And nothing else matters when I turn it up loud.

So, I'm gonna get this entry out of the way. It's a means of recapping. Last week, my computer broke. I could start it, and that was all. It was taken back to my home, where it's been in traction since. I've had to spend more than a week without it, trolling off every so often to the computer lab. I've had to make these treks before, you'll recall, when I couldn't get into my email. But this was different. This wasn't just no email, this was no internet, this was no computer . It was hell. There was a great fear that I was going to lose all of my files. Resulting in the loss of the past two years of my life. (If there are any computer nerds in the audience, they will recognize that this is not an exaggeration.) Thankfully thankfully, that did not come to pass. At least, I hope nothing detrimental has happened. I won't get to check until Sunday eve.

In addition to simply the lack of computer, I also (of course) really needed to use it last week, to register for classes and contact professors and write papers. And I didn't have a computer. It sucked balls and used teeth.

Last Saturday, almost a week ago, my friend Phillip died. We'd been friends since elementary school. He was twenty. He'd had several heart surgeries, and had a pace-maker. It was something to do with his heart, but no one is sure right now. On Tuesday, I went to the wake, and Wednesday I went to the funeral. Immediately following, I had to head back to Rutgers, because I had to take a midterm. I'll keep you posted on the outcome of that .

Condolences aren't really necessary. I'm not that upset. I was, granted, but only during the grieving rituals. I found out Saturday afternoon, and I felt very little about it. Then I went out to see a movie. My first thought actually, was "Yeah. I need to give Phil a call." Like, the news didn't register, only the fact that I hadn't seen him in a while.

I spent most of the days with my friend Toni. She was quite upset. I was not so much upset, and yet, it seemed like people were expecting me to be. I had spent the last few days wondering whether I was a cold and desensitized person because I wasn't as broken up as other people, even though I'd been good friends with Phil for over a decade. Then Toni said something that made it all click for me:

"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Oh. Right. I realized that this probably was the scariest, most upsetting thing a lot of these twenty year olds had experienced. For me, though, it's not. I've faced much harder things. I've been in far more pain. It's not that I didn't feel bad, it's just that I'd felt so much worse in the past, that this was kind of ... easy. Just one less friend I have the option of calling.

To completely turn this entry around, since all of these events and emotions are now of the past, I have a new Musical Find to advertise!

Pretty Girls Make Graves. They're like ... post-punk rock. Unfortunately, MTV and the like has already attached to them, apparently. Something I'd recommend to anyone who thinks that Evanescence is any good, to prove them wrong. Because I had the misfortune to be exposed to that particular group this week, and seriously? They fucking suck.

Thank Christ I wasn't carazay enough to try to write a novel this month.