Oh, I have one.

Inspired by Beth, inspired by Ryan.

"Immigrant Song," Led Zeppelin

• Features of our homeland:
  
  • Ice and snow
    
  • Midnight Sun
    
  • Blowing hot springs
  
  
  Features of our destination:
  
  • Hordes
    
  • Tales of gore (whispered)
    
  • Soft green fields
  
  
  How we're getting there:
  
  • Driven by Hammer of the Gods
    
  • Threshing oars
  
  
  Trip goals and activities:
  
  • The western shore (ultimately)
    
  • Fight hordes
    
  • Sing
    
  • Cry "Valhalla I am coming"
    
  • Calm tides of war
  
  
  Advice for natives:
  
  • Stop rebuilding ruins
    
  • Allow for peace and trust (even though you lost)
  
  
  Who we are:
  
  • Your overlords

The continuing saga of my being old and ugly.

I believe that my hair is falling out.

You shouldn't read this entry if you, for some reason, find hair that isn't attached to a human head particularly repellent. Just sayin'.

When I last saw my doctor, he asked me some questions about the state of my hair. One, did I notice that the type on my body seemed to be more prominent? And two, did it seem like the type on my head was falling out?

At the time, I said no to both. Though to tell you the truth, I hadn't really been paying attention. Since then, I have. And alarmingly, I do think I'm hairier. Though I could be imagining it. It could be a paranoid delusion. I can't really tell.

However, I am definitely sure that my hair is shedding at a faster rate than is normal. As those of you who've heard me talk about my hair before might know, whilst I'm in the shower, I finger-comb my hair and prevent all the loose strands from going down the drain by adhering them to the shower wall. Fun! ... I remove it when I'm done. Anyway, back when my hair was insanely long, the wall would get very hairy indeed. It made me somewhat alarmed, but then I reasoned that while the amount of hair seemed large, it probably wasn't, since each strand was very ... great. Then when I cut all my hair off and was bald, the amount of hair in the shower decreased dramatically, and this seemed to prove my point.

My shower wall now acquires more hair than it did when my hair was 6 inches longer. The mass is such that swirling a single finger around no longer winds the hair up into a neat little ball for easy disposal. No, I now use three fingers. And I've been throwing enormous, near-palm-sized bundles of hair into the trash every day. And yet more hair comes out when I brush my hair, and when I blow-dry my hair, and then when I brush my hair again, and ... it's a lot of hair. Way more than approximately 100 strands per day, which is what I once heard was average.

What really tipped me off, though, is that when I make my bed these days, I'm picking at least 20 strands of hair off my pillows and sheets. ALARMING.

Today I asked my mother if she thought I seemed to be shedding abnormally. She said yes. (Side note: I know my mother loves me and doesn't want to criticize my appearance, but I really wish she'd point things like this out to me. Especially since they tend to have a medical significance with me.)

Today, my hair feels thin. Again, this could be a hallucination, because it didn't feel thin yesterday, but ... I've been losing many strands of hair. All my life my hair has been very thick. Remarkably thick, even, because any time I've gotten a haircut, the hair cutter has remarked on its thickness. As I've probably proved in the past, I'm rather emotionally and overly attached to my hair. I don't want anything to be wrong with my hair.

So, Monday I will call my doctor. Hopefully that will make my hair grow back.

Again!

American Idol Review! Because nothing else is on. I'm pretty sure I know most of the people by name now. And if I don't, I'm not going to look them up, because that means they have yet to impress me in any way.

Overall impression: the judges were really lenient. Randy and Paula anyway, and Simon seemed like he was too overwhelmed by all the positive vibing around him to get into any actual, solid critiques, though you could tell he wanted to. Also, I was universally disappointed in all the people I liked last week.

First up, Anthony Fedorov. Or however you spell it. Crystal. OH MY GOD. You are so right! What is up with that thing? That's not a normal body ... having. WHAT IS THAT? Was he shot in the neck, or something? Also, he was really boring. Also, is he foreign or something? I noticed that when he talked he had slight trouble saying "th" and a few other sounds. Maybe! I don't know.

Carrie blondegirl. Underwood? Anyway. I like her. I do. TWoP doesn't like her, but I like her. I can see how people probably think she's boring, and I can respect that, but ... eh. I don't know. She just seems very sweet and likeable to me. And so I like her! And I think she did an effective job not being "country" tonight, though she really should understand that it isn't *what* she sings that makes her sound country, it's *how* she sings. And when she started, she still had a twang, and I was all set to roll my eyes, but she got it under control. I didn't think she was that great, though. She didn't sell the song. I kind of didn't care, though, because (and now I have to make The Boy weep bitterly - I'm sorry dear) Heart makes me rock out. The pick could only have been better if she'd chosen "What About Love." Hooray! But she wasn't as good as the judges seemed to think she was.

That Scott guy? He sings really well. But he's not going to win. Seriously.

Nikko? Still a girl's name. He sounded okay, but he sounded ... how to put this ... like about a dozen other guys who are *just like that.* And he didn't even sound like the best of those guys. He sounded maybe in the middle. We don't need any more of those guys.

I realize that I'm no longer going in order.

Vonzell. I have the reverse problem with her name that I have with Nikko. First: what? Second: even though I've never heard this "name" before, it sounds like a boy's name. Doesn't it? It sounds like a name that would be given to a boy. Anyway, she was better this week, but I disagree with Simon, I think she's still forgettable. Even her looks. As soon as I saw her, I decided that she was boringly pretty. You know what I mean? Do you know those people? Where they're pretty, very pretty even, and it's not really even a debate, but they're just ... boring looking? Like, even though you recognize that they're pretty, they're pretty in a boring, generic, uninteresting way? She doesn't look at all interesting. And she seems sweet, but like she doesn't have any real personality to speak of.

On the other hand: Nadia. First, my disappointment. Who the fuck forgets the words to "Time After Time"? Nadia, you are out of the club. I don't even know what club it is, but I know you're out of it. Who forgets the words to "Time After Time"?? But she was okay. Better, I think, than the judges gave her credit for. I thought she actually had a good balance between "performing" the song and singing it. She performed it, but at the same time, you could still hear her singing, and it was good. And goddamn, I want her hair. I wish I had her hair just for like, a day. And I also like the fact that she claimed that most of the songs she likes never made it on a Number Ones list. I believe her, y'all. She's still my favorite.

Anwar: is like the female Vonzell, only even more boring. Far more boring, actually, because I think he might actually be attractive in an interesting way if he had an actual personality. Which I don't think he does.

Constantine. First of all, your name is stupid and makes me laugh. I still think you're kind of cute though. But apparently the good people at TWoP think he's awkward and creepy. And, I have to tell you, not that I'm letting my opinion be swayed (not really) but ... they have a point. Much of what they said about him had me dying, because I immediately recognized their innate truth. Some gems: "He's dressed all sixties, I guess, but more like a record-store owner who really wants to get the band back together." And "This also causes Constantine to devolve into an explosively impressive suicide girl mess, fake eye-fucking and lip-pursing and tongue-moving and all kinds of tics and shady glances and hair-acting and posing and posture experiments." And ""

Anyway. His performance? Kinda creepy. And angry. And it was "I Think I Love You." But I find him entertaining, actually. And he's still kind of cute when he's not making any expressions.

You know who totally is cute, though? Bo Bice. And he's got one of those names that makes me need to say both his first and last name. Bo Bice. His hair was so much better today. He's got nice hair. And blue, blue eyes. And I really am that easy, apparently. Bo Bice also sings really well, and I think we should be friends. And as his friend, I would have to tell him something extremely important. Something that I noticed. About his physical appearance. Bo Bice. Has. A CREASE. No!!!! Bo Bice! I'm so sorry! I know your pain! Listen. Listen to me, Bo Bice. This is important. You have to stop scrunching your eyebrows. I know, I know. I know it's hard, and Lord knows it's not easy for me, but if you stop scrunching your eyebrows, so will I. Let's beat this thing together, Bo Bice.

Let's see. Who's next? Oh yes, Girl Whose Name I Cannot Remember. I can't remember her name. But I have to say to her: Who the fuck forgets the words to Total Eclipse Of The Heart!! Jesus! You're out of my club too. Out. Get out. But her singing was okay. But boring. Not as good as the judges thought she did. But nice. But boring. But she seems like she probably does have a cute personality, though. But she won't win. BECAUSE I CANNNOT REMEMBER HER NAME.

And last I will mention Mikalah. Because she deserves to be last. Because she can't sing. All the other people in the competition at this point can actually sing competently. They can actually all sing *well*, if boringly. Mikalah can not. Mikalah needs to go home.


I HAVE CEASED TO TALK ABOUT AMERICAN IDOL AT THIS POINT.

So it turns out that I didn't have tonsilitis. I probably have an ear infection. But I took lots of vitamins and soup and I slept a lot, and I think it's better now. The pain seems to have gone.

I also watched Veronica Mars again! It's new next week! So I'll probably recap it for the benefit of Kirk and Beth. You know what, though? Kristen Bell has a crease, too. It's epidemic. Sigh. She also had forehead lines, though. And I don't have those, thank goodness. You know, there is nothing that signifies that an actor is not actually a teenager so much as forehead lines. Because teenagers do not have that. Teenagers don't have creases, either. Probably. Because you don't get those unless you're old. Old like I am. [weeps]

In completely unrelated news, I cleaned my keyboard today. HOLY CRAP IT NEEDED IT.

