And another thing.

Don't rhetorical questions get question marks anymore? Where was I when this was apparently decided? Have you noticed this disturbing trend, which is to say, the deficiency of question marks? Am I overreacting?

Here are some observations about insignificant and unentertaining minutiae.

So, yesterday I engaged in some foreign activities. I listened to the radio. While I was driving. On the Parkway. I can't even tell you about the time I passed someone utilizing the left lane. COULD YOU HANDLE IT?

The radio station I was listening to was 101.9, which you may remember me mentioning was a hated smooth jazz station. But wait! It has changed, and is now WRXP: The Rock Experience. See what they did there? It's actually pretty good. As I was driving in my car (!) listening to the radio (!) I heard a song on this station that I've totally never heard before. (!) I was intrigued because it lifted a lyric from a Fleetwood Mac song: "When I talk to God I knew he'd understand/He said stick by me and I'll be your guiding hand." (The new rhythm of the line caused me to realize that I'd been mondegreening that as "I'll be your God in hand" - which, come on, that's a lot better.) Then, as I was listening, it suddenly occurred to me, "Wait a minute! Is this The Clash??"

Well, sort of. Turns out the song was "Why Do Men Fight?" a new single by Carbon/Silicon, a band comprised of Mick Jones of The Clash, and Tony James of Generation X. It's not bad. I bought it off iTunes.

In tangentially related news, I'd like to show you the Best Shirt Ever.

Speaking of new and exciting things: I just went through a drive-thru for the first time ever. Well, as a driver. Naturally. I mean, this is America. I've been to a few drive-up ATMs, so I figured I was ready for this bold next step. I went to McDonald's to get a big-ass thing of their new sweet tea. Sweet tea is exactly my brand of heroin [/hates Twilight]. And, just as I'd planned, they asked me if I wanted anything else, other than a beverage, and I was totally like, "Nope!" Just the tea, thanks! I managed it well, even gave exact change, but I still don't like anything that involves me reaching out of my car for things. I don't think it'd be so bad if it weren't for my congenital shortness.

And now, here are some vignettes of domestic envy:
- My Swiss neighbors have a Dyson. Not the purple one, the yellow one, but, a Dyson nonetheless. I still don't have one, and I still want one.
- My next-door neighbor has been going to the gym, and I think she's definitely skinnier than I am now. Also, her husband looks just like the Chief.

Oh, and apropos of having to go get that picture from IMDb, I've always thought Prince Caspian was a douchebag. Always.

Guys, I haven't decided what I'll be having for lunch yet, but I'll totally let you know!

Every pop song on the radio.

I'm sure, if you're reading this, that you've heard me say on at least one occasion that I have very strange dreams. As a rule, I have strange dreams. If you've ever seen Felix the Cat: The Movie -- like that. I once had a dream where I was five and co-ruled a medieval feudal society, and then I killed Jesus with a handful of toothpicks. Like that.

Lately, I have been having dreams that are not strange at all. They involve people that I know, discussing matters between us and doing things that we might logically do. They are the sort of dreams that I hear other people talk about, "I had a dream where so and so told me such and such."

The thing is, though, these ostensibly normal dreams are making me feel very strange and out of sorts. They make me feel like I suppose someone who usually has these sort of dreams would feel if they were suddenly being stalked and hunted through a department store and then found a vortex into negative space where they found their dead cat breathing fire. (For example.) The lack of abnormality in my subconscious is effectively surreal. My dreams are usually very clearly not reality, and they're easy to extract myself from once I awake. Now I'm having actual trouble sorting out what's real and what isn't, and what happened and what didn't.

I'm very confused. When I wake up in the morning I'm not sure if I've actually spoken to the person that I've dreamt about. Any time I dream about real people, I worry that the dream will wind up being prophetic, which has happened on occasion. Or maybe it already happened, I'm not sure. On the other hand, this may be an opportunity to work out while asleep the things I can't when I'm awake. See, it's always the case that we haven't really spoken. It just takes me a while to remember.

Post like you meme it.

Pat came up with this. And because it is great, I am promulgating it. Do it!

Steps:
1) Go to this site and you can find out what song was #1 (according to Billboard Magazine) on the US Charts on any particular week in history.

2) Look up your birthday.

3) List the #1 songs that have occurred on your birthday throughout the years you've been alive.

4) Cringe at how bad music was, and how bad it is now!


