In lieu of anything more practical to do.
MEME!
Put your MP3 player (or whatever) on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results. The first line of the twenty-first is the title.
I Was Sitting In My Stall Like Any Other Day
I'm not in love with the modern world
Cry baby cry
Here she comes, in her palanquin
Always sing your love to me sweetly
I am a chimbley, a chimbley sweep
I tried to make you happy
Can I have your autograph?
I'd like to be under the sea
I don't want to go home for Christmas this year
Oh, comely
Walking in the park just the other day baby
Here's a prayer for the body buried by the interstate
I found a reason to keep living
Now that we've met
After all these implements and texts designed by intellects
This is my face
We had this dream
I'm a modern girl
In the evening
Well you can stay all night if you want to.
I totally used cinquains! I also tried this several times, and this was the only one I liked well enough to post. That's a shame, since my first effort seemed to be about how I went to jail for my Sapphic love. Towards the end I got too many long, well-known lines in a row and that pretty much ruined it.
This was much harder than I thought it would be.
Wednesday
IDLING.
Ugh.
I'm not doing anything right now. This is not by any means unusual: I have plenty of times where I'm not doing anything. Right now, though, there are things that I need to get done. And I can't do them! I can't even start on them until at least tomorrow, if then. I want to do things. I need to do things. But instead of doing anything, I'm only sitting around feeling antsy and metaphorically itchy.
The universe is not cooperating with my schedule. Doesn't it know when Christmas is?
I'm not doing anything right now. This is not by any means unusual: I have plenty of times where I'm not doing anything. Right now, though, there are things that I need to get done. And I can't do them! I can't even start on them until at least tomorrow, if then. I want to do things. I need to do things. But instead of doing anything, I'm only sitting around feeling antsy and metaphorically itchy.
The universe is not cooperating with my schedule. Doesn't it know when Christmas is?
Saturday
Hey, look over here!
So, I got older. I ... didn't get over it. I have wanted to blog but nothing is good enough. December is full of birthdays.
My options for topics are either You Know What, discussing how I fail in various arenas, memes, or something else entirely. I opt for meme. I had several caffeinated beverages today.
BUT WHICH MEME?
Actually, I don't even know if this counts. Let's all take a quiz!
Can You Guess Where My Accent Is From?
To psyche you out before you even begin, I scored 42. Because I'm awesome. But I won't tell you what I got wrong, because that's less awesome.
My options for topics are either You Know What, discussing how I fail in various arenas, memes, or something else entirely. I opt for meme. I had several caffeinated beverages today.
BUT WHICH MEME?
Actually, I don't even know if this counts. Let's all take a quiz!
Can You Guess Where My Accent Is From?
To psyche you out before you even begin, I scored 42. Because I'm awesome. But I won't tell you what I got wrong, because that's less awesome.
Tuesday
A+; would lol again!
So a dear, tolerant, and understanding friend took me to see "Quantum of Solace" today and you can't prove otherwise. My choice of cinema was one that I should really spend more time going to now that I'm more comfortable driving for more than 10 minutes at a time. It's an amazing place: a multimegagigagoogolplex that never ever has anybody in it any time I go there. I really don't know how they stay in business, but I have a suspicion that the place might come to life on weekend evenings. I mean, I hope. Anyway, when we went there it was practically deserted, giving me a good idea of what I would like to have adjoining my fabulous house once I become super-rich.
We were the only ones in the theater except for one old dude sitting up front. Your guess is as good as mine. Before they got to the feature there was a lot of static and long periods of blank screen and I wondered aloud if God was seriously going to fuck with me like this. I was kind of grateful for the sketchy old dude, because what exactly would happen if there was a showing of a movie and no one bought tickets to it? Would they still play it? Anyway, luckily Jesus interceded in the designs of His Father or something, because suddenly it was all happening.
(I'll just pause to slip in my complaint that the Harry Potter trailer was not goddamn fucking shown. All they were showing was trailers for truly hideous "comedies". ... But hey, at least they've learned to market this series properly.)
I won't even lie to you: it was exactly the kind of transcendental experience I had been hoping for. After enduring about ten months of non-stop hype, it did not disappoint, and that's all I have to say about that.
I could say that I'm a little disappointed - I didn't laugh the entire time, so I occasionally had to pay attention to the plot that the screenwriter valiantly tried to inject this mess with. She tried her best. She tried real hard. But, seriously, I think I may have bruised a kidney. Fluid may or may not have burst out of my face at some point.
The Fountain of Gold was fantastic. I'm coming down on this. Anyone is free to disagree, because I am firm in my resolve. I think the deciding factor may be whether or not the observer has read the books. Because as someone who has, his performance was, in a word, understated. The man can only work with what he's given. He can't do miracles.
Jasper and Alice continue to be too good for this shit, constipated face included.
George Lucas continues to do an ace job at ruining movies with his additions, though to be fair it's not really conscionable to lay the blame for Twilight at his feet, as much as I would love to blame George Lucas for everything. They should really just borrow my nude sparkly eyeshadow for the sequel.
In conclusion, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Carlisle!!:
Sweet dreams!
We were the only ones in the theater except for one old dude sitting up front. Your guess is as good as mine. Before they got to the feature there was a lot of static and long periods of blank screen and I wondered aloud if God was seriously going to fuck with me like this. I was kind of grateful for the sketchy old dude, because what exactly would happen if there was a showing of a movie and no one bought tickets to it? Would they still play it? Anyway, luckily Jesus interceded in the designs of His Father or something, because suddenly it was all happening.
(I'll just pause to slip in my complaint that the Harry Potter trailer was not goddamn fucking shown. All they were showing was trailers for truly hideous "comedies". ... But hey, at least they've learned to market this series properly.)
I won't even lie to you: it was exactly the kind of transcendental experience I had been hoping for. After enduring about ten months of non-stop hype, it did not disappoint, and that's all I have to say about that.
I could say that I'm a little disappointed - I didn't laugh the entire time, so I occasionally had to pay attention to the plot that the screenwriter valiantly tried to inject this mess with. She tried her best. She tried real hard. But, seriously, I think I may have bruised a kidney. Fluid may or may not have burst out of my face at some point.
The Fountain of Gold was fantastic. I'm coming down on this. Anyone is free to disagree, because I am firm in my resolve. I think the deciding factor may be whether or not the observer has read the books. Because as someone who has, his performance was, in a word, understated. The man can only work with what he's given. He can't do miracles.
Jasper and Alice continue to be too good for this shit, constipated face included.
George Lucas continues to do an ace job at ruining movies with his additions, though to be fair it's not really conscionable to lay the blame for Twilight at his feet, as much as I would love to blame George Lucas for everything. They should really just borrow my nude sparkly eyeshadow for the sequel.
In conclusion, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Carlisle!!:
Sweet dreams!
Sunday
What's wrong with Twilight, anyway?
I'm 99% sure that I'm going to be seeing the Twilight movie this Tuesday. You know, barring anything. This is good because (please pay attention to this part) on Thursday it will be my birthday. I will be one-quarter of a century old. And, quite possibly, too old for this nonsense. I can hope.
So to pass the time until then I'm going to write this entry, because I don't know if I've ever articulated what exactly my problem is with this whole Twilight thing. Y'know, as a *feminist type*. You may find it useful, if you are also so afflicted, if you're ever accosted by fangirls or something.
The problem with Twilight is two-fold. Or three-fold, I don't know. Let's count. First of all, it's horribly written. There's no plot. The characterization is poor. There's adjective abuse everywhere, with all the chagrining and the chuckling and smirking and the beautiful glittering. Stephenie Meyer could seriously drop at least a hundred pages if she weren't so terrified of just saying "I said." And of course, the vampires fucking sparkle.
Apart from the issues of technical and artistic skill, there's the issue of the story itself. It's not really a bad story, but the problem is the dichotomy between what it is and what we're told it is. The story is packaged and sold as The Story Of The Greatest Love You Have Ever Heard Of Or Will Ever Hear Of In Your Life. And ... it's not that. In reality, it's the story of a young girl and her abusive, albeit very attractive, creepy boyfriend.
Twilight is told from the point-of-view of Human Girlfriend Bella Swan. She's not really important, though. There are dozens of other characters in the books as well, but they're not really important, either. The only character who is actually important is Edward Cullen, Vampire Boyfriend. The most important thing to understand about Edward is that he is attractive. He's really attractive. He's pretty much the most attractive person that you or anyone else has ever seen. This is the only thing that matters about him. It's certainly the only thing that matters about him to Bella. The great dilemma of the first book is that Bella loves Edward because he's so pretty, but knows that he couldn't possibly love her because she is nowhere near as pretty as he is. A good two-thirds of the book is basically this, just with more detail.
Or, as the Fountain Of Gold put it: "When you read the book it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that."
So that's Human Girlfriend's deal. Edward is pretty, making him perfect and negating any flaws he might conceivably have. She's not as pretty, and therefore can never be good enough for him. Human Girlfriend doesn't really have any interests of her own. Supposedly she likes books, but we never see her read. At one point she's asked if she's planning on going to college, and her respond is basically, 'Why? I got a man.' The entire purpose of the character, the main character, mind you, is to be a cipher for the reader so that you too can have the experience of having a sparkling Vampire Boyfriend.
Let's talk about Vampire Boyfriend for a minute. Edward is a vampire, and he has angst such as we are all intimately familiar with from watching Angel or whatever other dozen other vampire angst stories we've encountered. So he's tortured, and he doesn't eat humans, and he goes to high school. For ... some reason. It's not important. The important thing is that Bella Swan has outrageous flavor that threatens to undo all his decades of abstinence such that he kind of wants to be on her immediately and all the time. And that's why they can't have sex until they're married. Also, Edward reads minds but the only person whose mind he cannot read is Bella's. She's just special. It's not important. Due to this confluence of Mary-Sueisms, Edward becomes obsessed with Bella and imagines that she must be, like, the most interesting person to ever exist. (The obvious joke is that if he could read her thoughts, and know that they are all shallow musings on how pretty he is, the whole series could have been avoided.)
So VB's first plan of how to handle this situation is to be the hugest dick possible to HG. HG is of course very sad about this, because VB is so pretty, and must be judging her with the righteousness that the very pretty have for those who aren't as pretty. Then he saves her life and blows his asshole cover, so he has to amp his levels of dickishness up as high as they will go. HG finds him so intriguing. And pretty!
Then VB decides that they should just have a relationship or whatever already. HG is skeptical, not so much because of all his toolery, but because 'WTF he's too pretty to like me!' Anyway, now that they have a Forever Love and everything (seriously, it happens that fast), it is time for VB to come clean about how he's been breaking into her house every night for months to check out all the rooms and stare at her while she's asleep.
Of course I'm not kidding. And I'm also not kidding about the fact that HG doesn't get upset about it, because his creepy behavior is incredibly endearing. And he's pretty.
Then we get three more books of VB being a controlling creeper. I'm just going to put some quotes up, and you tell me if this sounds like the story of a girl and her abusive boyfriend. I did not make these up:
And that's just the overt crap and what doesn't delve too much into boring story points. There's oh so much more. For the record, that last section was the only time in this series about vampires that I actually felt scared. So, Edward Cullen is a creepy stalker who becomes a controlling boyfriend. But it's okay, because he's very attractive. There are also other fine lessons to be learned from these books like how, if you're a woman, your value as a person is dependent on producing children, and if you can't produce children, 1. you'll be a miserable bitch for all your life and 2. you're not really even a woman. Plus, the actual literal I'm-not-kidding pedophilia. I'm not kidding.
I could go on, but we haven't even gotten to the second major problem with Twilight.
The second major problem with Twilight is that it is very popular. This, really, is why I'm talking about this at all, or why anyone talks about it at all. There are tons of horribly written books with terrible messages out there. I may have read some, most of them I haven't, and I don't really care. I probably wouldn't care about Twilight except for the effect I see it have in other people. Specifically, I'm talking about young women: millions of them, to be exact. There are millions of girls who read these books, and take them for exactly the Epic Love Story they claim to be, become obsessed with them as some sort of gospel of Ideal Love, and are completely blind to how fucking messed-up the whole thing is.
Back about a year ago, I was ambling around the internet and discovered the Edward Cullen fangirls. Most of them go by the moniker "Mrs. Cullen." And let it be known that they love Edward Cullen. What is the top reason they love Edward Cullen? Because he's so hottttt!!!!!! Now, here's the thing. I think Robert Pattinson is pretty nice looking. I have no problem if anyone else thinks likewise. Or hey, even if they don't. There are any number of actors that you can conjure up that are nice looking. But Edward Cullen doesn't exist. He is a fictional character, and these sentiments date back to before Pattinson or anyone else was physically attached to the character giving him any sort of objective appearance. (Ask me about the Transitive Hotness of Vampire Boyfriends Property.) I like the way Bill Maher put it when he said "What can't you convince people of simply by saying it?" (Of course, he was talking about the idea that Barack Obama is a sekrit Muslim, but whatever.) Edward Cullen doesn't have eyes. He doesn't have muscles. He doesn't have anything that one could objectively consider and decide is attractive because he's not real. What he does have, though, is several hundred pages devoted to talking about how goddamned attractive he is. And that makes it true.
What he also has are hundreds of pages devoted to talking about what a chivalrous gentleman he is, and how he's the epitome of what any girl would want from a boy. The pages are adamant that he loves loves loves loves loves Bella Swan, and everything he does -- whether it's putting her life in danger, leaving her for her own good, preventing her from seeing her friends, talking about how he'll kill himself without her, calling her "ridiculous" and "absurd" when she disagrees with him, having her followed, having her go places she doesn't want to go and do things she doesn't want to do, physically restraining her, and having violent outbursts all over the place -- he does because he loves her. He's so sweet and thoughtful. He's just worried about her. He cares about her. He's just being protective. He never means to hurt her. It's okay because he loves her. And because he is so very, very pretty. And that makes it true.
But it's just a story, right? And works of fiction have never influenced anyone ever, correct? Should anyone really care?
Well, when you have thousands of girls calling themselves "Mrs. Cullen" and talking about how desperately they want a boyfriend like Edward, I think that's a problem.
When you have girls who sleep with boys because they are named Edward, I think that's a problem. And when they get knocked up and name their resultant offspring after the author, that's really a problem and no I am not making this up.
When you have girls who have clearly never sorted out the difference between fantasy and reality cutting their necks and telling the actor playing Edward that they did it for him, I think that's a problem.
When you have adult women talking about how they want to take the virginity of one of the underage teenage actors in the movie because they love his character, I think that's a problem and no I am not kidding.
When you have underwear, marketed to teenagers, upon which are the words "Edward Cullen can bruise my body any day." I think that's a problem and no I am not making this up.
When you have a generation of young girls zealously devoted to the disturbing backwards-thinking mentality displayed in these books, I think that's a problem.
So that, now that we've made it here, is what's wrong with Twilight.
Plus, furthermore, the vampires fucking sparkle.
So to pass the time until then I'm going to write this entry, because I don't know if I've ever articulated what exactly my problem is with this whole Twilight thing. Y'know, as a *feminist type*. You may find it useful, if you are also so afflicted, if you're ever accosted by fangirls or something.
The problem with Twilight is two-fold. Or three-fold, I don't know. Let's count. First of all, it's horribly written. There's no plot. The characterization is poor. There's adjective abuse everywhere, with all the chagrining and the chuckling and smirking and the beautiful glittering. Stephenie Meyer could seriously drop at least a hundred pages if she weren't so terrified of just saying "I said." And of course, the vampires fucking sparkle.
