in that year I'll figure out how to make entries that make sense.
I think from now on, all my entries should be interactive. It makes them so much fun! Dream Jimmy Page doesn't know what a catch he passed up. I tell ya.
So I was thinking, perhaps I've gotten too old for Dream Jimmy Page. The final days of my teenagerhood are quickly slipping through my fingers! Twenty! I might as well be dead!*
* Highlight to view: Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeee!!!!
Highlight if Beth: Jimmy Page is not younger than my father. Doh?
I'm wearing black, white, and aqua socks. [/random] In other news, I'm going to be doing lots of projects at the last minute in the next few days. It will rule! With tremendous apologies to Heath, I think he's given me an excuse to do schoolwork. You see I volunteered to read his screenplay, and that's like, committing to doing something. So naturally, I needed to find something to procrastinate on that. And that something wound up being schoolwork that I was supposed to be doing in the first place! That's nuts.
In more other news, I will finally be sending out a long due piece of mail sometime in the near future. Don't get excited, it's probably not going to you. ... Unless of course ... it is. [eyebrow]
2004 is totally going to be my year, I've decided. I mean, obviously! Let's hope sometime in that year I'll figure out how to make entries that make sense.
I think from now on, all my entries should be interactive. It makes them so much fun! Dream Jimmy Page doesn't know what a catch he passed up. I tell ya.
Wednesday
I plachu, I rydaiu mylyi za toboiu.
I hope I get Ukrainian ads now!
I've been meaning to update for at least the last ... day. I don't know. I've mostly forgotten anything that at the time I thought was important. That tends to happen often. Some points, then:
[-] In think my recent board nostalgia (like that birthday post business) is due to my realization that I'm going to be missing a lot of upcoming "4" milestones. Like my fourth birthday thread, and my fourth anniversary. And four years is a long fucking time! I'll probably get over it soon.
[-] I love getting things done at the last minute. It's so satisfying. I had a thing to write for Tuesday, that I wrote beginning at midnight, and finished three hours later. And it ruled! Because Pat-en-Steph said so. I'm Pat and Steph approved! Hee!
[-] People keep using the word "asshat" not even knowing that I am the originator. This bothers me! (Superhero Girl understands me) I blame you, Pants! Although, you know. Not really. Because you are the originator of "hee". And, damn did that go around.
[-] Just as "Jesus Fuck!" became a popular exclamation for a spell, I'd like to test out my latest blasphemy: "Christ on a Crumpet!"
[-] My falafel was acceptable to my palate. Jenny is awesome. If for no other reason (and it's not the only reason) than that she knows all the "obscure" music I've been listening to. And she approves! I'm Jenny approved!
[-] I like being approved.
[-] Milla Jovovich is also cool. I feel secure in saying this. Not only is she a Sagittarius, she also has a song with the lyric: "Receive me as a dancing monkey, and throw me a dime".
[-] MONKEY! ()
[-] Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, my favorite non-birthday holiday. This is fabulous, because I will be gorging myself with sweet potatoes.
[-] Leave me entertaining and distracting comments which may or may not touch upon the topics I have discussed herein.
Fin.
I've been meaning to update for at least the last ... day. I don't know. I've mostly forgotten anything that at the time I thought was important. That tends to happen often. Some points, then:
[-] In think my recent board nostalgia (like that birthday post business) is due to my realization that I'm going to be missing a lot of upcoming "4" milestones. Like my fourth birthday thread, and my fourth anniversary. And four years is a long fucking time! I'll probably get over it soon.
[-] I love getting things done at the last minute. It's so satisfying. I had a thing to write for Tuesday, that I wrote beginning at midnight, and finished three hours later. And it ruled! Because Pat-en-Steph said so. I'm Pat and Steph approved! Hee!
[-] People keep using the word "asshat" not even knowing that I am the originator. This bothers me! (Superhero Girl understands me) I blame you, Pants! Although, you know. Not really. Because you are the originator of "hee". And, damn did that go around.
[-] Just as "Jesus Fuck!" became a popular exclamation for a spell, I'd like to test out my latest blasphemy: "Christ on a Crumpet!"
[-] My falafel was acceptable to my palate. Jenny is awesome. If for no other reason (and it's not the only reason) than that she knows all the "obscure" music I've been listening to. And she approves! I'm Jenny approved!
[-] I like being approved.
[-] Milla Jovovich is also cool. I feel secure in saying this. Not only is she a Sagittarius, she also has a song with the lyric: "Receive me as a dancing monkey, and throw me a dime".
[-] MONKEY! (
)
[-] Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, my favorite non-birthday holiday. This is fabulous, because I will be gorging myself with sweet potatoes.
[-] Leave me entertaining and distracting comments which may or may not touch upon the topics I have discussed herein.
Fin.
Sunday
Oh yeah. That's some good gloat.
Why you wish you were me:
Tomorrow, I will be having dinner with Jenny. We will being having falafel.
Try to carry on with your sad empty days, mortals.
Tomorrow, I will be having dinner with Jenny. We will being having falafel.
Try to carry on with your sad empty days, mortals.
Wednesday
It feels like something is missing.
I've been wondering if it's the board. Now now, don't get (positively or negatively, depending on your person) excited. It was just something I was thinking about the other evening. I think I will at be upset at not having a birthday post.
I've been having very strange dreams the last few nights. As is typical of most of my dreams, I wake up feeling stressed out and disoriented. I slept more than I intended to this morning. I'm tired and there's a possibility that I'll have bruises tomorrow.
Aside from all that though, I have been feeling remarkably good. Sometimes, when I walk, I break out into a smile. I don't even mind that people passing me probably think that I'm insane. Things seem to be going very well for me lately. In can't explain it. Even though not everything goes well (my adviser forgets who I am, just this evening I get a splinter), it's still just ... good . I'm talking to Grace, who works at the McCarter Theatre in Princeton about doing an internship there in the Spring. And she's been terribly nice to me. And do you know what they're doing this Spring? My Fair Lady. With a reduced cast, and a fucking chamber set orchestra for the music. How incredibly awesome is this? (Hint: assume that you, like me, are me.)
There's just ... so much good flying around me. And of course, this makes me incredibly nervous and suspicious. I wonder if all this means that I'm going to be hit my a bus or something. My brain does not understand or accept things moving in a consistently positive direction. I'm, as it were, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
So I remind myself not to get too excited.
In other news, today, my sister would have been thirty-eight years old.
I've been having very strange dreams the last few nights. As is typical of most of my dreams, I wake up feeling stressed out and disoriented. I slept more than I intended to this morning. I'm tired and there's a possibility that I'll have bruises tomorrow.
Aside from all that though, I have been feeling remarkably good. Sometimes, when I walk, I break out into a smile. I don't even mind that people passing me probably think that I'm insane. Things seem to be going very well for me lately. In can't explain it. Even though not everything goes well (my adviser forgets who I am, just this evening I get a splinter), it's still just ... good . I'm talking to Grace, who works at the McCarter Theatre in Princeton about doing an internship there in the Spring. And she's been terribly nice to me. And do you know what they're doing this Spring? My Fair Lady. With a reduced cast, and a fucking chamber set orchestra for the music. How incredibly awesome is this? (Hint: assume that you, like me, are me.)
There's just ... so much good flying around me. And of course, this makes me incredibly nervous and suspicious. I wonder if all this means that I'm going to be hit my a bus or something. My brain does not understand or accept things moving in a consistently positive direction. I'm, as it were, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
So I remind myself not to get too excited.
In other news, today, my sister would have been thirty-eight years old.
Monday
Ow my fingers.
So, I have begun another show. It's back-breaking labor! It's horrible! I miss my booth. Anyway, early this weekend, we were in the theatre setting up and painting props and the like, and the stage manager (one of them - we have two) brought some to-work-to music. She only had the score to The Lion King with her, though. Stage Manager Other knows the kid that was Young Simba in the original cast. So that was neat.
I've never had any particular inclination to see The Lion King. Revised: I've had a strong desire not to see The Lion King. I just don't want to. I dislike Julie Taymor's work, and I didn't want it to fuck with my conception of the cartoon.
You should all see it if you have the chance, though. Because I own stock in Disney.
Having said this, I have been listening to "He Lives In You" nine billion times on repeat. It's my Song of the Moment. I still don't want to see the show. I just really like this music.
In related news, I learned this weekend that my mood is easily swayed by music. Though not always in a predictable fashion.
This entry will serve to replace boring entries about my stage work. Especially since I don't want to write about it, because, as I've said -- BACK-BREAKING LABOR!!
I've never had any particular inclination to see The Lion King. Revised: I've had a strong desire not to see The Lion King. I just don't want to. I dislike Julie Taymor's work, and I didn't want it to fuck with my conception of the cartoon.
You should all see it if you have the chance, though. Because I own stock in Disney.
Having said this, I have been listening to "He Lives In You" nine billion times on repeat. It's my Song of the Moment. I still don't want to see the show. I just really like this music.
In related news, I learned this weekend that my mood is easily swayed by music. Though not always in a predictable fashion.
This entry will serve to replace boring entries about my stage work. Especially since I don't want to write about it, because, as I've said -- BACK-BREAKING LABOR!!
Wednesday
Well. Okay.
What the hell is up with this new Blogger publishing? I told you I hate change!
So. Anyway. I've been going back and forth about whether to wait for further confirmation, or whether I should just start mourning now. Guess which I picked. Anyway, you know how I can occasionally brag about my two gigabytes of hard disk space devoted to my illegal music file collection? Some near four thousand files, if I remember correctly. Yes. Well. All life is fleeting.
In my computer meltdown, they became casualties. Now, I have all of my personal files. And I'm no where near as upset as I would have been (i.e. "distraught") had I lost those, but Jesus Fuck. Some of them were very hard to come by. Some were given to me by people I'm no longer in contact with. Some of them are from websites that no longer exist. Some of them are from CDs that I borrowed and can't easily do so again. Some of them (not many) I had to pay for. All of them were acquired at some point when I wanted or needed them, and they stood as a sonic record of the past two years of my life. And that's something important. I'm big on music. I'm not terribly high on life at the moment.
