I'm never gonna let you go, 'cause I like your charms*

I'd just like to mention that I am so ahead of everyone on celebrity crushes. I liked Owen Wilson from Armageddon . I liked Orlando Bloom when he was in Black Hawk Down . I was totally crushing. And then I got over it! And a year or so later, everyone else caught up. Bravo to getting around to Sarah Polley. That was only a decade ago!

Anyway. I have excellent taste. And I'm pretty. For these reasons, I don't feel any shame for doing things like waking up at 1:30 to listen to "All You Wanted" by Michelle "You-Can-Tell-I'm-Emoting-Because-I-Turn-Every-Syllable-Into-Like-Ten-Syllables" Branch.

That's right. No shame. I am cleaning out my ears with Zeppelin. Whom I started listening to at birth, by the way. At birth .

In other news, my AOL webspace has been non-functional for quite some time, meaning that I cannot upload anything new to it. This pisses me off something mighty.

*By which ...

I love my little Hispanish children!

I love them! I love them and I want to keep them! Do you think their parents will let me? I was very nervous about going to teach creative dramatics to a small class of bilingual students at a local elementary school today (she said for exposition). But they were wonderful. They got right into all the activities, and none of them suck. Reuben is the shy taciturn one. And he has blue eyes. So he might be my favorite.

They asked if I was married. [eyebrow]

...I said no.

Pardon me

whilst I eat some strawberries with some Double Devon Cream.

Oh yeah. That's the stuff.

I can't tell if I'm depressed or feelin' fine. I mean, continuing coverage of one story keeps getting remarkabley worse, and I haven't been sleeping well (again), but everything else is rather good. Plus, I emerged triumphant in my latest battle against the irony fairies.

Plus, the aforementioned foodstuff. I'll be spiffy when Wednesday rolls around.

Who's won that race? What's the weather like today?

It's snowing!! This is ridiculous! It was in the 70s nary a week ago! Okay, perhaps nary. According to several (at last count) persons, I have not been updating often enough. Ha! Well. I have nothing to write about (aside from my strong desire to raise a campaign to Save the Subjunctive Mood) so I will answer a BLOQ from P@!

(That stands for: Bunch, Logbook-style, Of Questions.)

Aren't dollar stores just the shizz-nit? I'm not really sure. When your town has a surplus of dollar stores (or, more accurately, 99 cents stores) it tends to look a bit crappy. Of course, it is a great resource for purchasing props and the like for my classes. So. Maybe.

What three words best describe you? I am Amy.

What would a Ph.D. do fo-r your care-r? It would improve public perception of my intelligence if I become sufficiently famous. Wouldn't really do anything for me in terms of actually getting work, though.

If a book were being written about your life, what would the chapter you are currently in be called? $14 a week. (My autobiography would be called "My Life On Trains.")

Bob Dylan said everyone must get stoned - but why? Because The Man is like that.

Don't you hate that? I sure as hell do!!

How can they possibly expect you to go to work on a day like today? Well, I have a seminar. I suppose I don't really have to go, but this is my "department" as it were. So I feel like I should. I think it'll be good times. Of course, this is all dependent on whether or not NJ Transit actually gets me there. WHAT WITH ALL THE SNOW AND EVERYTHING.

If you could change the color of your eyes, your hair, or your skin at will - what would you alter your appearance to? At will? You mean, if I could be like, a shape-shifter? That'd be pretty neat, I suppose.

Pick a movie or a book or a television series that you know fairly well - now, what character would you like to see their point of view from? (eg, Harry Potter from Draco's perspective, or Snow White as strictly told by Sneezy, etc) Huh. You know, all of my favorite series show events from the perspectives of several different characters. That's strange, says I.

What song do you currently have in your head? "All Along The Watchtower" as sung by Bob Dylan. Of course, that's also the song I currently have in my ears.

What have you learned today? The Harry Potter stationery makers are cheap ass-bastards.