In yet more unrelated news, I have been reading The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien. And, this may be solely because I am a huge geek, but, I find it so sexy. It's awesome and great! And it occurs to me that this is the first new book I have read in months. MONTHS. I don't even know how long it's been since I've read a new book. I mean, I've still been reading fairly steadily, but the last maybe ten books that I've read? Were all books that I've read before. And I'm not even sure this should count, because it still has many of the same characters and takes place in the same world as books I've already read. I haven't read anything wholly *new* in a long time. I don't like change. And I don't know what I can read that I haven't already that I'll like.

Gah.

A second episode!

For the benefit of those that may disagree with me, I'll now invalidate all my opinions about television by talking about American Idol.

Because I totally watched it! See, I still have it listed in my bio under favorite tv shows (first, but that's only because I have an alphabetical list), even though I hadn't watched any of this fourth go round. So, it was either edit my profile (I also need a new song for the bio) or just be resolved that I'm still totally addicted to this stuff, so I shouldn't fight it.

So I watched this evening because they're starting the actual competition part where you can vote on them and stuff. I think part of the reason I abstained for so long is that the early rounds were getting far too much publicity. I mean, these people already have fans and interviews and crap like that? We haven't even gotten to the competition yet! I don't know about the dude that dropped out. But he was a backup singer one time for Michael Jackson? So I'm sure he'll be fine. [/what?] Also, Nikko (however you spell it) is a chick's name, right? I've only heard of chicks having that name (however you spell it).

Also! Apparently they have some long-haired dudes? Because they're trying to be more rock, less pop? Okay. I... totally fell for it. I actually think the one with the long hair (not the one with the *long* long hair) is pretty attractive. I didn't think so at first, because when he was singing, his jaw got all squashed and gave him five extra chins, and his opened mouth showcased an alarming diastema. But then when he closed his mouth he was suddenly very pretty! The guy with the *long* long hair looked like a combination of Meatloaf and someone from one of those disposable "rock" bands. But the judges seem to like him.

The blonde girl was very pretty, and sang nice, but I get the feeling she should be on Nashville Star, or whatever that show is. Which is not an insult, as I like country music, and it would be nice if she did that, but this is still a pop music show, right? No one ever wins with country.

The girl with the 'fro ponytail was the best.

The girl with the bad fashion sense who was hitting on everyone (Mikalah?) was the worst.

Everyone else was kind of okay.


And then I watched Veronica Mars! It was even better than the recap at TWoP had led me to believe. I would recommend watching it, even though we're now mid-season.

In completely unrelated news, I have some soreness in the right side of the back of my mouth. I hope it's not a tonsil. I also have a painful blemish on the outside of the same area. So, maybe that's it. I'll go read up on tonsilitis just to make sure.

Television is boring.

I've been watching far too much television lately. This is because the internet is very boring. Unfortunately, television is also boring. BORING!

Part of the problem is that I've started watching some shows I like (such as "Lost" and "Veronica Mars" - thanks Kirk!) but they're currently in hiatus until sweeps. Bah.

I probably should have written this entry on Sunday, since that's when ... I originally planned to. And since I am currently very inarticulate and am only writing this because I am, again, bored. But Sunday? Bad tv. See, ordinarily on Sundays we order a pizza and my mother and I watch Lidia Bastianich and Jacques Pepin cook on Channel 13. I'm aware of the irony. But it's good times. However, on this particular Sunday, all the PBS stations were running those fund-raising thingies, and they all sucked and were boring. HBO had nothing but crappy movies. All other stations had nothing but crappy movies. So we watched the TV Guide Channel, and they were making up a girl to look like Lindsay Lohan in a segment called "Look-Alike." I've seen this a few times before, and I'm always amused by the fact that no matter who the girl is being made to look like, that person is always described as if they are the most wonderful, famous, stylish person ever. I mean, I like Ms. Lohan, but does she really have a "signature style"? And the girl they were making up was 16, and they kept claiming that they were trying to give her a more mature and sophisticated look. Um. Isn't Lindsay Lohan, like, 18? I did, however, discover that Lindsay Lohan has a short torso. So do I! This is why I never wear shirts tucked in.

After that, I noticed that Arrested Development was on Fox at 8:30. I always meant to watch it, but I never knew when it was on, so I penciled that into my busy evening. Unfortunately, it was not yet 8, and my mother suggested that we could watch "[my] Simpsons show." Ugh.

For background - my mother has never liked the Simpsons. She's never actually watched it, either. But she has always believed that it was a stupid kids' show. Because it was animated, and I watched it and I'm a kid. My mother tends to make a lot of snap judgements about television. The following has actually happened:

[my mother passes through the room, and hears something that she find odd or objectionable coming from the television]
Mother: "What is this that you're watching?!"
Me: "It's a commercial."
Mother: "Oh."

It works better if you can hear the mother-voice.

Anyway, even though I am a ardent Simpsons fan, I haven't actually watched any of the new episodes in about ... 6 or so years. Because it long ago ceased to be funny, and I just couldn't put up with it. I mentioned this to my mother, and she asked: "Gee, do you think maybe you've outgrown it?" Too which I had no response other than to roll my eyes so hard I strained something. And then explained that, no, the show actually ceased to be good the better part of a decade ago, and yet it's somehow still on the air. But I decided to watch it anyway. The episode in a nutshell: Selma hits menopause, so she convinces Homer to pretend to be her husband so she can adopt a baby from China. Um. It sucked. I was unable to do so much as crack a smile for the entire episode. It was frustrating. Sort of like Season 7 of Buffy where I sometimes wondered if they hadn't misplaced the actual script and filmed a fanfic instead.

It's written like a sitcom. There were times when they almost made clever Simpsons-esque jokes, but then they commented on them. The hell? And the episode confirmed what I'd already picked up on 6 years ago: the episode plots have devolved into stunts and issues. Uh. WHY WON'T SOMEONE DO THE RESPONSIBLE THING AND LET IT END?? And get the first ten seasons out on DVD, eh?

Well anyway! Then I watched Arrested Development! And it was pretty funny, actually. Though I probably won't ever watch it again. I think I knew even as I was watching that I had no intention of making this a regular occurrence, I just wanted to watch it once to say I had. Sort of like how last week I watched "Blind Justice." It actually wasn't bad at all. It was entertaining in its own way. But I probably won't ever watch it again. I have no patience for cop shows, because that's really all that's out there this days. Cop shows with gimmicks, like, "oh he's blind" or "ooh she's a psychic" but still. It's still the same show. There's little else but the same show fifty times.

Anyway, after that I tried to watch a bit of Kelsey Grammer's sketch comedy show, but it didn't hold my interest. It was far inferior to, say, Comedy Central's "The Hollow Men" which, seriously, is the funniest thing I've seen in a damn long time. I've been singing "No, we just sell shoes!" to myself all week. I will definitely watch it again. I hope it stays good.

Let's see. I've also sort of been watching Alias? Because it's on after Lost. It's pretty entertaining, though I have no idea what actual Alias fan think of this season. I've never really cared for Michael Vartan, though. I don't find him especially attractive, and I thought he was a goofball in Never Been Kissed . THERE I SAID IT. Victor Garber on the other hand, now he's awesome.

I used to mock my mother for always watching the Home and Garden Channel. She used to protest that she only did it because there was never anything else on. Now I watch the Home and Garden Channel all the time. Because she's totally right. Also, I wante Debbie Travis and Candice Olsen to come decorate my house. So bad.

I think that's it! I have done nothing to make the internet less boring!

A smoke-free get-together.

Today we had a party for my mother's birthday. Her actual birthday was Thursday. Her age will not be discussed. Nothing at all fancy. It was her, me, my sister, and her friend Grace and we had dinner. She made lasagna. I made the sauce, though, because I make the best ever. No, I do. No... I do. Ever. And we had salad and bread and some cake, and I made crème brulée. It was almost perfect. It's the first time I'd ever attempted making it, and I didn't realize until today that my culinary torch did not come supplied with fuel. I knew my sister would know where to get butane, but I didn't think to ask her until she was already on her way down. So I had to try to carmelize the sugar using the broiler, and it was only somewhat successful. My attempts were applauded nonetheless. Everything else went very well. My sister and I got my mother tickets to Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which she will go see later in the month with my Auntie Pat. Yeah, the birthday thing is getting celebrated for a month. And I also surprised her with all these other gifts that she didn't know she was getting (because of the expense of the tickets, we told her that was all she should expect to get. Ha!), including a decorative egg that we saw a woman in California make on Crafters Coast to Coast on HGTV, and I told her "I could make you one of those" and so I did.

For her actual birthday, we had dinner together. I made her baked salmon with garlic and olive oil with potato and salad with apricot vinagrette dressing.

I am so freaking crafty and domestic, I should have my own show. ... That would include many shots of me sitting in front of a computer.

Anyway, what is the title all about? Well, my mother is a smoker. I live with her. So, I live with a smoker. Ordinarily, this is not so much of a problem. Because she doesn't smoke that much (or so I'm given to understand by people who smoke) and I spend a lot of time planted in front of the computer and out of draft of her smoke. Holidays and birthdays, general get-together times, are different though. My sister smokes. My Auntie Pat smokes. Grace smokes (or at least, she did - she informed us tonight that she quit). And holidays involve a lot of people gathered together, smoking.

Now, I'm not one of those annoying people who hates smoke and smokers. I don't care if you smoke. Beyond the fact that, if I care about you, I don't want you to get lung cancer, I don't care. But I am a tiny delicate flower, and it really sucks sometimes. Smoke affects me. Christmas is the worst. Since my sister is a full-fledged adult now and lives in her own home, she has for the past few years decided that she wants to do Christmas up by her. So, my mother's there, my sister's there, my sister's best friend Cherilyn is there (she smokes a lot), and my sister lets my uncle smoke in the house (which my mother doesn't, because he chain smokes unfiltereds). Besides the occasion jocular comment that I just can't avoid, I never say anything. Because I love my family, and I don't give people shit. I don't see the point. But it's like torture sometimes.

