Halloween Masochism.

Woo! So far, it seems that my radioactive powers allow me to make incredibley astute observations. No fair! I wanted a better one. Also, whilst I have been home eating soup all week, I kept seeing advertisements for the USA airing of "Queen of the Damned," the enemy of my soul. A film against which I had been waging a holy war. And yet, somehow, I convinced myself that it would be a good idea to watch it. Something to do with not being an utter hypocrite, I guess. In order to spew bile about it, shouldn't I at least watch it first?

Seemed like a good idea at the time. Yes I watched it. And it was enormously painful. I expected it to be the worst movie I'd ever seen, and it really surpassed my expectations. Wait, you ask, aren't I horribley biased? Well, yes. But I about forced myself to remain open-minded about it, if I had to pry my brain apart to do it. And it took thirteen minutes before I stood up and said "This is the stupidest film I've ever seen." Pretty good!

Anyway, I took notes throughout the film on what sucked and how much. Here, unadulterated, are some of my favorites.

- young Jesse enunciates just like Bob Dylan.
- Marius = Roman? = Russian? = close enough?
- Townshend = The Suck.
- David is old? Shit, he's like, thirty.
- Lestat = French? = Russian? = close enough?
- WHAT!?! STUPID!!
- Kinky.
- What awesome communication skills.
- Apparently, vampires are such that the only words they can ever speak to each other are expositional.

- 90% of Abu Ghraib prisoners surveyed said they were forced to watch this movie.

- Wow. The character interactions are so well-constructed and believeable.
- Nice makeup, though. On the skin. Not the eyes. The women look like drag queens. The men look like bad drag queens.
- Is he listening to his own music on headphones? In a room surrounded with PICTURES OF HIMSELF?

- I could write a better script by sitting on a typewriter.

- What's up with the shimmies, dear?
- personality = 0
- Is this Mad Max?

- Ew! Hairy nipples!
- Also, where is she getting all these gold bras?
- Explain please?
- ... in a way that isn't assinine?

In other news, I made up a new rule for Halloween. I refuse to give candy to anyone who is taller than I am. I complained about this experience to my mother. She told me that I stopped trick-or-treating when I was four. I told her that I didn't like it, because it was begging. Heee! FOUR! I laughed for the rest of the night. I bet I was the cutest child that ever lived.