At least certain persons can now stop worrying that I'm going to be indicted for my software piracy, though. I suppose that's a good thing.
A thought just came to me a minute ago, and I haven't had time to evaluate it, so it may be completely false. But if I were someone else, someone not me, I don't think I would like me very much. I wouldn't be friends with me.
On my desk here, there are doodles left by those who used it before me. These things include the letters: alpha zeta omega, a black star, a delicately drawn flower, and a part of a heart that says that in 1993, Claudia loved someone whose name has now faded from the wood. This is what I stare at when I'm sitting at my computer and my thoughts wander.
I really wish the boy were here.
So. Anyway. I've been going back and forth about whether to wait for further confirmation, or whether I should just start mourning now. Guess which I picked. Anyway, you know how I can occasionally brag about my two gigabytes of hard disk space devoted to my illegal music file collection? Some near four thousand files, if I remember correctly. Yes. Well. All life is fleeting.
In my computer meltdown, they became casualties. Now, I have all of my personal files. And I'm no where near as upset as I would have been (i.e. "distraught") had I lost those, but Jesus Fuck. Some of them were very hard to come by. Some were given to me by people I'm no longer in contact with. Some of them are from websites that no longer exist. Some of them are from CDs that I borrowed and can't easily do so again. Some of them (not many) I had to pay for. All of them were acquired at some point when I wanted or needed them, and they stood as a sonic record of the past two years of my life. And that's something important. I'm big on music. I'm not terribly high on life at the moment.
At least certain persons can now stop worrying that I'm going to be indicted for my software piracy, though. I suppose that's a good thing.
A thought just came to me a minute ago, and I haven't had time to evaluate it, so it may be completely false. But if I were someone else, someone not me, I don't think I would like me very much. I wouldn't be friends with me.
On my desk here, there are doodles left by those who used it before me. These things include the letters: alpha zeta omega, a black star, a delicately drawn flower, and a part of a heart that says that in 1993, Claudia loved someone whose name has now faded from the wood. This is what I stare at when I'm sitting at my computer and my thoughts wander.
I really wish the boy were here.
Friday
And nothing else matters when I turn it up loud.
So, I'm gonna get this entry out of the way. It's a means of recapping. Last week, my computer broke. I could start it, and that was all. It was taken back to my home, where it's been in traction since. I've had to spend more than a week without it, trolling off every so often to the computer lab. I've had to make these treks before, you'll recall, when I couldn't get into my email. But this was different. This wasn't just no email, this was no internet, this was no computer . It was hell. There was a great fear that I was going to lose all of my files. Resulting in the loss of the past two years of my life. (If there are any computer nerds in the audience, they will recognize that this is not an exaggeration.) Thankfully thankfully, that did not come to pass. At least, I hope nothing detrimental has happened. I won't get to check until Sunday eve.
In addition to simply the lack of computer, I also (of course) really needed to use it last week, to register for classes and contact professors and write papers. And I didn't have a computer. It sucked balls and used teeth.
Last Saturday, almost a week ago, my friend Phillip died. We'd been friends since elementary school. He was twenty. He'd had several heart surgeries, and had a pace-maker. It was something to do with his heart, but no one is sure right now. On Tuesday, I went to the wake, and Wednesday I went to the funeral. Immediately following, I had to head back to Rutgers, because I had to take a midterm. I'll keep you posted on the outcome of that .
Condolences aren't really necessary. I'm not that upset. I was, granted, but only during the grieving rituals. I found out Saturday afternoon, and I felt very little about it. Then I went out to see a movie. My first thought actually, was "Yeah. I need to give Phil a call." Like, the news didn't register, only the fact that I hadn't seen him in a while.
I spent most of the days with my friend Toni. She was quite upset. I was not so much upset, and yet, it seemed like people were expecting me to be. I had spent the last few days wondering whether I was a cold and desensitized person because I wasn't as broken up as other people, even though I'd been good friends with Phil for over a decade. Then Toni said something that made it all click for me:
"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
Oh. Right. I realized that this probably was the scariest, most upsetting thing a lot of these twenty year olds had experienced. For me, though, it's not. I've faced much harder things. I've been in far more pain. It's not that I didn't feel bad, it's just that I'd felt so much worse in the past, that this was kind of ... easy. Just one less friend I have the option of calling.
To completely turn this entry around, since all of these events and emotions are now of the past, I have a new Musical Find to advertise!
Pretty Girls Make Graves. They're like ... post-punk rock. Unfortunately, MTV and the like has already attached to them, apparently. Something I'd recommend to anyone who thinks that Evanescence is any good, to prove them wrong. Because I had the misfortune to be exposed to that particular group this week, and seriously? They fucking suck.
Thank Christ I wasn't carazay enough to try to write a novel this month.
In addition to simply the lack of computer, I also (of course) really needed to use it last week, to register for classes and contact professors and write papers. And I didn't have a computer. It sucked balls and used teeth.
Last Saturday, almost a week ago, my friend Phillip died. We'd been friends since elementary school. He was twenty. He'd had several heart surgeries, and had a pace-maker. It was something to do with his heart, but no one is sure right now. On Tuesday, I went to the wake, and Wednesday I went to the funeral. Immediately following, I had to head back to Rutgers, because I had to take a midterm. I'll keep you posted on the outcome of that .
Condolences aren't really necessary. I'm not that upset. I was, granted, but only during the grieving rituals. I found out Saturday afternoon, and I felt very little about it. Then I went out to see a movie. My first thought actually, was "Yeah. I need to give Phil a call." Like, the news didn't register, only the fact that I hadn't seen him in a while.
I spent most of the days with my friend Toni. She was quite upset. I was not so much upset, and yet, it seemed like people were expecting me to be. I had spent the last few days wondering whether I was a cold and desensitized person because I wasn't as broken up as other people, even though I'd been good friends with Phil for over a decade. Then Toni said something that made it all click for me:
"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
Oh. Right. I realized that this probably was the scariest, most upsetting thing a lot of these twenty year olds had experienced. For me, though, it's not. I've faced much harder things. I've been in far more pain. It's not that I didn't feel bad, it's just that I'd felt so much worse in the past, that this was kind of ... easy. Just one less friend I have the option of calling.
To completely turn this entry around, since all of these events and emotions are now of the past, I have a new Musical Find to advertise!
Pretty Girls Make Graves. They're like ... post-punk rock. Unfortunately, MTV and the like has already attached to them, apparently. Something I'd recommend to anyone who thinks that Evanescence is any good, to prove them wrong. Because I had the misfortune to be exposed to that particular group this week, and seriously? They fucking suck.
Thank Christ I wasn't carazay enough to try to write a novel this month.
Monday
Voting is hard !
So, I've been told that I haven't updated in a while. Jesus, what will you people ever do if I actually get a life?
Sadly, my lack of updating is not from a lack of things occurring to me. It all involves death and explosions and mystery and heartache, and everything you might think would go into a good movie, but is making my life at the moment blow hard.
I've also had many deep thoughts on random subjects that would have made wicked entries, as well as been good subjects for a blog-a-thon. But alas, I just didn't feel like writing. Th¨¦l¨ hina gr¨¢ph¨.
What? Oh. I was planning on making some sort of update around Wednesday or so, but not in a "updatey" sort of way. I wish that I could stop writing for a while and then jump right back into it with feeling like I need to recap what was going on in that hiatus.
So, in the spirit of that, back to the subject at hand. Voting. Is hard! Tomorrow I will get up early in the morn and I will vote for the second allowable time in my life. Yay me! So today (cutting it close) I spent some time researching the candidates and finding out where they stand on various issues and deciding which are most alike to my ideologies, and which I think will best carry out their choosen placement in office. Yes, I am a freak of some kind. Anyway, I have made my selections, and am rather unhappy with my choices for Representative. There was even a third party candidate! But I'm not throwing my vote away this time! That makes me depressed. But my choices seemed to be between a jerk, a twit, and a neurotic. So I wound up choosing the twit, even though she, I swear to Jesus Horatio, mentioned a compliment extended to her by "one of her Jewish friends". ONE OF HER JEWISH FRIENDS! I'm fucking serious.
Maybe I should just write in P@'s name. That's what I said I'd do when faced with a decision like this. I mean, I know he lives on the other side of the country and everything, but I'm pretty sure he'd still be better at the job than these people.
In other, non-political news, sometimes, I have bursts of truly divinely inspired brilliance. You have to wait around a long time to see one, though.
Fin.
Sadly, my lack of updating is not from a lack of things occurring to me. It all involves death and explosions and mystery and heartache, and everything you might think would go into a good movie, but is making my life at the moment blow hard.
I've also had many deep thoughts on random subjects that would have made wicked entries, as well as been good subjects for a blog-a-thon. But alas, I just didn't feel like writing. Th¨¦l¨ hina gr¨¢ph¨.
What? Oh. I was planning on making some sort of update around Wednesday or so, but not in a "updatey" sort of way. I wish that I could stop writing for a while and then jump right back into it with feeling like I need to recap what was going on in that hiatus.
So, in the spirit of that, back to the subject at hand. Voting. Is hard! Tomorrow I will get up early in the morn and I will vote for the second allowable time in my life. Yay me! So today (cutting it close) I spent some time researching the candidates and finding out where they stand on various issues and deciding which are most alike to my ideologies, and which I think will best carry out their choosen placement in office. Yes, I am a freak of some kind. Anyway, I have made my selections, and am rather unhappy with my choices for Representative. There was even a third party candidate! But I'm not throwing my vote away this time! That makes me depressed. But my choices seemed to be between a jerk, a twit, and a neurotic. So I wound up choosing the twit, even though she, I swear to Jesus Horatio, mentioned a compliment extended to her by "one of her Jewish friends". ONE OF HER JEWISH FRIENDS! I'm fucking serious.
