A whole mess of TV!

American Idol

This was a disheartening show in many ways. Let's see if I can remember everything I thought. Incidentally, I didn't watch it tonight, so I don't know who's kicked off yet. Anyway, so, the theme was "the 90s" and that was bizarre. The 90s were last year! Right? Anyway, this could have gone to scary places, but it sort of went ... no where. I'll explain.

Bo Bice. He went through almost his entire time onstage without creasing his forehead. But then right at the very end oh my God! Not only does he have the crease down the middle, but it's so deep he has an *undercrease* separating his nose and brow line. It makes you look like a caveman, Bo! It obscures your delightfully blue eyes! Stop it Bo! Stop it now! So, Black Crowes, eh? It's not like I know Bo personally or anything, but I totally wasn't even surprised. This is one of the only songs that made me think, "Yeah, that's 90s." Because I associate the Black Crowes with the 90s. Anyway, what Simon said was completely correct. Or at least, I agree with what I think Simon was trying to say, which is that when you sing these song that are "band" songs, it doesn't highlight your voice or your singing ability.

Jessica (I think). I tried to pay extra close attention to her, because last week the internet was all abuzz with how she was totally the best singer in the whole show, when I had been just ...whelmed by her performance. I think she has a beautiful voice. Perhaps the best *voice* in the competition. But in terms of using it and being the best *singer*? Not by a long shot. Her singing is ... unpolished. And what Simon said about her was also correct. She seems like a nice girl, but she's not "likeable" in the sense that I still barely remember her name when I have everyone else's down. Also, she was singing sharp for most of the song. Sorry Jessica (I think).

Anwar. Oh, Anwar. I don't really like you. I think you're boring and devoid of personality, and you represent the "hometown" as it were, which just makes me sad. And your song choice this evening did not endear you to me as you actually picked one of the few songs that I fucking *hate*. I actually hate R. Kelly. He's a gross skeezy bastard who writes stupid songs that make me want to stab myself in the ears. And the worst of these is "I Believe I Can Fly." As a rule, I tend to hate most songs that say something about spreading your wings and flying and crap like that, because, honestly, that's the definition of cheesy. Oily cheese, man. It makes me nauseous. And what makes this song particularly repellent is that it was the theme song ... to Space Jam. Fucking. Space. Jam. A movie about basketball with cartoon characters. Singing about how you can fly. I HATE THIS SONG SO MUCH. And I hate you for singing it, Anway. Seriously, I do.

Nadia. Oh, Nadia. I'm actually angry with Nadia. Really angry, actually. First off, hers was the other song that I identified as actually being a "90s" song. Now seriously. She forgot the fucking words again. I seem to recall that in one of the past seasons (maybe in the preliminary rounds) the judges made a big deal of fucking up the lyrics. But now no one seems to notice. Not even TWoP notices. Except for last week, when the recapper seemed to be endlessly entertained by her impromptu line "always with splircles." Anyway. This really bothers me. It bothers me that she's messed up lyrics two weeks in a row. It's not like these are not songs that she picked for herself! It's not like these aren't songs that everyone and their mother has heard fifty million times! I understand it's probably nerve-wracking and whatever, but you know what? Learn your fucking lines! Or songs. Or whatever. What really bothers me about this is what she misses. Like "but I'm the only one.... but I'm the only one" (instead of "AND I'm the only one") or "a second hand unwinds" instead of "THE second hand unwinds." I know this probably doesn't seem all the crucial, but honestly, to me it sounds like she's not paying attention to what she's singing. It sounds like she's not actually, you know, invested in the song at all. She's not telling a story, she's just spitting out words. And I don't like it. Another thing. Last week I was pleased with the way she performed and how she moved. It seemed fun and natural. But this week? She did the exact same things. Like that move where she brings her microphone down, throws her head over her right shoulder and smiles? And here's why this bothers me. It means that she's not actually moving to the music. That's just what she does when she performs. Like, I watched the James Marsters movie on USA, Cool Money, right? Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyway, I wanted to see how James Marsters did at another character. And he was mostly differentiated. But then, there were the quirks. In one scene, he tilted his head to the side. In another scene, he pursed his lips dramatically. In another scene, he walked *exactly like Spike.* And this made me very sad. Because all these little things that I previously believed to be an actor carefully crafting a character were in fact just "things Marsters does when he's 'acting'." And that's what Nadia made me feel.

So, yeah. Um. Other people?