Because I can't leave. My presence is required at dinner functions. So I have to stay downstairs, in rooms filled with people smoking, clouded by smoke, and I can't go outside either, because my family doesn't have any summer birthdays, so it's always cold out. And I have to be there for hours. In the last few hours of Christmas Eve this year, all I wanted to do was go home and maybe vomit. Because I felt so ill.

Even today, which was really not bad at all, was not real fun. I had a tissue at my constantly running nose all night. By 8 my eyes started stinging and feeling bleary. They're glazed and rather red at the moment. My face is hot, I feel nauseous, and breathing has been easier. And now, like always, I'm wretchedly tired.

I'm using this time in my blog to complain about what I never complain about out loud at said dinner functions. Because today, I think, I became actively tired off it. It officially became something that makes me not look forward to doing family stuff, doing things and parties with friends who smoke, just ... any situation where I know I'm going to have to deal with this. Before I sat down to type this out, the thought crossed my mind of going to a party where no one was smoking. It was a completely unexpected thought, and my heart nearly burst from joy at the very idea. I have no idea what that would be like, but I bet it would be pretty sweet. I bet it would be pretty nice to live someplace where no one smoked.

Again, I feel it necessary to point out that, if you smoke, I don't care. This is not about lecturing or trying to make anyone feel guilty for smoking. But I'm sensitive to everything. Smoke makes me sick. And when your whole family is around you and not even noticing when their smoke is blowing directly into your bleary-eyed face, it's aggravating. There's only so many places I can move at still be around people.

Uh. On a less irritable note, I'd really like to start making clay figurines again. I used to do it at this wooden table we had in the kitchen, but we got rid of that when we moved, and I really don't have a suitable workspace anymore. But I was always sure that I could make lots of money overpricing and selling them. I have artistic flair.

*blows nose*

Lucky Lost Mystery 13.

This is from Jess's entry about Unsolved Lost   Mysteries. (Um. This won't ping me, will it?)

I was going to bring it up to add to her list, but I really wanted to ramble on the topic. Lazy!


[Begin Spoiler for Lost up to "Numbers" — Highlight to view]

13. Who (or what) is Alex?

I'd have to say that of all the mysteries, this is the one I wonder about the most. To refresh everyone, in the episode "Solitary" Sayid is captured by Rousseau, and she keeps asking him "Where is Alex?" As Sayid gets tortured for the trouble of not knowing, he's naturally curious about who this Alex person is, and by the end of the episode asks Rousseau about it. Her big dramatic reveal: "Alex was my child."

Now what does that mean! Well, the obvious conclusion we can leap to is that Alex ... is her child. Who is Alex? Is Alex Ethan? Is Alex alive? Is Alex a girl? (As Pat first pointed out to me, "Alex" is a gender neutral name, and Rousseau telling says "child," not "son" or anything like that.)

My first conjecture is that Alex is not dead. Rousseau describes Alex in past tense, yet prior to that, she seemed convinced that Sayid had seen Alex recently. Though the fact that she doesn't know who Alex is hanging out with and "was my child" indicates that she has not seen Alex recently. Although, since she is crazy, there's no ruling out the possibility that Alex is dead, she killed him/her, and has misplaced the corpse that she keeps around for comfort, or something. Moving on!

My second conjecture is: what if Alex is not a person? What if Alex is actually A.L.E.X. or something like that? Rousseau wouldn't be the first person to call a non-human thing a child. She is a scientist after all, and science people are weird. And she's crazy. And French. Anyway. What really started me wondering about this was her dramatic reveal, and the fact that she doesn't specify a gender for Alex. I understand that for the purposes of the show, withholding that information keeps some suspense built up. But from a practical standpoint, this is her DRAMATIC REVEAL. Why would she spill to Sayid that Alex is her child, but not go the arguabley more natural step and say that Alex is her son/daughter? Maybe I should ask some of my friends who've had babies, but to me, "child" doesn't really seem like the most natural utterance if you're talking about someone who is actually your child and whose gender you are certain of.

My other tip-off was, if Alex is her son/daughter, how old is Alex? And how old is Rousseau? She's been on the island for 16 years, and is a bit weathered by the lifestyle, but she doesn't seem that old. She doesn't seem old enough, for instance, to have had a grown child 16 years ago. Now, sure. But that means that Alex would have had to grow up on the island. So, was Alex born on the island? Was Rousseau knocked up when they crashed, or did she become knocked up shortly afterwards (before she killed her husband, anyway)? If so, then Alex is at most 16, which really messes up the timeline in terms of how early Alex could have run off and how long Rousseau has been alone. But the other option is that she brought a young child with her on a scientific escapade. Which ... I don't know, doesn't sit right with me somehow. Maybe it's because Sayid asks her if Alex was on their team, and she doesn't answer. Or maybe it's just because I don't think it's normal to take your young child on dangerous/boring science missions. But maybe I'm wrong!

But anyway, I'm now working off the assumption that Alex is something other than a human child.

Maybe Alex is the monster?

[End Spoiler]

Man, this is nowhere near as complete or coherent as it was when I was thinking it up in the shower 5 hours ago.

This post's for Jess.

Because she had a good point!

[Begin Spoiler for Lost - "Numbers" — Highlight to view]

Beth asked me if this episode sucked or not, and I'm not really sure! I mean, it didn't suck in the sense that nothing happened. In fact, that's what I told her. That, you know, stuff totally happened! And that I know for sure.

But it's always tricky when stuff happens, especially stuff that colors all that came before it. Because now I find myself wondering about Hurley's entire time on the island. Because if he's living this cursed life and all of a sudden the plane he's on crashes onto a deserted island ... you have to think that he'd already be wondering if he doesn't have something to do with that. So, did he act like it? I can't really tell. And have other bad things happened on the island when Hurley was around? I'm not sure!

See, I'm not sure how I feel because I can't instantly tell if this well a well-planned development. I mean, it certainly didn't make me think, "Oh! That explains why Hurley was acting all weird!" Because as far as I know, he wasn't.

Although being filthy rich would totally explain why he's so laid-back. And even though his flashbacks were not what I was expecting, and were sadly, sadly bereft of video games and computers, I think everyone suspected that he was a major piece in the whole mystery island puzzle.

Although I don't think the numbers are cursed. Because how could any multiples of 4 be bad! I refuse to accept!

[End Spoiler]

I'd really like to know what other people think, because I'm sadly insight deficient.

Blah!

I hate the internet. It makes me unhappy, I don't like it, and everything about it sucks.

At least, that's my mood swing right now. Sigh.

LAST EVER.

[Begin Spoiler for "Not Fade Away" — Highlight to view]

And something of a let down. Although, really, I'm not sure what I was expecting. Grander, I think. I was expecting something grander. Or maybe I was expecting the show not to end, or something. At any rate, this didn't really feel like a season ender, let alone a series ender. I don't know if that's because of the episode itself, or the way I've been watching them. Or maybe that's the way they planned it. I don't know. I wanted bigger, stronger, faster!, EXPLOSIONS! Okay, maybe not explosions. But ... I don't know. There were some really good things, which I will get to, but ...

The one thing that pissed me off to no livable end: If Angel signs the prophecy, it's void? What the holy stupid fuck no it is not! That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard. I am merely going to have to assume that the Circle was lying, and Angel is dumb and bought it. Because, seriously, what the fuck? If it were that easy, we wouldn't have had any story from Season 3 onward. "The father will kill the son"? Wesley could have been like, "Oh, hey Angel, there's this prophecy that you're going to kill your son, but you can just X it on top, it's no big deal." This one thing causes me HATE.

But everything else was pretty good. I loved everyone's last days. Except Lindsey's, because his contained Eve. I can almost understand how if you've only seen a few episodes late in the season, you could sort of like Eve. Because she doesn't talk very much or try to do anything. I'm in favor of that. It's just the memory of what came before that makes me content that she died. Oh, but speaking of that - Lorne knew how Eve was going to die, yes? That's what we're lead to believe? So, in theory, he'd also know that the building was going to come crashing down, right? You think he'd have ... mentioned that. Or thought about it. Or maybe he didn't actually know what building it was.

But, man. Lindsey's swan song. Now that is a well-written death. That ... was ... excellent. And I like Lindsey! But that ... was ... excellent. Lorne ... damn.

It's Anne! A nice surprise. It's Connor! An even nicer surprise! (Or, rather, not really a surprise at all, since he was listed in the guest credits.) I'm sorry to all my dear friends who thought maybe he, like, didn't get all his memories back? Yeah, I never thought that. And the line that gave it away was "There's nothing he can show me I haven't already seen." I mean, what other meaning could that have? Anyway, I love New Connor. He's a little quieter and more thoughtful than happy brainwashed Connor, and he still kicks ass. And his hair is longer! The hell with Faith or Willow, I'd like them to start working on a Connor spinoff, like, for serious. Even though I'm reasonably sure I'm the only person who would watch it!!

Wesley's day is exactly what you knew it would be. You know that's what he'd be doing. Oh Wesley. I really, really, really liked his last scene with Illyria. I really liked Illyria. (Although: "This is a mortal wound." "Aren't we all?" is the stupidest line of all the lines that were ever stupid. What??) But Wesley, he's a'dumb. He's a little old man, Wesley! You should have just snuck up behind him and whacked him on the head! It apparently makes him explode like confetti. Why'd you have to try an out-magic the dude? You should have known how that would turn out. Although, I guess it was preferable to dying in a melee like everyone else probably did. Anyway, though, it's all acceptable if only for Illyria morphing blue as she's punching forward. I bet they blew the final remainder of their effects budget on that, but man ... it was worth it. That was cool.