I love the sound of a Pepsi can opening. Also, certain sirens are cool. What sounds do you find appealing? Oh Pat. Also, I like creaking stairs for some reason.

If you could visit 83 years in the past, or 83 years in the future, (for one week, with no time paradoxes resulting) which would you choose and why? 83 years in the future, obviously. THINK OF IT FROM A GAMBLING STANDPOINT! Also, I see no benefit to going backwards in time. I'd just get a lot more things to say "No it wasn't, it was like this ," about. I have enough of that from my own lifetime.

and finally...

Invent a new word right now....please? Dude, I've invented so many already. I'm a neologizing fool! What, "spish" wasn't good enough for you? Hows about "googe"? Alright, here we go.
"smraf" n. tightening of the forehead in response to an unwelcome utterance, such as a request.


* I'd like you to know that ieSpell's suggestion for "spish" is "apish." Heeeeeeeeeeeee!!! They're not far off!

HOUSE FIRE TURNS TRAGIC.

This was the headline I saw at a paper stand at the train station. Am I missing something, I wonder? Are house fires usually a cause for great celebration? I mean, I assume that they mean people died in the fire. And that's not good, I suppose. But "turns" tragic? I don't think this has the dramatic juxtaposition that a headline like, say: WONDERFUL PARTY TURNS TRAGIC would have.

In an unrelated story, I have been wondering if I should get one of those "Wish Lists" at Amazon.com. Should I? See, on one hand, it'd be really swell if I got stuff that I wanted. For free. But on the downside, I know I'd probably end up getting things for free. And that makes me feel all guilty.

On second thought, if someone could just get or manufacture for me a lifetime ... food pass to Wendy's, that would really kick ass.

Happy Birthday, Nip!

Nip, my beanie baby cat, was born March 6, 1994. Which means that yesterday was his 10th birthday! It was also the day I got him! Heee! He was a present to me from the director of the show (it's a fitting gift, the play is sort of about a cat) -- because last night was closing! Woo! No more show!
I slept until 4 o'clock today. It was terrific.

I've also just had some chicken. That was terrific.

And I've decided that when I by my train tickets tomorrow, that I'm going to pay for the fare partially in nickels. The prospect amuses me far more than it should. I mean, seriously. Hehehehehe! Nickels!


Oh, and listen to my kitty's little poem:

His name is Nipper, but we call him Nip
His best friend is a black cat named Zip
Nip likes to run races for fun
He runs so fast he's always number one!

MY CAT IS A WINNER!

Oh yeah!

One of the things that I wanted to mention - my well-meaning preceptor has put up another bulletin board. It has a bunch of feelings on it, with pictures cut out of magazine and dabbled in glitter to go along with those feelings (Clint Eastwood is "cranky" heee!). And then there are index cards with the names of everyone on the floor thumbtacked to it bottom. The idea, of course, being to indicate how we are that day (like those magnetic smiley-face charts - although there's nothing like "cute" on it, what a rip-off!) by placing or card by our emotion. One of those is "in love" (which, does that really qualify as an emotion? I'm conflicted.) and the associated picture is of Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal. I squealed for joy!

Seriously, though. I know that I don't know the girl, and only stalk her alarmingly and wouldn't mind being in naked contexts with her ... hmm. So, my presuming to know anything about her love life is a bit silly, but, honestly, nearly never have I seen two people so in love. Every picture of them together is just so ... filled with emotion. Like where ever they are is completely secondary to the fact that they are with each other. God I hope that lasts. It makes me feel so happy for the both of them, and in general. It's really beautiful.

Crossword puzzles.

And her boobs are still fantastic. [up]

Heh.

So, I arrived home this evening to find a bag of food and a card hanging on my door. The card was addressed to Shereen. Of course this did not stop me from opening it. Apparently, she has a lunch date with a young lass, but she canceled it. So the lass bought Shereen lunch, and a card of apology! That's so nice!

