Alrighty, so, I live in a dorm. And we have some preceptors. These kids are students who for some reason decided that they wanted to be in charge of stuff. So they do things like put up information inside the dorms, listen to student complaints, organize activities; a whole bunch of crap. The preceptor for the second and third floors of my building (and therefore "my" preceptor) is named Jen. Or you can "call" her Jen, if you're British. Anyway, she is a very nice girl with long red hair, and she's perky and sweet and I enjoy her company a bunch. However, I must question some of the choices that she makes as a preceptor. Like, for example, the bafflingly crass bulletin board in my hallway. Which I will not go into at this time. Maybe later. Anyway, no, here I am going to review and evaluate some "Bathroom Etiquette" flyers that she wrote and taped up in the 'throoms. I will highlight her words in bold, so that I can avoid using italics, for Stephanie's sake. (and also my own)
BATHROOM ETIQUETTE
I should note that this whole thing is centered on the paper, and in a script-y font. I may look through my fonts to see which one it is later, but blah, not right now. Anyway, I think it's far too flashy for a memorandum of utilitarian instruction.
1. When finished using the facilities, FLUSH!!! It's the right thing to do!!
Okay, some more notes on form. You will note if you continue reading that there are a lot of exclamation marks on this puppy. Seriously, it gives me a headache. I don't think any of this information is really *that* important. Also, since she's already using a flowy, slanty font, italics for emphasis don't seem to be an option. So she has opted to use capitalization. I don't approve. I have the same problem that I do with the exclamations. It's not that critical. Alright, moving on to content. My main objection with this is the ambiguity of the first sentence. "Facilities"? If you mean the toilet, say "toilet". We are not the Queen. The bathroom has many facilities, such as the sinks and the showers. Should we also flush after using them? (You think I'm exaggerating, but seriously. Higher education or not, most college students are really simple.) Now the second sentence. I don't like how this implies that flushing the toilet is a moral obligation. Making value judgments is wrong.
2. If you "sprinkle" on the seat, CLEAN IT!!! After all it is yours!!
Again, with the cutesy words. "Sprinkle" will not motivate the populace. Seriously, I don't know of many girls who will have a problem not spraying urine on a toilet seat. Unless of course, they're using that "hover" technique in a public restroom, the logistics of which simply baffle me. I don't think anyone will be doing that for a year on what is essentially, their home toilet. Again with the over emphatic emphasis. And, may I ask, what is she trying to instill is mine? The accidentally sprayed urine, or the seat cover? It's so unclear. Why am I doing this again? What's my motivation?
3. The courtesy flush- enough said!!!
Um. Actually, it really isn't. I have no idea what the "courtesy flush" is. The only time I've heard it before now is in that one scene in the first Austin Powers movie. If this really is essential to acting in a refined manner whilst in the rest room, I really think the terms should be explained, and not left up to faith that they are universally understood.
4. If your hair falls out in the shower, the least you can do is turn the nozzle towards the hair so it goes down the DRAIN!!! No one wants to see someone else's hair in the shower!!
Okay, this I don't even know what to make of. She's actually advocating that we stuff the drains full with our hair. Am I the only one who forsees problems here? Mainly the one caused by the fact that hair clogs a drain? I also object to the fact that this is a blatantly subjective method for dealing with shower-shedding. I shed immensely when I'm in the shower, mostly because I finger-comb my hair when I use conditioner, to ensure even and silky body. Anyway, usually, the hair will come out in my fingers. And I stick it on the wall. And then, when I'm through showering, I use my patented finger-swirl method to remove the hair, and I deposit it in the trash when I leave. Now, if you ask me, I think this is a brilliant and fabulous system, especially if you have long hair, as I do. However, I also understand that this is a personal preference, and would never command anyone else to follow my own personal method for hair maintenance. Also, I'd like this opportunity to say that I don't know why hair is so gross. It's hair; we're all mammals and we all have it. It's in the shower, so you know it's clean, and you wouldn't be grossed out if it was still attached to its owner's head. Having said that, though ... geugh. Hair in the shower is freakin' icky.
5. Food in the sink, it's just GROSS!!! Food belongs in your mouth, stomach, or in the trash!!
Sigh. No really, sigh. First of all, food in the sink is not "just" gross. It's also inconvenient and repugnant and off-putting, and a host of other adjectives that I can think of just in this sitting. Also, I am upset at the lack of correct punctuation. Colon, not comma. Also, I dislike the value judgments again here. The food "belongs" somewhere, like it has some sort of social obligation to stay in its place. Also, on a strictly scientific level, the second sentence is incorrect. There are many other places where it is acceptable to find food. The esophagus, for example, or the small intestine. As a matter of fact, the entire digestive tract. Also, when food is not in use, it does not need to be in the trash. It can be in a storage or serving container, which I believe is where most of the world's food actually is. What's really wrong with this rule is that it lacks an instruction of any kind. I *think* her point is that you are not to leave food in the sink. In which case that's what should be stated, not all this other mumbo jumbo.
6. Wash your hands before leaving the bathroom!!! Basically this will not spread germs between people!!
"Well, science girl, if you're so sure of what it ain't, how about telling us what it am?" Finally, an actual instruction. Then of course, she has to go and mess it up with the second line. First of all, you want to get that "basically" out of there. To be blatantly misogynistic for a moment, you can totally tell that this was written by a chick. She presents a piece of fact, but then modifies it when she relates it by inserting an ameliorating word ("basically") so that the sentence becomes less forceful. I have noticed that I do this all the time. My writing is peppered with the words "essentially" and "basically" and "possibley". I like the way I write, and I don't want to change, but sometimes I do consider the socio-political reasons for why I insert these words, and I do feel like I should break free of oppression and stop being subjugated by ... stuff. Eh, whatever. I'm gonna go shave my legs and wear something pink. I'm sorry, I got way off-topic there. Anyway! The major problem in the second sentence is that it explains what will *not* happen if you take a certain action. Well, seriously, if you think about it, the list of things that will *not* happen if you take a certain action are infinite. It's much clearer and much more precise to state what desired outcome *will* happen if you take a requested action. It would be better to say "This will stop the spread of germs between people." Of course, that's untrue, though. Because people are germy little fucks. So you'd have to choose a more politic yet still effective phrasing such as "This will help curb the spread of germ transmission between people in the hall." Hot damn, I should be a speech-writer.
Thank you so much for your consideration, this will make our community much nicer to live in!!!!
Ah, the closer. And to signify that we are at the end, there are four exclamation marks!!!! Isn't that super? Anyway, I always find that it's nice to thank people in advance, especially if you know that they just sat through reading something that was really poorly written, but I would never thank anyone "so much" when they haven't technically done anything yet. I also don't like this because it implies that the *consideration* is what will make the community a nicer place to live in. This is untrue, it is the implementation of the ideas discussed in the paper that will better the environment of the bathroom. This, I think is where conditional phrasing needs to be employed. This sounds too final, like if you've gotten to the end of this flyer, then your work is done. There is nothing to imply that this needs to be an ongoing effort to be effective. It's a flawed ending to a well-intentioned but poorly realized proposition.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of crap that I think about all the time. Isn't it devastatingly fascinating to be me?
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