Apart from the issues of technical and artistic skill, there's the issue of the story itself. It's not really a bad story, but the problem is the dichotomy between what it is and what we're told it is. The story is packaged and sold as The Story Of The Greatest Love You Have Ever Heard Of Or Will Ever Hear Of In Your Life. And ... it's not that. In reality, it's the story of a young girl and her abusive, albeit very attractive, creepy boyfriend.
Twilight is told from the point-of-view of Human Girlfriend Bella Swan. She's not really important, though. There are dozens of other characters in the books as well, but they're not really important, either. The only character who is actually important is Edward Cullen, Vampire Boyfriend. The most important thing to understand about Edward is that he is attractive. He's really attractive. He's pretty much the most attractive person that you or anyone else has ever seen. This is the only thing that matters about him. It's certainly the only thing that matters about him to Bella. The great dilemma of the first book is that Bella loves Edward because he's so pretty, but knows that he couldn't possibly love her because she is nowhere near as pretty as he is. A good two-thirds of the book is basically this, just with more detail.
His white shirt was sleeveless [no, sleeveless, really], and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.
Or, as the Fountain Of Gold put it: "When you read the book it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that."
So that's Human Girlfriend's deal. Edward is pretty, making him perfect and negating any flaws he might conceivably have. She's not as pretty, and therefore can never be good enough for him. Human Girlfriend doesn't really have any interests of her own. Supposedly she likes books, but we never see her read. At one point she's asked if she's planning on going to college, and her respond is basically, 'Why? I got a man.' The entire purpose of the character, the main character, mind you, is to be a cipher for the reader so that you too can have the experience of having a sparkling Vampire Boyfriend.
Let's talk about Vampire Boyfriend for a minute. Edward is a vampire, and he has angst such as we are all intimately familiar with from watching Angel or whatever other dozen other vampire angst stories we've encountered. So he's tortured, and he doesn't eat humans, and he goes to high school. For ... some reason. It's not important. The important thing is that Bella Swan has outrageous flavor that threatens to undo all his decades of abstinence such that he kind of wants to be on her immediately and all the time. And that's why they can't have sex until they're married. Also, Edward reads minds but the only person whose mind he cannot read is Bella's. She's just special. It's not important. Due to this confluence of Mary-Sueisms, Edward becomes obsessed with Bella and imagines that she must be, like, the most interesting person to ever exist. (The obvious joke is that if he could read her thoughts, and know that they are all shallow musings on how pretty he is, the whole series could have been avoided.)
So VB's first plan of how to handle this situation is to be the hugest dick possible to HG. HG is of course very sad about this, because VB is so pretty, and must be judging her with the righteousness that the very pretty have for those who aren't as pretty. Then he saves her life and blows his asshole cover, so he has to amp his levels of dickishness up as high as they will go. HG finds him so intriguing. And pretty!
Then VB decides that they should just have a relationship or whatever already. HG is skeptical, not so much because of all his toolery, but because 'WTF he's too pretty to like me!' Anyway, now that they have a Forever Love and everything (seriously, it happens that fast), it is time for VB to come clean about how he's been breaking into her house every night for months to check out all the rooms and stare at her while she's asleep.
Of course I'm not kidding. And I'm also not kidding about the fact that HG doesn't get upset about it, because his creepy behavior is incredibly endearing. And he's pretty.
"You spied on me?" But somehow I couldn't infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered.
He was unrepentant. "What else is there to do at night?"
I let it go for the moment and went down the hall to the kitchen. He was there before me, needing no guide. He sat in the very chair I'd tried to picture him in. His beauty lit up the kitchen. It was a moment before I could look away.
Then we get three more books of VB being a controlling creeper. I'm just going to put some quotes up, and you tell me if this sounds like the story of a girl and her abusive boyfriend. I did not make these up:
We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket, yanking me back.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand.
I was confused. "I'm going home."
"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" His voice was still indignant.
"What condition? What about my truck?" I complained.
"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." He was towing me toward his car now, pulling me by my jacket. It was all I could do to keep from falling backward. He'd probably just drag me along anyway if I did."
"Turn around! You have to take me home!" I shouted. I struggled with the stupid harness, tearing at the straps.
"Emmett," Edward said grimly.
And Emmett secured my hands in his steely grasp.
"No! Edward! No, you can't do this."
"I have to, Bella, now please be quiet."
"You're kidnapping me, aren't you?"
She laughed and nodded. "Till Saturday. Esme cleared it with Charlie; you're staying with me two nights, and I will drive you to and from school tomorrow."
I turned my face to the window, my teeth grinding together.
"Sorry," Alice said, not sounding in the least bit penitent. "He paid me off."
"How?" I hissed through my teeth.
"The Porsche. It's exactly like the one I stole in Italy." She sighed happily.
[...]
Alice hopped out gracefully and went to stroke her hand along the length of her bribe.
"Pretty, isn't it?"
"Pretty over-the-top," I grumbled, incredulous. "He gave you that just for two days of holding me hostage?"
Alice made a face.
A second later, comprehension came and I gasped in horror. "It's for every time he's gone, isn't it?"
She nodded.
Like any fugitive, I couldn't help looking over my shoulder a few times while I jogged to my truck, but the night was so black that there really was no point. I had to feel my way along the side of the truck to the handle.
My eyes were just beginning to adjust as I shoved my keys in the ignition. I twisted them hard to the left, but instead of roaring deafeningly to life, the engine just clicked. I tried it again with the same results.
And then a small motion in my peripheral vision made me jump.
"Gah!" I gasped in shock when I saw that I was not alone in the cab.
Edward sat very still, a faint bright spot in the darkness, only his hands moving as he turned a mysterious black object around and around. He stared at the object as he spoke.
"Alice called," he murmured.
Alice! Damn. I'd forgotten to account for her in my plans. He must have her watching me.
[Edward does a long creepy monologue in low tones]
I listened to his musing in stony silence.
"I'll put your car back together in time for school, in case you'd like to drive yourself," he assured me after a minute.
With my lips mashed together, I retrieved my keys and stiffly climbed out of the truck.
"Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I'll understand," he whispered just before I slammed the door.
And that's just the overt crap and what doesn't delve too much into boring story points. There's oh so much more. For the record, that last section was the only time in this series about vampires that I actually felt scared. So, Edward Cullen is a creepy stalker who becomes a controlling boyfriend. But it's okay, because he's very attractive. There are also other fine lessons to be learned from these books like how, if you're a woman, your value as a person is dependent on producing children, and if you can't produce children, 1. you'll be a miserable bitch for all your life and 2. you're not really even a woman. Plus, the actual literal I'm-not-kidding pedophilia. I'm not kidding.
I could go on, but we haven't even gotten to the second major problem with Twilight.
The second major problem with Twilight is that it is very popular. This, really, is why I'm talking about this at all, or why anyone talks about it at all. There are tons of horribly written books with terrible messages out there. I may have read some, most of them I haven't, and I don't really care. I probably wouldn't care about Twilight except for the effect I see it have in other people. Specifically, I'm talking about young women: millions of them, to be exact. There are millions of girls who read these books, and take them for exactly the Epic Love Story they claim to be, become obsessed with them as some sort of gospel of Ideal Love, and are completely blind to how fucking messed-up the whole thing is.
Back about a year ago, I was ambling around the internet and discovered the Edward Cullen fangirls. Most of them go by the moniker "Mrs. Cullen." And let it be known that they love Edward Cullen. What is the top reason they love Edward Cullen? Because he's so hottttt!!!!!! Now, here's the thing. I think Robert Pattinson is pretty nice looking. I have no problem if anyone else thinks likewise. Or hey, even if they don't. There are any number of actors that you can conjure up that are nice looking. But Edward Cullen doesn't exist. He is a fictional character, and these sentiments date back to before Pattinson or anyone else was physically attached to the character giving him any sort of objective appearance. (Ask me about the Transitive Hotness of Vampire Boyfriends Property.) I like the way Bill Maher put it when he said "What can't you convince people of simply by saying it?" (Of course, he was talking about the idea that Barack Obama is a sekrit Muslim, but whatever.) Edward Cullen doesn't have eyes. He doesn't have muscles. He doesn't have anything that one could objectively consider and decide is attractive because he's not real. What he does have, though, is several hundred pages devoted to talking about how goddamned attractive he is. And that makes it true.
What he also has are hundreds of pages devoted to talking about what a chivalrous gentleman he is, and how he's the epitome of what any girl would want from a boy. The pages are adamant that he loves loves loves loves loves Bella Swan, and everything he does -- whether it's putting her life in danger, leaving her for her own good, preventing her from seeing her friends, talking about how he'll kill himself without her, calling her "ridiculous" and "absurd" when she disagrees with him, having her followed, having her go places she doesn't want to go and do things she doesn't want to do, physically restraining her, and having violent outbursts all over the place -- he does because he loves her. He's so sweet and thoughtful. He's just worried about her. He cares about her. He's just being protective. He never means to hurt her. It's okay because he loves her. And because he is so very, very pretty. And that makes it true.
But it's just a story, right? And works of fiction have never influenced anyone ever, correct? Should anyone really care?
Well, when you have thousands of girls calling themselves "Mrs. Cullen" and talking about how desperately they want a boyfriend like Edward, I think that's a problem.
When you have girls who sleep with boys because they are named Edward, I think that's a problem. And when they get knocked up and name their resultant offspring after the author, that's really a problem and no I am not making this up.
When you have girls who have clearly never sorted out the difference between fantasy and reality cutting their necks and telling the actor playing Edward that they did it for him, I think that's a problem.
When you have adult women talking about how they want to take the virginity of one of the underage teenage actors in the movie because they love his character, I think that's a problem and no I am not kidding.
When you have underwear, marketed to teenagers, upon which are the words "Edward Cullen can bruise my body any day." I think that's a problem and no I am not making this up.
When you have a generation of young girls zealously devoted to the disturbing backwards-thinking mentality displayed in these books, I think that's a problem.
So that, now that we've made it here, is what's wrong with Twilight.
Plus, furthermore, the vampires fucking sparkle.
Thursday
Wednesday
BLOQ.
Per P@.
If an asteroid were to hit the earth and eliminate all mammalian life, what animal species (other than homo sapiens) would you miss most? Well. None. Because I'm a mammalian life form, and hence I would have been eliminated.
Who's more popular - Jesus or the Beatles? Right now I'll say Jesus.
How many bones have you broken in your life? I've broken three of my toes and fractured my ankle. And that's surprisingly it!
"Where is my mind?" Lunch?
Knowing the pros and cons of time travel, if you were given the opportunity to go back to see (and speak with) your 14-year-old self, would you? (And what would you say if so) YES.
What's a good cure for writer's block? Being somewhere without a pen or paper.
What's your favorite type of cake? I am not fond of cake. Although I suppose lemon cake is alright.
Go to wikipedia, and click "random article" thrice. What'd you land on? Samborombón is a small rural community in Brandsen Partido in Buenos Aires Province, Argentina.
"What's the consolation prize?" The satisfaction of a job well done.
What's gas going for in your neck of the woods right now? I think the last time I got gas it was $2.12 for the one in the middle.
and finally....
How would you describe the year 2008 in three words or less? I wouldn't dare.
If an asteroid were to hit the earth and eliminate all mammalian life, what animal species (other than homo sapiens) would you miss most? Well. None. Because I'm a mammalian life form, and hence I would have been eliminated.
Who's more popular - Jesus or the Beatles? Right now I'll say Jesus.
How many bones have you broken in your life? I've broken three of my toes and fractured my ankle. And that's surprisingly it!
"Where is my mind?" Lunch?
Knowing the pros and cons of time travel, if you were given the opportunity to go back to see (and speak with) your 14-year-old self, would you? (And what would you say if so) YES.
What's a good cure for writer's block? Being somewhere without a pen or paper.
What's your favorite type of cake? I am not fond of cake. Although I suppose lemon cake is alright.
Go to wikipedia, and click "random article" thrice. What'd you land on? Samborombón is a small rural community in Brandsen Partido in Buenos Aires Province, Argentina.
"What's the consolation prize?" The satisfaction of a job well done.
What's gas going for in your neck of the woods right now? I think the last time I got gas it was $2.12 for the one in the middle.
and finally....
How would you describe the year 2008 in three words or less? I wouldn't dare.
Sunday
I love this nutball.
No, not Robert Pattinson. Jacob, from TWoP! Yes, him again. And probably all but two of you have already stopped reading. I DON'T CARE. Also, even though this entry is about Jacob, it's still about Twilight because, well.
My Jacob-love is resurging right now for two reasons. 1. Because he is doing more than anyone else to ensure that "Vampire Boyfriend" enters the social lexicon. Way moreso than I am. 2. Because he explains vampire boyfriends (and werewolf boyfriends) like so:
-----
Why's it happening again? Why on earth is our culture playing out entirely vampire boyfriend/werewolf boyfriend right now? And I'm not just saying this because Twilight came out yesterday -- these three series of books I'm talking about started in 1993 (Anita), 2001 (Sookie), and 2005 (Twilight) and pretty much have ruled the bestseller lists since then, even with the variances in quality, readability and WTF between them; seven of the eight Sookie novels are bestsellers pretty much nonstop, which is not something that ever happened before. I think it's pretty easy if you follow the line of blood: The war and the Greatest Generation's reassignment and recapitulation of gender roles becomes the uphill battle of the '50s and the glorious global shout of the '60s becomes the delirious sexual abandon of the '70s becomes the cruelty and sexual artifice of the '80s becomes the total AIDS-related sexual freakout of the '90s ... and we grew up in that, doing the incredibly dangerous undercover work of becoming healthy sexual beings that people have been doing since there were people, with all that crazy on top, mediated for the first time by television telling us back to ourselves in realtime and the endless fucking Baby Boomer retellings and nostalgia and music videos disguised as feature films. We became men and women in the middle of that shitstorm. Vampire Guy/Werewolf Guy is just us telling that story back to the world and trying to decide what to do next.
-----
I mean ... have you ever? The raving starts here, it's in the middle of a True Blood recap, which I don't know if you care about, but just be forewarned, but he's only barely talking about it, if you are.
My Jacob-love is resurging right now for two reasons. 1. Because he is doing more than anyone else to ensure that "Vampire Boyfriend" enters the social lexicon. Way moreso than I am. 2. Because he explains vampire boyfriends (and werewolf boyfriends) like so:
-----
Why's it happening again? Why on earth is our culture playing out entirely vampire boyfriend/werewolf boyfriend right now? And I'm not just saying this because Twilight came out yesterday -- these three series of books I'm talking about started in 1993 (Anita), 2001 (Sookie), and 2005 (Twilight) and pretty much have ruled the bestseller lists since then, even with the variances in quality, readability and WTF between them; seven of the eight Sookie novels are bestsellers pretty much nonstop, which is not something that ever happened before. I think it's pretty easy if you follow the line of blood: The war and the Greatest Generation's reassignment and recapitulation of gender roles becomes the uphill battle of the '50s and the glorious global shout of the '60s becomes the delirious sexual abandon of the '70s becomes the cruelty and sexual artifice of the '80s becomes the total AIDS-related sexual freakout of the '90s ... and we grew up in that, doing the incredibly dangerous undercover work of becoming healthy sexual beings that people have been doing since there were people, with all that crazy on top, mediated for the first time by television telling us back to ourselves in realtime and the endless fucking Baby Boomer retellings and nostalgia and music videos disguised as feature films. We became men and women in the middle of that shitstorm. Vampire Guy/Werewolf Guy is just us telling that story back to the world and trying to decide what to do next.
