Jimmy Page is such a tease.

So, the other evening, I had a dream that included Jimmy Page. No I mean, young, skinny Jimmy Page. We were sitting on a couch, and I was trying to talk to him and he was being all evasive and coy and mysterious. This is not to say that we didn't kiss a lot, though. Because, you know. Jimmy Page! Anyway. It didn't go very far. (He's no Dream Robert Plant, I'll tell you that. I suppose he was on a Dream Solo Tour, or something.) He seemed more interested in being evasive and mysterious.

So I was thinking, perhaps I've gotten too old for Dream Jimmy Page. The final days of my teenagerhood are quickly slipping through my fingers! Twenty! I might as well be dead!*

* Highlight to view: Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeee!!!!

Highlight if Beth: Jimmy Page is not younger than my father. Doh?

I'm wearing black, white, and aqua socks. [/random] In other news, I'm going to be doing lots of projects at the last minute in the next few days. It will rule! With tremendous apologies to Heath, I think he's given me an excuse to do schoolwork. You see I volunteered to read his screenplay, and that's like, committing to doing something. So naturally, I needed to find something to procrastinate on that. And that something wound up being schoolwork that I was supposed to be doing in the first place! That's nuts.

In more other news, I will finally be sending out a long due piece of mail sometime in the near future. Don't get excited, it's probably not going to you. ... Unless of course ... it is. [eyebrow]

2004 is totally going to be my year, I've decided. I mean, obviously! Let's hope sometime in that year I'll figure out how to make entries that make sense.

I think from now on, all my entries should be interactive. It makes them so much fun! Dream Jimmy Page doesn't know what a catch he passed up. I tell ya.

I plachu, I rydaiu mylyi za toboiu.

I hope I get Ukrainian ads now!

I've been meaning to update for at least the last ... day. I don't know. I've mostly forgotten anything that at the time I thought was important. That tends to happen often. Some points, then:

[-] In think my recent board nostalgia (like that birthday post business) is due to my realization that I'm going to be missing a lot of upcoming "4" milestones. Like my fourth birthday thread, and my fourth anniversary. And four years is a long fucking time! I'll probably get over it soon.

[-] I love getting things done at the last minute. It's so satisfying. I had a thing to write for Tuesday, that I wrote beginning at midnight, and finished three hours later. And it ruled! Because Pat-en-Steph said so. I'm Pat and Steph approved! Hee!

[-] People keep using the word "asshat" not even knowing that I am the originator. This bothers me! (Superhero Girl understands me) I blame you, Pants! Although, you know. Not really. Because you are the originator of "hee". And, damn did that go around.

[-] Just as "Jesus Fuck!" became a popular exclamation for a spell, I'd like to test out my latest blasphemy: "Christ on a Crumpet!"

[-] My falafel was acceptable to my palate. Jenny is awesome. If for no other reason (and it's not the only reason) than that she knows all the "obscure" music I've been listening to. And she approves! I'm Jenny approved!

[-] I like being approved.

[-] Milla Jovovich is also cool. I feel secure in saying this. Not only is she a Sagittarius, she also has a song with the lyric: "Receive me as a dancing monkey, and throw me a dime".

[-] MONKEY! ()

[-] Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, my favorite non-birthday holiday. This is fabulous, because I will be gorging myself with sweet potatoes.

[-] Leave me entertaining and distracting comments which may or may not touch upon the topics I have discussed herein.

Fin.

Oh yeah. That's some good gloat.

Why you wish you were me:

Tomorrow, I will be having dinner with Jenny. We will being having falafel.

Try to carry on with your sad empty days, mortals.

It feels like something is missing.

I've been wondering if it's the board. Now now, don't get (positively or negatively, depending on your person) excited. It was just something I was thinking about the other evening. I think I will at be upset at not having a birthday post.

I've been having very strange dreams the last few nights. As is typical of most of my dreams, I wake up feeling stressed out and disoriented. I slept more than I intended to this morning. I'm tired and there's a possibility that I'll have bruises tomorrow.