I. liked. Spike. I ... feel dirty writing that. But seriously? I liked Spike. And not a moment too soon!

I liked that Gunn got to kill a whole mess of vamps.

I liked everything that Harmony did. I was also fine with her rehash of Graduation Day, because I was all in to connecting it thematically to the episode, because that's when Harmony made her final stand against an onslaught of evil forces, and she lost. I'm glad she got to exit.

I ... am unsure how I feel about Adam Baldwin. His threat never really materialised, and he was kind of unnecessary. He really just kind of ... annoyed and distracted. And gave Angel a powerful enemy to fight before the ultimate culmination of events.

That ultimate culmination being: "Hey guys! Let's all go and get in one good last battle, and then we'll meet in an alley where we'll be corned by an army of darkness." "Cool!" The army of darkness was kind of ... lame, though. I mean, it wasn't Helm's Deep, if you know what I'm saying.

But, all in all, well played. This ending ... it didn't feel like an ending. Which, again, is probably the point. But I demand closure!

Now I am sad.

[End Spoiler]

Now everyone can go ahead and talk Angel at me all they want! I cannot be spoiled!!

I'm old and haggard.

I have a crease. It's in between my eyebrows. On the left side (I think. I think it's my left, I'm not actually sure) I believe because that's the eyebrow muscle that's stronger. That's the eyebrow I can raise, anyway. I can't do the other one. The eyebrow icon was modeled after looking at myself in a mirror, so, that side.

WHAT THE FUCK!

It happens when I furrow my brow. There's a line. An actual groove in my flesh that I can still see when I de-furrow my eyebrows. My mother suggested that I just not frown so much. But it's very very hard! It's like my natural facial expression. Or the expression that I most naturally fall into when I'm squinting to block the sun from my eyes (I'm forever losing my sunglasses), or bracing against headaches (which I get far too frequently, and right in the forehead region), or when I'm reading pretty much anything on the internet. I'm trying, but it's really unpossible. And everytime I look at myself in the mirror now, it just makes me want to furrow my brow more. In dismay and frustration!

Seriously! What is up with this? First I have gray hair (which seems to have regressed, actually), and now I have wrinkles. I was really perfectly fine with the idea of ageing gracefully, but I never thought I'd get hit with it so soon. I mean, seriously, aren't I a little young for this? I'm twenty fricking one!

And the annoying thing is that I totally did not have this, say, a month ago. This is a startlingly recent development. But there it is!

I recently purchased some StriVectin eye cream, which I felt I needed for my alarming dark under-eye circles. And I'm also putting it on my eyebrow wrinkle. And around my mouth area, just in case. I thought even several months ago that I should start using wrinkle cream. But now I actually *need* it.

I even panicked and wondered if I should get injections of collagen or botulism.

It's really, really bothering me. Even in between typing I have been pressing my fingers into my forehead trying to iron out the crease. And trying not to knit my brows in panic and frustration.

GAAAAAAAh! Seriously!! Am I not too young for this? Do I have some kind of rapid-ageing disease? What is wrong with me??


On a completely different subject, Forrest Gump is on ABC right now. I was watching it before. And it struck me that Tom Hanks playing Forrest bears an uncanny resemblance to James Marsters playing Spike. It cracks me up.

Um. Whoa.

[Begin Spoiler for "Power Play" — Highlight to view]

Oh man. This episode totally made watching the entire rest of the season worth it. My jaw kept dropping open! Yay!!

Uh, I probably won't be able to form any really good thoughts about the goings-on until I see the next episode. Which is THE LAST EPISODE. OF ANGEL. EVER. Aw, man. This blows!

Okay, the one thing I was uneasy about was Nina. For the following reason: so, she and Angel have a ... fully penetrative relationship, but just for one time. Because Angel goes into it knowing that he's going to take on an errand of certain death. That's just mean! I mean, I realize that this whole little subplot existed so that we'd know that good Angel was still going on in there somewhere, and add innuendos towards the Big Reveal at the end, but ... still. That seems like a pretty assholish thing to do.

Crash Bandicoot. Hee. Now *that's* continuity. Unexplained, yet totally in-sync with knowledge we've gained previously. Man. This issue with people not knowing what the hell continuity is has really started to bug me. I mean, apparently. Also, I loved the fact that Illyria and Drogan seemed to have no idea what the hell they were doing.

I am greatly saddened that Illyria is so easily smacked down. I do not approve!

I knew he was faking it! I mean, "knew" in the sense that I kept telling myself "Oh, he has to be faking it. Right? He's totally faking?" But I think the part where I knew -knew is when Vail threw in the comment about his son, and he ever-so-slightly reacted. No, he totally did. I don't think I imagined it, anyway. But yay Boreanaz!

I'd like to watch the next episode now.

[End Spoiler]

COMEDY.

Pat, I certainly hope that this was the "other" episode you mentioned. Because. ... Yeah.

[Begin Spoiler for "The Girl In Question" — Highlight to view]

Oh man, the COMEDY! Comedy . This episode was just filled with it, wasn't it? A gay comic romp! An hilarious *caper* if you will. A giggle-a-minute frolic through the--

Oh wait. It wasn't funny.

Is this the reason that some people are so angry at Sarah Michelle Gellar? Because she for some crazy reason decided not to be a part of this gem? Perhaps the fact that the only Buffy cast member they could rope into appearing on this show was Tom Lenk should have been some kind of clue. A clue to not do it.

Seriously, I understand that the show was cancelled. And at this point in time, the writers knew that. So, they probably wanted to try to wrap up the whole of the Buffyverse within this show. And really? That is such a mistake. They ruined Buffy. It crashed into the Pit of Eternal Suck from which there is no return. It's done, over, ruined, desecrated, finished. And they should have left it that way and just moved the fuck on. As I've stated before, I'd prefer just dropping something to handling it poorly. And Angel was doing fine on its own. Even this season, it has not crashed into the Pit of Eternal Suck. (Really, Kirk, it hasn't.) But every time they attempt to bring in elements from that other show, that ruined show, this show skips ever closer to the edge of the pit. See: the enormous gamble that was Spike.

So they should have left it. Because the Suck of the fall of Buffy is so great and powerful that its Suck extends far beyond its ugly and prolonged death. If you invoke its name, you also begin to Suck.

Also, this episode was written and directed like shit and I refuse to speak about it anymore.

So, moving on to the couple of parts that actually had to do with this show: Illyria can assume any shape now? Okay. Since when? Nevermind, I don't care. I'm glad she did, though. Because, 1. They didn't tell Fred's parents?? Holy shit. Nice one guys, nice one. 2. Her parents were so cheery and dumb and the whole tone of the episode was so manic and zany with the COMEDY! that I couldn't have fucking dealt with it if they tried to bring in some serious dramatic themes. Also, Wesley was going to blurt it out like that? I'd glad she stopped him, because he would have sucked at it. So, while the whole thing was kind of weird, it was better than the alternative.

Illyria has the hots for Wesley! Funny! Also, considering that Illyria is, actually, maybe, a boy, this is actually the closest to a boy/boy relationship either show has had. Right? Eh.

There were two things I found funny, though. The flashback to the 50s ("Ciao." "Ciao.") and "You never let us do that!" Okay, fine: Hee. But they were miniscule moments compared to the mind-numbing affront that was the rest of this episode. Someone needs to reel Marsters in. For the love. of. God.

[End Spoiler]

Review of a different television show!

It's Lost again!

Because Lost? It kinda kicked ass.

[Begin Spoiler for "In Translation" — Highlight to view]

Although, that's pretty weird to say about an episode that was, for the most part, really depressing. We get the other side of Sun's story, which I'm happy about, because it left a lot of things unanswered, and, well wouldn't you know it, there really are two sides to every story. And I think this side was better.

Gah. Emotions. Sun admits to Jin that she was going to leave him, but she does it in English, which she knows he can't understand. This, directly before asking him when they stopped communicating. That? Is so fucked up. And gah! Daniel Dae Kim! That whole scene just freaking killed me.

After last week's episode, I started developing a theory, and it's all based on how Locke is not at all evil. You know, like everyone seems to think he is. Or, if not evil, at least that he wants to sabotage everyone so that he can stay on the island. Because he loves the island.

Well, first of all, yeah. Yeah he loves the island. I mean, can you blame him? He was bitter and crippled and one plane crash later he's jogging around having a religious experience. I think I'd love that island, too. However ... so? Locke, of course, is all about destiny. He was planning for a walkabout in the Outback. This, to him, was akin to a spiritual quest, which seems to be something he knows about. The more we've learned about him, the more I believe we've seen that he's always been into this spiritual/nature/camping/guns and ammo/knife-wielding/being one with the earth crap. He believes that the plane crashed for a reason (it's fate!!) and that being on the island *is* the "spirit quest" let's say, that he was meant to be on.

But you know what the thing about a spirit quest is? You have to come back from it.

Seriously. The whole point of a spirit quest is you go out into the wilderness, you get imbued with all this poignant and deep stuff, and then you have to go back to your society .

I'm pretty sure Locke knows this. And, no, I don't think there's any reason he wouldn't want to get back to civilization, once he feels his spiritual journey is complete. He quit his job, so he doesn't have to worry about that. He's not paralyzed anymore, so he doesn't have to worry about that. He's a self-described "realist" and he seems to have some pretty good coping skills, especially as his life has not been all sunshine and flowers, from what we know. Is he a little crazy? Maybe. Or maybe he was just a little crazy from being alone and invalid for the past four years of his life. That can make you cranky!