-----
I mean ... have you ever? The raving starts here, it's in the middle of a True Blood recap, which I don't know if you care about, but just be forewarned, but he's only barely talking about it, if you are.
Tuesday
Seriously, he can do no wrong.
I mean, he complained about being a "nice guy" and I only got my feminist hat halfway on before I loved him again.
"If Edward was not a fictional character and you just met him in reality, you know, he's one of those guys who'd be like an axe murderer. ... He's like ultra-polite, really formal all the time like, 'Uh, let me open the door! Let me carry the bags!' and it's like literally just like, you can tell he'd just freak out one day and shoot someone."
"If Edward was not a fictional character and you just met him in reality, you know, he's one of those guys who'd be like an axe murderer. ... He's like ultra-polite, really formal all the time like, 'Uh, let me open the door! Let me carry the bags!' and it's like literally just like, you can tell he'd just freak out one day and shoot someone."
omg omg omg HOME STRETCH.
So, as you've already probably heard by now, the Twilight movie is opening this Friday. I occurs to me that I may not have made my thoughts about this clear. I can't wait to see this movie. Although I won't actually be seeing it until Tuesday. But I am so excited.
There are several reasons for this, one being getting to see The Fountain Of Pure Gold in action. Another being that I will get to see the new Harry Potter trailer writ super large because it's being shown before it. Mostly though, I cannot wait because I am pretty sure that this is going to be the unintentional comedy of the year, and I cannot wait to MST3K that shit.
Actually, do you know what this movie is? This movie is The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the 21st century. I have been of this opinion for a while. It just lends itself too easily to such a treatment. A theater-full of people throwing glitter and opening up their rainbow umbrellas and yelling things at the screen. And recently, I discovered something that completely supports my theory: there's a local theater that does midnight showings of RHPS, and this week they are going to be showing a midnight premiere of Twilight instead. Amazing.
To conclude, here are some quotes from recent articles about how deeply creepy Twilight fans are:
-----
"But if you think Pattinson was the only 'Twilight' star earning shrieks last night, you may have chosen the wrong side in the 'Team Edward' vs. 'Team Jacob' battle. 'I think I'm dreaming, and I keep telling people to pinch me,' said an adrenaline-fueled Lautner, not yet 17 years old and already having fans twice his age throw themselves at him. "[An older woman] told me she was wearing 'Team Taylor' panties and [said], 'If you want, you can sign them.' Luckily, my publicist was there to save me!" "
NB: Taylor is the first name of the actor, not the character. Furthermore in the video of the interview, he said the woman was in her 40s.
-----
"Robert went on to tell a story about a group of girls who scratched their necks for him. "There were some girls who had scratched ... the side of their necks so [they were] freshly bleeding when they came up to get a signature. They were like, 'We did this for you.' I didn't know what to say. 'Um, thanks guys?'""
-----
And I don't know who this guy is, but, he's pretty amazing. I mean, except when he says that Robert Pattinson is a bad actor. I don't want this to be true, because we totally can't be bffs if that's true. I WILL LET YOU KNOW, THOUGH.
http://www.accesshollywood.com/mantz-rantz-twilight_video_838561
"It was so cheesy I got fat just watching the movie."
There are several reasons for this, one being getting to see The Fountain Of Pure Gold in action. Another being that I will get to see the new Harry Potter trailer writ super large because it's being shown before it. Mostly though, I cannot wait because I am pretty sure that this is going to be the unintentional comedy of the year, and I cannot wait to MST3K that shit.
Actually, do you know what this movie is? This movie is The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the 21st century. I have been of this opinion for a while. It just lends itself too easily to such a treatment. A theater-full of people throwing glitter and opening up their rainbow umbrellas and yelling things at the screen. And recently, I discovered something that completely supports my theory: there's a local theater that does midnight showings of RHPS, and this week they are going to be showing a midnight premiere of Twilight instead. Amazing.
To conclude, here are some quotes from recent articles about how deeply creepy Twilight fans are:
-----
"But if you think Pattinson was the only 'Twilight' star earning shrieks last night, you may have chosen the wrong side in the 'Team Edward' vs. 'Team Jacob' battle. 'I think I'm dreaming, and I keep telling people to pinch me,' said an adrenaline-fueled Lautner, not yet 17 years old and already having fans twice his age throw themselves at him. "[An older woman] told me she was wearing 'Team Taylor' panties and [said], 'If you want, you can sign them.' Luckily, my publicist was there to save me!" "
NB: Taylor is the first name of the actor, not the character. Furthermore in the video of the interview, he said the woman was in her 40s.
-----
"Robert went on to tell a story about a group of girls who scratched their necks for him. "There were some girls who had scratched ... the side of their necks so [they were] freshly bleeding when they came up to get a signature. They were like, 'We did this for you.' I didn't know what to say. 'Um, thanks guys?'""
-----
And I don't know who this guy is, but, he's pretty amazing. I mean, except when he says that Robert Pattinson is a bad actor. I don't want this to be true, because we totally can't be bffs if that's true. I WILL LET YOU KNOW, THOUGH.
http://www.accesshollywood.com/mantz-rantz-twilight_video_838561
"It was so cheesy I got fat just watching the movie."
Saturday
Book meme.
Because poor Caz cannot comment, and this was much better than the post I was going to make. Trust me. Please bear in mind that I am desperately ill and that's why this won't come out like I want it to.
Here's how it works: I list six book-related things about myself, then I tag six people, and they do the same. If they want to, of course.
1. I haven't read very many books. Sometimes I feel like a fraud for saying that I'm "reader" because ... I actually haven't read that many books. Or at any rate, I haven't read as many books as I think I should. When I was younger, I read books all the time. It's been years since I read like that, though. So the problem is, the amount I had read was really impressive when I was younger, but as my Age has gone up, the Number Of Books Read has leveled out a bit.
2. I'm more likely to read a book that I've already read than read a new book. I think the first and second item on this list might be related. Do you? I have this same problem with music. I want to find new things, but more often than not, I'll stick with something I already have and know. Most of the books I've read I've read more than once. Some books I've read ten times or more. I think this might have something to do with the fact that I have certain mannerisms from childhood that I've never grown out of. I'm still a picky eater. I still do that weird humming thing when I need to concentrate. I still like reading the same book over and over and over.
3. I really wish I could get some of my childhood books back. This is somewhat difficult because I don't remember what some of them were called. Like that one about the witches that I had my parents or my sister read to me even though I knew all the words and could read it myself. Pretty much all of them are out of print. The ones I'd like to find the most are "Aloysius Sebastian Mozart Mouse", "I Am A Mouse" (I liked books about mice, apparently), that gorgeous edition of "Heidi", and that big blue book of Greek and Roman Myths for Children.
4. I have different editions of the same books. I don't know why. Not even books I'm particularly fond of. I just seem to acquire books that I already have somewhere.
5. I don't read modern literature. Generally, because I break this rule all the time, I read books that are at least 30 years old. I figure that life is short, and there's a lot of books out there, so it's better to read one that's been tested by time and lots of student papers: There's a greater chance I'll like it. Plus, left to guess, I wind up reading things like "Twilight". And look what happened there.
6. My father told me this story about my grandmother. My grandmother had a lot of books. Shelves and shelves of books from "The Rubaiyat Of Omar Khayyam" to the Complete Works of Dickens to "To The Actor" to Shirley MacLaine's autobiography. Most of these books were thrown out by my mother when we moved. I've probably mentioned this before because I still haven't gotten over it and probably never will. Anyway, my father used to have conversations with my grandmother about some of the books she'd read. Then one day my mother told him ... she'd never actually read any of them. She would just read the first page and the last page, and the synopsis if there was one. And the hilarious thing is, I've totally done that, before I'd heard this story. I've totally had conversations about books I've never read.
Here's how it works: I list six book-related things about myself, then I tag six people, and they do the same. If they want to, of course.
1. I haven't read very many books. Sometimes I feel like a fraud for saying that I'm "reader" because ... I actually haven't read that many books. Or at any rate, I haven't read as many books as I think I should. When I was younger, I read books all the time. It's been years since I read like that, though. So the problem is, the amount I had read was really impressive when I was younger, but as my Age has gone up, the Number Of Books Read has leveled out a bit.
2. I'm more likely to read a book that I've already read than read a new book. I think the first and second item on this list might be related. Do you? I have this same problem with music. I want to find new things, but more often than not, I'll stick with something I already have and know. Most of the books I've read I've read more than once. Some books I've read ten times or more. I think this might have something to do with the fact that I have certain mannerisms from childhood that I've never grown out of. I'm still a picky eater. I still do that weird humming thing when I need to concentrate. I still like reading the same book over and over and over.
3. I really wish I could get some of my childhood books back. This is somewhat difficult because I don't remember what some of them were called. Like that one about the witches that I had my parents or my sister read to me even though I knew all the words and could read it myself. Pretty much all of them are out of print. The ones I'd like to find the most are "Aloysius Sebastian Mozart Mouse", "I Am A Mouse" (I liked books about mice, apparently), that gorgeous edition of "Heidi", and that big blue book of Greek and Roman Myths for Children.
4. I have different editions of the same books. I don't know why. Not even books I'm particularly fond of. I just seem to acquire books that I already have somewhere.
5. I don't read modern literature. Generally, because I break this rule all the time, I read books that are at least 30 years old. I figure that life is short, and there's a lot of books out there, so it's better to read one that's been tested by time and lots of student papers: There's a greater chance I'll like it. Plus, left to guess, I wind up reading things like "Twilight". And look what happened there.
6. My father told me this story about my grandmother. My grandmother had a lot of books. Shelves and shelves of books from "The Rubaiyat Of Omar Khayyam" to the Complete Works of Dickens to "To The Actor" to Shirley MacLaine's autobiography. Most of these books were thrown out by my mother when we moved. I've probably mentioned this before because I still haven't gotten over it and probably never will. Anyway, my father used to have conversations with my grandmother about some of the books she'd read. Then one day my mother told him ... she'd never actually read any of them. She would just read the first page and the last page, and the synopsis if there was one. And the hilarious thing is, I've totally done that, before I'd heard this story. I've totally had conversations about books I've never read.
Friday
So I was looking at the internet.
And I saw this piece of flair -- I'm not really sure where from -- that said something to the effect of, "Oh hey, Edward Cullen. Sure, I'd love to go out with you on November 21. I had a date with Harry Potter, but he canceled."
It was fairly amusing, so I'll admit that I laughed. And then I kind of cried. Because if this button were true to life, I would probably be busy leaving 50 messages on Harry Potter's voicemail. Why won't you return my calls, Harry? WE'RE MEANT TO BE. *sob*
Is that Draco in the bathroom? Hell yes it is. He should probably turn around 'cause he's 'bout to get cut. OMFG.
It was fairly amusing, so I'll admit that I laughed. And then I kind of cried. Because if this button were true to life, I would probably be busy leaving 50 messages on Harry Potter's voicemail. Why won't you return my calls, Harry? WE'RE MEANT TO BE. *sob*
Is that Draco in the bathroom? Hell yes it is. He should probably turn around 'cause he's 'bout to get cut. OMFG.
Thursday
Tuesday
Robert Pattinson is an oracle of Truth.
I swear this man is like a never-ending fountain of pure gold.
I apologize for not keeping you up-to-date with all the stuff that's been going on with Twilight. To recap: It's been fucking batshit.
I apologize for not keeping you up-to-date with all the stuff that's been going on with Twilight. To recap: It's been fucking batshit.
Friday
I don't even know anymore.
I realized some while back that my sarcastic voice sounds an awful lot like my regular voice. I don't mean that they're the same - they're separate and distinct, at least to my own ears. But then, everything I write in this blog seems lucid and detailed to me. So, you know. The point is, I understand why some people might not be able to tell when I'm using sarcasm and when I'm being completely serious, even if I think they should know. I guess it's the same as realizing that not everyone thinks the same way you do, even if you think they should.
In the same vein, I tend to think that pretty much everything written on the internet contains some degree of sarcasm. Unless it's on AOL or IMDb. As such, I tend to be floored if it turns out that sarcasm was not the intent. I mean, who the fuck would use the internet without their sarcasm filter on?
For example:
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h69/devils_angel_8187/c74bf753e8.jpg
"lol, fuck feminism. They take things to far."
"I totally agree. Its ridiculous to me! Its like I am Woman hear me roar! Women don't even know how to be women anymore. They try so hard to be a man and why I will never understand!"
"yeah, I mean I am glad we can vote and that we don't have to be house wives and be controlled by our men, but thanks to feminism we can now be drafted ( the likely hood of that ever happening is slim, but still) I don't think women should be president, police officers, or firefighters. I don't look down on anyone that is any of those things, but I just feel we are to emotional and not tough looking enough for those things. People take advantage of women cops all the time, because people see them as week..even if they aren't. I might get a lot of flack for saying this, but I don't really care."
I mean ... let's assume you're you. And the context of this conversation is a group of people that you generally understand not to be raging idiots, questionable grammar aside, and who generally have a sense of humor. (And incidentally, are women.) Would you naturally assume that this is hilarious sarcasm? Because let me tell you something, I would.
I would be wrong, though.
In the same vein, I tend to think that pretty much everything written on the internet contains some degree of sarcasm. Unless it's on AOL or IMDb. As such, I tend to be floored if it turns out that sarcasm was not the intent. I mean, who the fuck would use the internet without their sarcasm filter on?
For example:
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h69/devils_angel_8187/c74bf753e8.jpg
"lol, fuck feminism. They take things to far."
"I totally agree. Its ridiculous to me! Its like I am Woman hear me roar! Women don't even know how to be women anymore. They try so hard to be a man and why I will never understand!"
"yeah, I mean I am glad we can vote and that we don't have to be house wives and be controlled by our men, but thanks to feminism we can now be drafted ( the likely hood of that ever happening is slim, but still) I don't think women should be president, police officers, or firefighters. I don't look down on anyone that is any of those things, but I just feel we are to emotional and not tough looking enough for those things. People take advantage of women cops all the time, because people see them as week..even if they aren't. I might get a lot of flack for saying this, but I don't really care."
I mean ... let's assume you're you. And the context of this conversation is a group of people that you generally understand not to be raging idiots, questionable grammar aside, and who generally have a sense of humor. (And incidentally, are women.) Would you naturally assume that this is hilarious sarcasm? Because let me tell you something, I would.
I would be wrong, though.
Wednesday
Tuesday
Monday
Sunday
I saw Daniel Radcliffe naked.
If you were interested.
I mean, he was in a play.
I was going to say "I saw Harry Potter naked" but I didn't because I respect him as an actor.
I mean, he was in a play.
I was going to say "I saw Harry Potter naked" but I didn't because I respect him as an actor.
I joined Ravelry.
You might have noticed this if I added you as a friend. I just went ahead and assumed we were friends! Also if I didn't add you it's because I couldn't find you through search. It doesn't mean I don't also assume that I am your friend.
Furthermore upon this matter, I need to make something for my sister for her birthday. My first impulse is to make her socks, because I love the fuck out of socks, and the making of them and because my sister doesn't have any nice socks. Unfortunately, though, there's a reason for this: my sister is disrespectful of anything that goes on her feet. Sigh.
So I'm thinking gloves. Or hat. Or matching gloves and hat. Oh my God, that would be adorable! But Jesus, I'm not a Rockefeller. Anyway. Ideas?