Maybe I should just write in P@'s name. That's what I said I'd do when faced with a decision like this. I mean, I know he lives on the other side of the country and everything, but I'm pretty sure he'd still be better at the job than these people.
In other, non-political news, sometimes, I have bursts of truly divinely inspired brilliance. You have to wait around a long time to see one, though.
Fin.
Sunday
And other observations I made this weekend.
Did you know that there was originally no word "pea"? The English word "pea" was taken from the French (or Old French, or something) "pease". That's singular, one pea. (And hee, I know someone with that name, as, I'm sure many of you also do.) Anyway, since the sound "s" denotes a plural in this, our English language, speakers of Old English determined that "pease" must be plural, and that in the singular, you would have one "pea".
Peeeeeeeea.
Dictionary.com says that the word of the day is recidivism, which means: "A tendency to lapse into a previous condition or pattern of behavior; especially, a falling back or relapse into prior criminal habits." Hee. That's a funny word.
Yesterday, I saw Kill Bill and Lost In Translation . In that order. It was kind of like a theme day. Only not really.
My shirt smells very nice. I'm going to have to wash it, eventually, though. Sadder yet, even sooner than that, I'm going to need to take it off and put on a different shirt.
I now need to compose a structure for the definite determiner in Romanian. This is not as fun and action-packed as it sounds.
Peeeeeeeea.
Dictionary.com says that the word of the day is recidivism, which means: "A tendency to lapse into a previous condition or pattern of behavior; especially, a falling back or relapse into prior criminal habits." Hee. That's a funny word.
Yesterday, I saw Kill Bill and Lost In Translation . In that order. It was kind of like a theme day. Only not really.
My shirt smells very nice. I'm going to have to wash it, eventually, though. Sadder yet, even sooner than that, I'm going to need to take it off and put on a different shirt.
I now need to compose a structure for the definite determiner in Romanian. This is not as fun and action-packed as it sounds.
Monday
Moral of this post: DayQuil can fuck you up.
So, anyway, for about the past two weeks, I've been working on a show. It's part of my obligations for my major. Behind the scenes. I wound up being the "light girl" which means that I operated the light board. So all of the cool lighting effects (and any unfortunate fuck ups) were ALL ME, baby. The show was "Serenading Louie" by Lanford Wilson. I really can't do it justice with words. We rocked the house nightly. For those of you not in the know, it has nothing to do with Serenading, and there's no one named Louie. It's just really depressing and messed up, but completely great.
This is an awful recap of the experience but here are my excuses: I'm lazy, and I'm sick. Apparently the regiment of missing sleep, running around, and standing out in the cold does not leave one in the best of condition. Who knew? I woke up today feeling like miserable crap, as if someone had given my body license to break down now that the show is over. Well, no! Fuck you, soma! I'm the establishment.
I am, by the way, rather high. I took some DayQuil, which works insanely well for about half an hour. I think it's the fumes and the fast absorption rate into the blood. Anyway, I took some more to make me feel better for class. It was only two hours later, but the non-sickenifying effects had already worn off, and I was all scratchy and drippy and achy and irritable.
Whoa, baby. Acetaminophen is some good shit. Only now I'm all drugged up and spacey, but I still feel sick. And I have yet more class to go to. But miracuously, I have no new homework this week. Score!
I'm hoping to kick the shit out of this viral thing by Friday. This is important to me.
You know what's awesome? Monkeys.
This is an awful recap of the experience but here are my excuses: I'm lazy, and I'm sick. Apparently the regiment of missing sleep, running around, and standing out in the cold does not leave one in the best of condition. Who knew? I woke up today feeling like miserable crap, as if someone had given my body license to break down now that the show is over. Well, no! Fuck you, soma! I'm the establishment.
I am, by the way, rather high. I took some DayQuil, which works insanely well for about half an hour. I think it's the fumes and the fast absorption rate into the blood. Anyway, I took some more to make me feel better for class. It was only two hours later, but the non-sickenifying effects had already worn off, and I was all scratchy and drippy and achy and irritable.
Whoa, baby. Acetaminophen is some good shit. Only now I'm all drugged up and spacey, but I still feel sick. And I have yet more class to go to. But miracuously, I have no new homework this week. Score!
I'm hoping to kick the shit out of this viral thing by Friday. This is important to me.
You know what's awesome? Monkeys.
Friday
I'm sorry for your loss.
Now lets talk about sex, "humor", and buying me presents!
I want to kick the asses of everyone. Or, at the moment, 81.5% of everyone.
It's one fucking mouse click.
I want to kick the asses of everyone. Or, at the moment, 81.5% of everyone.
It's one fucking mouse click.
Wednesday
9
This is about as candid as I get, folks.
When my cousin Denise was about, let's say, 15, she wanted to pick out songs to play at her wedding. (Isn't that cute.) She wanted my advice on them. (Isn't that cute.) One song she played for me was "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. It was the first time I had heard it. She didn't care for it, but I immediately fell in love with it. Yes, it's a power ballad. Yes, it's Bryan Adams. Yes, ... you know what, fuck you all, I love this song. Because I just do, so there.
When I was a freshman there was a "dance" "club" version of the song made, sung by some chick. I guess it was somewhat popular (my aversion to the radio has been going on for a few years now). Because I could hear it wafting on the breeze all the time. It was horrible, and I wanted to cry tears of blood and murder bystanders every time I heard it. It was as if they were urinating on the graves of my ancestors, that's how offended I was by this song. Anyway.
There's a lyric somewhere around the middle, and it doesn't rhyme, and it always kind of stuck out to me because it seems awkward, but not in an awkward way. It's: "Now nothing can take you away from me/We've been down that road before but that's over now". I always wondered if, were I to play this at my own wedding, if I would have to go through some lost love trauma in order to qualify. And it's one short line, amidst an entire song of simple romantic lines.
Life, it seems, is much simpler in theory than it is in practice. If this song is about real people, than that line can recount an unexplainable amount of tears and sorrow, and make them seem utterly insignificant. Because "that's over now". And there seems like there should be more explanation. How were they split apart, how did they come back together? All very important questions, that, I suppose, deserve answers. But on the other hand, it doesn't matter. The whys don't matter.
I think that true love is very rare. I also think it's very dangerous. Because true love makes one person dependent on another for their very survival. The presence or lack of presence of a single person in your life can dictate whether you are happy or not. But what do you do when that person isn't there anymore? My cousin Teresa (1st cousin, once removed) was married to a man named Gus. She was always a sarcastic, and some would say dour person (she was great), but she loved him with all her heart, and he made her extremely happy. And then, as people are wont to do, he died. And she kept living, but completely apathetically. She just sort of hung around, waiting to die. And then when she got sick, she just didn't fight it, and she let it win. And I can think of other examples.
That elusive, true, unconditional love is one of life's biggest high-stakes gambles. Because when you're winning, you are in the metaphorical money. But when you lose, you lose everything. And sometimes I wonder if the gain balances out the eventual loss.
And it's thinking about things like this that really make me marvel at my Aunt Rose. She turned 90 this August. She married my Uncle Joe when she was 16. He was 20. ("Oh, well I was almost seventeen!" - Aunt Rose) My Uncle Joe died on New Year's Day, 1990. They were married for 60 years. I don't know how I would deal with that. I don't know how she dealt with her son dying of a heart attack before he turned 40. I don't know how she dealt with her daughter (Teresa) give up on life with nothing she could do to help her. I don't know how she can handle having only one living sibling, when she originally had six. I don't know how she managed to be so strong, beautiful, and kind after the life she had.
She is a miracle. I am in awe.
I suppose this entry was supposed to capture a feeling or a state of being that I've been in lately. There are some times that I worry about what other people will think and say, and how that will affect me. And sometimes I just think, "Nuts to other people". Because I am happy. And I like being that way. And I am very much in love with someone. And if this is not the definition of unconditional love, then I don't know what is. And ironically, this person loves me.
And that's what's important.
Alright, you may resume the rest of your lives.
When my cousin Denise was about, let's say, 15, she wanted to pick out songs to play at her wedding. (Isn't that cute.) She wanted my advice on them. (Isn't that cute.) One song she played for me was "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. It was the first time I had heard it. She didn't care for it, but I immediately fell in love with it. Yes, it's a power ballad. Yes, it's Bryan Adams. Yes, ... you know what, fuck you all, I love this song. Because I just do, so there.
When I was a freshman there was a "dance" "club" version of the song made, sung by some chick. I guess it was somewhat popular (my aversion to the radio has been going on for a few years now). Because I could hear it wafting on the breeze all the time. It was horrible, and I wanted to cry tears of blood and murder bystanders every time I heard it. It was as if they were urinating on the graves of my ancestors, that's how offended I was by this song. Anyway.
There's a lyric somewhere around the middle, and it doesn't rhyme, and it always kind of stuck out to me because it seems awkward, but not in an awkward way. It's: "Now nothing can take you away from me/We've been down that road before but that's over now". I always wondered if, were I to play this at my own wedding, if I would have to go through some lost love trauma in order to qualify. And it's one short line, amidst an entire song of simple romantic lines.
Life, it seems, is much simpler in theory than it is in practice. If this song is about real people, than that line can recount an unexplainable amount of tears and sorrow, and make them seem utterly insignificant. Because "that's over now". And there seems like there should be more explanation. How were they split apart, how did they come back together? All very important questions, that, I suppose, deserve answers. But on the other hand, it doesn't matter. The whys don't matter.
I think that true love is very rare. I also think it's very dangerous. Because true love makes one person dependent on another for their very survival. The presence or lack of presence of a single person in your life can dictate whether you are happy or not. But what do you do when that person isn't there anymore? My cousin Teresa (1st cousin, once removed) was married to a man named Gus. She was always a sarcastic, and some would say dour person (she was great), but she loved him with all her heart, and he made her extremely happy. And then, as people are wont to do, he died. And she kept living, but completely apathetically. She just sort of hung around, waiting to die. And then when she got sick, she just didn't fight it, and she let it win. And I can think of other examples.