But anyway, my theory was that Locke is, in fact, trying to *speed up* the process of getting people off the island. And he's doing it by moving everyone else along on *their* spiritual journeys. For Boone and Charlie, it was a bit extreme and somewhat sinister. But for Sawyer last week, and Shannon this week, and even Mercutio ... he's getting better and more subtle at it. He can just rattle off the exact nature of people's issues, like he's saying, "Man, will you just actualize already?"

Of course, he kind of threw a wrench in my whole theory with his, "I like it here too" line. But that proves nothing! Again! Just because he likes the island doesn't mean he wants everyone else to stay there. Even if in the event it happens that he does want to stay there forever, he clearly has no sinister wishes for everyone else. He seems to have no desire to sabatoge anyone else's plans for getting away. Remember, it's the creepy Satan child that torched the raft.

And here's what I wonder about that. I did not see that coming. That was good. But his explanation? Did not live up to the shock. So I prefer to think that he's lying. Or his reasoning is more complex than he presented it. And I want to know why he was so excited to help his father build a new raft. So he could torch it again? I'm telling you, that child is of Satan.

"Goddamnit." I hit the floor. I hit the freaking floor. This was the most brilliant ending I have ever seen, and this may in large part be due to the fact that I said "When is that thing going to run out of batteries?" five seconds before *it did*. I ... I have no words. That was beautiful.

[End Spoiler]

Man, am I ever confused.

So, I watched this episode late last night again (my last opportunity), and now here it is 4:30 the next day and I'm still stumbling over a review. I had planned to watch it again before attempting, but, man, screw that. I read over the review thread for "Origin" and then I started thinking all these complex thoughts, and ... now I'm tired. There are so many things that sound good in my head but will never be heard by others because I exhaust myself of the subject before writing anything down.

It's not always about Jesus. Hee!

Anyway.

[Begin Spoiler for "Time Bomb" — Highlight to view]

Well, I'll tell you what. I was greatly entertained by this episode. I really don't know what the hell was going on for most of it, but I was entertained. I still haven't really sorted it out. But you know how sometimes, when you watch something sci-fi (strike one - Angel should not do sci-fi), and stuff will happen that you don't really understand, but you don't really feel all that compelled to figure it out, either, because you realize it's just a bunch of nonsense flung together for the sake of convenience, and trying to make sense of it really isn't going to help anything?

This whole episode was like that. I just sort of put my hands up and said, "Okay! Whatever!" Because, as stated, I was entertained. And why mess with that?

Although, for a moment, I really did wonder if they were going to kill off almost all the main characters mere episodes before the end of the series. (Oh my God! Only three more episodes!) Would they do that?! Well, no. Obviously. But for a few seconds I thought they might, and I was really excited and intrigued about how that would work.

But all the superfluous stuff was good! Lorne saying, "And yet, I still like him better than Eve." Oh, Lorne. Yes. I love you. I know people keep calling Adam Baldwin "Jayne," but I've never seen Firefly, so I just can't get on that wagon. For me, he'll always be Animal Mother. But, whatever, because he's awesome. But he makes me sad. Because why did they have to have Eve for most of the season? So she could have sex with Lindsey? Woe betide! Having Adam Baldwin in this role just makes me realize how nice it is to watch actors who are really good.

On the flip side, Jaime Bergman. Oh, man. Oh man. I've never seen her in anything prior to this. I just ... Okay, listen. Menfolk. Let's say there's a special lady in your life. She agrees to marry you and maybe even secure your genetic immortality by giving you some offspring. You may feel like you owe this woman a great deal. And you do. However, this does not make it okay to allow her to do a job for which she is clearly unqualified, especially when doing so puts others in danger. In danger of the pain like the pain I had to endure watching this woman on screen. Oh, ladies, same sentiment, genders reversed.

Seriously, the chick makes Sarah Thompson look like Judi fucking Dench. I wonder how many desks Boreanaz had to kneel under to get this to happen.

Moving on. I love the way Gunn's story is being handled. Really. This is the one thing that they have been completely solid on this season. Especially, I like the fact that it actually keeps *moving forward* instead of just getting arbitrarily "resolved" in some episode. Like, they keep having all these issues brought up, and they then do nothing with it, and then some amount of episodes later, boop!, it's *resolved*. And then in the next episode everyone just goes about their business. Because that issue has been *resolved*. But this isn't like that. It keeps growing and changing, and *evolving*, which is so much better. Now that's how you tell a story.

So, Illyria rescued Gunn. So his story kept up the perfectly appropriate pace and Gunn continues to evolve. Furthermore, we deal with the whole Illyria situation head on, which I liked because it made her interesting again. I liked all her thoughts on "winning." Hmm. Her ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to her newsletter. There were some quotes I really liked in this episode, but I'm too lazy to go check to see what they were. Maybe next time I'll take notes. Anyway, they addressed the fact that she's been hanging oddly around Wesley, which is good, because I was wondering about that. They both showed her to be a threat and kept her manageable, which is good. They figured out a way for her to be useful in a way that makes sense and is intriguing.

Which leads to the end with Angel and Gunn. I am intrigued! So, Angel thinks they have an ace in the hole against the Senior Partners (Illyria), and so is willing to lose this one person to evil in order to ... keep things calm until they make their big move? Maintain the element of surprise? At any rate, he's willing and eager to make a deal/trade in order to achieve the ultimate win. And Gunn's position is so totally different. He knows that deals/trades are not good things to make, and I especially liked his line, "She is our next move!" Who's right? I'm betting it's Gunn, especially since it really seems like Angel isn't at all sure of what he's doing.

But a final note - what with Wesley going all Gollum in his office? It's fucking CREEPY.

[End Spoiler]

Well, okay, anyway...

I was forced into going to the mall today. I am not a mall person. My original declaration was that I wanted to get a pair of nice shoes. Because I sort of ... don't have any. I am not a shoe person, either. Anyway, the trip was unsuccessful in that regard. I'm not surprised. It's nearly impossible to find shoes that fit my short, square, high-arched feet. Although not if I order my footwear from the UK. Which I guess I'll just have to do from now on, as overwhelming scientific evidence tells me that my feet are English.

I also think I'm allergic to the mall. There are so many stores full of smells that practically knock me over as I walk past them. It was all teary eyes and nose blowing and coughing. Also, I was very warm. Furthermore, I could barely walk around because I felt like I was weighted down, perhaps from hauling around my massive coat that my mother insists I wear when she suspects it will be even the slightest bit cold.

However! I managed to hear a song on the radio today! Well, a couple, but I'd been waiting to hear this one again, because I heard it several weeks ago and then could never remember what it sounded like. It's another one of those songs that's ubiquitous in television commercials, especially on the WB. It's the one that has the line: "I don't wanna be anything other than what I been tryin'a be lately." Or something like that. Anyway, I bring it up because never has a song so confused me as this song has. The first time I heard it on the radio, the music started up and I thought: "What is this, Alice in Chains?" And then the singing started and I thought: "Who is this, Neil Young?" And then the chorus started up and I thought: "What is this, hip hop?" Then I had to wonder if I didn't sorta like this song, despite the fact that it made me think Alice in Chains and Neil Young got together and did a hip hop song. But after a second listen, I conclude, no. Not really. So, suck it, that song.

So, anyway, now onto an Angel review! I actually watched this at about 1 o'clock in the morning, because I had it taped from before (and the next episode as well). This turned out to be a good thing, as I'm still more awake then than I am at 8 in the morning. Anyway, this episode? There is nothing wrong with this episode. There is nothing wrong at all with this episode. I love this episode. I want to watch it again and again forever, that's how much I like this episode. So, suck it, puppets.

[Begin Spoiler for "Origin" — Highlight to view]

THE KARTHEISER!! I love Vincent Kartheiser so much. And not just because his name sounds so German. This show really lucked out when they cast him, because this boy is really phenomenally talented. Seriously. I love him so much. This episode really would not have worked if anyone else had played Connor.

"Do you spend all your time making out with other vampires, like in Anne Rice novels?"
"No. Well... I used to."

I repeat: NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS EPISODE.

Seriously, everything was great. Everything! Well, except maybe Illyria. I was entertained by her pummeling of Spike, but other than that ... she's kind of boring. I hope that stops soon. She has great potential. Oh, also! Speaking of "she" - I notice that Wesley does. This is only significant because they made such a point of making Illyria seem either male or genderless, and now Wesley calls it "she" like it ain't no thang. Oh Wesley. Oh Wesley.

There are lot of other things I could talk about, but they basically boil down to: great. Sahjan! Connor! Cool bad guy! Really good writing! Oh man, it's like an episode from back when the show was cool, and only Kirk and I really fully appreciated how cool it was.

Drew Goddard, rock rock on.

[End Spoiler]

I'm going to watch it again later.

Um ... bluh.

[Begin Spoiler for "Underneath" — Highlight to view]

I couldn't remember the title of this episode. I had to look it up, because I seriously had no idea. Also ... I can't really remember what happened. I watched the episode, and then I went back to sleep for two more hours, and now it's very blurry in my head. This is not a good sign.

Anyway: boring. This episode was totally boring. I was so bored. Also, apparently this episode originally aired a bunch of weeks after Shells. Even if I hadn't already known this beforehand, I would have known it from the way the dialogue and exposition were so thick and heavy. And since I only saw the last episode Friday evening, that made it all the more awkward. The rewatchability is low. The ... staying power is low. And this, folks, is why writing your episode around your slot schedule is bad. Especially now with rerun deals and DVDs sales, and all that nonsense. The exposition was written because when this first aired, it was five weeks removed from the previous episode. Therefore, it was written for a moment in time that was brief and fleeting and will never exist again. So what's the point of that?

