Again!

American Idol Review! Because nothing else is on. I'm pretty sure I know most of the people by name now. And if I don't, I'm not going to look them up, because that means they have yet to impress me in any way.

Overall impression: the judges were really lenient. Randy and Paula anyway, and Simon seemed like he was too overwhelmed by all the positive vibing around him to get into any actual, solid critiques, though you could tell he wanted to. Also, I was universally disappointed in all the people I liked last week.

First up, Anthony Fedorov. Or however you spell it. Crystal. OH MY GOD. You are so right! What is up with that thing? That's not a normal body ... having. WHAT IS THAT? Was he shot in the neck, or something? Also, he was really boring. Also, is he foreign or something? I noticed that when he talked he had slight trouble saying "th" and a few other sounds. Maybe! I don't know.

Carrie blondegirl. Underwood? Anyway. I like her. I do. TWoP doesn't like her, but I like her. I can see how people probably think she's boring, and I can respect that, but ... eh. I don't know. She just seems very sweet and likeable to me. And so I like her! And I think she did an effective job not being "country" tonight, though she really should understand that it isn't *what* she sings that makes her sound country, it's *how* she sings. And when she started, she still had a twang, and I was all set to roll my eyes, but she got it under control. I didn't think she was that great, though. She didn't sell the song. I kind of didn't care, though, because (and now I have to make The Boy weep bitterly - I'm sorry dear) Heart makes me rock out. The pick could only have been better if she'd chosen "What About Love." Hooray! But she wasn't as good as the judges seemed to think she was.

That Scott guy? He sings really well. But he's not going to win. Seriously.

Nikko? Still a girl's name. He sounded okay, but he sounded ... how to put this ... like about a dozen other guys who are *just like that.* And he didn't even sound like the best of those guys. He sounded maybe in the middle. We don't need any more of those guys.

I realize that I'm no longer going in order.

Vonzell. I have the reverse problem with her name that I have with Nikko. First: what? Second: even though I've never heard this "name" before, it sounds like a boy's name. Doesn't it? It sounds like a name that would be given to a boy. Anyway, she was better this week, but I disagree with Simon, I think she's still forgettable. Even her looks. As soon as I saw her, I decided that she was boringly pretty. You know what I mean? Do you know those people? Where they're pretty, very pretty even, and it's not really even a debate, but they're just ... boring looking? Like, even though you recognize that they're pretty, they're pretty in a boring, generic, uninteresting way? She doesn't look at all interesting. And she seems sweet, but like she doesn't have any real personality to speak of.

On the other hand: Nadia. First, my disappointment. Who the fuck forgets the words to "Time After Time"? Nadia, you are out of the club. I don't even know what club it is, but I know you're out of it. Who forgets the words to "Time After Time"?? But she was okay. Better, I think, than the judges gave her credit for. I thought she actually had a good balance between "performing" the song and singing it. She performed it, but at the same time, you could still hear her singing, and it was good. And goddamn, I want her hair. I wish I had her hair just for like, a day. And I also like the fact that she claimed that most of the songs she likes never made it on a Number Ones list. I believe her, y'all. She's still my favorite.

Anwar: is like the female Vonzell, only even more boring. Far more boring, actually, because I think he might actually be attractive in an interesting way if he had an actual personality. Which I don't think he does.

Constantine. First of all, your name is stupid and makes me laugh. I still think you're kind of cute though. But apparently the good people at TWoP think he's awkward and creepy. And, I have to tell you, not that I'm letting my opinion be swayed (not really) but ... they have a point. Much of what they said about him had me dying, because I immediately recognized their innate truth. Some gems: "He's dressed all sixties, I guess, but more like a record-store owner who really wants to get the band back together." And "This also causes Constantine to devolve into an explosively impressive suicide girl mess, fake eye-fucking and lip-pursing and tongue-moving and all kinds of tics and shady glances and hair-acting and posing and posture experiments." And ""

Anyway. His performance? Kinda creepy. And angry. And it was "I Think I Love You." But I find him entertaining, actually. And he's still kind of cute when he's not making any expressions.

You know who totally is cute, though? Bo Bice. And he's got one of those names that makes me need to say both his first and last name. Bo Bice. His hair was so much better today. He's got nice hair. And blue, blue eyes. And I really am that easy, apparently. Bo Bice also sings really well, and I think we should be friends. And as his friend, I would have to tell him something extremely important. Something that I noticed. About his physical appearance. Bo Bice. Has. A CREASE. No!!!! Bo Bice! I'm so sorry! I know your pain! Listen. Listen to me, Bo Bice. This is important. You have to stop scrunching your eyebrows. I know, I know. I know it's hard, and Lord knows it's not easy for me, but if you stop scrunching your eyebrows, so will I. Let's beat this thing together, Bo Bice.

Let's see. Who's next? Oh yes, Girl Whose Name I Cannot Remember. I can't remember her name. But I have to say to her: Who the fuck forgets the words to Total Eclipse Of The Heart!! Jesus! You're out of my club too. Out. Get out. But her singing was okay. But boring. Not as good as the judges thought she did. But nice. But boring. But she seems like she probably does have a cute personality, though. But she won't win. BECAUSE I CANNNOT REMEMBER HER NAME.

And last I will mention Mikalah. Because she deserves to be last. Because she can't sing. All the other people in the competition at this point can actually sing competently. They can actually all sing *well*, if boringly. Mikalah can not. Mikalah needs to go home.


I HAVE CEASED TO TALK ABOUT AMERICAN IDOL AT THIS POINT.

So it turns out that I didn't have tonsilitis. I probably have an ear infection. But I took lots of vitamins and soup and I slept a lot, and I think it's better now. The pain seems to have gone.

I also watched Veronica Mars again! It's new next week! So I'll probably recap it for the benefit of Kirk and Beth. You know what, though? Kristen Bell has a crease, too. It's epidemic. Sigh. She also had forehead lines, though. And I don't have those, thank goodness. You know, there is nothing that signifies that an actor is not actually a teenager so much as forehead lines. Because teenagers do not have that. Teenagers don't have creases, either. Probably. Because you don't get those unless you're old. Old like I am. [weeps]

In completely unrelated news, I cleaned my keyboard today. HOLY CRAP IT NEEDED IT.

In yet more unrelated news, I have been reading The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien. And, this may be solely because I am a huge geek, but, I find it so sexy. It's awesome and great! And it occurs to me that this is the first new book I have read in months. MONTHS. I don't even know how long it's been since I've read a new book. I mean, I've still been reading fairly steadily, but the last maybe ten books that I've read? Were all books that I've read before. And I'm not even sure this should count, because it still has many of the same characters and takes place in the same world as books I've already read. I haven't read anything wholly *new* in a long time. I don't like change. And I don't know what I can read that I haven't already that I'll like.

Gah.