But apparently Shereen didn't tell her she moved out, either!

The food is now resting in my refrigerator. I bet wacky hijinks will come of this!!

In other news, the show is going much better, thanks. There were some amusing occurrences that I had wanted to relate (not related to the show), but I've forgotten them all. Oh well. Next time.

Gah.

D'you ever have something to say to someone, but you're so worried that it's not going to be ... right to say? Maybe because you know that their feelings are the more important, but you really just want to talk about your own feelings? Something like that. Anyway. This is one of those.

You are so fucking right. God. So ... everything. One of my pet hatreds is of the phrase "I know how you feel." But, some of the things you say, Jesus, I fucking was   you. And I would have given fucking anything to have you never know what it feels like. You are completely right.

Fuck.

Worlds folded more than 4.

In case you were wondering ... that was  the gimmick.

All in all, I've had a most pleasant and entertaining 4th.

What collides?

I have had a miserable day. I want sympathy. I'm far too tired to write out my troubles again, and yet, I still don't feel sated with prior rantings. So I am just going to copy and paste directly from emails that I sent to the Boy. Aren't you lucky! It's like a super secret glimpse into my life!

Preface: As ... someone may know, I am running a show now. Normally, I love this. I am an actress, foremost, but I love working crew, and I love my producing work. I am a theatre enthusiast in general. So when I say that I was achingly disappointed in my evening, I ain't just bullshitting you. Also, since I didn't mention this in the email, my scene partner for my class most definitely has a crush on me. It's really pissing me off. And if he doesn't learn his lines, I think I have every right to murder him. Moving on.

Email the first: Oh good, it's you. As my designated lifemate, you get to hear me carry on about my completely shitty day. I took a lot of napping last night, and actually slept for a good deal of the night. However, since I'd been so ... awake for a few days prior, I was still extremely tired. And I had to wake up early to do my laundry, because I'm not sure when I'm going to *get* another free *hour*. Whilst doing my laundry, I discovered something insidious. The dryers, which cost 75 cents per use, run for 54 minutes. Without exception. 75 more cents if you want 54 more minutes. What I have done in the past is, at select times, remove select clothing items which are already dry, to help the still-damp ones dry faster. I could take as much time as I wanted, since the timer only counted down while it was running. NOT ANYMORE, THOUGH! Now, the minutes get used up -- even if the dryer isn't on! What the fuck am I forking over my change for? Anyway, because of the need to do laundry, I had a very short time to get to class, even though my class was at one. First, though, I had to stop off at the store to get a gift for my "secret valentine" -- because my class decided this would be a good thing to do. I got a sample box of chocolates and a card with a smiley face on it. It cost less than three dollars, but that was still more than I was willing to spend. I need to conserve all my money for train tickets and, you know, to live. Despite my poverty, I still felt shame that mine seemed to be if not the cheapest, than one of the bottom two of everyone. Even though I am destitute. (On a that note, my father is bringing my prescription down to me on Sunday morning. I will beg for funds because I do not know shame or guilt.) My gift was a bar of candy that I didn't like, and a bag of "Veggie Twists" which actually is the sort of fruity new-age snack I'd go in for. Except the flavor - garlic and rosemary. ?!!?! So, after class I took the bus back to my room, unloaded some stuff and grabbed my pills and checked my emails. About 12 minutes total. Then I had to get another bus to go back to the other campus to work on the show. The bus was at the stop as I arrived. The EE. As I was *running up to and along side it* is when it started to pull away. I WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE! As it leaves me there, hoping that the driver sees my extended middle finger in his rear view window, I look across the street to see the F bus also pulling away. So I had to stand at the bus stop for about 15 minutes. All this means that I had about 15 minutes to go to the dining hall and attempt to have food. The only thing that had that I could actually eat were dry chicken finger (no honey or honey mustard) of which I had about four. It was terrible. And that's all I've had to eat all day. Also, I've been very dehydrated (which I note as I suck back my last bottle of water). Then I get to the show! I soon find that I have not yet begun to be pissed off. Let me start a new paragraph.