Anyway, just about everything everyone said was boring. Except for what Lorne said. Because he sold it. And it was actually about his inner feelings, which is not something we're often treated to, so it was okay. Also, Angel's speech to Gunn was fairly decent. Because it shows some amount of character growth. I mean, I knew the "...and you should" part was coming. That's no big shock. But the "because you're a good man." And Angel recognizes that good people can make mistakes, and people can make mistakes and still be good. Compare this to his dealings with Wesley in Season 3. (Or was it 4?)

Yay! Lindsey's not dead. Nay! Eve's not dead. Seriously, in her last episode ... I didn't mind her so much. And her words and actions seemed to indicate that she really loved and cared about Lindsey, which melted my coldness towards her just the tiniest little bit. But she was back in form in this episode, and everything annoyed the crap out me. Compassion? Sympathy? Killed. I hate you Eve, please die. And look, it's Adam Baldwin! ("Hey, it's Adam Baldwin!" I cried when he first appeared on screen.) Why do they use so many Firefly actors? Could it be that they feel guilt? Like, they told the actors that it was going to be a good show, so they should count on having work for a while, and then ... they turned out to be big fat liars? Anyway, I like him. He's cool.

Oh! The credits!! That's right, the credits are totally different! Actually, I'm going to have to go back and watch those right now because I don't know who's in and who's out. Excuse me. [a moment later] Oh, okay. No one's out. I was confused when I first watched this, so for some reason I thought J. August Richards and Alexis Denisof were no longer in there. This affects later points in my review. So ... Harmony in. And Amy Acker as Illyria in. And ... did they move Marsters up to second billing? Why? And why when there are only five episodes left in the whole series? Didn't they once complain that changes like this cost money? This is the most interesting thing about the entire episode. It's a puzzle!

So ... I was going to ask if this is the complete and full run of Gunn's story now. But apparently it isn't if he's still in the credits. Or ... maybe he's not in next week's credits. I don't know! Anyway, dude. LAME. Or ... I don't know. BORING. Something like that.

Last bit of business, what was with all the layers? I mean, everything was about the freaking layers in this episode. It didn't make an ounce of sense. Unless ... someone wants to fill me in on the deep and important significance of layers. I realize that it is a metaphor of some sort ... but for what? Boring! No purpose! Moving on.

[End Spoiler]

Anyway, I've been told that I should write about things that aren't television shows. And I've protested that I haven't done anything to warrant blogging about. (It's true, I haven't!) So yesterday I went out and did things specifically so I could have something to blog about. (Not true, I didn't! It's just a side effect.)

My mother and I went to Central Park to see The Gates. You know, the orange things. If you've seen pictures, well. The pretty much look just like the pictures. Hilariously, when we were coming upon the park, you could see them from a few blocks away, so I pointed them out to my mother, who didn't know where I was pointing.
"Where are they?"
[pointing] "Right in front of you."
"Oh! I thought it was road construction!"

So, yeah. My main problem with the Gates is the color. It's not saffron. It's the color of construction. And given that there is actual construction going on around the city, signified by the same bright shade of orange, the "art" factor was kind of lost on me. They look like road blocks. It looks like they're doing roadwork in the park. That's what it looks like. It looks like construction. It's kind of dumb. I think this problem could have been easily avoided if they altered the color of their work just a bit. Made the orange more reddish, or maybe, you know, *actually* saffron. But it was okay.

Then my mother wanted to walk back along Fifth Avenue, because she hates me . Luckily, it's not Christmas or anything, so the throng of people were not quite so ... thronging. So it wasn't bad at all.

Near St. Patrick's there was an old gypsy looking woman holding a cup for donations. Because she was an old gypsy woman. Two women in long fur coats walked by, and one gave her a decent sum of money. "Bless you," said the little old gypsy woman. And the woman in the fur coat replied, "Thank you. I have been blessed. I've been very blessed." It was a strange moment, but made me feel good. I like when people are like that.

I'm still sometimes amazed that I live so close to New York City. I mean, seriously. It took twenty minutes to get from inside the Lincoln Tunnel to pull into my driveway. Well, almost. My mother has decided that, come the spring, she's going to make it a point to go more often. BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT FREAKING THERE!

I'm surprised that I'm not there more often. But then again, that would involve leaving the house. Which I seem slightly unable to do. I feel not good. It's like my body has no energy. My mind has no energy. And it's starting to worry me. I've been reading listings for auditions and then purposely "avoiding" them. Because physically I don't feel up to it. Sometimes I don't even feel up to mailing out headshots. I type out cover letters and find myself playing five games of Spider Soltaire like I'm trying to avoid doing a paper for a class. I am worrying about this. Honestly, right now, I'd be perfectly happy if I could spend every day in bed and not get up, even if that meant my life never changed or moved forward and I lost all opportunity to do anything ever again.

And I'm not depressed or anything. (Well, I probably am. About the situation, anyway.) It's physical. It's hormonal. It's from the fucking thyroid. I'm getting fat. I'm eating little. I can't exercise because I still have seizing cramps for random and not readily apparent reasons. And I'm tired. Not in the sense of feeling sleepy deprived, but I just feel weary. Like, I'm fully awake, but there's a physical barrier that prevents me from doing anything. And I can't think. If someone asks me a question my mind just produces a blank in response.

So that's a run down of what I've been doing with myself. Absolutely nothing. Back in December, I was filled with this seemingly inexhaustible energy and I felt happy and things were happening, and everything was good. And then one day I woke up, and all the energy was gone and everything stopped. So now I spend my days in a vaccuum. And I watch a lot of television. Because it's the most passive thing I can do short of waking up every day. And it's so boring that *I* don't even want to talk about it.

Barely made it!

I totally watched two episodes in one day! Which I guess works out, since it was a two-part episode. On the other hand, I am tired as all hell. Today my mother said that my sister told her that she wanted to do that thing we did for Easter last year again for Easter this year. Um. What? For the life of me, I honestly cannot remember doing anything for Easter last year. My mother said that my sister came down, and she made waffles. And omelets. And bacon. And I had some bacon. And there were also mimosas.

THESE ARE OBVIOUSLY LIES! Because the only other alternative is that chunks of my memory are being wiped out. Because I don't remember a single bit of that.

And on that note, let's review!

[Begin Spoiler for "Shells" — Highlight to view]

So, I liked this episode. It was kind of boring, and there was a lot of talking about nothing, but it was pretty inoffensive, and, I'm going to say right now, I like Illyria. Who is, apparently, a dude? The "a" is a masculine ending, or something? That's very Tolkien. This whole business with the pronouns she/he/it just confuses me. Is it genderless? Is it a boy? Is it now a chick? Or is it only now that it's genderless? Am I the only person wondering about these things?

Anyway, I like it. I think Amy Acker's jerking walk is totally cool. And her voice sounds more appealing. And she looks neat! The catsuit is stupid, though. I mean, seriously, seriously stupid.

That's what you get, Knox! That's what you get for being lame and aggravating me all episode. I found you harmless enough before, but in this episode, you deserved your death.

And on that note, JEHAYSUS CHRIST, Wesley! What is the matter with you? All shootin' and stabbin' people all willy nilly. Get the fuck over yourself you crazy menace to society! I'm sorry you lost the love of your past two episodes, but you need to be kicked in the face. Nine times. I'm willing to forgive you though for that whole "Because I look like her?" "... Yes." scene. Because you rocked that. Well done.

Poor Gunn. You're taking his Man versus Himself conflict and turning into a Man versus man conflict! I don't approve! I mean, yes, he did a bad thing for selfish reasons. But he didn't know the outcome. (Although, can I just say that I'm appalled that he didn't carefully read the document Harmony gave him to sign? HAS HE LEARNED NOTHING?) And everyone seems to be a little at fault in this situation, including, oh, say, Fred. Because in this instance, "curious" equals "stupid." Stupid, stupid, stupid. And even though I liked her, part of me feels she deserved to die. Because that was damn stupid.

But anyway, I like Illyria. Her/His/Its kingdom is destroyed and lost! I feel ya, sister! ... brother! ... thing! And I'm interested in this whole Teach the Timeless Demon thing. Because, hey, whatever. I'm open-minded.

A final note: Hey! I know that song! It's "A Place Called Home" by Kim Richey! Um. Wow, how strange. I complained about this in the past, didn't I? What is this, Smallville? I have decided that I don't like when they play a poignant song overlaying the action. At least, not on this show. It's fine on Smallville, because they do it all the time. It's a thing. But on Angel (or that one episode of Buffy) it's just ... out of place. And really corny feeling. Also, now that I've seen fan videos, I have concluded that this use of songs reminds me of fan videos. Hell, I think I may even have heard this song used in a "vid." And that's not good, because the writers should never replicate anything associated with fan creativity. It's just wrong. So, yeah. I didn't really care for that, even though I like the song. I hope the trend stops now.

[End Spoiler]

..Or did I get that song from Beth??

This episode was written and directed by Joss Whedon.

[Begin Spoiler for "A Hole In The World" — Highlight to view]

The good news: Joss Whedon is a better writer and director than all the other writers and directors on this show combined.

The bad news: He's still a hack.

Examples: Cavemen vs. Astronauts. The first joke? Funny. The second joke? Still funny. By the time Fred and Wesley were still discussing it on the stairs? Oh my God so not funny anymore. I get it! Way to beat the goddamn joke to death! And I'm not sure about the tie-in to it at the end. What was that about, the demons are the cavemen, and they win over the more learned people? Eh, a fair point, but I still don't think we needed to have it beaten into us quite so thoroughly. Furthermore, I hope we all realize that the astronauts would get their asses handed to them. I mean, we're talking people who took down Pleistocene megafauna with freaking knives . Solid compact muscle, thick bones, skin toughened over with scars and calluses. The astronauts probably use moisturizer.