Aside from all that though, I have been feeling remarkably good. Sometimes, when I walk, I break out into a smile. I don't even mind that people passing me probably think that I'm insane. Things seem to be going very well for me lately. In can't explain it. Even though not everything goes well (my adviser forgets who I am, just this evening I get a splinter), it's still just ... good . I'm talking to Grace, who works at the McCarter Theatre in Princeton about doing an internship there in the Spring. And she's been terribly nice to me. And do you know what they're doing this Spring? My Fair Lady. With a reduced cast, and a fucking chamber set orchestra for the music. How incredibly awesome is this? (Hint: assume that you, like me, are me.)

There's just ... so much good flying around me. And of course, this makes me incredibly nervous and suspicious. I wonder if all this means that I'm going to be hit my a bus or something. My brain does not understand or accept things moving in a consistently positive direction. I'm, as it were, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So I remind myself not to get too excited.

In other news, today, my sister would have been thirty-eight years old.

Ow my fingers.

So, I have begun another show. It's back-breaking labor! It's horrible! I miss my booth. Anyway, early this weekend, we were in the theatre setting up and painting props and the like, and the stage manager (one of them - we have two) brought some to-work-to music. She only had the score to The Lion King with her, though. Stage Manager Other knows the kid that was Young Simba in the original cast. So that was neat.

I've never had any particular inclination to see The Lion King. Revised: I've had a strong desire not to see The Lion King. I just don't want to. I dislike Julie Taymor's work, and I didn't want it to fuck with my conception of the cartoon.

You should all see it if you have the chance, though. Because I own stock in Disney.

Having said this, I have been listening to "He Lives In You" nine billion times on repeat. It's my Song of the Moment. I still don't want to see the show. I just really like this music.

In related news, I learned this weekend that my mood is easily swayed by music. Though not always in a predictable fashion.

This entry will serve to replace boring entries about my stage work. Especially since I don't want to write about it, because, as I've said -- BACK-BREAKING LABOR!!

Well. Okay.

What the hell is up with this new Blogger publishing? I told you I hate change!

So. Anyway. I've been going back and forth about whether to wait for further confirmation, or whether I should just start mourning now. Guess which I picked. Anyway, you know how I can occasionally brag about my two gigabytes of hard disk space devoted to my illegal music file collection? Some near four thousand files, if I remember correctly. Yes. Well. All life is fleeting.

In my computer meltdown, they became casualties. Now, I have all of my personal files. And I'm no where near as upset as I would have been (i.e. "distraught") had I lost those, but Jesus Fuck. Some of them were very hard to come by. Some were given to me by people I'm no longer in contact with. Some of them are from websites that no longer exist. Some of them are from CDs that I borrowed and can't easily do so again. Some of them (not many) I had to pay for. All of them were acquired at some point when I wanted or needed them, and they stood as a sonic record of the past two years of my life. And that's something important. I'm big on music. I'm not terribly high on life at the moment.

At least certain persons can now stop worrying that I'm going to be indicted for my software piracy, though. I suppose that's a good thing.

A thought just came to me a minute ago, and I haven't had time to evaluate it, so it may be completely false. But if I were someone else, someone not me, I don't think I would like me very much. I wouldn't be friends with me.

On my desk here, there are doodles left by those who used it before me. These things include the letters: alpha zeta omega, a black star, a delicately drawn flower, and a part of a heart that says that in 1993, Claudia loved someone whose name has now faded from the wood. This is what I stare at when I'm sitting at my computer and my thoughts wander.

I really wish the boy were here.

And nothing else matters when I turn it up loud.

So, I'm gonna get this entry out of the way. It's a means of recapping. Last week, my computer broke. I could start it, and that was all. It was taken back to my home, where it's been in traction since. I've had to spend more than a week without it, trolling off every so often to the computer lab. I've had to make these treks before, you'll recall, when I couldn't get into my email. But this was different. This wasn't just no email, this was no internet, this was no computer . It was hell. There was a great fear that I was going to lose all of my files. Resulting in the loss of the past two years of my life. (If there are any computer nerds in the audience, they will recognize that this is not an exaggeration.) Thankfully thankfully, that did not come to pass. At least, I hope nothing detrimental has happened. I won't get to check until Sunday eve.