So, I am running props. My duties include setting the props and some furniture that will be onstage, and arranging items off-stage that will be carried on by the actors. This can all be done before the show starts. During the show, I hand one thing to one person, take one thing from one person, and hold open a door. That's it. As I am backstage, I cannot watch the show. That's what tonight was supposed to be for. Tonight was the *crew watch*. That is the title of the evening. It's an opportunity for the crew to watch the show. But did I? Well, fuck no! Because the stage manager thought it would be a good idea for the prop people to "watch" the show from backstage. Even though none of our duties are even set as they are still changing things around. I did fuck nothing for an hour and 45 minutes. Absolutely nothing. I stood around being frustrated and bored and taking up space, and then pretending to be happy when the actors introduced themselves. I could not see the show and I could not hear the show. I only have a slightly better understanding of it than I did before. I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO THE SHOW. I don't even know what's fucking going on on the stage. So fucking frustrated and so fucking bored. It was torture, and it's going to be torture every fucking night.

What I could tell of the play was the following: not thirty seconds into it, there's a scene of simulated sex. The word "cunt" is used a great deal of times. This play was obviously written the day after the Sexual Revolution occurred. I don't know if you'd enjoy seeing it or not. There's a musical number at the end (there are musical numbers - it's weird) in which the ladies sort of ... heckle and insinuate upon the male members of the audience.

So, yeah. I had a fucking awful night. I barely know what's going on in the show. I have no connection to it, and my first impression of it is that it's a horrifically boring waste of my time. None of which I would have to feel right now if they had just let me *watch* the fucking show and feel connected to it. But no. Now the next three weeks of my life will suck a boatload of ass.

Email the second: Today (which is by now "yesterday") was also ten years since Karen died. I don't know if that contributed to my shitty day. I don't think it did, but then, as I discovered the other day when I was talking to Anita, we both have a lot of unresolved feelings about it. I meant to mention this somewhere in the other email. You don't have to make this its own reply. I don't know if I want to continue a discussion about it.

I think I'm going to see if I can get some sustenance from the vending machines in the basement. I might get a Coke, though it will surely fuck up my desperately needed sleep session.

Epilogue: I decided to get a bottle of water from the drink machine instead. It was 75 cents. I gave my money, pressed the button, and it pretended to vend. It accepted my money, but gave me no water. There were some chaps there playing that table-football game, so I couldn't even cry. Next, I made my way to the snack machine. It took my money gratefully, but every selection I made, though there was clearly a snack to be had, prompted the message "Make Another Selection". Every single one. So, dejected, I pushed the coin return and collected my change. Then I pressed my luck with the drink machine again, the fruit of which is the opened can of Coca~Cola now sitting in front of me.

Someone shoot me.

Yeah, it brought me to this place, into this gorgeous time.

I keep thinking that I have things to write about. And I probably do. I just never seem to get around to actually doing them. And as of this evening, I will have NO TIME.

That blows. I also have things to do for people. Which I am not doing. I am very tired.

Eh, so, anyway. The point of this entry was to mention that my sister died ten years ago today. So, that's rather ... huh.

My font style does not allow for any aesthetically pleasing way to credit the song in my title, so perhaps I'll just let them build up again, and then do another explanation in the future. Woo hoo! And idea.

Up-Date.

Heeeee!

Yes, so. I had a very good weekend. And I am now upset that several of my friends had weekends nowhere near as good.

My weekend gifts/engagements included movie (Monster  - a good film, but incredibly cheapened for me by the fact that the storyline was completely fake!), candy (from the movie - but super good!), a meal which did not include chicken, but instead shrimp (shocking!), My Fair Lady   on DVD (even though I don't have a DVD player, which he knows), a book of Mensa™ logic puzzles, some illegally recorded music CDs (which I assume are actually on loan), and um, sporting events. Also, for all of Valentine's Day, I was wearing a shirt that said "My Girlfriend Can Totally Beat Up Your Girlfriend." It was great.