Furthermore upon this matter, I need to make something for my sister for her birthday. My first impulse is to make her socks, because I love the fuck out of socks, and the making of them and because my sister doesn't have any nice socks. Unfortunately, though, there's a reason for this: my sister is disrespectful of anything that goes on her feet. Sigh.
So I'm thinking gloves. Or hat. Or matching gloves and hat. Oh my God, that would be adorable! But Jesus, I'm not a Rockefeller. Anyway. Ideas?
Yay!!
Jacob is recapping True Blood!
It took me several weeks to learn this because I ... haven't been to TWoP in a while. But this is enough to get me to like it again! Sometimes my affections are fickle. Oh man, I can't wait for him to start spouting vampire apologetics!
Oh, by the way, I've been watching True Blood. On the internet no less. It's okay, I don't expect you to be surprised.
It took me several weeks to learn this because I ... haven't been to TWoP in a while. But this is enough to get me to like it again! Sometimes my affections are fickle. Oh man, I can't wait for him to start spouting vampire apologetics!
Oh, by the way, I've been watching True Blood. On the internet no less. It's okay, I don't expect you to be surprised.
Thursday
Sarah Palin needs to stop winking at me.
You know the part where she started talking about plans to increase the VP's power in the legislative branch so that the VP can more effectively carry out the President's will?
I nearly had a heart attack.
Seriously, you guys, if John McCain wins, we are so fucked. So, so fucked.
I nearly had a heart attack.
Seriously, you guys, if John McCain wins, we are so fucked. So, so fucked.
Wednesday
Goddamn it, AOL.
I just got an email telling me that AOL Hometown FTP is being shut down on October 31. I still use that sometimes! And what am I going to do with all my wares? And what of all the xs that are going to appear everywhere I've used those pictures? I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
Um. Tell me what I should do. I don't feel well and I'm in no mood for thinking.
Um. Tell me what I should do. I don't feel well and I'm in no mood for thinking.
Saturday
Ol' Spirituals.
So, I've been checking out some new music lately. I've discovered two artists that, on their own, probably wouldn't rate an entry, but together have enough coincidence that I think, "Hey, I should blog about this."
Functionally, musically, the two artists have little in common. But they do have two notable similarities: First, they both use the word "Spirit" in their band names. The first, out of the UK, is "The Duke Spirit". The second, out of (I think) California, is called "Delta Spirit" -- but that's as indicative of their sound as it is of their location. ... I don't really get what they were going for.
Anyway, the second thing they have in common is that I checked them out because they sound like music I already listen to, or, at least, their front-persons do.
The lead singer of The Duke Spirit sounds just like Milla Jovovich. Even though she isn't. I checked. The lead singer of Delta Spirit sounds just like Alex Greenwald, lead singer of Phantom Planet. I mean, with the voice breaks and everything. He's not, though. I checked.
The Duke Spirit is old-school moody rock. You know the kind that manages to sound angry and anesthetized at the same time? It works for them sometimes, but their big problem is one of my top musical peeves: many of their songs sound exactly the same. Ugh. Still, I granted 5 songs from their album "Neptune" for iPod status. I liked "The Step And The Walk" enough that I corrected the shoddy lyrics floating around the internet; that and "Wooden Heart" are my favorites.
Delta Spirit doesn't have that problem. All their songs on "Ode To Sunshine" sound pretty different, which is awesome, because apparently that's harder to accomplish than I thought. Their problem, though is in their lyrics. They seem to like singing about The State Of Things and unfortunately they aren't as poignant and affecting as they probably think they are. It's like they're trying to mix earnest 60s idealism with self-aware hipsterism, and it's just annoying. You'll hear them start going on about "this world" in pretty much every song. It's okay when they're laying down some solid rock to back it up, which they do on several songs (one such being "People C'mon"). But generally, just ... no. I also synched 5 of their songs up to the pod, though I was probably being generous, because three of those are really great. One of them is a song called "Trashcan," in which the percussion is provided by - wait for it - a trashcan.
And that's it for this episode.
Functionally, musically, the two artists have little in common. But they do have two notable similarities: First, they both use the word "Spirit" in their band names. The first, out of the UK, is "The Duke Spirit". The second, out of (I think) California, is called "Delta Spirit" -- but that's as indicative of their sound as it is of their location. ... I don't really get what they were going for.
Anyway, the second thing they have in common is that I checked them out because they sound like music I already listen to, or, at least, their front-persons do.
The lead singer of The Duke Spirit sounds just like Milla Jovovich. Even though she isn't. I checked. The lead singer of Delta Spirit sounds just like Alex Greenwald, lead singer of Phantom Planet. I mean, with the voice breaks and everything. He's not, though. I checked.
The Duke Spirit is old-school moody rock. You know the kind that manages to sound angry and anesthetized at the same time? It works for them sometimes, but their big problem is one of my top musical peeves: many of their songs sound exactly the same. Ugh. Still, I granted 5 songs from their album "Neptune" for iPod status. I liked "The Step And The Walk" enough that I corrected the shoddy lyrics floating around the internet; that and "Wooden Heart" are my favorites.
Delta Spirit doesn't have that problem. All their songs on "Ode To Sunshine" sound pretty different, which is awesome, because apparently that's harder to accomplish than I thought. Their problem, though is in their lyrics. They seem to like singing about The State Of Things and unfortunately they aren't as poignant and affecting as they probably think they are. It's like they're trying to mix earnest 60s idealism with self-aware hipsterism, and it's just annoying. You'll hear them start going on about "this world" in pretty much every song. It's okay when they're laying down some solid rock to back it up, which they do on several songs (one such being "People C'mon"). But generally, just ... no. I also synched 5 of their songs up to the pod, though I was probably being generous, because three of those are really great. One of them is a song called "Trashcan," in which the percussion is provided by - wait for it - a trashcan.
And that's it for this episode.
Sunday
Friday
... huh
It may be that you, like me, assumed that you wouldn't find $10,000+ jewelry in a catalogue.
It turns out we just weren't getting the right catalogues.
It turns out we just weren't getting the right catalogues.
Monday
Just so you know, I do have other interests!
And I could tell you about those interests! Like what books I'm reading and what things I discovered just today that involve rock bands or kettle-dyed yarn. (I totally still knit!)
But I know that change is scary, so we'll leave it for another day.
Now here's something about That Book Series, You Know The One!
I just found this, and I laughed until I was in excruciating pain. The only thing I could say for five minutes, in-between the wheezing and giggling was: "oh my Christ." In case you were having the slightest twinge of curiosity, I will now save you the trouble of finding out how the Twilight series ends, and what you reaction would be, had you experienced it firsthand: Click!
But I know that change is scary, so we'll leave it for another day.
Now here's something about That Book Series, You Know The One!
I just found this, and I laughed until I was in excruciating pain. The only thing I could say for five minutes, in-between the wheezing and giggling was: "oh my Christ." In case you were having the slightest twinge of curiosity, I will now save you the trouble of finding out how the Twilight series ends, and what you reaction would be, had you experienced it firsthand: Click!
Thursday
Things I say in real life, but not on the internet.
In recent times, I have discovered that there are certain words and phrases that I say all the time in spoken conversations, yet rarely use on the internet. I suppose they're kind of like verbal tics, only somewhat longer. Conversely, many of my written tics (I'm looking at you, "totally" and "awesome") rarely find their way into my lingual utterances. (I'm far more likely to say "fantastic.")
In fact, I think the only word I toss out equally in writing and speech is "necessarily." I don't know why I love that word so much, I just really, really do.
Anyway. A list!
nonsense - As in "What is this nonsense?" and "I can't deal with this nonsense right now." Or "This is a lot of nonsense."
business - I actually got this from some post Will made years ago about his "bidness". I reverted it back to proper form and have been unable to give up saying it since. Before I discovered "nonsense" it carried a lot of the pejorative weight I imbue there, but now it's a more general description of any neutral happening. "Once we finish with this business, we can go do something else."
good beans - I have no idea where I came up with this, but I generally use it in the sense that you would use "good egg" and/or "good deal." If someone is kind to you, it is appropriate to say, "Aww, you're good beans." If you are eating a delicious meal, it is appropriate to say, "This is some good beans!" Even if what you are eating is not, in fact, beans.
in life/sometimes in life - This is an interjection on the level of "shit happens." Even though it frustrates my mother, this phrase is never completed with what goes on sometimes in life, or even with an appropriate elliptical tail-off. It just is what it is. Hey, sometimes in life.
absolutement/absolutes - A way to express a concordance of feeling. Does it get a little annoying? Oh, absolutes! Can it sometimes come off a little sarcastic? Absolutement! But then, so can most everything I say.
b-nans, et al. - For some reason, I sometimes want to reduce words to no more than two syllables. This mood usually strikes when I'm talking about foodstuffs. B-nans, to-mates, po-tates, etc. Stress is usually on the first syllable. Sometimes it makes what I'm saying incomprehensible, since I'm usually doing it on the fly.
In fact, I think the only word I toss out equally in writing and speech is "necessarily." I don't know why I love that word so much, I just really, really do.
Anyway. A list!
nonsense - As in "What is this nonsense?" and "I can't deal with this nonsense right now." Or "This is a lot of nonsense."
business - I actually got this from some post Will made years ago about his "bidness". I reverted it back to proper form and have been unable to give up saying it since. Before I discovered "nonsense" it carried a lot of the pejorative weight I imbue there, but now it's a more general description of any neutral happening. "Once we finish with this business, we can go do something else."
good beans - I have no idea where I came up with this, but I generally use it in the sense that you would use "good egg" and/or "good deal." If someone is kind to you, it is appropriate to say, "Aww, you're good beans." If you are eating a delicious meal, it is appropriate to say, "This is some good beans!" Even if what you are eating is not, in fact, beans.
in life/sometimes in life - This is an interjection on the level of "shit happens." Even though it frustrates my mother, this phrase is never completed with what goes on sometimes in life, or even with an appropriate elliptical tail-off. It just is what it is. Hey, sometimes in life.
absolutement/absolutes - A way to express a concordance of feeling. Does it get a little annoying? Oh, absolutes! Can it sometimes come off a little sarcastic? Absolutement! But then, so can most everything I say.
b-nans, et al. - For some reason, I sometimes want to reduce words to no more than two syllables. This mood usually strikes when I'm talking about foodstuffs. B-nans, to-mates, po-tates, etc. Stress is usually on the first syllable. Sometimes it makes what I'm saying incomprehensible, since I'm usually doing it on the fly.
Monday
HP is srs bsns.
JK Rowling wins copyright case.
Yay!!! I know I haven't talked about this at all, but I am really really happy right now.
Fuck you, Steve Vander Ark. Fuck your classifications, and fuck your Peter Pan syndrome.
Yay!!! I know I haven't talked about this at all, but I am really really happy right now.
Fuck you, Steve Vander Ark. Fuck your classifications, and fuck your Peter Pan syndrome.
Wednesday
Something I never imagined saying, yet did.
"I am honest to God not shitting you about the time-traveling cannibal mermaids."
Monday
I've heard this one doesn't suck.
But I don't actually know, so don't hold me to that. If you know, fill me in.
Some random (though generally entertaining and enjoyable) people on the internet have recommended the Gemma Doyle series of books. I've heard of that before, but I'm not terribly familiar. Apparently it's about a boarding school for witches. A movie is in the works (of course). I've been assured that the quality is ridiculously superior that Those Works Which We Do Not Name.
I kind of want to read it.
My desire stems mostly from wanting to see how close it is to the Story I've Never Written. Which ... I realize isn't very specific. At present I have between 5-10 stories I've never written at various stages of brewing inside my head. But this one is different.
When I was about 6-10 I had a series of dreams that were, basically, about a boarding school for witches. It was in one part clearly based on my experiences in summer camp, in another part clearly based on watching The Worst Witch too many times, and in a final part composed of my subconscious's unknowable fathoms. (If I've ever blessed you with one of my dream transcripts, you know.)
Anyway, I had a whole bunch of dreams about this. I don't usually have repeat or sequel dreams, and I've never had a dream series go on for as long. A story developed and scenes happened and it was generally kind of awesome.
But, um. A boarding school where you learn witchcraft? Not exactly a novel novel concept. Even though my story was totally nothing like Harry Potter. It may be like this series, though. I don't know! We'll see. Maybe.
Some random (though generally entertaining and enjoyable) people on the internet have recommended the Gemma Doyle series of books. I've heard of that before, but I'm not terribly familiar. Apparently it's about a boarding school for witches. A movie is in the works (of course). I've been assured that the quality is ridiculously superior that Those Works Which We Do Not Name.
I kind of want to read it.
My desire stems mostly from wanting to see how close it is to the Story I've Never Written. Which ... I realize isn't very specific. At present I have between 5-10 stories I've never written at various stages of brewing inside my head. But this one is different.
When I was about 6-10 I had a series of dreams that were, basically, about a boarding school for witches. It was in one part clearly based on my experiences in summer camp, in another part clearly based on watching The Worst Witch too many times, and in a final part composed of my subconscious's unknowable fathoms. (If I've ever blessed you with one of my dream transcripts, you know.)
Anyway, I had a whole bunch of dreams about this. I don't usually have repeat or sequel dreams, and I've never had a dream series go on for as long. A story developed and scenes happened and it was generally kind of awesome.
But, um. A boarding school where you learn witchcraft? Not exactly a novel novel concept. Even though my story was totally nothing like Harry Potter. It may be like this series, though. I don't know! We'll see. Maybe.
Friday
Wednesday
Fair warning.
It's harder than it used to be to find pictures of Robert Plant before he was unfortunate looking. It's depressing.
Monday
Thursday
On notice: Stephen Colbert.
I normally greatly enjoy The Colbert Report. I have an immense fondness for Mr. Colbert. However, last night, he was really pushing it.
First, he featured several spiders. Then, he interviewed Kevin Costner.
I could at least sort of watch the spider thing. At least they were encased in glass. Costner wasn't. My dazzle was highly chagrined, and I'm thinking about going to his house and giving him a pop in the nose.
PS. I know where Stephen Colbert lives.
PPS. I cannot stop saying "This chagrins my dazzle" and variations thereupon.
PPPS. I wouldn't really go to his house. Probably.
First, he featured several spiders. Then, he interviewed Kevin Costner.
I could at least sort of watch the spider thing. At least they were encased in glass. Costner wasn't. My dazzle was highly chagrined, and I'm thinking about going to his house and giving him a pop in the nose.
PS. I know where Stephen Colbert lives.
PPS. I cannot stop saying "This chagrins my dazzle" and variations thereupon.
PPPS. I wouldn't really go to his house. Probably.
Wednesday
"Twilight means never having to say you're kidding."
Turns out that I don't have to formulate any actual thoughts, because other people have already done it for me.
This is what I've been saying the whole time!!
This basically explains what the last six months of my life have been like.
I mean, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED. Not that I need you to be.
Guys, I'll get back to posting about my hair/misanthropy/love of Harry Potter/musical leanings/stuff that makes no sense to anyone but me real soon, I promise.
This is what I've been saying the whole time!!
This basically explains what the last six months of my life have been like.
I mean, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED. Not that I need you to be.
Guys, I'll get back to posting about my hair/misanthropy/love of Harry Potter/musical leanings/stuff that makes no sense to anyone but me real soon, I promise.
Tuesday
"There are no words for this."
So, as some of my more observant readers already know, on Saturday the latest book in The Worst Story Ever Told series (or, "It That Must Not Be Named" or, ... whatever) came out. And I acquired it forthwith and read it because the print is laced with crack and it's an incurable textually transmitted disease.