That elusive, true, unconditional love is one of life's biggest high-stakes gambles. Because when you're winning, you are in the metaphorical money. But when you lose, you lose everything. And sometimes I wonder if the gain balances out the eventual loss.
And it's thinking about things like this that really make me marvel at my Aunt Rose. She turned 90 this August. She married my Uncle Joe when she was 16. He was 20. ("Oh, well I was almost seventeen!" - Aunt Rose) My Uncle Joe died on New Year's Day, 1990. They were married for 60 years. I don't know how I would deal with that. I don't know how she dealt with her son dying of a heart attack before he turned 40. I don't know how she dealt with her daughter (Teresa) give up on life with nothing she could do to help her. I don't know how she can handle having only one living sibling, when she originally had six. I don't know how she managed to be so strong, beautiful, and kind after the life she had.
She is a miracle. I am in awe.
I suppose this entry was supposed to capture a feeling or a state of being that I've been in lately. There are some times that I worry about what other people will think and say, and how that will affect me. And sometimes I just think, "Nuts to other people". Because I am happy. And I like being that way. And I am very much in love with someone. And if this is not the definition of unconditional love, then I don't know what is. And ironically, this person loves me.
And that's what's important.
Alright, you may resume the rest of your lives.
Thursday
Wherein I both post a list, and then critique it, thus being as complacently anal as is humanly possible.
Alrighty, so, I live in a dorm. And we have some preceptors. These kids are students who for some reason decided that they wanted to be in charge of stuff. So they do things like put up information inside the dorms, listen to student complaints, organize activities; a whole bunch of crap. The preceptor for the second and third floors of my building (and therefore "my" preceptor) is named Jen. Or you can "call" her Jen, if you're British. Anyway, she is a very nice girl with long red hair, and she's perky and sweet and I enjoy her company a bunch. However, I must question some of the choices that she makes as a preceptor. Like, for example, the bafflingly crass bulletin board in my hallway. Which I will not go into at this time. Maybe later. Anyway, no, here I am going to review and evaluate some "Bathroom Etiquette" flyers that she wrote and taped up in the 'throoms. I will highlight her words in bold, so that I can avoid using italics, for Stephanie's sake. (and also my own)
BATHROOM ETIQUETTE
I should note that this whole thing is centered on the paper, and in a script-y font. I may look through my fonts to see which one it is later, but blah, not right now. Anyway, I think it's far too flashy for a memorandum of utilitarian instruction.
1. When finished using the facilities, FLUSH!!! It's the right thing to do!!
Okay, some more notes on form. You will note if you continue reading that there are a lot of exclamation marks on this puppy. Seriously, it gives me a headache. I don't think any of this information is really *that* important. Also, since she's already using a flowy, slanty font, italics for emphasis don't seem to be an option. So she has opted to use capitalization. I don't approve. I have the same problem that I do with the exclamations. It's not that critical. Alright, moving on to content. My main objection with this is the ambiguity of the first sentence. "Facilities"? If you mean the toilet, say "toilet". We are not the Queen. The bathroom has many facilities, such as the sinks and the showers. Should we also flush after using them? (You think I'm exaggerating, but seriously. Higher education or not, most college students are really simple.) Now the second sentence. I don't like how this implies that flushing the toilet is a moral obligation. Making value judgments is wrong.
2. If you "sprinkle" on the seat, CLEAN IT!!! After all it is yours!!
Again, with the cutesy words. "Sprinkle" will not motivate the populace. Seriously, I don't know of many girls who will have a problem not spraying urine on a toilet seat. Unless of course, they're using that "hover" technique in a public restroom, the logistics of which simply baffle me. I don't think anyone will be doing that for a year on what is essentially, their home toilet. Again with the over emphatic emphasis. And, may I ask, what is she trying to instill is mine? The accidentally sprayed urine, or the seat cover? It's so unclear. Why am I doing this again? What's my motivation?
3. The courtesy flush- enough said!!!
Um. Actually, it really isn't. I have no idea what the "courtesy flush" is. The only time I've heard it before now is in that one scene in the first Austin Powers movie. If this really is essential to acting in a refined manner whilst in the rest room, I really think the terms should be explained, and not left up to faith that they are universally understood.
4. If your hair falls out in the shower, the least you can do is turn the nozzle towards the hair so it goes down the DRAIN!!! No one wants to see someone else's hair in the shower!!
Okay, this I don't even know what to make of. She's actually advocating that we stuff the drains full with our hair. Am I the only one who forsees problems here? Mainly the one caused by the fact that hair clogs a drain? I also object to the fact that this is a blatantly subjective method for dealing with shower-shedding. I shed immensely when I'm in the shower, mostly because I finger-comb my hair when I use conditioner, to ensure even and silky body. Anyway, usually, the hair will come out in my fingers. And I stick it on the wall. And then, when I'm through showering, I use my patented finger-swirl method to remove the hair, and I deposit it in the trash when I leave. Now, if you ask me, I think this is a brilliant and fabulous system, especially if you have long hair, as I do. However, I also understand that this is a personal preference, and would never command anyone else to follow my own personal method for hair maintenance. Also, I'd like this opportunity to say that I don't know why hair is so gross. It's hair; we're all mammals and we all have it. It's in the shower, so you know it's clean, and you wouldn't be grossed out if it was still attached to its owner's head. Having said that, though ... geugh. Hair in the shower is freakin' icky.
5. Food in the sink, it's just GROSS!!! Food belongs in your mouth, stomach, or in the trash!!
Sigh. No really, sigh. First of all, food in the sink is not "just" gross. It's also inconvenient and repugnant and off-putting, and a host of other adjectives that I can think of just in this sitting. Also, I am upset at the lack of correct punctuation. Colon, not comma. Also, I dislike the value judgments again here. The food "belongs" somewhere, like it has some sort of social obligation to stay in its place. Also, on a strictly scientific level, the second sentence is incorrect. There are many other places where it is acceptable to find food. The esophagus, for example, or the small intestine. As a matter of fact, the entire digestive tract. Also, when food is not in use, it does not need to be in the trash. It can be in a storage or serving container, which I believe is where most of the world's food actually is. What's really wrong with this rule is that it lacks an instruction of any kind. I *think* her point is that you are not to leave food in the sink. In which case that's what should be stated, not all this other mumbo jumbo.
6. Wash your hands before leaving the bathroom!!! Basically this will not spread germs between people!!
"Well, science girl, if you're so sure of what it ain't, how about telling us what it am?" Finally, an actual instruction. Then of course, she has to go and mess it up with the second line. First of all, you want to get that "basically" out of there. To be blatantly misogynistic for a moment, you can totally tell that this was written by a chick. She presents a piece of fact, but then modifies it when she relates it by inserting an ameliorating word ("basically") so that the sentence becomes less forceful. I have noticed that I do this all the time. My writing is peppered with the words "essentially" and "basically" and "possibley". I like the way I write, and I don't want to change, but sometimes I do consider the socio-political reasons for why I insert these words, and I do feel like I should break free of oppression and stop being subjugated by ... stuff. Eh, whatever. I'm gonna go shave my legs and wear something pink. I'm sorry, I got way off-topic there. Anyway! The major problem in the second sentence is that it explains what will *not* happen if you take a certain action. Well, seriously, if you think about it, the list of things that will *not* happen if you take a certain action are infinite. It's much clearer and much more precise to state what desired outcome *will* happen if you take a requested action. It would be better to say "This will stop the spread of germs between people." Of course, that's untrue, though. Because people are germy little fucks. So you'd have to choose a more politic yet still effective phrasing such as "This will help curb the spread of germ transmission between people in the hall." Hot damn, I should be a speech-writer.
Thank you so much for your consideration, this will make our community much nicer to live in!!!!
Ah, the closer. And to signify that we are at the end, there are four exclamation marks!!!! Isn't that super? Anyway, I always find that it's nice to thank people in advance, especially if you know that they just sat through reading something that was really poorly written, but I would never thank anyone "so much" when they haven't technically done anything yet. I also don't like this because it implies that the *consideration* is what will make the community a nicer place to live in. This is untrue, it is the implementation of the ideas discussed in the paper that will better the environment of the bathroom. This, I think is where conditional phrasing needs to be employed. This sounds too final, like if you've gotten to the end of this flyer, then your work is done. There is nothing to imply that this needs to be an ongoing effort to be effective. It's a flawed ending to a well-intentioned but poorly realized proposition.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of crap that I think about all the time. Isn't it devastatingly fascinating to be me?
BATHROOM ETIQUETTE
I should note that this whole thing is centered on the paper, and in a script-y font. I may look through my fonts to see which one it is later, but blah, not right now. Anyway, I think it's far too flashy for a memorandum of utilitarian instruction.
1. When finished using the facilities, FLUSH!!! It's the right thing to do!!
Okay, some more notes on form. You will note if you continue reading that there are a lot of exclamation marks on this puppy. Seriously, it gives me a headache. I don't think any of this information is really *that* important. Also, since she's already using a flowy, slanty font, italics for emphasis don't seem to be an option. So she has opted to use capitalization. I don't approve. I have the same problem that I do with the exclamations. It's not that critical. Alright, moving on to content. My main objection with this is the ambiguity of the first sentence. "Facilities"? If you mean the toilet, say "toilet". We are not the Queen. The bathroom has many facilities, such as the sinks and the showers. Should we also flush after using them? (You think I'm exaggerating, but seriously. Higher education or not, most college students are really simple.) Now the second sentence. I don't like how this implies that flushing the toilet is a moral obligation. Making value judgments is wrong.
2. If you "sprinkle" on the seat, CLEAN IT!!! After all it is yours!!
Again, with the cutesy words. "Sprinkle" will not motivate the populace. Seriously, I don't know of many girls who will have a problem not spraying urine on a toilet seat. Unless of course, they're using that "hover" technique in a public restroom, the logistics of which simply baffle me. I don't think anyone will be doing that for a year on what is essentially, their home toilet. Again with the over emphatic emphasis. And, may I ask, what is she trying to instill is mine? The accidentally sprayed urine, or the seat cover? It's so unclear. Why am I doing this again? What's my motivation?