"You make me happy..." BOOM! Spurtin' blood and collapsing! Oh, Jesus Christ, Whedon! Speaking of boring the crap out of me. I can't even care anymore. FIND NEW GIMMICKS. The first time you do it is affecting and shocking. The fifth or tenth time you do it, it's a miraculous combination of lazily and desperately trying to be affecting and shocking. Ho fucking hum. And I think people have it backwards. Something bad didn't have to happen to one of them because they got together. They had to get together because something bad was going to happen to one of them. So Fred needed someone to never leave her, and comfort her, and cry over her, and amp up the emotion, and Wesley got that job because he was the easiest person to write into it. EASIEST. Because Whedon is all about doing what's easiest and convincing himself that it's genius.

Fred's blue! Yaaaaay! Um. I should clarify that I'm only cheering because that was the last thing I was spoiled for. And now that it happened I can watch the rest of the episodes being blissfully unaware of anything that will happen.

And, uh, despite Whedon being a hack, this episode was pretty darn good. Sorry to be misleading. All the actors gave great performances, even when the material was making me roll my eyes. The only thing that I don't think worked was Knox's reveal. I mean, I totally buy that he's evil, and that whole thing is his MO, but, come on. It? He either didn't play it enough like a slip, or didn't play it enough as an intentional wording. Because, seriously. Seriously.

Also, where are Fred's parents? Was there something that explained where they might be at the end of that last episode they were in? Or are they just at work? Anyway, it just distracted me.

But the list of things that were great is far longer. Gunn vs. Gunn. Awesome. Gunn signing the paper. Triple awesome. Lorne threatening Eve. Super awesome. (Even if the "all the boys love Fred" thing was ... odd.) The "hole in the world" and the keeping dude. Pretty cool. The fact that Angel got to make the choice (no fun if the character is robbed of choice) and he chose to save Fred. Excellent. Every scene with Amy Acker in it. She kicked about thirteen different kinds of ass. Also, Wesley reading A Little Princess. I teared up, because I am an enormous. freaking. girl.

So, my final verdict: Whedon is a douchebag, but he still does a fairly good episode on occasion.

[End Spoiler]

I may watch "Shells" later today, because I have that taped from before. This means I will not have to wake up early tomorrow to see it. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THE DVDs. I do not know why I am this strange.

I hope Superhero Girl did not see this episode.

And I hope she doesn't read this review.


[Begin Spoiler for "Smile Time" — Highlight to view]

So that was the puppet episode, huh? I should mention that despite my best efforts, there are several things for which I could not help but be spoiled. That this episode was about puppets was one of those things. That Cordy died without ever waking up was another. (I was pleasantly surprised to not have all the information on that one.) I was spoiled mainly through a profile picture on the board (tigger is the person's name?), and that picture contained a puppet Angel and a puppet Spike. So for this whole episode, I was waiting for Spike to get puppetized, and was confused when that didn't happen. Maybe it's an extra on the DVD. I COULD GO WATCH THE DVDs AND CHECK. [/subtle]

Yeah, so, as a rule, I don't find puppets intrinsically hilarious. By which I mean, I'm not entertained merely because there are puppets. You can blame a childhood orchestrated by Jim Henson. I'm cool with puppets being part of a story. So, I can't react with, "Heee! IT'S PUPPETS!" Or, "Angel is a puppet! Heeeeee!!!" Or, "They're fighting! And it's hilarious because they are puppets!!" ... I'm not that easy.

Moreover, I was really distracted by the Puppet Angel, because ... why is his puppet face so messed up? Seriously. Does his real face look like that? I mean, I get that they have him all frowning and brooding, and the prominent brows made me snort, but what's up with his mouth? Why is it all deformed and over to one side? It was really weird to look at. Also, I noticed after the attack that part of his eyebrow is still missing. I wonder if it will still be missing in the next episode. That would be neat. But also weird, since I bet that's probably a gang signal in Los Angeles.

However, I will give this episode many points for having the puppets be SO FREAKING CREEPY. I mean, you know, creepy and scary. Because the puppet ... getting off on the child energy? DISTURBING. So disturbing. And using David Fury as a puppet and laughing at him as he begged for death. DISTURBING. And yet very awesome. Another great moment was when Angel was walking around the studio and in the back very fuzzy you could see one of the camera operators just standing there. It was cool, but made Angel look highly unobservant that he didn't notice her.

I noticed that they used the same girl who played Anya's daughter in Hells Bells. They must really like her. Is she someone's kid?

The wolf chick: Okay. That's random. And it's a weird thing to just thrust at the viewers. "Hey Angel, you should casually date this girl! She's totally your type!" And she's been making moon eyes at him, eh? Perhaps it would have been nice to see her in at least one other episode prior to this, then. You know, for the sake of actually trying to build that story. I guess there wasn't enough time to do that and have the characters sit around uselessly and repeat exposition for the millionth time.

So, I guess they solved Gunn's problem? And ... it made no sense? Why did the doctor think it was impossible that Gunn's implant could be fading, if he then later admitted that he'd only given him a non-permanent one, and that there was a permanent type available? Lame. Also, it's interesting that a few episodes back, Gunn was chastising himself for not hitting stuff like he used to, yet as soon as his lawyer skillz start to go, he "can't go back to that." Either Gunn is a complex man, or the writers are confusing themselves.

Fred and Wesley. Well it's about freaking time! Seriously! I approve.

Also, David Fury sold his soul to some devils, but didn't read the fine print, and now he's being used as a puppet-figurehead, eh? I wonder if that has any parallels to the overall arc of this season! Seriously, are they just finding different ways in each episode of saying the exact same thing?

Other than that ... I felt like this episode left a lot of things not wrapped up. I almost wondered if TNT cut things out. I COULD GO WATCH THE DVDs AND CHECK. [/subtle] But ... why did Angel become a puppet? I mean, besides the fact that they wanted to make Angel a puppet. The big smiley ball is ... for what? Black market youthful energy? That made no sense. It made no sense that Angel became a puppet. Or that it will take days to turn him back. And how did all the workers become zombies? Who was that guy under the big smiley ball? David Fury? Why were they keeping him in there? What happened to all the people? And ... the demon puppets just die when you rip them apart? That's it? It's over? And where did Spike go in this episode?

Oh, speaking of which. Spike got his ass kicked by a puppet. That's just sad, man. Once you get your ass kicked by a puppet, you have hit a new low.

[End Spoiler]

[is confused ]

[Begin Spoiler for "Why We Fight" — Highlight to view]

Dear Mutant Enemy: Are you dicking with me?

What was the point of all that? Can someone explain that?

I feel that this entire episode was ill-advised.

[End Spoiler]


[Begin Spoiler for an edit of further thoughts — Highlight to view]

So, this episode was boring and lame. But moreover, it just bothered me. Because of the Nazis. It wasn't really that bad an episode. I can't rant and say it was horrible and devastating, because, really, it was just sort of ... there. But I've decided that I am fundamentally opposed to using Nazis as a plot device . It bothers me. So, I was unsettled by this episode. Why did they have to go there? Is my point.

So, Gunn is losing his lawyer knowledge. THIS IS OBVIOUS. (Unless it turns out that I'm wrong. Heh.) But, THIS IS OBVIOUS. It's one of the most obvious things that were ever obvious. Why? Because that was so completely unsubtle. About as subtle as Wesley calling Knox untrustworthy. GET IT? Because he likes Fred and is jealous of Knox! Which is why he's making such subtle comments about it! Both these lines had all the subtley of a sledgehammer. Gunn didn't stumble over that line like he was tired. He stumbled over it like his magically implanted legal knowledge was on the blink. That line serves no other person. BECAUSE IT IS SO OBVIOUS.

This episode did not do a lot to keep me awake this morning. As such, it wasn't until I was reading the TWoP recap just now that learned that some potentially amusing things were in there. Like when Angel said and wasn't going to be trapped at the bottom of the ocean, and Spike replied that he wasn't going to be experimented on by the government. Heh. Yeah, it's easy, but also amusing. Also, I missed the following gem from The Prince of Lies: "I will suck the brain from your skull and digest your thoughts like a sour pudding." Because, seriously? That line is awesome. If only I could get it to apply to more situations, I'd use it all the time. I also like the TWoP assessment of the actor, that he did a great impression of Willem Dafoe doing a great impression of Count Orlock. It's so true. I'm so sad he and the other guy died. They entertained me, and were the best thing about this episode. Oh, you know what else amused me, though? When the chap stated that he knew Angel when he was in his "patriotic phase" and then we immediately flash back to Angel sitting amongst newspapers looking solemn. Apparently, this wasn't meant to be funny, but it cracked me up, because I thought that *was* Angel in patriotic mode. Sort of like those posters that show "The Many Moods of Cats" where they have "happy," "sleepy," "patriotic," etc., and it's all the same face? That's what I thought they were doing here, and I was highly entertained. Oops.

In other news, Spike is stupid. Remember way back in School Hard when he figured Angel out and angrily shouted, "You think you can fool me?" Well, obviously Angel thought so because he's been so successful at it so many times in the past. I mean, yeesh. Seriously. I think Angel's guard should have been up. I think they had ample room to show Angel doing things that Spike could interpret as sadistic, but they didn't, and it just made everyone look stupid.

One point of contention, though: apparently everyone thinks Lawson's line about "blah blah blah, only your führer could come up with something like this, blah blah" was about experimenting on demons. What? Why would he care? I thought it was pretty obvious that he was talking about (and seriously, I hate even typing this, hate hate hate) the Nazis using demons as an army, to help them win the war. And the irony, of course (hate hate hate) is that the US Government, the "good guys" are doing the same thing - using evil to help them win the war. Which is again brought up by Lawson's assertion that there's a difference between fighting to win (which includes using whatever means necessary, like utilizing something evil) and fighting because you're moral and you're trying to do the right thing. AND OF COURSE, this directly corresponds to the whole Wolfram and Hart thing. They're utilizing something evil because they want to win at all costs. But what are the costs? Apparently, the costs are that you become no better than Nazis.