Holy crap it was so awful. I was completely unprepared for how awful it was, even though the rest of the series is already terrible, and I'd pretty much been wholly spoiled for it. I mean, it's been three days, and I still can't fully wrap my head around it.
First of all, Meyer takes a flying leap from just being a bad writer into bona fide batshit crazy territory. Secondly, the misogyny explodes and splatters everywhere. Speaking of exploding and splattering everywhere, there are bucket-loads of unexpected gore, which was so surprising and out of character that it read as farcical. And also gross. Also, there's even more mystical pedophilia and amped up dehumanization of indigenous peoples through the Magical Native trope. All your favorites and so much more.
Then there's about 400 pages of tension and OMG there will be huge problems and confrontations!!!1!!11111one!!@@1! And then ... everybody hugs it out, the end. Seriously.
On the plus side, this gives me some hope that the tide may be turning, and more people will realize and have no fear of admitting that the Empress is naked. The srs bsns fans are highly chagrined right now. There's a concerted effort at Amazon to get people who hated the book to return it, instead of, say, burning it, like they say they want to. Of course, there are also plenty of people still willing to give it five-star reviews with the admonition, "Who are we to judge her book??" So, maybe not.
And guys, as always if you want to read this mess just let me know I totally have the PDFs it's so freaking awesome I will be your literary crack dealer!!
Postscript: I BELIEVE IN NESSIE!!
Holy crap it was so awful. I was completely unprepared for how awful it was, even though the rest of the series is already terrible, and I'd pretty much been wholly spoiled for it. I mean, it's been three days, and I still can't fully wrap my head around it.
First of all, Meyer takes a flying leap from just being a bad writer into bona fide batshit crazy territory. Secondly, the misogyny explodes and splatters everywhere. Speaking of exploding and splattering everywhere, there are bucket-loads of unexpected gore, which was so surprising and out of character that it read as farcical. And also gross. Also, there's even more mystical pedophilia and amped up dehumanization of indigenous peoples through the Magical Native trope. All your favorites and so much more.
Then there's about 400 pages of tension and OMG there will be huge problems and confrontations!!!1!!11111one!!@@1! And then ... everybody hugs it out, the end. Seriously.
On the plus side, this gives me some hope that the tide may be turning, and more people will realize and have no fear of admitting that the Empress is naked. The srs bsns fans are highly chagrined right now. There's a concerted effort at Amazon to get people who hated the book to return it, instead of, say, burning it, like they say they want to. Of course, there are also plenty of people still willing to give it five-star reviews with the admonition, "Who are we to judge her book??" So, maybe not.
And guys, as always if you want to read this mess just let me know I totally have the PDFs it's so freaking awesome I will be your literary crack dealer!!
Postscript: I BELIEVE IN NESSIE!!
Wednesday
Tuesday
Monday
You know what I like? Music.
Music is like the opposite of getting fourteen mosquito bites in an afternoon in which you didn't even leave the house. That is, it's a thing I greatly enjoy. It's also the opposite of falling down several stairs. Several brick stairs. In shorts. Onto concrete. Basically, it's a good time all around.
Depending on the music, of course. Some music is shit. Or some neutral substance.
Yes, both those things happened today.
So let's get this party started. For your mental clarity, I'm trying to select the album that I would have selected at that general point in time, not necessarily what I would choose now.
1983 - It's kind of a lie to include this as a year I was alive, actually. I was only around for 3 fifty-secondths of it. Boy this is off to a bad start.
1984 - Um. Going solely by Wikipedia's listings ... nothing, seriously.
1985 - ... Nothing.
1986 - All right, here's the thing, I spent my earliest years listening to a lot of ABBA, Johnny Cash, Celtic music, Zeppelin, and cassettes of Rainbow Brite or Sesame Street.
1987 - Out Of The Blue by Debbie Gibson. YES I JUST DID THAT.
1988 - New Jersey by Bon Jovi.
1989 - Like A Prayer by Madonna.
1990 - Wilson Phillips by Wilson Phillips. (Narrowly beating out NKOTB.)
1991 - Time Passes By by Kathy Mattea.
1992 - This year and the next are the years I became officially aware of popular music. So whereas the previous years I either had one clear choice, or was struggling to find something, I now have a Cambrian Explosion of options. That said, America's Least Wanted by Ugly Kid Joe.
1993 - Tuesday Night Music Club by Sheryl Crow. (The first CD I ever bought myself.)
1994 - Weezer (Blue Album) by Weezer.
1995 - New Beginning by Tracy Chapman.
1996 - Tidal by Fiona Apple.
1997 - Either/Or by Elliott Smith. (A bit of a cheat, because I didn't start listening to Elliott Smith until a few years later. However, the nearest competitors would be Erykah Badu, Savage Garden, or the Spice Girls, all of which would have been equally hedging on truthfulness. I spent half this year crippled, so I read a lot.)
1998 - If You Forget Me... by Devics.
1999 - Fly by The Dixie Chicks (This year was really slim for some reason. Maybe because everyone though we were going to die?)
2000 - Ghost Stories by Amanda Ghost.
2001 - The Tyranny Of Distance by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists.
2002 - Castaways And Cutouts by The Decemberists.
2003 - Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie.
2004 - More Adventurous by Rilo Kiley.
2005 - The Mysterious Production Of Eggs by Andrew Bird.
2006 - Fox Confessor Brings The Flood by Neko Case.
2007 - Made Of Bricks by Kate Nash.
2008 - Stop Drop And Roll!!! by The Foxboro Hot Tubs.
On Jenny's blog, I said, "I'm interested to see the progression from endearingly overproduced to insufferably hipster." -- I think I've done my work here.
Depending on the music, of course. Some music is shit. Or some neutral substance.
Yes, both those things happened today.
So let's get this party started. For your mental clarity, I'm trying to select the album that I would have selected at that general point in time, not necessarily what I would choose now.
1983 - It's kind of a lie to include this as a year I was alive, actually. I was only around for 3 fifty-secondths of it. Boy this is off to a bad start.
1984 - Um. Going solely by Wikipedia's listings ... nothing, seriously.
1985 - ... Nothing.
1986 - All right, here's the thing, I spent my earliest years listening to a lot of ABBA, Johnny Cash, Celtic music, Zeppelin, and cassettes of Rainbow Brite or Sesame Street.
1987 - Out Of The Blue by Debbie Gibson. YES I JUST DID THAT.
1988 - New Jersey by Bon Jovi.
1989 - Like A Prayer by Madonna.
1990 - Wilson Phillips by Wilson Phillips. (Narrowly beating out NKOTB.)
1991 - Time Passes By by Kathy Mattea.
1992 - This year and the next are the years I became officially aware of popular music. So whereas the previous years I either had one clear choice, or was struggling to find something, I now have a Cambrian Explosion of options. That said, America's Least Wanted by Ugly Kid Joe.
1993 - Tuesday Night Music Club by Sheryl Crow. (The first CD I ever bought myself.)
1994 - Weezer (Blue Album) by Weezer.
1995 - New Beginning by Tracy Chapman.
1996 - Tidal by Fiona Apple.
1997 - Either/Or by Elliott Smith. (A bit of a cheat, because I didn't start listening to Elliott Smith until a few years later. However, the nearest competitors would be Erykah Badu, Savage Garden, or the Spice Girls, all of which would have been equally hedging on truthfulness. I spent half this year crippled, so I read a lot.)
1998 - If You Forget Me... by Devics.
1999 - Fly by The Dixie Chicks (This year was really slim for some reason. Maybe because everyone though we were going to die?)
2000 - Ghost Stories by Amanda Ghost.
2001 - The Tyranny Of Distance by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists.
2002 - Castaways And Cutouts by The Decemberists.
2003 - Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie.
2004 - More Adventurous by Rilo Kiley.
2005 - The Mysterious Production Of Eggs by Andrew Bird.
2006 - Fox Confessor Brings The Flood by Neko Case.
2007 - Made Of Bricks by Kate Nash.
2008 - Stop Drop And Roll!!! by The Foxboro Hot Tubs.
On Jenny's blog, I said, "I'm interested to see the progression from endearingly overproduced to insufferably hipster." -- I think I've done my work here.
Saturday
Friday
Yeah, I'm definitely a lot less happy today.
Because I think I'm having a kidney stone attack. Or appendicitis! Or a burst cyst! It's always so much fun to guess. But I'm pretty sure it's a kidney stone.
I've been downing water and tea since 8 o'clock this morning, very little of which is coming out of me in the approved way. Although I did have some mostly-water projectile vomit a little while ago, so that was really fun. I also have to wait another 2-ish hours before I can take more oxycodone, which will be fine until ... probably about half an hour from now.
Other than being doped up and in near-constant pain, I'm pretty much going about my day as normal. What the hell else am I gonna do, right? My mother stayed home today, so happily I have someone to take me to the emergency room, if that becomes the prudent choice of action.
Incidentally, in case you were wondering what was up yesterday, some epic, and eventually legendary shit was going down on the internet because of Comic Con. Or, its new name: Ear Rape '08.
In an effort to distract both myself and you, here's an interview with Robert Pattinson, star of the hot mess that is Twilight. I think it adequately captures why I'm officially obsessively in love with him now. That and the fact that he showed up to this thing high as a kite covered in hickies wearing clothes he stole from the set and monumentally disheveled hair. I know that doesn't sound like it follows, but to be honest, the dirtier he seems, the fewer inhibitions I feel.
I've been downing water and tea since 8 o'clock this morning, very little of which is coming out of me in the approved way. Although I did have some mostly-water projectile vomit a little while ago, so that was really fun. I also have to wait another 2-ish hours before I can take more oxycodone, which will be fine until ... probably about half an hour from now.
Other than being doped up and in near-constant pain, I'm pretty much going about my day as normal. What the hell else am I gonna do, right? My mother stayed home today, so happily I have someone to take me to the emergency room, if that becomes the prudent choice of action.
Incidentally, in case you were wondering what was up yesterday, some epic, and eventually legendary shit was going down on the internet because of Comic Con. Or, its new name: Ear Rape '08.
In an effort to distract both myself and you, here's an interview with Robert Pattinson, star of the hot mess that is Twilight. I think it adequately captures why I'm officially obsessively in love with him now. That and the fact that he showed up to this thing high as a kite covered in hickies wearing clothes he stole from the set and monumentally disheveled hair. I know that doesn't sound like it follows, but to be honest, the dirtier he seems, the fewer inhibitions I feel.
Thursday
I'm sorry.
I'm sure this will pass tomorrow. ... Sunday the latest. But right now? I love my new fandom more than I love all of you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Seriously, though.
If this does not make you laugh, you might be dead inside.
I should probably give this its own tag category.
I should probably give this its own tag category.
Wednesday
Maybe it is me.
Last week, between Doctor Who and this community I joined that I don't want to tell you about, I don't think I moved from the computer for maybe 72 hours. In lieu of trying to remember what meals I missed, let me just say: all of them.
But now? I just had a "the internet is so boring" moment.
My recent experience taught me that I don't necessarily want to revive the days when all I would do was sit in front of a high-volume community for hours on end. Even if it is consistently entertaining. For one thing, I have other shit to do. (Which, not that I didn't in high school, but ... eh ... not really ... eh ... I don't really now either ... eh.) Also I'm old now and I get thrown into crises about how my life is slipping away and is essentially over every other day. (Yeah, I know. I don't want to hear it. When was the last time you tried to break into an industry obsessed with youth and beauty?)
AND TODAY I'M ALREADY BORED WITH THE INTERNET.
I'm so bored I just blogged, basically. So, I'm going to go do some needlepoint and watch the Colbert Report and mull over all the responsibilities I'm shirking.
What is wrong with me?
But now? I just had a "the internet is so boring" moment.
My recent experience taught me that I don't necessarily want to revive the days when all I would do was sit in front of a high-volume community for hours on end. Even if it is consistently entertaining. For one thing, I have other shit to do. (Which, not that I didn't in high school, but ... eh ... not really ... eh ... I don't really now either ... eh.) Also I'm old now and I get thrown into crises about how my life is slipping away and is essentially over every other day. (Yeah, I know. I don't want to hear it. When was the last time you tried to break into an industry obsessed with youth and beauty?)
AND TODAY I'M ALREADY BORED WITH THE INTERNET.
I'm so bored I just blogged, basically. So, I'm going to go do some needlepoint and watch the Colbert Report and mull over all the responsibilities I'm shirking.
What is wrong with me?
Sunday
That's it.
I have to download the rest of the Doctor Who series* 4 episodes.
Why?
Because right now I'm imagining that every single thing on the internet right now is about the finale and you can't convince me otherwise.
Annika's birthday is totally a spoiler, I'm sure of it. (P.S. Happy Birthday Annika.)
Why?
Because right now I'm imagining that every single thing on the internet right now is about the finale and you can't convince me otherwise.
Annika's birthday is totally a spoiler, I'm sure of it. (P.S. Happy Birthday Annika.)
Thursday
It's why my speaking English is so good.
Why not? Filched from Annika.
I'll do a modified rules version:
1. Bold what you've read
2. Italicize what you plan on reading.
If you see an entry that's neither, feel free to tell me why I should read it.
This Particular List Of Books
1. Pride And Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord Of The Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë
4. The Harry Potter Series - J.K. Rowling
5. To Kill A Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible - Anonymous (I had a book of Bible stories for children when I was younger, and I've used it to look up answers to crossword puzzles, but that's about it.)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë (Then I can have a discussion on whether it sucks or not!)
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
12. Tess Of The D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy (On the shelf.)
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller (Lost to the Book Holocaust.)
14. The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare (Yay! Task complete.)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. The Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens (I have the Complete Works of Dickens, so I plan to read them all at one point.)
24. War And Peace - Leo Tolstoy (I want to buy it, but I'm abysmally poor right now.)
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime And Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes Of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind In The Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33. The Chronicles Of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs Of A Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie The Pooh - A.A. Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell (I didn't try to read this, but I tried to try.)
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years Of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer For Owen Meaney - John Irving (On the shelf. Might as well.)
45. The Woman In White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne Of Green Gables - Lucy Maud Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy (Caz says it's good.)
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord Of The Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life Of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert (Kirk says it's good.)
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense And Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
59. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice And Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count Of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude The Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Sir Salman Rushdie (I did read The Satanic Verses, though.)
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville (I also want to read Billy Budd. Shout out to Mr. Holtzman!)
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows And Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Émile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (I love this freaking book.)
80. Possession - A.S. Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains Of The Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89. Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91. Heart Of Darkness - Joseph Conrad (Lost in the Book Holocaust.)
92. The Little Prince – Antoine de St. Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy Of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (I can't bitch about the movie until I've read the book. Probably.)
100. Les Misérables – Victor Hugo
Yes, I corrected the list for capitalization, completeness, and uniformity of style.
I'll do a modified rules version:
1. Bold what you've read
2. Italicize what you plan on reading.
If you see an entry that's neither, feel free to tell me why I should read it.
This Particular List Of Books
1. Pride And Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord Of The Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë
4. The Harry Potter Series - J.K. Rowling
5. To Kill A Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible - Anonymous (I had a book of Bible stories for children when I was younger, and I've used it to look up answers to crossword puzzles, but that's about it.)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë (Then I can have a discussion on whether it sucks or not!)
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
12. Tess Of The D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy (On the shelf.)
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller (Lost to the Book Holocaust.)