Thing:
1983 - "Say, Say, Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
1984 - "Out of Touch" by Daryl Hall and John Oates
1985 - "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister
1986 - "The Next Time I Fall" by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant
1987 - "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" by Belinda Carlisle (Hooray! I love this song!)
1988 - "Look Away" by Chicago
1989 - "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel (And the number of times I heard this song around that time was ... a lot.)

1990 - "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B (Umm. What?)
1991 - "Black Or White" by Michael Jackson (Yes.)
1992 - "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
1993 - "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf
1994 - "On Bended Knee" Boyz II Men
1995 - "One Sweet Day" Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
1996 - "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (My birthday is like the showcase for the Ultimate 90s Playlist)
1997 - "Something About The Way You Look Tonight/Candle In The Wind 1997" by Elton John (Really? Was there a medley I was unaware of?)
1998 - "I'm Your Angel" by Celine Dion and R. Kelly (If this were a list of "Songs I Hate With A Fiery Passion," this song would be at the top. Jesus Christ I hate this song so much.)
1999 - "Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas

2000 - "Independent Women Part I" by Destiny's Child (I'm surprised it's not still "Smooth," actually.)
2001 - "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige
2002 - "Lose Yourself" by Eminem (Is this the one that won the Oscar? [It won the Oscar, right?] I've still never actually heard it except in clips.)
2003 - "Stand Up" by Ludacris featuring Shawna (Who and what now?)
2004 - "My Boo" by Usher and Alicia Keys (Hehehehehe. I haven't heard this one either, but that just sounds embarrasing.)
2005 - "Run It!" by Chris Brown (... Nope.)
2006 - "I Wanna Love You" by Akon featuring Snoop Dogg (Really?)
2007 - "No One" by Alicia Keys (This one I've totally heard.)

It's pretty craptastical. However, I have to say that the weirdest part was how many fucking years there were. Seriously! They just keep going! Especially towards the end there. There just keep being more years.

I watch television sometimes. UPDATED FOR MORE MEHNESS!

Really, considering how little television I watch, I've still seen a lot of television.

This has been going around like that funky sinus infection you had back in February.

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
Per Christine:
3. Strike every show you don't ever wish to see
4. Color those shows you'd like to take a look at someday, when you get around to it.


50. Quantum Leap (I think, but I was rather small at the time and don't remember anything about it.)
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm (I hate this show.)
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted (One and a half, maybe?)

35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf

25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who (new version)

15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (new version)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld

10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends (I'm the only girl in the world who doesn't have this in bold, aren't I?)
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons

Addendum.

To my previous post.

I feel that it is necessary to clarify my position on the band Death Cab For Cutie. I do not dislike Death Cab For Cutie. I figured the fact that they appear not once, but twice, on the list of songs I listen to most often would have made that evident. Apparently not, though, guys! I like them and I listen to them often!

However.

On the whole, Death Cab For Cutie is rather ... morose and maudlin. If you've listened to them, you know, so don't even say anything. (I was using "emo" as a shorthand reference for this. I appreciate Stephanie's point that labels tend to impede your listening enjoyment. This is true. I wasn't really trying, though, to debate the merits, or lack thereof, of emo.) I felt that their over-representation on the list acted as an intensifier to the idea that my listening habits of late have been morose and maudlin. This is what my dismay was all about! It was not a commentary on the quality of the music. I was actually equally as upset that the only Decemberists song on the list was "The Engine Driver" - for the same reasons. And you know how much I like the Decemberists! And that song is great, but still. Still. Of course, the Decemberists are usually a bit more upbeat, so my reaction in that case was more, "Oh, this song." instead of "Oh, this band."

In conclusion, I like Death Cab For Cutie, and listen to them often. Sorry about any misunderstandings.

iPod introspection.

So, I've been spending a lot of time out of my house lately, which has led me to exploring some of the functions on my iPod. Turns out that iTunes will automatically compile a playlist of the songs that you listen to most often ... so that you can listen to them more often.

I checked out my list. And it was odd. It's not an entirely accurate system. Turns out that if you take a song off your iPod and then put it back on, it will reset the count. Ditto if you change the file name. Also, it counts a "play" as reaching the end of the track, and sometimes I will skip back to the beginning of a song if I want to hear it again, so songs with long fade outs are under-represented. And a whole bunch of other explanations and excuses.