In the spirit of Venereal Disease, here is a sort of gift for you all (three) that actually isn't a gift, just something I've been meaning to do for a while. A list of all the lyrics I've used as titles, and the songs from whence they come! I'll come in great handy if you have insomnia, but won't help you otherwise! Ehem ...

January 29, 2003
"I Can't Reach You" by The Who (song written out in full)

February 26, 2003
"Happy Birthday to me"
from "The Happy Birthday Song" by Anonymous.

April 25, 2003
"It's a girl, Mrs. Walker, it's a girl."
from "Glow Girl" by The Who

June 14, 2003
"A new twist on a very old song."
from a live version of "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac

August 9, 2003
"Timorous Me" by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists

August 13, 2003
"The Tyranny of Distance, Pt. 2"
album by Ted Leo And The Pharmacists

September 1, 2003
"Make Your Bed The River, Young Girl."
from "Make Your Bed" by Neko Case

November 7, 2003
"And nothing else matters when I turn it up loud."
from "Speakers Push The Air" by Pretty Girls Make Graves

November 26, 2003
"I plachu, I rydaiu mylyi za toboiu."
from "In A Glade" by Milla Jovovich

December 11, 2003
"And the world may be long for you, but it'll never belong to you."
from "Grace Cathedral Hill" by The Decemberists

December 16, 2003
"And time will tell us all."
from "The Battle Of Evermore" by Led Zeppelin

December 17, 2003
"Watch the clouds sift through the irreal."
from "No Need To Cry" by Neko Case

February 4, 2004
"Who's gonna start a rock and roll band?"
from "The Cheat Theme Song" by The Skate Party

Man. There were a lot fewer than I thought there were.

I have a valentine (date)!

I am so happy!

I keep meaning to update this with ... things. But, well. You see how well that's turned out.

HORRIFIED GASP!!

(Do not get used to an entry every day, three people that are reading this. This is brought about by insomnia.)

Say, Superhero Girl. You know how I totally hated you because Mona Lisa Smile  was filmed about your town, and you were very close to Kirsten Dunst? WELL GET THIS!

Mona Lisa Smile  was also filmed in GLEN RIDGE, NJ! Dude, dude, dude .... dude. Kirsten Dunst was, literally, two blocks away from where I live. SHE COULD HAVE COME TO MY HOUSE FOR TEA!

Jesus fuck. If I were able to sleep right now, I'd simply have to go take a nap.

Who's gonna start a rock and roll band?

And can I be in it? Seriously. I have decided that I am best suited to be the singer of a band. While my aspirations are many, one of my primary goals will be to provide the public with songs that reflect an accurate use of the subjunctive.

It can be a chick band, but I'm not particular. I'll rock overtime.

Also, in the spirit of my clone here's a very short list:
Four songs that are not in my top four of favorite songs, but that I love nevertheless:
• "Aqualung" by Jethro Tull
• "St. Teresa" by Joan Osbourne
• "Biomusicology" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
• "Summertime" by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

I may be horrible to live with.

Subtitle: My Roommate Has Left the Building.

So, I was at home until today (having left my dormitory on Frieve) because yesterday was my father's birthday (he's a groundhog! and sixty!) and then today I had a doctorb's appointment (I'm fine! and I was taken off one of my medications!). So I returned to my dorm room about midday, on this very day, and all of my roommate's things are gone.

This is most unexpected! There is much emptiness! All she said to me on Friday was "See you soon". And now she appears to have left. No note or anything!

She had been discussing moving into a house with some of her sorority ... people, but I assumed that was for, you know, next year or something. I'd have appreciated a mention of "Oh, hey, I'm going to be leaving, like, now."

As you will recall, my previous roommate also left me mid-schoolyear. But she was a heinous bitchfiend. This one is actually nice and we get on well.