Anthony Federov! Man, he's totally Ukranian! It's so cute. Also, I think I see what his appeal is now. Because when Simon told him he was awful, he looked all hurt and upset and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. Poor tiny Anthony. Anyway, I don't think Simon was right. I dislike it when he says dismissive things late into the competition. Unless he said them to Mikalah. Anyway, at this stage in the game, "You were terrible" with no qualifiers is unacceptable. He needs to tell them what, specifically, was bad, and what they need to work on. It's only fair.

Scott Uglyperson. I totally dislike him. He sounded like shit this week. Am I the only person who noticed? He sounded lazy and he had trouble hitting most of the notes probably. And if he's not going to sing well, I have no reason to trouble myself with him.

Constantine. Heee! He actually sang really well and was only a little creepy. And he was all expressive during the song and seemed like he actually knew what it was about! I really like that. It makes me happy. I still like him. He still entertains me.

Carrie. Holy shit! I didn't know that song was written in the 90s! My Weltanschauung is totally fucked! For reference, she sang that "Independence Day" song by [mainstream country music chick -- they all sound the same now], and I until then had totally believed that it was written post 9/11 and I hated it and the idea of it made me sick. It still kind of makes me sick because I know I only started hearing it on the radio after 9/11 and I know that's the reason why. But ... huh! Color me surprised! Anyway, it was totally a weird song choice, even besides the fact that I don't like the song. Apparently the whole first verse is about how the girl's daddy used to beat up her mommy? Uplifting! But Carrie sure sang the everloving hell out of that song. Really good.

Nikko. Dude, you know what? I don't even remember what he sang.

Vonzell. Weltanshauung: fucked yet again! I totally like her. I think she has replaced Nadia in my affections. She actually looked really pretty (in an interesting way!) even though I'm sure most of it is makeup. And while she started out shaky, she was really belting with aplomb by the end, and it was totally awesome. I totally like her.


Veronica Mars

Dude, this episode was awesome. Totally awesome. Yet, somehow, I feel awkward reviewing this show, because I don't feel like I'm a real fan. Maybe because I kept telling Kirk for so many weeks how I wasn't into it, and then I got into an now I feel like a big faker or something. I don't know! I should probably just get over it.

[Begin Spoiler for VM - "Betty And Veronica" — Highlight to view]

I adore Wallace. Seriously. He was kind of boring and ill-placed at first, but I really liked him in this episode and I liked every scene between him and Veronica. So cute.

I don't really care for the actress playing Lianne. Also - you know what I noticed? The chick who plays Duncan's new girlfriend totally looks like she could be her daughter. Way more than Kristen Bell does. Way, way more. They have the same eyes and the same oddly over-bit droopy lip thing that makes them look slightly goofy. Aside from the fact that Kristen Bell is blond, she really doesn't look anything like the woman. Though honestly, I can kind of see how she could be a product of her and Enrico Colantoni. Kinda!

Bettie! (yeah, it's with a "y" but who cares?) I totally loved her in these scenes. It was very entertaining. I was also really entertained by the new school, and the realization that high schools really are pretty much the same everywhere you go. And the people are all the same, too, they just look different.

And as for everything else? DAMN. I don't even know what to think.

[End Spoiler]


Lost

[Begin Spoiler for Lost - "Deus Ex Machina" — Highlight to view]

Speaking of not knowing what to think! HOLY SHIT!

I may have lost my thread of Veronica Mars thinking, because my brain was completely blasted by Lost tonight.

Say it with me everyone (or everyone who's a squealing girl): "Poor Tiny Locke!" I knew there was a reason I love him and wanted to hug him and call him George. Dude. Man. Jesus.

Poor Boone! Don't die Boone! Although seriously, this was broadcast from lightyears away. Way to really miss the most pertinent part of your disturbing acid dream, John. Locke's not evil, he's just confused. But really, he should have known better.

On the other hand, when the statue broke apart and heroin popped out, my first thought was of how happy Charlie would be. "Oh boy!" Or maybe he'd be pissed off, seeing as he's just quit and then a miraculous stash appears out of the sky. Just his luck!

I wasn't annoyed by the subplot or anything, which was strange. I think it was actually a great tone set alongside the totally mindfuck of the other plot line.

But now ... WHAT THE FUCK! I'm so confused I don't even know what to think. I just hope Boone doesn't die. Even though ... he quite possibley will. Because I don't have a screencap or anything, but that quick flash really looked like organs.

Also, the title of this episode is brilliant.

[End Spoiler]