14. The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare (Yay! Task complete.)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. The Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens (I have the Complete Works of Dickens, so I plan to read them all at one point.)
24. War And Peace - Leo Tolstoy (I want to buy it, but I'm abysmally poor right now.)
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime And Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes Of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind In The Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33. The Chronicles Of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs Of A Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie The Pooh - A.A. Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell (I didn't try to read this, but I tried to try.)
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years Of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer For Owen Meaney - John Irving (On the shelf. Might as well.)
45. The Woman In White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne Of Green Gables - Lucy Maud Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy (Caz says it's good.)
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord Of The Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life Of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert (Kirk says it's good.)
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense And Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
59. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice And Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count Of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude The Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Sir Salman Rushdie (I did read The Satanic Verses, though.)
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville (I also want to read Billy Budd. Shout out to Mr. Holtzman!)
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows And Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Émile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (I love this freaking book.)
80. Possession - A.S. Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains Of The Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89. Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91. Heart Of Darkness - Joseph Conrad (Lost in the Book Holocaust.)
92. The Little Prince – Antoine de St. Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy Of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (I can't bitch about the movie until I've read the book. Probably.)
100. Les Misérables – Victor Hugo
Yes, I corrected the list for capitalization, completeness, and uniformity of style.
Monday
Sunday
Diēs patrī.
I don't have enough titles in Latin.
Today is Father's Day! So, happy day to all of those reading who, um, is a father. To mark this occasion, I decided to make a list. Here is a list of ways I do/have referred to my father. (I wanted to say "Things I've Called My Father" but that sounds like it will include inappropriate things. It doesn't!)
Dada - I'm told that this was my first word.
Daddy - This is the primary way I address him. Really! I call him Daddy, even though I am not six. I've occasionally, briefly, considered using "Daddy" to talk about him to other people - because I think that sounds like it would be delightfully Southern. "Yes, Daddy always says ... " And then I could sip a mint julep on the veranda. I once tried compromising by saying "My Daddy," but that sounded too cloyingly precious, and I had to stop right away. As it is, the only person I will use simply "Daddy" around (besides him) is, naturally enough, my sister.
Father - This is my secondary means of address. I actually address him as "Father" almost half the time. You may have noticed that I skipped right over "Dad" - I never use that one. It would feel awkward and foreign, like something I'd say if I were angry and sarcastic. Total endearment or total formality. No in-betweens! This is also the way I will almost always refer to him when talking to other people. "My father ... etc." That's how most people do it, right?
Pater - I'm really pretentious, what can I say? He doesn't seem to mind. Plus, when said blithely and brightly, "Hey there, Pater!" it's really fun to say.
Weed - I'm not sure when this started, but around the time I was seven or eight, I was calling my father Weed pretty much exclusively. I'm given to understand that it's because he was always out in the yard, like a weed is. Not, ... y'know. It's sort of like how I came to call my very overweight aunt "Aunt Skinny" - it sounds really terrible, but there's actually a totally justified, non-horrible reason for it. I believe I stopped because I realized that it probably wasn't a good thing to call someone.
The Old Man - When I talk about him with my mother (and sometimes my sister), this is usually what I call him. Probably because that's how my mother would refer to him to me. (Well, when she was in a good mood. When she wasn't, she would call him "your father".) It works, because he's always been rather old in spirit. He was delighted when he turned 62 and could start getting senior discounts everywhere. Plus, you know, he's my old man.
I guess that's it! I thought there'd be more. The list for my mother is a lot longer and more colorful.
Now I'm going out to eat with my Daddy.
Today is Father's Day! So, happy day to all of those reading who, um, is a father. To mark this occasion, I decided to make a list. Here is a list of ways I do/have referred to my father. (I wanted to say "Things I've Called My Father" but that sounds like it will include inappropriate things. It doesn't!)
Dada - I'm told that this was my first word.
Daddy - This is the primary way I address him. Really! I call him Daddy, even though I am not six. I've occasionally, briefly, considered using "Daddy" to talk about him to other people - because I think that sounds like it would be delightfully Southern. "Yes, Daddy always says ... " And then I could sip a mint julep on the veranda. I once tried compromising by saying "My Daddy," but that sounded too cloyingly precious, and I had to stop right away. As it is, the only person I will use simply "Daddy" around (besides him) is, naturally enough, my sister.
Father - This is my secondary means of address. I actually address him as "Father" almost half the time. You may have noticed that I skipped right over "Dad" - I never use that one. It would feel awkward and foreign, like something I'd say if I were angry and sarcastic. Total endearment or total formality. No in-betweens! This is also the way I will almost always refer to him when talking to other people. "My father ... etc." That's how most people do it, right?
Pater - I'm really pretentious, what can I say? He doesn't seem to mind. Plus, when said blithely and brightly, "Hey there, Pater!" it's really fun to say.
Weed - I'm not sure when this started, but around the time I was seven or eight, I was calling my father Weed pretty much exclusively. I'm given to understand that it's because he was always out in the yard, like a weed is. Not, ... y'know. It's sort of like how I came to call my very overweight aunt "Aunt Skinny" - it sounds really terrible, but there's actually a totally justified, non-horrible reason for it. I believe I stopped because I realized that it probably wasn't a good thing to call someone.
The Old Man - When I talk about him with my mother (and sometimes my sister), this is usually what I call him. Probably because that's how my mother would refer to him to me. (Well, when she was in a good mood. When she wasn't, she would call him "your father".) It works, because he's always been rather old in spirit. He was delighted when he turned 62 and could start getting senior discounts everywhere. Plus, you know, he's my old man.
I guess that's it! I thought there'd be more. The list for my mother is a lot longer and more colorful.
Now I'm going out to eat with my Daddy.
Saturday
"When it's my time, then I will let you know."
Good news, everyone! I'm not a zombie anymore!
In case you missed the memo, the world ended, again, yesterday. I didn't do so well this year. Neither did the poor SPISH! Oh well. I think of it as being like, we were the stars from the original apocalypse, and we got called back for the sequel to lend it some gravitas, and then we got killed off for shock value, but it's okay because you know the third outing would totally blow and we'd feel lucky to not be involved with that mess anyway.
Anyway, in addition to BLITE, O(t)W! yesterday's post was also brought you by my listening to "The Pedestrian" by the Foxboro Hot Tubs on repeat, and by my playing five straight hours of Snood. Yeah, that game! Still! I have an unregistered version ($19.99? Pfft! I'm not made of money!) but for the day they were letting people try out all the registered features, so I finally got to die at Hexagon City. Good times.
Oh right, that song. I love that song! It's whence this entry's title comes as well as, incidentally, yesterday's. Yes, that was "It's my time to go." put through Babelfish in Zombie. I should point out that the title, and, like, five other words are the only things that I was intentionally trying to write. Any other things that turned into actual words, and the fact that I managed to name-drop God and Jaws is completely coincidental.
It was actually my hope that I would get more actual words in there. But unconsciously, you know? Like a Ouija board? Didn't really happen. But Pat paid me the best compliment ever. Finnegan's Wake as written by zombies was exactly what I was going for. I mean, it was clearly a lazier effort than last year, but there was some amount of story behind it.
Anyway, after the zombie invasion, I got my weekly dose of aliens and robots, and then I read some more crappy vampire fanfiction, so the panoply of monsters got fully rounded out.
I really wanted to make a post about the latest episode of Robots, but the output probably would have been nearly as insensate as my last post. It was so awesome. I was so impressed that I proselytized to several people afterwards. Really. Do you watch Robots? Have you seen Robots? You should. Do it. Yeah, those unfortunate developments from last year still happened, but ... it's good anyway.
I've been in a blogging mood lately, so hold your breath* for a slew of upcoming exciting** posts. ... Unless my mood changes, ... which it very well might.
*don't
**non-
In case you missed the memo, the world ended, again, yesterday. I didn't do so well this year. Neither did the poor SPISH! Oh well. I think of it as being like, we were the stars from the original apocalypse, and we got called back for the sequel to lend it some gravitas, and then we got killed off for shock value, but it's okay because you know the third outing would totally blow and we'd feel lucky to not be involved with that mess anyway.
Anyway, in addition to BLITE, O(t)W! yesterday's post was also brought you by my listening to "The Pedestrian" by the Foxboro Hot Tubs on repeat, and by my playing five straight hours of Snood. Yeah, that game! Still! I have an unregistered version ($19.99? Pfft! I'm not made of money!) but for the day they were letting people try out all the registered features, so I finally got to die at Hexagon City. Good times.
Oh right, that song. I love that song! It's whence this entry's title comes as well as, incidentally, yesterday's. Yes, that was "It's my time to go." put through Babelfish in Zombie. I should point out that the title, and, like, five other words are the only things that I was intentionally trying to write. Any other things that turned into actual words, and the fact that I managed to name-drop God and Jaws is completely coincidental.
It was actually my hope that I would get more actual words in there. But unconsciously, you know? Like a Ouija board? Didn't really happen. But Pat paid me the best compliment ever. Finnegan's Wake as written by zombies was exactly what I was going for. I mean, it was clearly a lazier effort than last year, but there was some amount of story behind it.
Anyway, after the zombie invasion, I got my weekly dose of aliens and robots, and then I read some more crappy vampire fanfiction, so the panoply of monsters got fully rounded out.
I really wanted to make a post about the latest episode of Robots, but the output probably would have been nearly as insensate as my last post. It was so awesome. I was so impressed that I proselytized to several people afterwards. Really. Do you watch Robots? Have you seen Robots? You should. Do it. Yeah, those unfortunate developments from last year still happened, but ... it's good anyway.
I've been in a blogging mood lately, so hold your breath* for a slew of upcoming exciting** posts. ... Unless my mood changes, ... which it very well might.
*don't
**non-
Friday
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.
.
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Asdkujuer
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.
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Tuesday
Y/Nay!!!
Today is National Iced Tea Day!!
... But I don't have any iced tea!
WHAT IS THIS UNCONSCIONABLE INJUSTICE?!
... But I don't have any iced tea!
WHAT IS THIS UNCONSCIONABLE INJUSTICE?!
Monday
I was serious, you guys.
Issue the first.
This is an excerpt from the New York Times Magazine editorials page, May 25, 2008:
"When will we realize that it is equally important to raise girls to be sensitive, compassionate, smart individuals with intact values, not to mention healthy, intact knees."
There was another example I found in the Smithsonian Magazine, but I can't find it again and it's pissing me off. The NY Times! The Smithsonian! It's worse than I thought.
Issue the second.
Am I really the only person who's ever seen Felix the Cat: The Movie?
This is an excerpt from the New York Times Magazine editorials page, May 25, 2008:
"When will we realize that it is equally important to raise girls to be sensitive, compassionate, smart individuals with intact values, not to mention healthy, intact knees."
There was another example I found in the Smithsonian Magazine, but I can't find it again and it's pissing me off. The NY Times! The Smithsonian! It's worse than I thought.
Issue the second.
Am I really the only person who's ever seen Felix the Cat: The Movie?
Wednesday
Aunt Rose.
My Aunt Rose died on Saturday night.
I wanted to write something out, to acknowledge this and say something about her, but after several attempts I've realized that it's not going to happen. I'm not okay about it. On one hand, she was nearly 96 years old (I mean 94 of course. She didn't want anyone to know how old she was, and even her obituary didn't know the truth. Keep it amongst yourselves.) On the other hand I love her and I'm not ready and it sucks. On a third hand, she's with my Uncle Joe and her children now. On a fourth hand ... I miss them, too. At some moments more than ever.
So for the past few days I've been hanging around with family members that, for one reason or another, I don't see very often. (For the sake of clarity I should note, unless it's my Aunt Rita, who is my father's sister, any time I mention an "Aunt" or an "Uncle", you should assume that it's one of my grandparents' siblings, and that they've been dead at least 15 years.) First, there's Aunt Rose's grandson and his children, who are around my age. My cousins and I have always had this weird sense of rivalry and dislike going on with them, and I really don't even know why. I know that it was handed down from our parents. I think it may be because my cousin Theresa was always a miserable pill all the time. But we liked Theresa, so, really, I don't get it. Truly, they've probably all turned out to be great people, and better people than my cousins at any rate. But I wouldn't even know how to start a conversation with them. The fact that we were crying over the same woman who had so touched our lives while we were standing on opposite sides of the room was interesting, to say the least. Oh, and the one that I had been thinking of as "the baby"? He's, like, sixteen now. The fuck.
Her granddaughter Roseanne was also there, and she's awesome. I used to play with her daughter Kelli when we were very small, but I couldn't talk to her. Literally. She's deaf.
Roseanne's siblings were not in attendance, and my cousin Suzanne was snubbed from the list of surviving family, so that's all you really need to know about that.
Then there were the relatives that I try to avoid because they all became Born Again Christians. I don't mean that I dislike them, but I try to avoid them. See, they're good people, and friendly to a fault, and because of their religious ethics and family values, they'll be first in line to help you if you, say, need to have your house repaired or need help getting out of bankruptcy. But they also sometimes send out Christmas cards with poems about the Judgment Day and how the unbelievers will burn in a lake of fire. Their sense of humor is also seriously lacking. How am I, to whom blasphemy is like a second native language, supposed to handle that? Also, they home-schooled all their children, reinforcing all the worst home-schooling stereotypes in the process. Thanks, guys. Except, I did get to see my cousin Nicole again, and she always seemed pretty sane. She went to school for massage therapy. I wouldn't mind seeing her again. I bet she's awesome.
Then there are my Aunt Rita's children, my lonely two first cousins. ... I don't even want to discuss them, really.
As I sort of expected, I had many relatives gushing that I look just like my grandmother (or, as most of them unsettlingly refer to her, "Aunt Gracie"), and recalling how beautiful she was. She was beautiful, but I don't look like her, and I don't know why they all think I do. I mean, I'm sure I resemble her a little; she is my grandmother. I do look a lot like my father. Of course, I also look a lot like my mother. It depends on which one I'm standing next to. I'd say I'm a fairly even mix, and I'd say my father is an even mix of his parents. So, by that account, I look about one-fourth like my grandmother ... and three-fourths not like her. Really, though, my grandmother had small, round eyes. My eyes are large and almond-shaped. My grandmother had a round nose. My nose comes to a point. My grandmother had an oval face. I have a square face. My grandmother had jet-black curly hair. My hair is chestnut-brown and wavy. Although it has been very humid lately, so it's been curlier. Anyway. I think they're just seeing what they want to see.
I also got to meet my Aunt Madeleine's two children, whom I don't think I've ever met before. Her daughter looks just the way I remember Aunt Madeleine looking. And she also looked a lot like Jenny. It was odd. She hadn't seen my father in some 20 years, so she made a great fresh audience for all the tragic stories of all his maladies. Which he regaled her with, incidentally, while they were both kneeling at the casket. Oh yes he did. My father, ladies and gentlemen.
My Aunt Rose had a brother named Nate that she was just crazy about. I never met him, as he died before I was born, but she talked about him all the time. His full name was Natale D'Amore, which in Italian means "Christmas of Love." Isn't that the best name you've ever heard? His four daughters were there. I'm sure I've never met them before, but they were very familiar to me because they all looked just like Stephanie. It was crazy. They all had similar eyes and noses, and they all had her hair and they all wore glasses. So for a few minutes I pretended that Stephanie was one of my cousins and it made me very happy.