In addition to simply the lack of computer, I also (of course) really needed to use it last week, to register for classes and contact professors and write papers. And I didn't have a computer. It sucked balls and used teeth.

Last Saturday, almost a week ago, my friend Phillip died. We'd been friends since elementary school. He was twenty. He'd had several heart surgeries, and had a pace-maker. It was something to do with his heart, but no one is sure right now. On Tuesday, I went to the wake, and Wednesday I went to the funeral. Immediately following, I had to head back to Rutgers, because I had to take a midterm. I'll keep you posted on the outcome of that .

Condolences aren't really necessary. I'm not that upset. I was, granted, but only during the grieving rituals. I found out Saturday afternoon, and I felt very little about it. Then I went out to see a movie. My first thought actually, was "Yeah. I need to give Phil a call." Like, the news didn't register, only the fact that I hadn't seen him in a while.

I spent most of the days with my friend Toni. She was quite upset. I was not so much upset, and yet, it seemed like people were expecting me to be. I had spent the last few days wondering whether I was a cold and desensitized person because I wasn't as broken up as other people, even though I'd been good friends with Phil for over a decade. Then Toni said something that made it all click for me:

"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Oh. Right. I realized that this probably was the scariest, most upsetting thing a lot of these twenty year olds had experienced. For me, though, it's not. I've faced much harder things. I've been in far more pain. It's not that I didn't feel bad, it's just that I'd felt so much worse in the past, that this was kind of ... easy. Just one less friend I have the option of calling.

To completely turn this entry around, since all of these events and emotions are now of the past, I have a new Musical Find to advertise!

Pretty Girls Make Graves. They're like ... post-punk rock. Unfortunately, MTV and the like has already attached to them, apparently. Something I'd recommend to anyone who thinks that Evanescence is any good, to prove them wrong. Because I had the misfortune to be exposed to that particular group this week, and seriously? They fucking suck.

Thank Christ I wasn't carazay enough to try to write a novel this month.

Voting is hard !

So, I've been told that I haven't updated in a while. Jesus, what will you people ever do if I actually get a life?

Sadly, my lack of updating is not from a lack of things occurring to me. It all involves death and explosions and mystery and heartache, and everything you might think would go into a good movie, but is making my life at the moment blow hard.

I've also had many deep thoughts on random subjects that would have made wicked entries, as well as been good subjects for a blog-a-thon. But alas, I just didn't feel like writing. Th¨¦l¨­ hina gr¨¢ph¨­.

What? Oh. I was planning on making some sort of update around Wednesday or so, but not in a "updatey" sort of way. I wish that I could stop writing for a while and then jump right back into it with feeling like I need to recap what was going on in that hiatus.

So, in the spirit of that, back to the subject at hand. Voting. Is hard! Tomorrow I will get up early in the morn and I will vote for the second allowable time in my life. Yay me! So today (cutting it close) I spent some time researching the candidates and finding out where they stand on various issues and deciding which are most alike to my ideologies, and which I think will best carry out their choosen placement in office. Yes, I am a freak of some kind. Anyway, I have made my selections, and am rather unhappy with my choices for Representative. There was even a third party candidate! But I'm not throwing my vote away this time! That makes me depressed. But my choices seemed to be between a jerk, a twit, and a neurotic. So I wound up choosing the twit, even though she, I swear to Jesus Horatio, mentioned a compliment extended to her by "one of her Jewish friends". ONE OF HER JEWISH FRIENDS! I'm fucking serious.

Maybe I should just write in P@'s name. That's what I said I'd do when faced with a decision like this. I mean, I know he lives on the other side of the country and everything, but I'm pretty sure he'd still be better at the job than these people.

In other, non-political news, sometimes, I have bursts of truly divinely inspired brilliance. You have to wait around a long time to see one, though.

Fin.