3. The courtesy flush- enough said!!!
Um. Actually, it really isn't. I have no idea what the "courtesy flush" is. The only time I've heard it before now is in that one scene in the first Austin Powers movie. If this really is essential to acting in a refined manner whilst in the rest room, I really think the terms should be explained, and not left up to faith that they are universally understood.
4. If your hair falls out in the shower, the least you can do is turn the nozzle towards the hair so it goes down the DRAIN!!! No one wants to see someone else's hair in the shower!!
Okay, this I don't even know what to make of. She's actually advocating that we stuff the drains full with our hair. Am I the only one who forsees problems here? Mainly the one caused by the fact that hair clogs a drain? I also object to the fact that this is a blatantly subjective method for dealing with shower-shedding. I shed immensely when I'm in the shower, mostly because I finger-comb my hair when I use conditioner, to ensure even and silky body. Anyway, usually, the hair will come out in my fingers. And I stick it on the wall. And then, when I'm through showering, I use my patented finger-swirl method to remove the hair, and I deposit it in the trash when I leave. Now, if you ask me, I think this is a brilliant and fabulous system, especially if you have long hair, as I do. However, I also understand that this is a personal preference, and would never command anyone else to follow my own personal method for hair maintenance. Also, I'd like this opportunity to say that I don't know why hair is so gross. It's hair; we're all mammals and we all have it. It's in the shower, so you know it's clean, and you wouldn't be grossed out if it was still attached to its owner's head. Having said that, though ... geugh. Hair in the shower is freakin' icky.
5. Food in the sink, it's just GROSS!!! Food belongs in your mouth, stomach, or in the trash!!
Sigh. No really, sigh. First of all, food in the sink is not "just" gross. It's also inconvenient and repugnant and off-putting, and a host of other adjectives that I can think of just in this sitting. Also, I am upset at the lack of correct punctuation. Colon, not comma. Also, I dislike the value judgments again here. The food "belongs" somewhere, like it has some sort of social obligation to stay in its place. Also, on a strictly scientific level, the second sentence is incorrect. There are many other places where it is acceptable to find food. The esophagus, for example, or the small intestine. As a matter of fact, the entire digestive tract. Also, when food is not in use, it does not need to be in the trash. It can be in a storage or serving container, which I believe is where most of the world's food actually is. What's really wrong with this rule is that it lacks an instruction of any kind. I *think* her point is that you are not to leave food in the sink. In which case that's what should be stated, not all this other mumbo jumbo.
6. Wash your hands before leaving the bathroom!!! Basically this will not spread germs between people!!
"Well, science girl, if you're so sure of what it ain't, how about telling us what it am?" Finally, an actual instruction. Then of course, she has to go and mess it up with the second line. First of all, you want to get that "basically" out of there. To be blatantly misogynistic for a moment, you can totally tell that this was written by a chick. She presents a piece of fact, but then modifies it when she relates it by inserting an ameliorating word ("basically") so that the sentence becomes less forceful. I have noticed that I do this all the time. My writing is peppered with the words "essentially" and "basically" and "possibley". I like the way I write, and I don't want to change, but sometimes I do consider the socio-political reasons for why I insert these words, and I do feel like I should break free of oppression and stop being subjugated by ... stuff. Eh, whatever. I'm gonna go shave my legs and wear something pink. I'm sorry, I got way off-topic there. Anyway! The major problem in the second sentence is that it explains what will *not* happen if you take a certain action. Well, seriously, if you think about it, the list of things that will *not* happen if you take a certain action are infinite. It's much clearer and much more precise to state what desired outcome *will* happen if you take a requested action. It would be better to say "This will stop the spread of germs between people." Of course, that's untrue, though. Because people are germy little fucks. So you'd have to choose a more politic yet still effective phrasing such as "This will help curb the spread of germ transmission between people in the hall." Hot damn, I should be a speech-writer.
Thank you so much for your consideration, this will make our community much nicer to live in!!!!
Ah, the closer. And to signify that we are at the end, there are four exclamation marks!!!! Isn't that super? Anyway, I always find that it's nice to thank people in advance, especially if you know that they just sat through reading something that was really poorly written, but I would never thank anyone "so much" when they haven't technically done anything yet. I also don't like this because it implies that the *consideration* is what will make the community a nicer place to live in. This is untrue, it is the implementation of the ideas discussed in the paper that will better the environment of the bathroom. This, I think is where conditional phrasing needs to be employed. This sounds too final, like if you've gotten to the end of this flyer, then your work is done. There is nothing to imply that this needs to be an ongoing effort to be effective. It's a flawed ending to a well-intentioned but poorly realized proposition.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of crap that I think about all the time. Isn't it devastatingly fascinating to be me?
Wednesday
View, again.
[Begin Spoiler for Angel 5.2, "Just Rewards" — Highlight to view]
Dude! Dude!! Dude!!! I make that noise! That noise that Villain Of The Week Who Was Actually A Good Actor That I Enjoyed Watching made when he did that whateveritwas that he did at the end! That's my humming noise. That I often mention making but that I don't think anyone reading this has ever heard me make. (Ironically, I'm making the noise as I type this.) Perhaps I too can control the dead.
I must admit (probably to Kirk's disappointment) that some parts of this had me laughing out loud. Some parts of it were just well done. And some conversations (like Angel comparing his soul-searching to Spike's lack thereof) were needed in this universe.
Unfortunately, mentioning it doesn't fix it. It's nice to know that Whosoever thought "Hey, Spike never actually became a better person after getting a soul" can feel validated by this episode, but it really only serves to highlight the flaws and confusion.
Speaking of highlights, I really love Harm. I really, really do. Such wisdom and pith.
I liked this episode, but I am still undecided on what I think of this plot-line. So this review is crappy and disjointed. I have no real opinions. Except on this one point: To me, it was absolutely 100% obvious that Angel was sending Lawyer With The Yellow Tie to his death. "Hey, go tell an extremely evil person some bad news" equals death. Angel should know this. I knew this. Anyone who has ever watched this show before should know this. Why did everyone seem so surprised when he wound up as dead as he so logically would have?
I suppose that everyone who's worried about how they're going to handle this whole "running a law firm" plot should be grateful for Spike. And I suppose everyone who's worried about how they're going to handle this whole "Spike" plot-line should be glad for the crappy lawyer story. Because the writers will now split their attention between them, and never fully explore either. Why that should make anyone happy, I don't know. Variety, I guess.
It's nice that Spike still feels like Buffy's his property. You keep holding on to that dream, Spike. You'll fuck her into submission someday.
[End Spoiler]
Dude! Dude!! Dude!!! I make that noise! That noise that Villain Of The Week Who Was Actually A Good Actor That I Enjoyed Watching made when he did that whateveritwas that he did at the end! That's my humming noise. That I often mention making but that I don't think anyone reading this has ever heard me make. (Ironically, I'm making the noise as I type this.) Perhaps I too can control the dead.
I must admit (probably to Kirk's disappointment) that some parts of this had me laughing out loud. Some parts of it were just well done. And some conversations (like Angel comparing his soul-searching to Spike's lack thereof) were needed in this universe.
Unfortunately, mentioning it doesn't fix it. It's nice to know that Whosoever thought "Hey, Spike never actually became a better person after getting a soul" can feel validated by this episode, but it really only serves to highlight the flaws and confusion.
Speaking of highlights, I really love Harm. I really, really do. Such wisdom and pith.
I liked this episode, but I am still undecided on what I think of this plot-line. So this review is crappy and disjointed. I have no real opinions. Except on this one point: To me, it was absolutely 100% obvious that Angel was sending Lawyer With The Yellow Tie to his death. "Hey, go tell an extremely evil person some bad news" equals death. Angel should know this. I knew this. Anyone who has ever watched this show before should know this. Why did everyone seem so surprised when he wound up as dead as he so logically would have?
I suppose that everyone who's worried about how they're going to handle this whole "running a law firm" plot should be grateful for Spike. And I suppose everyone who's worried about how they're going to handle this whole "Spike" plot-line should be glad for the crappy lawyer story. Because the writers will now split their attention between them, and never fully explore either. Why that should make anyone happy, I don't know. Variety, I guess.
It's nice that Spike still feels like Buffy's his property. You keep holding on to that dream, Spike. You'll fuck her into submission someday.
[End Spoiler]
I have no BUST!
This is not true in some senses. I mean, I have a bust in the dress sense. It's rather ample. I also have busts of Beethoven and Nefertiti in my computer room. (Shut up!) I do not, however, have Butt Ugly Spoiler Tags. I have pretty spoiler tags. Therefore, in the non-existant game of "My spoiler tags vs. Pat's spoiler tags," I win. And now,
SHOW!!
[Begin Spoiler for Angel 5.1, "Convictions" — Highlight to view]
Wow. Parts of that were actually funny.
Wow. I like Angel's new hair.
Wow. That girl that plays Eve is the worst, most miscast actress I have ever seen. I mean. .... sigh. If I plan to review every episode, I should save the ranting. I'm sure I'll have many opportunities to expound in the coming weeks.
I see Joss Whedon hasn't lost his keen ability to bludgeon the audience with exposition.
"I have no problem spanking men" : the sentence that will launch a billion slashfics.
Also, I like Harmony. No, I did not get boy-brainwashed. She's cute.
You know, between the "George Sr." comment and the Dixie Chicks poster, I'd say that Joss isn't voting Repulican in '04.
