Um ... bluh.

[Begin Spoiler for "Underneath" — Highlight to view]

I couldn't remember the title of this episode. I had to look it up, because I seriously had no idea. Also ... I can't really remember what happened. I watched the episode, and then I went back to sleep for two more hours, and now it's very blurry in my head. This is not a good sign.

Anyway: boring. This episode was totally boring. I was so bored. Also, apparently this episode originally aired a bunch of weeks after Shells. Even if I hadn't already known this beforehand, I would have known it from the way the dialogue and exposition were so thick and heavy. And since I only saw the last episode Friday evening, that made it all the more awkward. The rewatchability is low. The ... staying power is low. And this, folks, is why writing your episode around your slot schedule is bad. Especially now with rerun deals and DVDs sales, and all that nonsense. The exposition was written because when this first aired, it was five weeks removed from the previous episode. Therefore, it was written for a moment in time that was brief and fleeting and will never exist again. So what's the point of that?

Anyway, just about everything everyone said was boring. Except for what Lorne said. Because he sold it. And it was actually about his inner feelings, which is not something we're often treated to, so it was okay. Also, Angel's speech to Gunn was fairly decent. Because it shows some amount of character growth. I mean, I knew the "...and you should" part was coming. That's no big shock. But the "because you're a good man." And Angel recognizes that good people can make mistakes, and people can make mistakes and still be good. Compare this to his dealings with Wesley in Season 3. (Or was it 4?)

Yay! Lindsey's not dead. Nay! Eve's not dead. Seriously, in her last episode ... I didn't mind her so much. And her words and actions seemed to indicate that she really loved and cared about Lindsey, which melted my coldness towards her just the tiniest little bit. But she was back in form in this episode, and everything annoyed the crap out me. Compassion? Sympathy? Killed. I hate you Eve, please die. And look, it's Adam Baldwin! ("Hey, it's Adam Baldwin!" I cried when he first appeared on screen.) Why do they use so many Firefly actors? Could it be that they feel guilt? Like, they told the actors that it was going to be a good show, so they should count on having work for a while, and then ... they turned out to be big fat liars? Anyway, I like him. He's cool.

Oh! The credits!! That's right, the credits are totally different! Actually, I'm going to have to go back and watch those right now because I don't know who's in and who's out. Excuse me. [a moment later] Oh, okay. No one's out. I was confused when I first watched this, so for some reason I thought J. August Richards and Alexis Denisof were no longer in there. This affects later points in my review. So ... Harmony in. And Amy Acker as Illyria in. And ... did they move Marsters up to second billing? Why? And why when there are only five episodes left in the whole series? Didn't they once complain that changes like this cost money? This is the most interesting thing about the entire episode. It's a puzzle!

So ... I was going to ask if this is the complete and full run of Gunn's story now. But apparently it isn't if he's still in the credits. Or ... maybe he's not in next week's credits. I don't know! Anyway, dude. LAME. Or ... I don't know. BORING. Something like that.

Last bit of business, what was with all the layers? I mean, everything was about the freaking layers in this episode. It didn't make an ounce of sense. Unless ... someone wants to fill me in on the deep and important significance of layers. I realize that it is a metaphor of some sort ... but for what? Boring! No purpose! Moving on.

[End Spoiler]

Anyway, I've been told that I should write about things that aren't television shows. And I've protested that I haven't done anything to warrant blogging about. (It's true, I haven't!) So yesterday I went out and did things specifically so I could have something to blog about. (Not true, I didn't! It's just a side effect.)

My mother and I went to Central Park to see The Gates. You know, the orange things. If you've seen pictures, well. The pretty much look just like the pictures. Hilariously, when we were coming upon the park, you could see them from a few blocks away, so I pointed them out to my mother, who didn't know where I was pointing.
"Where are they?"
[pointing] "Right in front of you."
"Oh! I thought it was road construction!"

So, yeah. My main problem with the Gates is the color. It's not saffron. It's the color of construction. And given that there is actual construction going on around the city, signified by the same bright shade of orange, the "art" factor was kind of lost on me. They look like road blocks. It looks like they're doing roadwork in the park. That's what it looks like. It looks like construction. It's kind of dumb. I think this problem could have been easily avoided if they altered the color of their work just a bit. Made the orange more reddish, or maybe, you know, *actually* saffron. But it was okay.

Then my mother wanted to walk back along Fifth Avenue, because she hates me . Luckily, it's not Christmas or anything, so the throng of people were not quite so ... thronging. So it wasn't bad at all.

Near St. Patrick's there was an old gypsy looking woman holding a cup for donations. Because she was an old gypsy woman. Two women in long fur coats walked by, and one gave her a decent sum of money. "Bless you," said the little old gypsy woman. And the woman in the fur coat replied, "Thank you. I have been blessed. I've been very blessed." It was a strange moment, but made me feel good. I like when people are like that.

I'm still sometimes amazed that I live so close to New York City. I mean, seriously. It took twenty minutes to get from inside the Lincoln Tunnel to pull into my driveway. Well, almost. My mother has decided that, come the spring, she's going to make it a point to go more often. BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT FREAKING THERE!

I'm surprised that I'm not there more often. But then again, that would involve leaving the house. Which I seem slightly unable to do. I feel not good. It's like my body has no energy. My mind has no energy. And it's starting to worry me. I've been reading listings for auditions and then purposely "avoiding" them. Because physically I don't feel up to it. Sometimes I don't even feel up to mailing out headshots. I type out cover letters and find myself playing five games of Spider Soltaire like I'm trying to avoid doing a paper for a class. I am worrying about this. Honestly, right now, I'd be perfectly happy if I could spend every day in bed and not get up, even if that meant my life never changed or moved forward and I lost all opportunity to do anything ever again.

And I'm not depressed or anything. (Well, I probably am. About the situation, anyway.) It's physical. It's hormonal. It's from the fucking thyroid. I'm getting fat. I'm eating little. I can't exercise because I still have seizing cramps for random and not readily apparent reasons. And I'm tired. Not in the sense of feeling sleepy deprived, but I just feel weary. Like, I'm fully awake, but there's a physical barrier that prevents me from doing anything. And I can't think. If someone asks me a question my mind just produces a blank in response.

So that's a run down of what I've been doing with myself. Absolutely nothing. Back in December, I was filled with this seemingly inexhaustible energy and I felt happy and things were happening, and everything was good. And then one day I woke up, and all the energy was gone and everything stopped. So now I spend my days in a vaccuum. And I watch a lot of television. Because it's the most passive thing I can do short of waking up every day. And it's so boring that *I* don't even want to talk about it.