Can I state again how much I fucking hate the "using the Nazis" concept? HATE HATE HATE. But, anyway, yeah, there you go. THIS WAS ALSO OBVIOUS. Which is why it was so unnecessary. We know all this already! So what's with the redundacy, and what's with the fucking Nazis? Jesus!

[End Spoiler]

I'm done now.

Um. What?

I woke up at 8 to watch television! Having gone to sleep at 3 the previous night! Oh, my life is so hard.

[Begin Spoiler for "You're Welcome" — Highlight to view]

That ... was ... totally ... good . What!? What happened? Didn't this show just suck incalculable ass not five minutes ago? I don't understand!

Apparently that was, like ... the point? Eve getting uncomfortabley under my skin, Spike continuing to exist, everyone being annoying, the terrible writing and painful dialogue, that was the plan all along? Because I think that's what I learned here!

Seriously, it was just ... good. This was my overwhelming impression. I'm trying to be insightful or otherwise comment-y, but it's not really happening. That was just like an Angel episode. I really enjoyed watching it. There was so much good dialogue! And even the things that were cheesy (and there were things that were cheesy) I like just because they were done well. Like, "I want to see a lawyer" - I'm amazed that line worked! But it totally did! And Lindsey was awesome. Because he is. And yet I'm glad that he lost, because I'm not weirdly fannish enough to think he deserves any better. (You couple people know what I mean.) And they solved problems! Oh my God! It was so nice to see things being resolved! And stuff happening, but not, you know "stuff that's almost huge but then turns out to be nothing." So good work, Fury! Now we can be friends.

They even managed to address my only major nitpick about the episode (that is, how did she get released from the hospital with so little fuss? I get it!) But this is not to suggest that I don't still have complaints! The exposition still needs work. Although it was much much better. Given all the backstory, they spent pleasingly little time discussing the backstory. But still, you know ... could have been better! Like, Angel and Cordy conversing about why he took over Wolfram and Hart. It was actually pretty good! It came out very naturally, and seems like it would really need to be a part of that conversation, and something he would actually have to say. That's great! I'm all for exposition if you can work it naturally into the dialogue. I mean, honestly, one of my favorite movies of all time is The Lion In Winter.[/not random if you've seen it] The only problem is that we'd already had a clunky "We took over Wolfram and Hart!" exposition moment earlier in the episode. Which was completely unnecessary! Also, talking about things that happened in the past DOES NOT EQUAL continuity. I'm afraid to read the WD reviews for this, because I know someone will be all over the wrong things and call them continuity. "Hey, Angel, remember when you cut off my hand?" Is not continuity. Is exposition, clunkiness variable. "I'm going to get a Seabreeze." Ding ding ding! Continuity! Although, as easy one, at this point. Continuity is when actions, behavior, and characterization are in accordance with information we have learned in the past. Continuity is not rehashing or discussing the past. End rant.

But, yeah. Um. Aside from just that above thing? TOTALLY ROCKED. Yee! My good friend Pat assured me that the season had a "turning point" thing at this episode. I approve! Therefore, I will choose to believe that this is a highly positive change until proven otherwise, maybe.

[End Spoiler]

So, Angle, eh? Show about fishing or something?

The Angel episodes I haven't seen start on Monday. MONDAY! That's so ridiculously soon! So, of course, I figured that I should get around to watching the last episode I have taped. Since I've only had months to do it! Seriously! The commercials informed me that the final presidential debates had yet to take place when this episode was taped. Yikes!

Anyway, perhaps there was a reason I held off on watching this episode. Some prescient reason. As you'll be able to ascertain by reading the following disjointed review. It's in two parts. Sort of. Also, I'm typing this up at a very late hour. So, it's highly probable that none of this will make any sense, or that I won't, at some point in time, completely change my mind about things.

I think my final verdict is: "I would have liked it if so much didn't suck."


[Begin Spoiler for Angel Episode 5.11 "Damage" — Highlight to view]

So, as I'm typing up this section, I have not finished watching the whole episode. I suppose I will, and I'll have a second half immediately following, however, I needed to stop my tape. In disbe-fucking-lief.

First, it's been a long time since I've seen this show. I barely remembered what was going on! It was almost like I was watching a brand new show. And you know what my first impression was? "This show is not very good." Seriously. If I were a new viewer, which the writers still apparently hope I might be, I would think this show sucked ass. The acting is not good. The writing is terrible.

But as I'm not a new viewer, I can add to that: GAAAAh! I never thought I'd say this, but shut up Gunn! Why can't you get rid of Eve, exactly? And, Angel, you went along with that, why? That scene angered me. Also? The, Spike, the. In the German. After a few months without him, I feel exactly the way Angel does. He's stupid and he's annoying and he's pointless. Are we supposed to think he's funny? Are those "witty" "quips" that he's dishing out? It was especially depressing to find that I knew exactly what was going to be said before it was. Gunn speaks in lawyer-fashion = "I was imbued with lawyer knowledge!" "Because we took over the law firm of Wolfram and Hart!" "That's right! They are evil, but we are not!" "Can we survive morally in such an environment?" "I don't know! Angel is our boss!" "He's a vampire with a soul!" "Here comes Spike, who serves no purpose but all we characters (save Angel) find him endearing anyway!" Angel: "I find Spike annoying and/or stupid." Spike: "[something annoying and/or stupid]."

Also - "I don't speak Chinese"? Fuck you, writers. Fuck you. Fuck you for reminding me that for a brief and fleeting time, I liked Spike, and he was cool. Fuck you for taking that memory and shitting all over it.

See also: referencing the Lord of the Rings. And now we come to the point where I stopped watching. Hi Andrew, Favorite of the writers and less discriminating fans alike. Let's help fuck up another show, eh? Oh wait, first, LET'S EXPLAIN THE CONCEPT OF THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.

This, gentle readers, is where I could no longer take it. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." Repeat x 12. I had the same reaction as Buffy on Graduation Day when she realized, "Oh my God. He's going to do the whole speech." You have GOT to be FUCKING kidding me. Is there anyone, anywhere, ever, who doesn't know about the slayer? I'm not even talking about people who watch the show. People alive. On the planet. In remote and desolate war-torn third-world countries. Are there people anywhere who DON'T ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF THE VAMPIRE SLAYER?? I was so shocked and insulted that I actually had to stop my tape and begin typing this out to distract myself. I guess the "upside" is that we get to hear Andrew "explain" it in a "funny" way. Jesus Horatio Fucking Christ. I don't want to finish this episode.

But I will. Because I think the slayer chick is kind of cool. And because Pat will be crushed if I don't watch all of this season and formulate an opinion on it. So. Yeah. I'll be back in a few.

31 minutes later. Huh. Well...? That was ... kind of ... okay? And yet ... still not good? I see now that we had to learn about slayers because they had to tell us how they rode roughshod over the mythology. Potential slayers have dreams and visions of other slayers? And they tap into each other's memories and shared experiences? Hey, you know what? Sure. What the fuck ever. I don't care.

I'd rather some things be dropped than see them handled badly. Case in point: the army of slayers. It honestly, made me feel sick to my stomach. Crazy slayer was an unforeseen thing, huh? Well, maybe they should have foreseen things like that before they did that idiotic spell. Maybe they should have thought a little harder before they subjected all of these innocent girls to a life full of monsters and darkness and searching them out and subverting them into this "army." And I'm so glad that Buffy is at the helm. Because all she ever wanted was a normal life, so of course it makes sense that she wants to rob thousands of other girls of their normal lives. Right? Right??

Do the writers have any idea what they've done?

Furthermore, Spike and Angel's little heart-to-heart? The terrible thing is that it could have been so interesting if I hadn't stopped caring years ago. If this all hadn't been made a joke years ago. I'll feel insulted if Spike starts feeling remorse now, after all I had to put up with. Also, I think it would have been hilarious if the loss of his hands had been permanent.

But, hey, at least now I know where Rob's title came from. That's always fun, because I never know some things are on-topic until I catch up. And then it's like finding a hidden reference! Also, "Like nickels?" made me snicker. I admit, that was pretty funny.

Mostly, though, I feel sad. I feel depressed.

[End Spoiler]

In other news, Lost wasn't very good this week. Except for the final minutes. That rocked, and almost completely made up for the lackluster-ness of the entire rest of the episode. A 9-double-em's no Barrow blade, but it'll do in a pinch when you need to take charge.

In yet further news, I hate all of humanity.

Well now what am I going to do with all these extra baby points?

So, Stephanie managed to have a baby several days ago, even though I didn't blog first! Unassisted!

Now there is a whole new person, filled with practical jokes and wizard powers. Or is there? Her parents keep promising that more pictures of Miss Irina are on their way, but what if they're lying? What if they only rented a baby for a single day for the photo ops? How do I know! There's only one way that I can be proven wrong.

Um. This is why I haven't blogged. I have nothing to say. I'm still painting cabinets. Still! You'd think I have a million cabinets, but I don't. I was thinking maybe tomorrow I'd watch (and review!) whatever it is Angel episode that I left off with. Because according to TNT, my reruns have almost arrived! Eee! I should be watching them again by next week sometime! Then you will all miss my days of non-updating, that's how many updates there will be. Or, you know, you won't miss anything, as you will have stopped reading long ago. You don't even know I'm writing this!

I think the lesson here is that the internet is a stupid place.

... I'm so brilliant.