Enough of blow by blow. I liked it. It was a bit shaky at first, either because it's the first new episode I've seen in a while, or it's the first new episode Whedon has seen in a while. Either way. I'm still not sure how I feel about this whole law firm scenario. It needs to be done extremely well in order to work, and I no longer have that kind of faith in Joss & Co. So far, in this first episode, though, it is of the good. Gunn being secretive and ambiguously evil is good. Man getting head blown off by shotgun is good. (I am a strange girl.) Bioterrorism, not so good, but at least there weren't any glaring errors. ME should be reminded that this is not a sci-fi show. However, I did enjoy Fred yelling at her labmates. (I would also like to point out that Fred's being a physicist still doesn't make her an expert in all areas of science.)
From this episode, I could envision a full and interesting season (as long as Eve is killed immediately) with darkness, humor, and ample screen development for the remaining characters.
Of course, this episode is not the acid test of this season, because this episode did not have Spike in it. Except, of course, for the "surprise" "dramatic" ending. In which James Marsters managed to ham up his three seconds of screen time: very impressive. Having actually watched the season finale of Buffy, I am keenly aware that there is absolutely no logically way for the amulet to arrive to Angel in a sealed envelope, and contain Spike. Because I can't even make that not sound stupid. I wonder which god will descend from which machine to "explain" all this wackiness.
I really don't want to be pessimistic, but this episode was a great setup for a season of a show that I would be interested in watching, but in the last five seconds, it was already usurped and contaminated by a set of rapidly aging cheekbones. You know what? I'm done with Spike. I was happy that he died, because I had finished caring about his character. I was happy that his arc had been resolved and set aside. I can't find that caring anymore, especially not when I know that it's going to come at the expense of the characters that I am still interested in.
End review.
[End Spoiler]
SHOW!!
[Begin Spoiler for Angel 5.1, "Convictions" — Highlight to view]
Wow. Parts of that were actually funny.
Wow. I like Angel's new hair.
Wow. That girl that plays Eve is the worst, most miscast actress I have ever seen. I mean. .... sigh. If I plan to review every episode, I should save the ranting. I'm sure I'll have many opportunities to expound in the coming weeks.
I see Joss Whedon hasn't lost his keen ability to bludgeon the audience with exposition.
"I have no problem spanking men" : the sentence that will launch a billion slashfics.
Also, I like Harmony. No, I did not get boy-brainwashed. She's cute.
You know, between the "George Sr." comment and the Dixie Chicks poster, I'd say that Joss isn't voting Repulican in '04.
Enough of blow by blow. I liked it. It was a bit shaky at first, either because it's the first new episode I've seen in a while, or it's the first new episode Whedon has seen in a while. Either way. I'm still not sure how I feel about this whole law firm scenario. It needs to be done extremely well in order to work, and I no longer have that kind of faith in Joss & Co. So far, in this first episode, though, it is of the good. Gunn being secretive and ambiguously evil is good. Man getting head blown off by shotgun is good. (I am a strange girl.) Bioterrorism, not so good, but at least there weren't any glaring errors. ME should be reminded that this is not a sci-fi show. However, I did enjoy Fred yelling at her labmates. (I would also like to point out that Fred's being a physicist still doesn't make her an expert in all areas of science.)
From this episode, I could envision a full and interesting season (as long as Eve is killed immediately) with darkness, humor, and ample screen development for the remaining characters.
Of course, this episode is not the acid test of this season, because this episode did not have Spike in it. Except, of course, for the "surprise" "dramatic" ending. In which James Marsters managed to ham up his three seconds of screen time: very impressive. Having actually watched the season finale of Buffy, I am keenly aware that there is absolutely no logically way for the amulet to arrive to Angel in a sealed envelope, and contain Spike. Because I can't even make that not sound stupid. I wonder which god will descend from which machine to "explain" all this wackiness.
I really don't want to be pessimistic, but this episode was a great setup for a season of a show that I would be interested in watching, but in the last five seconds, it was already usurped and contaminated by a set of rapidly aging cheekbones. You know what? I'm done with Spike. I was happy that he died, because I had finished caring about his character. I was happy that his arc had been resolved and set aside. I can't find that caring anymore, especially not when I know that it's going to come at the expense of the characters that I am still interested in.
End review.
[End Spoiler]
Monday
I don't feel well.
But that's not because anything bad happened.
I had a very stressful weekend.
But that's not because anything bad happened. I can't tell if it's all the stress that's making me unwell, or if I'm actually sick now.
My weekend actually went very well. Better than I expected it to. And for those who feel they require a more in-depth account, I must apologize. I'm all distracted by my mystery illness. Which may or may or be due to stress. But I feel better than I have in quite some time.
You know, except for the feeling like crap part.
I had a very stressful weekend.
But that's not because anything bad happened. I can't tell if it's all the stress that's making me unwell, or if I'm actually sick now.
My weekend actually went very well. Better than I expected it to. And for those who feel they require a more in-depth account, I must apologize. I'm all distracted by my mystery illness. Which may or may or be due to stress. But I feel better than I have in quite some time.
You know, except for the feeling like crap part.
Thursday
And now ... the panic.
ohgodohgodohgod.
I saw Adaptation , last night (or the night before? Anyway - finally), and Superherp Girl will be greatly displeased to learn that I enjoyed it a great deal. What I could make out of it, anyway. This is good, for because of all the commercials I've seen for it, I now mentally associate it with the song "Under Pressure". And that's a song that I like. So I am glad that it is not connected to a movie I dislike. Also, it was extremely amusing to me because Robert McKee's Story is actually the text for my script analysis class. Hee!
ohholyfuckshitjesuslordchristsweetmotherofholyfuckingcrap.
Anyway, the "making out of it" comment comes from the fact that it was shown on the Rutgers movie channel at 12 AM. And Shereen wanted to sleep. This is a first. Anyway, I was trying to keep the volume low, and my tv sucks, so I spent most of the film pressing the volume controls more or less consistently. I had been waiting a very long time to watch the movie, yet I lessened my experience of it to better convience someone else. I'm a fucking fabulous person, I'll tell you that right now.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Anyway, I was going to make an entry about being upset, but the next day, Shereen and I spoke with each other, and no one was upset at all, she had been tossing around because the room was hot (dubious claim, but I accept it).
I made a CD of all the songs I've been listening to in recent months. Well, not all the songs, just the artists, with samplings of their folios.
I am utterly fine except for when the giddy, suffocating panic comes in in a wave.
I paid twenty-five dollars for a shirt that has fringy hems. On purpose.
Even though no one (or maybe one one) knows what I'm talking about, could you wish me luck? And an absence of vomit? When I get excessively nervous, I feel like I may throw up. I am nervous.
Google says that my related searches are "lies" and "tomorrow". Well. There ya go.
I saw Adaptation , last night (or the night before? Anyway - finally), and Superherp Girl will be greatly displeased to learn that I enjoyed it a great deal. What I could make out of it, anyway. This is good, for because of all the commercials I've seen for it, I now mentally associate it with the song "Under Pressure". And that's a song that I like. So I am glad that it is not connected to a movie I dislike. Also, it was extremely amusing to me because Robert McKee's Story is actually the text for my script analysis class. Hee!
ohholyfuckshitjesuslordchristsweetmotherofholyfuckingcrap.
Anyway, the "making out of it" comment comes from the fact that it was shown on the Rutgers movie channel at 12 AM. And Shereen wanted to sleep. This is a first. Anyway, I was trying to keep the volume low, and my tv sucks, so I spent most of the film pressing the volume controls more or less consistently. I had been waiting a very long time to watch the movie, yet I lessened my experience of it to better convience someone else. I'm a fucking fabulous person, I'll tell you that right now.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Anyway, I was going to make an entry about being upset, but the next day, Shereen and I spoke with each other, and no one was upset at all, she had been tossing around because the room was hot (dubious claim, but I accept it).
I made a CD of all the songs I've been listening to in recent months. Well, not all the songs, just the artists, with samplings of their folios.
I am utterly fine except for when the giddy, suffocating panic comes in in a wave.
I paid twenty-five dollars for a shirt that has fringy hems. On purpose.
Even though no one (or maybe one one) knows what I'm talking about, could you wish me luck? And an absence of vomit? When I get excessively nervous, I feel like I may throw up. I am nervous.
Google says that my related searches are "lies" and "tomorrow". Well. There ya go.
Saturday
I don't want to talk about it, really.
Talking about my issues and eccentricities is fun! Hopefully it's not dispelling the air of mystery that I've unconsciously constructed for myself. I don't think it does. Because if there's anything that I've learned in reviewing my journal entries, it is this: I am a strange girl.
I have a quirk of interpersonal interaction. It's a thing that I try that never works, and yet I somehow always seem to think it may. It is this: When in conversation, I often drop hints or make comments about things that I do not want to talk about.
Now, naturally, the most logical thing to think is that I do really want to talk about it, right? It's basic psychology. "I don't want to talk about it" = "Drag this out of me, because I really do want to talk about it, but I want attention first".
But, no. I honestly bring up things that I honestly do not want to talk about. Sometimes, it's a legitimate slip. I shouldn'na told you that. [/Hagrid] After these instances, I kick myself mentally and call myself a doofus. But on other occasions, I'm at least semi-aware of what I'm doing. I can't say I've ever made a completely conscious effort to mention things I don't want to talk about, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Why do I do this? The reason, actually, is simple enough. I don't expect a reply. This may sound completely stupid, but it is, in fact, what I assume will occur. I will drop Hint X, and my partner in conversation will let it go, and continue with the conversation.
I blame movies, I think. This happens all the time in movies, but it never happens in real-life. Someone makes a comment, and it's foreshadowing. It slips by the person that they're talking to, only to become relevant later when the importance of the comment is highlighted. Or else, the comment produces an internal reaction in the person they're talking to. "What does that mean?" the person wonders. "Could she possibley mean X?" But of course, the person will not ask, they will simply think about the prospects, mulling it over at a later point in time.
And this, essentially, is what I expect. Sometimes I'd like the person I'm talking to to think about X. So I will drop a hint about X. But I do not want to talk about X, and I do not want them to ask me about X. The reason I expect this, besides the movie precedent, I believe, is that this is what I often do. If someone makes an off-hand comment, I will often ponder what they meant by it, and come up with several nuanced possibilities. The extent to which my rampant paranoia affects my interpretations is inconsistent. I won't ask about it, though. I will simply let the questions drive me crazy in silence. Well, depending on what the possible meanings are. Sometimes I will ask.