In unrelated events, I have not had a night of restful sleep in over two weeks.

I think that if I am made to live alone, that I will be sad. Last year I was cool with it, you know, because I was in the throes of major depression and such and such ... but I'm feeling quite personable now! Why does everyone want to leave Amy?

I will be very busy this semester, and I probably won't even be in the room enough for this to make a difference. And you know, come to think of it, I've never liked living with someone I don't know, and now I can play my music at a reasonable volume without fear of reproach, I never have to watch reruns of 7th Heaven again, and I can stay up late insomniatic nights working on graphics and long rants about the establishment. But, still.

You know what I mean.

Oh! Also, in mysteriously related news, I am very happy for and proud of someone today.

I'm ugly!!!!

Dear God! I'm ugly! Ugly and BALD! I am bald and I have no hair!!

I got my hair cut today. No, no. You do not understand. I got my hair cut off   today. Over a foot of hair. FOOT OF HAIR! Like, nearly a fifth of the length of myself ... in hair!

I am donating my hair. Marvel at my depth and kindness of soul, while feeling guilty that you are not as good a person as I.

But first, PITY ME! I am bald and have no hair!

"But, Amy," you may say if you could see my now hideous visage, "your hair is still down to your shoulders. That's not that short."

Yes, but you're forgetting on important thing: NOBODY ASKED YOU!

I changed my shirt when I got home. And when I put on the new shirt, I didn't have to reach back and pull my hair out. It was already out!!

When I reach behind my back, I can't feel my hair!! Now how can I comfort myself by stroking my lovely wonderful hair? I CAN'T! Because I'm bald!!

Um. Seriously. It looks pretty good. And my hair is all swishy, which is kind of cool. But. Um. I cannot get used to this being my head. It's all ... lacking in hair.

My new desktop wallpaper is so sexy.

Seriously. I have to stop staring at it. I made it myself! Because I am excellent.

In related news, I have PhotoStudio. Because boys, on rare occasions, can be excellent.

In further related news, Robert Plant is a foxy man.

In completely unrelated news, the P@ has reminded me that I totally need to write about stuff. This stuff will be unrelated to any upcoming gimmicks.

I don't even want to know about the rerun schedule...

Okay so, you know that show I was telling you about? Well, it was on again. And I almost missed it!   Luckily though, I tuned in right wehn it started. I didn't even know it was going to be on! Does anyone know where I can find a schedule for it?

Anyway...

[Begin Spoiler for Ape10 episode 1.2 "Big Time" — Highlight to view]

Dude, get it? Big time? Heee!

You know, I think I like Zombielyn. Yeah, at first, she didn't seem too lively, but I really like her dry wit. Do you suppose it was all the dying that made her so funny? I think so. Anyway, the subtitles were in a much better font this week, so if anyone was having trouble reading them before, I don't think it'll be a problem now.

No Bluebush this week. Well, I mean, they mentioned him but ... man. It's so suspenseful! What's he up to? And, if he put the dinosaur in the forties, which time period does he want to conquer? He can't be like, a Master of All Time, can he? CAN HE!?

Spark saved the day! Just like I knew he probably might. I was worried for a while though, I didn't want him to have to die for his heroism though ... um, die by attracting planets and whatnot. But they figured it all out ... one way or another, so that was cool. He's just cool anyway. He's just like "Hey, while we work on savin' the city ... I'm gonna have a Hot Pocket." That's so cool!

I wonder if they were actually filming on location for this episode. How big a budget does this show have, anyway? I mean, probably a lot, if they could get Russell Crowe to do a cameo. Maybe the producers have eerie powers.

Was this episode more filler, or do you think they're still setting up for things we have to know. Setsumei looks like he could be a reoccuring character, and I want to know if they're going to work in his lab more, maybe discovering some secrets!

Anyway, I turned it off when the previews for next week came on. I really don't want to know any spoilers.

[End Spoiler]