Anyway, perhaps there was a reason I held off on watching this episode. Some prescient reason. As you'll be able to ascertain by reading the following disjointed review. It's in two parts. Sort of. Also, I'm typing this up at a very late hour. So, it's highly probable that none of this will make any sense, or that I won't, at some point in time, completely change my mind about things.
I think my final verdict is: "I would have liked it if so much didn't suck."
[Begin Spoiler for Angel Episode 5.11 "Damage" — Highlight to view]
So, as I'm typing up this section, I have not finished watching the whole episode. I suppose I will, and I'll have a second half immediately following, however, I needed to stop my tape. In disbe-fucking-lief.
First, it's been a long time since I've seen this show. I barely remembered what was going on! It was almost like I was watching a brand new show. And you know what my first impression was? "This show is not very good." Seriously. If I were a new viewer, which the writers still apparently hope I might be, I would think this show sucked ass. The acting is not good. The writing is terrible.
But as I'm not a new viewer, I can add to that: GAAAAh! I never thought I'd say this, but shut up Gunn! Why can't you get rid of Eve, exactly? And, Angel, you went along with that, why? That scene angered me. Also? The, Spike, the. In the German. After a few months without him, I feel exactly the way Angel does. He's stupid and he's annoying and he's pointless. Are we supposed to think he's funny? Are those "witty" "quips" that he's dishing out? It was especially depressing to find that I knew exactly what was going to be said before it was. Gunn speaks in lawyer-fashion = "I was imbued with lawyer knowledge!" "Because we took over the law firm of Wolfram and Hart!" "That's right! They are evil, but we are not!" "Can we survive morally in such an environment?" "I don't know! Angel is our boss!" "He's a vampire with a soul!" "Here comes Spike, who serves no purpose but all we characters (save Angel) find him endearing anyway!" Angel: "I find Spike annoying and/or stupid." Spike: "[something annoying and/or stupid]."
Also - "I don't speak Chinese"? Fuck you, writers. Fuck you. Fuck you for reminding me that for a brief and fleeting time, I liked Spike, and he was cool. Fuck you for taking that memory and shitting all over it.
See also: referencing the Lord of the Rings. And now we come to the point where I stopped watching. Hi Andrew, Favorite of the writers and less discriminating fans alike. Let's help fuck up another show, eh? Oh wait, first, LET'S EXPLAIN THE CONCEPT OF THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.
This, gentle readers, is where I could no longer take it. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." Repeat x 12. I had the same reaction as Buffy on Graduation Day when she realized, "Oh my God. He's going to do the whole speech." You have GOT to be FUCKING kidding me. Is there anyone, anywhere, ever, who doesn't know about the slayer? I'm not even talking about people who watch the show. People alive. On the planet. In remote and desolate war-torn third-world countries. Are there people anywhere who DON'T ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF THE VAMPIRE SLAYER?? I was so shocked and insulted that I actually had to stop my tape and begin typing this out to distract myself. I guess the "upside" is that we get to hear Andrew "explain" it in a "funny" way. Jesus Horatio Fucking Christ. I don't want to finish this episode.
But I will. Because I think the slayer chick is kind of cool. And because Pat will be crushed if I don't watch all of this season and formulate an opinion on it.
So. Yeah. I'll be back in a few.31 minutes later. Huh. Well...? That was ... kind of ... okay? And yet ... still not good? I see now that we had to learn about slayers because they had to tell us how they rode roughshod over the mythology. Potential slayers have dreams and visions of other slayers? And they tap into each other's memories and shared experiences? Hey, you know what? Sure. What the fuck ever. I don't care.
I'd rather some things be dropped than see them handled badly. Case in point: the army of slayers. It honestly, made me feel sick to my stomach. Crazy slayer was an unforeseen thing, huh? Well, maybe they should have foreseen things like that before they did that idiotic spell. Maybe they should have thought a little harder before they subjected all of these innocent girls to a life full of monsters and darkness and searching them out and subverting them into this "army." And I'm so glad that Buffy is at the helm. Because all she ever wanted was a normal life, so of course it makes sense that she wants to rob thousands of other girls of their normal lives. Right? Right??
Do the writers have any idea what they've done?
Furthermore, Spike and Angel's little heart-to-heart? The terrible thing is that it could have been so interesting if I hadn't stopped caring years ago. If this all hadn't been made a joke years ago. I'll feel insulted if Spike starts feeling remorse now, after all I had to put up with. Also, I think it would have been hilarious if the loss of his hands had been permanent.
But, hey, at least now I know where Rob's title came from. That's always fun, because I never know some things are on-topic until I catch up. And then it's like finding a hidden reference! Also, "Like nickels?" made me snicker. I admit, that was pretty funny.
Mostly, though, I feel sad. I feel depressed.
[End Spoiler]
In other news, Lost wasn't very good this week. Except for the final minutes. That rocked, and almost completely made up for the lackluster-ness of the entire rest of the episode. A 9-double-em's no Barrow blade, but it'll do in a pinch when you need to take charge.
In yet further news, I hate all of humanity.
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