I've never been sure if this happens to other people. The silent pondering. But sometimes I want them to ponder silently. So I try to set it up so that they do. But it never works. I am invariably asked what I mean, or to elaborate. The point, in some way or another will become highlighted. And at that point I need to either sigh and say "Nothing." or else explain what I meant. Neither is a particularly attractive option.
Conflict occurs where subjective expectations meet objective reality.
In other news, I would really like to review Slaughterhouse 5 . Unfortunately, 90% of people are profoundly stupid. QED.
I have a quirk of interpersonal interaction. It's a thing that I try that never works, and yet I somehow always seem to think it may. It is this: When in conversation, I often drop hints or make comments about things that I do not want to talk about.
Now, naturally, the most logical thing to think is that I do really want to talk about it, right? It's basic psychology. "I don't want to talk about it" = "Drag this out of me, because I really do want to talk about it, but I want attention first".
But, no. I honestly bring up things that I honestly do not want to talk about. Sometimes, it's a legitimate slip. I shouldn'na told you that. [/Hagrid] After these instances, I kick myself mentally and call myself a doofus. But on other occasions, I'm at least semi-aware of what I'm doing. I can't say I've ever made a completely conscious effort to mention things I don't want to talk about, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Why do I do this? The reason, actually, is simple enough. I don't expect a reply. This may sound completely stupid, but it is, in fact, what I assume will occur. I will drop Hint X, and my partner in conversation will let it go, and continue with the conversation.
I blame movies, I think. This happens all the time in movies, but it never happens in real-life. Someone makes a comment, and it's foreshadowing. It slips by the person that they're talking to, only to become relevant later when the importance of the comment is highlighted. Or else, the comment produces an internal reaction in the person they're talking to. "What does that mean?" the person wonders. "Could she possibley mean X?" But of course, the person will not ask, they will simply think about the prospects, mulling it over at a later point in time.
And this, essentially, is what I expect. Sometimes I'd like the person I'm talking to to think about X. So I will drop a hint about X. But I do not want to talk about X, and I do not want them to ask me about X. The reason I expect this, besides the movie precedent, I believe, is that this is what I often do. If someone makes an off-hand comment, I will often ponder what they meant by it, and come up with several nuanced possibilities. The extent to which my rampant paranoia affects my interpretations is inconsistent. I won't ask about it, though. I will simply let the questions drive me crazy in silence. Well, depending on what the possible meanings are. Sometimes I will ask.
I've never been sure if this happens to other people. The silent pondering. But sometimes I want them to ponder silently. So I try to set it up so that they do. But it never works. I am invariably asked what I mean, or to elaborate. The point, in some way or another will become highlighted. And at that point I need to either sigh and say "Nothing." or else explain what I meant. Neither is a particularly attractive option.
Conflict occurs where subjective expectations meet objective reality.
In other news, I would really like to review Slaughterhouse 5 . Unfortunately, 90% of people are profoundly stupid. QED.
Tuesday
It's like I don't even exist today.
I'm not sure what I mean by that, but there ya go. The horrible people who seem to be everywhere just seem like they're reacting to me as if I don't exist. Like, if they are directly in my path, obstructing my course, they do not move out of the way. As I push past them, they just look vaguely at me and say nothing and don't even look concerned. This happened on the bus this morning, I said "Excuse me" three times, but the chap in question just stood there. As he was quite tall, and I am the opposite, I walked under his arm. I don't even think he knew I was there.
Then the other problem - people have been looking at me all day. No, I don't really know how I can think everyone is looking at me and oblivious to my existance at the same time, but there ya go. Sometimes, I will say that I've been getting looks from people, and it's a somewhat positive thing. They are looking at me because I'm so pretty, naturally. And then there are days like today, where it feels like everyone is staring at me, but it's bad. I don't know why. What the hell are they looking at? Is there something wrong with me, in their view?
I don't know how much of this is a product of my mind. Are people really looking at me, or do I just think they are? And if they are, are there really difference in the looks? Are they really looking at me because I'm pretty one day, and with obscure judgement the next? Or is this just a reflection of what my personal opinion happens to be that day? I will admit that I am not in the best of humors this days. However, I also think I look quite cute. So what the dill pickles??
I am not having a good day besides. My head feels like it's filled with cotton in that way that it sometimes does. Tomorrow I have to go get a present and a card for my Auntie Pat's birthday, and I need to worry about whether or not I'm going to be hit with the storm before I can get home.
And besides that, I have to stave off what could be a possible personal crisis. Brought on by thinking. Thinking, many times, can completely ruin me for weeks at a time. I try to do it as little as humanly possible, but sometimes it is simply unavoidable.
In other news today, I did something so Superhero Girl today. I hung out in the library, away from all the people, and read A Streetcar Named Desire (which did not help my mood or thinking one bit) in front of the "E" biographies. Man, this school has a crush on Emerson.
Then the other problem - people have been looking at me all day. No, I don't really know how I can think everyone is looking at me and oblivious to my existance at the same time, but there ya go. Sometimes, I will say that I've been getting looks from people, and it's a somewhat positive thing. They are looking at me because I'm so pretty, naturally. And then there are days like today, where it feels like everyone is staring at me, but it's bad. I don't know why. What the hell are they looking at? Is there something wrong with me, in their view?
I don't know how much of this is a product of my mind. Are people really looking at me, or do I just think they are? And if they are, are there really difference in the looks? Are they really looking at me because I'm pretty one day, and with obscure judgement the next? Or is this just a reflection of what my personal opinion happens to be that day? I will admit that I am not in the best of humors this days. However, I also think I look quite cute. So what the dill pickles??
I am not having a good day besides. My head feels like it's filled with cotton in that way that it sometimes does. Tomorrow I have to go get a present and a card for my Auntie Pat's birthday, and I need to worry about whether or not I'm going to be hit with the storm before I can get home.
And besides that, I have to stave off what could be a possible personal crisis. Brought on by thinking. Thinking, many times, can completely ruin me for weeks at a time. I try to do it as little as humanly possible, but sometimes it is simply unavoidable.
In other news today, I did something so Superhero Girl today. I hung out in the library, away from all the people, and read A Streetcar Named Desire (which did not help my mood or thinking one bit) in front of the "E" biographies. Man, this school has a crush on Emerson.
Monday
It's just the tiniest bit wet out.
HOLY FUCK!
No, seriously, it's not that bad. I mean, it's not like I walked through water that came up my knees or anything.
THAT LAST SENTENCE WAS A LIE!!
I should have more emails than I do.
No, seriously, it's not that bad. I mean, it's not like I walked through water that came up my knees or anything.
THAT LAST SENTENCE WAS A LIE!!
I should have more emails than I do.
Friday
"Hey, Guess Who's Dead!" will not be played today.
There are too many correct answers.
Instead, let's play: "Whose Death Is Upsetting Me the Most?"
Right now, Johnny Cash is leading at a decent margin.
Instead, let's play: "Whose Death Is Upsetting Me the Most?"
Right now, Johnny Cash is leading at a decent margin.
Tuesday
Everything is for Christians? Everything is free?
Dude! That is the lyingest ad ever!
Is this because I frequently pepper my speech with the phrase "Jesus Christ!"?
Is this because I frequently pepper my speech with the phrase "Jesus Christ!"?
Fuck You, Rutgers!!
No, seriously. Rutgers, if you are reading this, fuck you. In all of your various despicable orifices.
For the benefit of everyone else: they seem to have caught on to my clever email ruse. The reason that they are deliberately not letting me access my AOL mail is because they are stupid and suck and need to be kicked squarely in the nads.
That didn't really explain anything, did it?
Fuck you Rutgers.
For the benefit of everyone else: they seem to have caught on to my clever email ruse. The reason that they are deliberately not letting me access my AOL mail is because they are stupid and suck and need to be kicked squarely in the nads.
That didn't really explain anything, did it?
Fuck you Rutgers.
Thursday
The continuing saga of my insomnia.
... Does it count as a continuing saga if I haven't really mentioned it yet? Anyway, I have been having a great unpleasant deal of insomnia lately. There's just no sleep to be had. I set my alarm for 7:45 this morning, so that I could be cleanly showered in time for my 9:50 class. A bit excessive. At around 3, I was impatiently waiting for my alarm to go off, or for it to start getting light so that I could turn on the computer without any distracting brightness contrasts.
So, what do I do when I'm lying in bed, flipping over for the millionth time and arranging my limbs in odd positions in the hopes of increasing blood flow and providing entertaining distraction? Why, I think about stuff, of course! And may I say, most of it is damn brilliant. Of course, I am never in the frame of mind or physical mode to commit any of these thoughts to writing, which sucks because the thoughts relate directly to things that I'd like to write about.
So, here is one of the things I was thinking about last night, recalled to memory by Steph's latest entry. I have been wondering, at least since last night, when I will stop thinking of people as "kids". Because I do. Most of the people I know, I would label "kids". I'm not sure where that ends. I consider people younger than me to be kids. I consider people my own age to be kids. While I don't think about it that often, I suppose I consider myself to be a kid. This is where I start confusing myself. Most of my friends are "kids". I've been wondering why I am so tentative about bestowing "adult" status to the people I know, and where exactly I draw the line. For example, Beth, you are a kid. 1978 babies, you are kids (though some of you more so than others). I'd probably say that I think of Annika as a kid, but not Will. Because Will has a beard. Kirk is not a kid, but only because he's just so damn old. Pat and Steph I would call kids, except they have the hitch of having created life, twice over. So, I suppose they get some sort of free pass into adulthood. Enjoy it, moochers.