There was one thing that my cousin Michael said to me (one thing that didn't make me want to hit him, anyway) that made me ponder. With Aunt Rose gone, with all the people that we've lost gone, our connection to those other people in that room has pretty much disappeared. Aunt Rose was, as my sister called her, "the last of the dinosaurs." ... I believe she meant it as a compliment. She was the last of all the old relatives, the ones the different branches had in common, the ones that made holiday dinners, the ones that connected everybody. I wondered, more than once, if I would ever see some of these people after this.
We had some adventures getting into the line for the cemetery. Of that cemetery: "Who's there?" I asked my mother. "Everyone," she replied. I saw my Aunt Madeleine and Uncle Neil and Aunt Mary. I saw a few cousins and many familiar names. I looked a little bit for my grandparents, but I didn't really look. As we were driving through, my mother teared up suddenly. I'm sure that's where my sister is. I've never been to a cemetery except when laying someone to rest. I've never felt the urge to go back. Aunt Rose was laid next to her husband, my Uncle Joe. They were married for 60 years, and she'd been without him for 18. They ran short on flowers, so I didn't get to place one. Before I left, I kissed his name with my fingertips.
I wanted to write something out, to acknowledge this and say something about her, but after several attempts I've realized that it's not going to happen. I'm not okay about it. On one hand, she was nearly 96 years old (I mean 94 of course. She didn't want anyone to know how old she was, and even her obituary didn't know the truth. Keep it amongst yourselves.) On the other hand I love her and I'm not ready and it sucks. On a third hand, she's with my Uncle Joe and her children now. On a fourth hand ... I miss them, too. At some moments more than ever.
So for the past few days I've been hanging around with family members that, for one reason or another, I don't see very often. (For the sake of clarity I should note, unless it's my Aunt Rita, who is my father's sister, any time I mention an "Aunt" or an "Uncle", you should assume that it's one of my grandparents' siblings, and that they've been dead at least 15 years.) First, there's Aunt Rose's grandson and his children, who are around my age. My cousins and I have always had this weird sense of rivalry and dislike going on with them, and I really don't even know why. I know that it was handed down from our parents. I think it may be because my cousin Theresa was always a miserable pill all the time. But we liked Theresa, so, really, I don't get it. Truly, they've probably all turned out to be great people, and better people than my cousins at any rate. But I wouldn't even know how to start a conversation with them. The fact that we were crying over the same woman who had so touched our lives while we were standing on opposite sides of the room was interesting, to say the least. Oh, and the one that I had been thinking of as "the baby"? He's, like, sixteen now. The fuck.
Her granddaughter Roseanne was also there, and she's awesome. I used to play with her daughter Kelli when we were very small, but I couldn't talk to her. Literally. She's deaf.
Roseanne's siblings were not in attendance, and my cousin Suzanne was snubbed from the list of surviving family, so that's all you really need to know about that.
Then there were the relatives that I try to avoid because they all became Born Again Christians. I don't mean that I dislike them, but I try to avoid them. See, they're good people, and friendly to a fault, and because of their religious ethics and family values, they'll be first in line to help you if you, say, need to have your house repaired or need help getting out of bankruptcy. But they also sometimes send out Christmas cards with poems about the Judgment Day and how the unbelievers will burn in a lake of fire. Their sense of humor is also seriously lacking. How am I, to whom blasphemy is like a second native language, supposed to handle that? Also, they home-schooled all their children, reinforcing all the worst home-schooling stereotypes in the process. Thanks, guys. Except, I did get to see my cousin Nicole again, and she always seemed pretty sane. She went to school for massage therapy. I wouldn't mind seeing her again. I bet she's awesome.
Then there are my Aunt Rita's children, my lonely two first cousins. ... I don't even want to discuss them, really.
As I sort of expected, I had many relatives gushing that I look just like my grandmother (or, as most of them unsettlingly refer to her, "Aunt Gracie"), and recalling how beautiful she was. She was beautiful, but I don't look like her, and I don't know why they all think I do. I mean, I'm sure I resemble her a little; she is my grandmother. I do look a lot like my father. Of course, I also look a lot like my mother. It depends on which one I'm standing next to. I'd say I'm a fairly even mix, and I'd say my father is an even mix of his parents. So, by that account, I look about one-fourth like my grandmother ... and three-fourths not like her. Really, though, my grandmother had small, round eyes. My eyes are large and almond-shaped. My grandmother had a round nose. My nose comes to a point. My grandmother had an oval face. I have a square face. My grandmother had jet-black curly hair. My hair is chestnut-brown and wavy. Although it has been very humid lately, so it's been curlier. Anyway. I think they're just seeing what they want to see.
I also got to meet my Aunt Madeleine's two children, whom I don't think I've ever met before. Her daughter looks just the way I remember Aunt Madeleine looking. And she also looked a lot like Jenny. It was odd. She hadn't seen my father in some 20 years, so she made a great fresh audience for all the tragic stories of all his maladies. Which he regaled her with, incidentally, while they were both kneeling at the casket. Oh yes he did. My father, ladies and gentlemen.
My Aunt Rose had a brother named Nate that she was just crazy about. I never met him, as he died before I was born, but she talked about him all the time. His full name was Natale D'Amore, which in Italian means "Christmas of Love." Isn't that the best name you've ever heard? His four daughters were there. I'm sure I've never met them before, but they were very familiar to me because they all looked just like Stephanie. It was crazy. They all had similar eyes and noses, and they all had her hair and they all wore glasses. So for a few minutes I pretended that Stephanie was one of my cousins and it made me very happy.
There was one thing that my cousin Michael said to me (one thing that didn't make me want to hit him, anyway) that made me ponder. With Aunt Rose gone, with all the people that we've lost gone, our connection to those other people in that room has pretty much disappeared. Aunt Rose was, as my sister called her, "the last of the dinosaurs." ... I believe she meant it as a compliment. She was the last of all the old relatives, the ones the different branches had in common, the ones that made holiday dinners, the ones that connected everybody. I wondered, more than once, if I would ever see some of these people after this.
We had some adventures getting into the line for the cemetery. Of that cemetery: "Who's there?" I asked my mother. "Everyone," she replied. I saw my Aunt Madeleine and Uncle Neil and Aunt Mary. I saw a few cousins and many familiar names. I looked a little bit for my grandparents, but I didn't really look. As we were driving through, my mother teared up suddenly. I'm sure that's where my sister is. I've never been to a cemetery except when laying someone to rest. I've never felt the urge to go back. Aunt Rose was laid next to her husband, my Uncle Joe. They were married for 60 years, and she'd been without him for 18. They ran short on flowers, so I didn't get to place one. Before I left, I kissed his name with my fingertips.
Monday
Radio Update.
So, I've been listening to the radio when I drive in my car. Which I do now at least three days a week. My life is so on the edge, I know.
I have become very enamored of WRXP, 101.9, the erstwhile smooth jazz station. Now The Rock Experience!
Today I heard Death Cab For Cutie on the radio for the first time ever. That's right! First time ever. Also, the White Stripes. And! They played a U2 song that I don't think I've heard before, and it made me not hate U2 for a little while.
(About that, I don't actually hate U2. But have you noticed how everyone is all about U2 all of a sudden? And about how they're apparently the greatest band in the history of the world forever in the whole world? It's driving me crazy. Because - no. You're overdoing the praise. Having "In The Name Of Love" be the only song you ever play does not help. See also: Van Halen.)
The DJs actually talk about the music and concerts that they went to and stuff like that. BUT. Importantly, they do it quickly, keep it to around a minute, and then get back to playing music. Except today one of them was talking about his divorce, and it was really awkward.
Also, someone in that studio is in love with the song "Time To Pretend" by MGMT. I hear it all the freaking time. (My history with that song: I got it free off a music website and decided I didn't really care for it. Then, later, A. sent it to me along with another of their songs. Because he didn't know! The second song made the first one sound a lot better. Ugh. But! Now that I keep hearing it, I don't mind it. It's everywhere, though! Moonlight used a lyric for an episode title. Speaking of which - [single cold tear for Moonlight].)
I have become very enamored of WRXP, 101.9, the erstwhile smooth jazz station. Now The Rock Experience!
Today I heard Death Cab For Cutie on the radio for the first time ever. That's right! First time ever. Also, the White Stripes. And! They played a U2 song that I don't think I've heard before, and it made me not hate U2 for a little while.
(About that, I don't actually hate U2. But have you noticed how everyone is all about U2 all of a sudden? And about how they're apparently the greatest band in the history of the world forever in the whole world? It's driving me crazy. Because - no. You're overdoing the praise. Having "In The Name Of Love" be the only song you ever play does not help. See also: Van Halen.)
The DJs actually talk about the music and concerts that they went to and stuff like that. BUT. Importantly, they do it quickly, keep it to around a minute, and then get back to playing music. Except today one of them was talking about his divorce, and it was really awkward.
Also, someone in that studio is in love with the song "Time To Pretend" by MGMT. I hear it all the freaking time. (My history with that song: I got it free off a music website and decided I didn't really care for it. Then, later, A. sent it to me along with another of their songs. Because he didn't know! The second song made the first one sound a lot better. Ugh. But! Now that I keep hearing it, I don't mind it. It's everywhere, though! Moonlight used a lyric for an episode title. Speaking of which - [single cold tear for Moonlight].)
Tuesday
Results of election leaked early?
I know I don't usually talk about politics, but I wanted to share this. I get my Latest Primary Results news from AOL.com, because it's easiest because that's where my email lives. I haven't checked any other news sources, so I don't know if this is an isolated incident - but I doubt it.
Today, Nebraska and West Virginia are holding their primaries. Clinton and Obama are battling it out in West Virginia! But it seems, when I checked at 7:15 this morning (don't ask), Obama had already been declared the winner in Nebraska, with 0% of precincts reporting.
The polls in Nebraska, incidentally, close at 9PM, CT.
Look, it's not that I doubt that Obama will win Nebraska. If that's what the indications are, fine. However, call me old-fashioned if you must, isn't it customary to actually hold the election before you tell the people who won it?
Today, Nebraska and West Virginia are holding their primaries. Clinton and Obama are battling it out in West Virginia! But it seems, when I checked at 7:15 this morning (don't ask), Obama had already been declared the winner in Nebraska, with 0% of precincts reporting.
The polls in Nebraska, incidentally, close at 9PM, CT.
Look, it's not that I doubt that Obama will win Nebraska. If that's what the indications are, fine. However, call me old-fashioned if you must, isn't it customary to actually hold the election before you tell the people who won it?
And another thing.
Don't rhetorical questions get question marks anymore? Where was I when this was apparently decided? Have you noticed this disturbing trend, which is to say, the deficiency of question marks? Am I overreacting?
Thursday
Here are some observations about insignificant and unentertaining minutiae.
So, yesterday I engaged in some foreign activities. I listened to the radio. While I was driving. On the Parkway. I can't even tell you about the time I passed someone utilizing the left lane. COULD YOU HANDLE IT?
The radio station I was listening to was 101.9, which you may remember me mentioning was a hated smooth jazz station. But wait! It has changed, and is now WRXP: The Rock Experience. See what they did there? It's actually pretty good. As I was driving in my car (!) listening to the radio (!) I heard a song on this station that I've totally never heard before. (!) I was intrigued because it lifted a lyric from a Fleetwood Mac song: "When I talk to God I knew he'd understand/He said stick by me and I'll be your guiding hand." (The new rhythm of the line caused me to realize that I'd been mondegreening that as "I'll be your God in hand" - which, come on, that's a lot better.) Then, as I was listening, it suddenly occurred to me, "Wait a minute! Is this The Clash??"
Well, sort of. Turns out the song was "Why Do Men Fight?" a new single by Carbon/Silicon, a band comprised of Mick Jones of The Clash, and Tony James of Generation X. It's not bad. I bought it off iTunes.
In tangentially related news, I'd like to show you the Best Shirt Ever.
Speaking of new and exciting things: I just went through a drive-thru for the first time ever. Well, as a driver. Naturally. I mean, this is America. I've been to a few drive-up ATMs, so I figured I was ready for this bold next step. I went to McDonald's to get a big-ass thing of their new sweet tea. Sweet tea is exactly my brand of heroin [/hates Twilight]. And, just as I'd planned, they asked me if I wanted anything else, other than a beverage, and I was totally like, "Nope!" Just the tea, thanks! I managed it well, even gave exact change, but I still don't like anything that involves me reaching out of my car for things. I don't think it'd be so bad if it weren't for my congenital shortness.
And now, here are some vignettes of domestic envy:
- My Swiss neighbors have a Dyson. Not the purple one, the yellow one, but, a Dyson nonetheless. I still don't have one, and I still want one.
- My next-door neighbor has been going to the gym, and I think she's definitely skinnier than I am now. Also, her husband looks just like the Chief.
Oh, and apropos of having to go get that picture from IMDb, I've always thought Prince Caspian was a douchebag. Always.
Guys, I haven't decided what I'll be having for lunch yet, but I'll totally let you know!
The radio station I was listening to was 101.9, which you may remember me mentioning was a hated smooth jazz station. But wait! It has changed, and is now WRXP: The Rock Experience. See what they did there? It's actually pretty good. As I was driving in my car (!) listening to the radio (!) I heard a song on this station that I've totally never heard before. (!) I was intrigued because it lifted a lyric from a Fleetwood Mac song: "When I talk to God I knew he'd understand/He said stick by me and I'll be your guiding hand." (The new rhythm of the line caused me to realize that I'd been mondegreening that as "I'll be your God in hand" - which, come on, that's a lot better.) Then, as I was listening, it suddenly occurred to me, "Wait a minute! Is this The Clash??"
Well, sort of. Turns out the song was "Why Do Men Fight?" a new single by Carbon/Silicon, a band comprised of Mick Jones of The Clash, and Tony James of Generation X. It's not bad. I bought it off iTunes.
In tangentially related news, I'd like to show you the Best Shirt Ever.
Speaking of new and exciting things: I just went through a drive-thru for the first time ever. Well, as a driver. Naturally. I mean, this is America. I've been to a few drive-up ATMs, so I figured I was ready for this bold next step. I went to McDonald's to get a big-ass thing of their new sweet tea. Sweet tea is exactly my brand of heroin [/hates Twilight]. And, just as I'd planned, they asked me if I wanted anything else, other than a beverage, and I was totally like, "Nope!" Just the tea, thanks! I managed it well, even gave exact change, but I still don't like anything that involves me reaching out of my car for things. I don't think it'd be so bad if it weren't for my congenital shortness.
And now, here are some vignettes of domestic envy:
- My Swiss neighbors have a Dyson. Not the purple one, the yellow one, but, a Dyson nonetheless. I still don't have one, and I still want one.
- My next-door neighbor has been going to the gym, and I think she's definitely skinnier than I am now. Also, her husband looks just like the Chief.
Oh, and apropos of having to go get that picture from IMDb, I've always thought Prince Caspian was a douchebag. Always.
Guys, I haven't decided what I'll be having for lunch yet, but I'll totally let you know!
Wednesday
Every pop song on the radio.
I'm sure, if you're reading this, that you've heard me say on at least one occasion that I have very strange dreams. As a rule, I have strange dreams. If you've ever seen Felix the Cat: The Movie -- like that. I once had a dream where I was five and co-ruled a medieval feudal society, and then I killed Jesus with a handful of toothpicks. Like that.
Lately, I have been having dreams that are not strange at all. They involve people that I know, discussing matters between us and doing things that we might logically do. They are the sort of dreams that I hear other people talk about, "I had a dream where so and so told me such and such."
