Television is boring.

I've been watching far too much television lately. This is because the internet is very boring. Unfortunately, television is also boring. BORING!

Part of the problem is that I've started watching some shows I like (such as "Lost" and "Veronica Mars" - thanks Kirk!) but they're currently in hiatus until sweeps. Bah.

I probably should have written this entry on Sunday, since that's when ... I originally planned to. And since I am currently very inarticulate and am only writing this because I am, again, bored. But Sunday? Bad tv. See, ordinarily on Sundays we order a pizza and my mother and I watch Lidia Bastianich and Jacques Pepin cook on Channel 13. I'm aware of the irony. But it's good times. However, on this particular Sunday, all the PBS stations were running those fund-raising thingies, and they all sucked and were boring. HBO had nothing but crappy movies. All other stations had nothing but crappy movies. So we watched the TV Guide Channel, and they were making up a girl to look like Lindsay Lohan in a segment called "Look-Alike." I've seen this a few times before, and I'm always amused by the fact that no matter who the girl is being made to look like, that person is always described as if they are the most wonderful, famous, stylish person ever. I mean, I like Ms. Lohan, but does she really have a "signature style"? And the girl they were making up was 16, and they kept claiming that they were trying to give her a more mature and sophisticated look. Um. Isn't Lindsay Lohan, like, 18? I did, however, discover that Lindsay Lohan has a short torso. So do I! This is why I never wear shirts tucked in.

After that, I noticed that Arrested Development was on Fox at 8:30. I always meant to watch it, but I never knew when it was on, so I penciled that into my busy evening. Unfortunately, it was not yet 8, and my mother suggested that we could watch "[my] Simpsons show." Ugh.

For background - my mother has never liked the Simpsons. She's never actually watched it, either. But she has always believed that it was a stupid kids' show. Because it was animated, and I watched it and I'm a kid. My mother tends to make a lot of snap judgements about television. The following has actually happened:

[my mother passes through the room, and hears something that she find odd or objectionable coming from the television]
Mother: "What is this that you're watching?!"
Me: "It's a commercial."
Mother: "Oh."

It works better if you can hear the mother-voice.

Anyway, even though I am a ardent Simpsons fan, I haven't actually watched any of the new episodes in about ... 6 or so years. Because it long ago ceased to be funny, and I just couldn't put up with it. I mentioned this to my mother, and she asked: "Gee, do you think maybe you've outgrown it?" Too which I had no response other than to roll my eyes so hard I strained something. And then explained that, no, the show actually ceased to be good the better part of a decade ago, and yet it's somehow still on the air. But I decided to watch it anyway. The episode in a nutshell: Selma hits menopause, so she convinces Homer to pretend to be her husband so she can adopt a baby from China. Um. It sucked. I was unable to do so much as crack a smile for the entire episode. It was frustrating. Sort of like Season 7 of Buffy where I sometimes wondered if they hadn't misplaced the actual script and filmed a fanfic instead.

It's written like a sitcom. There were times when they almost made clever Simpsons-esque jokes, but then they commented on them. The hell? And the episode confirmed what I'd already picked up on 6 years ago: the episode plots have devolved into stunts and issues. Uh. WHY WON'T SOMEONE DO THE RESPONSIBLE THING AND LET IT END?? And get the first ten seasons out on DVD, eh?

Well anyway! Then I watched Arrested Development! And it was pretty funny, actually. Though I probably won't ever watch it again. I think I knew even as I was watching that I had no intention of making this a regular occurrence, I just wanted to watch it once to say I had. Sort of like how last week I watched "Blind Justice." It actually wasn't bad at all. It was entertaining in its own way. But I probably won't ever watch it again. I have no patience for cop shows, because that's really all that's out there this days. Cop shows with gimmicks, like, "oh he's blind" or "ooh she's a psychic" but still. It's still the same show. There's little else but the same show fifty times.

Anyway, after that I tried to watch a bit of Kelsey Grammer's sketch comedy show, but it didn't hold my interest. It was far inferior to, say, Comedy Central's "The Hollow Men" which, seriously, is the funniest thing I've seen in a damn long time. I've been singing "No, we just sell shoes!" to myself all week. I will definitely watch it again. I hope it stays good.

Let's see. I've also sort of been watching Alias? Because it's on after Lost. It's pretty entertaining, though I have no idea what actual Alias fan think of this season. I've never really cared for Michael Vartan, though. I don't find him especially attractive, and I thought he was a goofball in Never Been Kissed . THERE I SAID IT. Victor Garber on the other hand, now he's awesome.

I used to mock my mother for always watching the Home and Garden Channel. She used to protest that she only did it because there was never anything else on. Now I watch the Home and Garden Channel all the time. Because she's totally right. Also, I wante Debbie Travis and Candice Olsen to come decorate my house. So bad.

I think that's it! I have done nothing to make the internet less boring!