I have been considering that as I age, my upper threshold for "kid" keeps increasing. I wonder of this will continue indefinitely. Will I still refer to my peers as "kids" when I'm fifty? And if so, then who's an adult? Will it come down to hair again, as most of my opinions seem to? Will gray hair = adulthood? A bit of a strange concept, considering that a portion of my own hair is currently gray. Am I unconsciously evaluating what I perceive to be maturity in my friends? As mentioned before, there are some people I know who are the same age, yet I feel more comfortable calling one a "kid" than another. Is it about levels of familiarity? Will Beth never be an adult in my mind, simply by virtue of the fact that she is my best friend?
In a related note, if I don't locate Never Never Land within the next 91 days, I will never be allowed in.
So, what do I do when I'm lying in bed, flipping over for the millionth time and arranging my limbs in odd positions in the hopes of increasing blood flow and providing entertaining distraction? Why, I think about stuff, of course! And may I say, most of it is damn brilliant. Of course, I am never in the frame of mind or physical mode to commit any of these thoughts to writing, which sucks because the thoughts relate directly to things that I'd like to write about.
So, here is one of the things I was thinking about last night, recalled to memory by Steph's latest entry. I have been wondering, at least since last night, when I will stop thinking of people as "kids". Because I do. Most of the people I know, I would label "kids". I'm not sure where that ends. I consider people younger than me to be kids. I consider people my own age to be kids. While I don't think about it that often, I suppose I consider myself to be a kid. This is where I start confusing myself. Most of my friends are "kids". I've been wondering why I am so tentative about bestowing "adult" status to the people I know, and where exactly I draw the line. For example, Beth, you are a kid. 1978 babies, you are kids (though some of you more so than others). I'd probably say that I think of Annika as a kid, but not Will. Because Will has a beard. Kirk is not a kid, but only because he's just so damn old.
Pat and Steph I would call kids, except they have the hitch of having created life, twice over. So, I suppose they get some sort of free pass into adulthood. Enjoy it, moochers.
I have been considering that as I age, my upper threshold for "kid" keeps increasing. I wonder of this will continue indefinitely. Will I still refer to my peers as "kids" when I'm fifty? And if so, then who's an adult? Will it come down to hair again, as most of my opinions seem to? Will gray hair = adulthood? A bit of a strange concept, considering that a portion of my own hair is currently gray. Am I unconsciously evaluating what I perceive to be maturity in my friends? As mentioned before, there are some people I know who are the same age, yet I feel more comfortable calling one a "kid" than another. Is it about levels of familiarity? Will Beth never be an adult in my mind, simply by virtue of the fact that she is my best friend?
In a related note, if I don't locate Never Never Land within the next 91 days, I will never be allowed in.
Monday
Make Your Bed The River, Young Girl.
So my email is not working. Everything else is in functional order (well, except my printer, which could be problematic later. Bah.) but not that, for some reason. I feel like I'm missing something. And, of course, I am. And I also have no AOL IMing, so there is no PatnSteph to talk to.
Hopefully I will not feel so ... something tomorrow, because I will go to class and do things.
I feel all ... something. Someone entertain me, please. I am all lonesome.
Hopefully I will not feel so ... something tomorrow, because I will go to class and do things.
I feel all ... something. Someone entertain me, please. I am all lonesome.
Wednesday
What is pop again? And why don't I like it?
No, really. What is "pop" by definition? I had been laboring under the impression that it was short for "popular". Popular music. The problem lies in the music that I've been listening to lately. The File Info tells me that it's pop. Only, nothing I listen to is popular. This music is not popular! You have no idea who these people are! There's also my notion that "pop" sucks. And if I take it to mean "popular music" then I am correct. Because whatever the kids are listening to today is complete crap.
Which leads me down another road. I blame the internet, but I've been developing a passion for completely obscure musical artists. I maintain my stance that I like any music, as long as it's good. But I'm developing this subset of interest of music that, while good, no one has ever heard of. Seriously, if you have good music that no one knows about, I would love to be the first purchaser of your album that no one has ever bought.
I hope none of these bands become popular. I don't know how I'd feel about that. Of course, given the current state of popular music, I doubt that I need fear anything. I went to the mall yesterday (Hi Pat!) because I needed to buy shoes (Hi Beth!). It sucked so hard. I can't even try for eloquence in my description of how much the mall sucks. Horrible, gross little teenagers everywhere. Everything was unpleasant. Especially the crappy music that seem to be played everywhere. It occurred to me as I was waiting for my meal in the Ruby Tuesday's that I could not recognize a single song that had been played. Um... go team Amy? Seriously, I'm kind of glad, because there's nothing I heard that I would like to hear again. I hope I didn't hear any Evanescence [/deliberate lack of concern for spelling] because I've decided that it's a life goal of my to never ever hear any song they have. So far, so good.
I was so happy to go home, scrounge for hours on Kazaa for a single song, and then listen to it on my headphones, away from all the unpleasant sounds of popular tunes.
Oh, also, Pat: "There is a problem with the backBlog server. Please be patient and come visit us again later."
Which leads me down another road. I blame the internet, but I've been developing a passion for completely obscure musical artists. I maintain my stance that I like any music, as long as it's good. But I'm developing this subset of interest of music that, while good, no one has ever heard of. Seriously, if you have good music that no one knows about, I would love to be the first purchaser of your album that no one has ever bought.
I hope none of these bands become popular. I don't know how I'd feel about that. Of course, given the current state of popular music, I doubt that I need fear anything. I went to the mall yesterday (Hi Pat!) because I needed to buy shoes (Hi Beth!). It sucked so hard. I can't even try for eloquence in my description of how much the mall sucks. Horrible, gross little teenagers everywhere. Everything was unpleasant. Especially the crappy music that seem to be played everywhere. It occurred to me as I was waiting for my meal in the Ruby Tuesday's that I could not recognize a single song that had been played. Um... go team Amy? Seriously, I'm kind of glad, because there's nothing I heard that I would like to hear again. I hope I didn't hear any Evanescence [/deliberate lack of concern for spelling] because I've decided that it's a life goal of my to never ever hear any song they have. So far, so good.
I was so happy to go home, scrounge for hours on Kazaa for a single song, and then listen to it on my headphones, away from all the unpleasant sounds of popular tunes.
Oh, also, Pat: "There is a problem with the backBlog server. Please be patient and come visit us again later."
Sunday
Oh, kvetch, kvetch, kvetch.
Have you ever enjoyed something that you didn't feel you should be enjoying? I'm not talking about dirty things, you pervs!
Or am I? [eyebrow]
No. I am not. Anyway. It's a very odd feeling. "This shouldn't make me happy." And yet ... there ya go.
Coincidentally, when I started this entry, it was my intent to be forthcoming and non-cryptic. It's like I don't even know how to do that anymore. In somewhat related news, I've been feeling this very strong urge to post lately. I hope it passes, as it requires lots of effort to think about.
Or am I? [eyebrow]
No. I am not. Anyway. It's a very odd feeling. "This shouldn't make me happy." And yet ... there ya go.
Coincidentally, when I started this entry, it was my intent to be forthcoming and non-cryptic. It's like I don't even know how to do that anymore. In somewhat related news, I've been feeling this very strong urge to post lately. I hope it passes, as it requires lots of effort to think about.
Wednesday
Tuesday
Not to cause a mild panic or anything...
I am happy.
Um... my teeth still hurt, though, so you can still pity me. I mean, my lunch today was milk. MILK.
Um... my teeth still hurt, though, so you can still pity me. I mean, my lunch today was milk. MILK.
Friday
-------> 
Wednesday
The Tyranny of Distance, Pt. 2
I've decided that even though I am absolutely fabulous and locating new and good music, that this is a very frustrating enterprise. Case in point, my new buddy Ted Leo. Teddy, I can only understand half of what you say. And every review of your album says that the lyrics of your songs are the best part. And since no one knows who the heck you are, I can't find the lyrics online. This might actually force me into (shuddergasp!) buying music. And now what's that about? Also, songs that are good, as a rule, need to be longer. I used to call this the "Tangerine" principle, until I realized that Tangerine actually runs over four minutes. What I mean to say is, they should have more verses.
This entry of me talking to my imaginary friend has been brought to you by:
You Could Die (Or This Might End)
Working it out again
And you're
Dreaming it out again
About you
Giving your all again
Until you
Feel like you could die or this might end
End
Taking it all again
And you're
Giving your all again
Until you
Run yourself dry again
And you
Feel like you could die or this might end
End
End
This entry of me talking to my imaginary friend has been brought to you by:
You Could Die (Or This Might End)
Working it out again
And you're
Dreaming it out again
About you
Giving your all again
Until you
Feel like you could die or this might end
End
Taking it all again
And you're
Giving your all again
Until you
Run yourself dry again
And you
Feel like you could die or this might end
End
End
Sunday
Saturday
The Tyranny of Distance
Me and Johnny sitting in the green grass
I don't remember too much from the far back in the past
But man oh man was Jonathan a laugh in those days
Apparently he was my very best friend
We spent warm summer days wishing they would never end
But I only know from photographs I look at
Every now and again
J-Johnny
Ooh all he left us was an apple tree
And ooh why'd he go and ooh why'd he leave?
And ooh why do I grieve?
Now I don't ever see Jonathan no more
But my life flows on just like it did before
And I only wonder what it is that I even miss him for
That's from a song by Ted Leo/Pharmacists. It's called "Timorous Me". I figured that I should write something in here, but I have nothing to say. This sounded like a decent enough substitute.
I don't remember too much from the far back in the past
But man oh man was Jonathan a laugh in those days
Apparently he was my very best friend
We spent warm summer days wishing they would never end
But I only know from photographs I look at
Every now and again
J-Johnny
Ooh all he left us was an apple tree
And ooh why'd he go and ooh why'd he leave?
And ooh why do I grieve?
Now I don't ever see Jonathan no more
But my life flows on just like it did before
And I only wonder what it is that I even miss him for
That's from a song by Ted Leo/Pharmacists. It's called "Timorous Me". I figured that I should write something in here, but I have nothing to say. This sounded like a decent enough substitute.
Tuesday
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