The thing is, though, these ostensibly normal dreams are making me feel very strange and out of sorts. They make me feel like I suppose someone who usually has these sort of dreams would feel if they were suddenly being stalked and hunted through a department store and then found a vortex into negative space where they found their dead cat breathing fire. (For example.) The lack of abnormality in my subconscious is effectively surreal. My dreams are usually very clearly not reality, and they're easy to extract myself from once I awake. Now I'm having actual trouble sorting out what's real and what isn't, and what happened and what didn't.
I'm very confused. When I wake up in the morning I'm not sure if I've actually spoken to the person that I've dreamt about. Any time I dream about real people, I worry that the dream will wind up being prophetic, which has happened on occasion. Or maybe it already happened, I'm not sure. On the other hand, this may be an opportunity to work out while asleep the things I can't when I'm awake. See, it's always the case that we haven't really spoken. It just takes me a while to remember.
Lately, I have been having dreams that are not strange at all. They involve people that I know, discussing matters between us and doing things that we might logically do. They are the sort of dreams that I hear other people talk about, "I had a dream where so and so told me such and such."
The thing is, though, these ostensibly normal dreams are making me feel very strange and out of sorts. They make me feel like I suppose someone who usually has these sort of dreams would feel if they were suddenly being stalked and hunted through a department store and then found a vortex into negative space where they found their dead cat breathing fire. (For example.) The lack of abnormality in my subconscious is effectively surreal. My dreams are usually very clearly not reality, and they're easy to extract myself from once I awake. Now I'm having actual trouble sorting out what's real and what isn't, and what happened and what didn't.
I'm very confused. When I wake up in the morning I'm not sure if I've actually spoken to the person that I've dreamt about. Any time I dream about real people, I worry that the dream will wind up being prophetic, which has happened on occasion. Or maybe it already happened, I'm not sure. On the other hand, this may be an opportunity to work out while asleep the things I can't when I'm awake. See, it's always the case that we haven't really spoken. It just takes me a while to remember.
Monday
Post like you meme it.
Pat came up with this. And because it is great, I am promulgating it. Do it!
Steps:
1) Go to this site and you can find out what song was #1 (according to Billboard Magazine) on the US Charts on any particular week in history.
2) Look up your birthday.
3) List the #1 songs that have occurred on your birthday throughout the years you've been alive.
4) Cringe at how bad music was, and how bad it is now!
Thing:
1983 - "Say, Say, Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
1984 - "Out of Touch" by Daryl Hall and John Oates
1985 - "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister
1986 - "The Next Time I Fall" by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant
1987 - "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" by Belinda Carlisle (Hooray! I love this song!)
1988 - "Look Away" by Chicago
1989 - "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel (And the number of times I heard this song around that time was ... a lot.)
1990 - "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B (Umm. What?)
1991 - "Black Or White" by Michael Jackson (Yes.)
1992 - "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
1993 - "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf
1994 - "On Bended Knee" Boyz II Men
1995 - "One Sweet Day" Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
1996 - "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (My birthday is like the showcase for the Ultimate 90s Playlist)
1997 - "Something About The Way You Look Tonight/Candle In The Wind 1997" by Elton John (Really? Was there a medley I was unaware of?)
1998 - "I'm Your Angel" by Celine Dion and R. Kelly (If this were a list of "Songs I Hate With A Fiery Passion," this song would be at the top. Jesus Christ I hate this song so much.)
1999 - "Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas
2000 - "Independent Women Part I" by Destiny's Child (I'm surprised it's not still "Smooth," actually.)
2001 - "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige
2002 - "Lose Yourself" by Eminem (Is this the one that won the Oscar? [It won the Oscar, right?] I've still never actually heard it except in clips.)
2003 - "Stand Up" by Ludacris featuring Shawna (Who and what now?)
2004 - "My Boo" by Usher and Alicia Keys (Hehehehehe. I haven't heard this one either, but that just sounds embarrasing.)
2005 - "Run It!" by Chris Brown (... Nope.)
2006 - "I Wanna Love You" by Akon featuring Snoop Dogg (Really?)
2007 - "No One" by Alicia Keys (This one I've totally heard.)
It's pretty craptastical. However, I have to say that the weirdest part was how many fucking years there were. Seriously! They just keep going! Especially towards the end there. There just keep being more years.
Steps:
1) Go to this site and you can find out what song was #1 (according to Billboard Magazine) on the US Charts on any particular week in history.
2) Look up your birthday.
3) List the #1 songs that have occurred on your birthday throughout the years you've been alive.
4) Cringe at how bad music was, and how bad it is now!
Thing:
1983 - "Say, Say, Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
1984 - "Out of Touch" by Daryl Hall and John Oates
1985 - "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister
1986 - "The Next Time I Fall" by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant
1987 - "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" by Belinda Carlisle (Hooray! I love this song!)
1988 - "Look Away" by Chicago
1989 - "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel (And the number of times I heard this song around that time was ... a lot.)
1990 - "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B (Umm. What?)
1991 - "Black Or White" by Michael Jackson (Yes.)
1992 - "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
1993 - "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf
1994 - "On Bended Knee" Boyz II Men
1995 - "One Sweet Day" Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
1996 - "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (My birthday is like the showcase for the Ultimate 90s Playlist)
1997 - "Something About The Way You Look Tonight/Candle In The Wind 1997" by Elton John (Really? Was there a medley I was unaware of?)
1998 - "I'm Your Angel" by Celine Dion and R. Kelly (If this were a list of "Songs I Hate With A Fiery Passion," this song would be at the top. Jesus Christ I hate this song so much.)
1999 - "Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas
2000 - "Independent Women Part I" by Destiny's Child (I'm surprised it's not still "Smooth," actually.)
2001 - "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige
2002 - "Lose Yourself" by Eminem (Is this the one that won the Oscar? [It won the Oscar, right?] I've still never actually heard it except in clips.)
2003 - "Stand Up" by Ludacris featuring Shawna (Who and what now?)
2004 - "My Boo" by Usher and Alicia Keys (Hehehehehe. I haven't heard this one either, but that just sounds embarrasing.)
2005 - "Run It!" by Chris Brown (... Nope.)
2006 - "I Wanna Love You" by Akon featuring Snoop Dogg (Really?)
2007 - "No One" by Alicia Keys (This one I've totally heard.)
It's pretty craptastical. However, I have to say that the weirdest part was how many fucking years there were. Seriously! They just keep going! Especially towards the end there. There just keep being more years.
Saturday
I watch television sometimes. UPDATED FOR MORE MEHNESS!
Really, considering how little television I watch, I've still seen a lot of television.
This has been going around like that funky sinus infection you had back in February.
1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
Per Christine:
3. Strike every show you don't ever wish to see
4. Color those shows you'd like to take a look at someday, when you get around to it.
50. Quantum Leap (I think, but I was rather small at the time and don't remember anything about it.)
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City
45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers
40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm (I hate this show.)
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted (One and a half, maybe?)
35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood
30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf
25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel
20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who (new version)
15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (new version)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld
10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends (I'm the only girl in the world who doesn't have this in bold, aren't I?)
06. 24
05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons
This has been going around like that funky sinus infection you had back in February.
1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
Per Christine:
3. Strike every show you don't ever wish to see
4. Color those shows you'd like to take a look at someday, when you get around to it.
50. Quantum Leap (I think, but I was rather small at the time and don't remember anything about it.)
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers
40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm (I hate this show.)
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted (One and a half, maybe?)
35. Alias
34. Frasier
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood
30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf
25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
21. Angel
20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who (new version)
15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (new version)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld
10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends (I'm the only girl in the world who doesn't have this in bold, aren't I?)
05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons
Addendum.
To my previous post.
I feel that it is necessary to clarify my position on the band Death Cab For Cutie. I do not dislike Death Cab For Cutie. I figured the fact that they appear not once, but twice, on the list of songs I listen to most often would have made that evident. Apparently not, though, guys! I like them and I listen to them often!
However.
On the whole, Death Cab For Cutie is rather ... morose and maudlin. If you've listened to them, you know, so don't even say anything. (I was using "emo" as a shorthand reference for this. I appreciate Stephanie's point that labels tend to impede your listening enjoyment. This is true. I wasn't really trying, though, to debate the merits, or lack thereof, of emo.) I felt that their over-representation on the list acted as an intensifier to the idea that my listening habits of late have been morose and maudlin. This is what my dismay was all about! It was not a commentary on the quality of the music. I was actually equally as upset that the only Decemberists song on the list was "The Engine Driver" - for the same reasons. And you know how much I like the Decemberists! And that song is great, but still. Still. Of course, the Decemberists are usually a bit more upbeat, so my reaction in that case was more, "Oh, this song." instead of "Oh, this band."
In conclusion, I like Death Cab For Cutie, and listen to them often. Sorry about any misunderstandings.
I feel that it is necessary to clarify my position on the band Death Cab For Cutie. I do not dislike Death Cab For Cutie. I figured the fact that they appear not once, but twice, on the list of songs I listen to most often would have made that evident. Apparently not, though, guys! I like them and I listen to them often!
However.
On the whole, Death Cab For Cutie is rather ... morose and maudlin. If you've listened to them, you know, so don't even say anything. (I was using "emo" as a shorthand reference for this. I appreciate Stephanie's point that labels tend to impede your listening enjoyment. This is true. I wasn't really trying, though, to debate the merits, or lack thereof, of emo.) I felt that their over-representation on the list acted as an intensifier to the idea that my listening habits of late have been morose and maudlin. This is what my dismay was all about! It was not a commentary on the quality of the music. I was actually equally as upset that the only Decemberists song on the list was "The Engine Driver" - for the same reasons. And you know how much I like the Decemberists! And that song is great, but still. Still. Of course, the Decemberists are usually a bit more upbeat, so my reaction in that case was more, "Oh, this song." instead of "Oh, this band."
In conclusion, I like Death Cab For Cutie, and listen to them often. Sorry about any misunderstandings.
Wednesday
iPod introspection.
So, I've been spending a lot of time out of my house lately, which has led me to exploring some of the functions on my iPod. Turns out that iTunes will automatically compile a playlist of the songs that you listen to most often ... so that you can listen to them more often.
I checked out my list. And it was odd. It's not an entirely accurate system. Turns out that if you take a song off your iPod and then put it back on, it will reset the count. Ditto if you change the file name. Also, it counts a "play" as reaching the end of the track, and sometimes I will skip back to the beginning of a song if I want to hear it again, so songs with long fade outs are under-represented. And a whole bunch of other explanations and excuses.
Anyway, as it stands, these are the songs I've played the most, on my iPod:
Love Song To My Guru - Katell Keineg with The Floors
(Fair. I've listened to this a million times.)
That's All Right, Mama - Arthur Crudup
(Really? It's catchy, but this is a surprise showing.)
Pistol - Dustin Krensue
(Fair. I love this song.)
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
(Fair. Embarrassingly enough.)
Portions For Foxes - Rilo Kiley
(True story: I didn't like this song at all when I first heard it, and then something clicked, and I listened to it all the time.)
Challengers - The New Pornographers
(Neko Case sing so pretty.)
All That I Want - The Weepies
(I haven't listened to this since Christmastide. This list is out of date!)
Endless Sleep - Jody Reynolds
(Surprising!)
From Where I'm Standing - Schuyler Fisk
(Jenny's right, she has a really pretty voice.)
Freedom Is Only A Hippogriff Away - The Mudbloods
(The only Wizard Rock song on the list! Seriously though, this is an excellent song even if you don't know Harry Potter from a hole in the ground.)
All The Old Showstoppers - The New Pornographers
(Hee! I just talked about this! I suspect stuffed ballots.)
Backwater Blues - Dave Van Ronk
(Again, really? Then again, there was a playlist that I had to listen to for a while because I was MAKING A CD FOR SOMEONE, and this was on it.)
Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab For Cutie
(Oy. In my defense, this would make a great fan video that I'll never make.)
Hiding In Plain Sight - Lauren Hoffman
(I'm surprised she's not better represented - I listened to her A LOT a while back.)
We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives - Los Campesinos!
(Hee!)
Paperweight - Schuyler Fisk and ... some dude.
(No really, she sings pretty.)
Keep On The Sunny Side - The Whites
(Again, hee!)
Australia - The Shins
(Yup. Totally fair.)
I've Just Seen A Face - The Beatles
(Really?)
Both Hands - Ani DiFranco
(Utterly fair.)
Expectations - Belle And Sebastian
(Fair.)
The Engine Driver - The Decemberists
(I guess? Although I've listened to "Yankee Bayonet" so many more times, I think.)
1234 - Feist
(Really?)
So Long - Guster
(I guess so!)
Diggin' My Potatoes - Lonnie Donegan
(Hee! Hee! Hee!)
Um. So, geez. What this playlist tells me is that I'm really fucking maudlin. And that I may have the Blues. What the hell?
I checked out my list. And it was odd. It's not an entirely accurate system. Turns out that if you take a song off your iPod and then put it back on, it will reset the count. Ditto if you change the file name. Also, it counts a "play" as reaching the end of the track, and sometimes I will skip back to the beginning of a song if I want to hear it again, so songs with long fade outs are under-represented. And a whole bunch of other explanations and excuses.
Anyway, as it stands, these are the songs I've played the most, on my iPod:
Love Song To My Guru - Katell Keineg with The Floors
(Fair. I've listened to this a million times.)
That's All Right, Mama - Arthur Crudup
(Really? It's catchy, but this is a surprise showing.)
Pistol - Dustin Krensue
(Fair. I love this song.)
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
(Fair. Embarrassingly enough.)
Portions For Foxes - Rilo Kiley
(True story: I didn't like this song at all when I first heard it, and then something clicked, and I listened to it all the time.)
Challengers - The New Pornographers
(Neko Case sing so pretty.)
All That I Want - The Weepies
(I haven't listened to this since Christmastide. This list is out of date!)
Endless Sleep - Jody Reynolds
(Surprising!)
From Where I'm Standing - Schuyler Fisk
(Jenny's right, she has a really pretty voice.)
Freedom Is Only A Hippogriff Away - The Mudbloods
(The only Wizard Rock song on the list! Seriously though, this is an excellent song even if you don't know Harry Potter from a hole in the ground.)
All The Old Showstoppers - The New Pornographers
(Hee! I just talked about this! I suspect stuffed ballots.)
Backwater Blues - Dave Van Ronk
(Again, really? Then again, there was a playlist that I had to listen to for a while because I was MAKING A CD FOR SOMEONE, and this was on it.)
Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab For Cutie
(Oy. In my defense, this would make a great fan video that I'll never make.)
Hiding In Plain Sight - Lauren Hoffman
(I'm surprised she's not better represented - I listened to her A LOT a while back.)
We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives - Los Campesinos!
(Hee!)
Paperweight - Schuyler Fisk and ... some dude.
(No really, she sings pretty.)
Keep On The Sunny Side - The Whites
(Again, hee!)
Australia - The Shins
(Yup. Totally fair.)
I've Just Seen A Face - The Beatles
(Really?)
Both Hands - Ani DiFranco
(Utterly fair.)
Expectations - Belle And Sebastian
(Fair.)
The Engine Driver - The Decemberists
(I guess? Although I've listened to "Yankee Bayonet" so many more times, I think.)
1234 - Feist
(Really?)
So Long - Guster
(I guess so!)
Diggin' My Potatoes - Lonnie Donegan
(Hee! Hee! Hee!)
Um. So, geez. What this playlist tells me is that I'm really fucking maudlin. And that I may have the Blues. What the hell?
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