Anyway, as it stands, these are the songs I've played the most, on my iPod:
Love Song To My Guru - Katell Keineg with The Floors
(Fair. I've listened to this a million times.)
That's All Right, Mama - Arthur Crudup
(Really? It's catchy, but this is a surprise showing.)
Pistol - Dustin Krensue
(Fair. I love this song.)
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
(Fair. Embarrassingly enough.)
Portions For Foxes - Rilo Kiley
(True story: I didn't like this song at all when I first heard it, and then something clicked, and I listened to it all the time.)
Challengers - The New Pornographers
(Neko Case sing so pretty.)
All That I Want - The Weepies
(I haven't listened to this since Christmastide. This list is out of date!)
Endless Sleep - Jody Reynolds
(Surprising!)
From Where I'm Standing - Schuyler Fisk
(Jenny's right, she has a really pretty voice.)
Freedom Is Only A Hippogriff Away - The Mudbloods
(The only Wizard Rock song on the list! Seriously though, this is an excellent song even if you don't know Harry Potter from a hole in the ground.)
All The Old Showstoppers - The New Pornographers
(Hee! I just talked about this! I suspect stuffed ballots.)
Backwater Blues - Dave Van Ronk
(Again, really? Then again, there was a playlist that I had to listen to for a while because I was MAKING A CD FOR SOMEONE, and this was on it.)
Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab For Cutie
(Oy. In my defense, this would make a great fan video that I'll never make.)
Hiding In Plain Sight - Lauren Hoffman
(I'm surprised she's not better represented - I listened to her A LOT a while back.)
We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives - Los Campesinos!
(Hee!)
Paperweight - Schuyler Fisk and ... some dude.
(No really, she sings pretty.)
Keep On The Sunny Side - The Whites
(Again, hee!)
Australia - The Shins
(Yup. Totally fair.)
I've Just Seen A Face - The Beatles
(Really?)
Both Hands - Ani DiFranco
(Utterly fair.)
Expectations - Belle And Sebastian
(Fair.)
The Engine Driver - The Decemberists
(I guess? Although I've listened to "Yankee Bayonet" so many more times, I think.)
1234 - Feist
(Really?)
So Long - Guster
(I guess so!)
Diggin' My Potatoes - Lonnie Donegan
(Hee! Hee! Hee!)


Um. So, geez. What this playlist tells me is that I'm really fucking maudlin. And that I may have the Blues. What the hell?

So, the first thing is, Umbridge is a Hufflepuff.

I had to go back and check on what Hufflepuff qualities actually are because, while this is a very clear thing in my head, "Because she is" probably isn't very convincing. Although, really, I've heard that you can convince plenty of people that something is true simply by saying it, so bear that in mind for the future.

Part of the reason that I think Umbridge is a Hufflepuff is that I don't think she fits in any other house. Or, to make this easier, I don't think she's a Slytherin. Intelligence fosters dissent and heroes break rules, so I'm crossing off Ravenclaw and Gryffindor before we start.

So, turns out that Hufflepuffs like the following things: Hard work, Fair Play, and Loyalty.

Hard Work - Can't tell me that lady's not hardworking. It may not be towards the right ends, but that's one motivated woman. Look at how fast she got those pamphlets and crap out!

Fair play - Um. Look over there! Actually, no. While on the surface it seems that Umbridge was unfair to everyone - she wasn't. She wanted everyone to play by the rules - her rules, but the rules nonetheless. If they did, they were rewarded. If they didn't, they were punished. She doesn't see her rules as being unreasonable, so this is her metric of fairness and she's actually very faithful to it.

Loyalty - This is where most of my argument lies. I always thought of Umbridge as representing the dark side of loyalty. She is unflinchingly loyal to the Ministry, its people, and its policies. In the podcast, they talked about the changes in the Ministry in the seventh book, and how they believed that Umbridge's acceptance of these very drastic changes was evidence of her ambition and disregard for everything else. I don't think that's true at all. First of all, the changes weren't that drastic. There was no official take-over of the Ministry. As far as anyone on the inside was concerned, the Ministry was continuing as it always had, having nothing to do with Voldemort or any outside forces whatsoever. Such a position would be either very naïve, or willfully blind, but I think that describes Umbridge perfectly. She is so blindly loyal to the Ministry that in the end, it doesn't actually matter what the Ministry is. It doesn't matter what its policies are, what its goals are, or what actions it carries out. Umbridge is pro Ministry, whatever that means.

I don't think that Umbridge is a particularly ambitious person, which is the same as saying that I don't think she's a Slytherin. It's hard to say, though, because at a certain point, hard work and ambition conflate and it's hard to tell them apart. But her biggest goal was to be a supporter. Her biggest goal was to be the most important team player there was. She didn't want to be a rock star, she wanted to be the president of the fan club. She never wanted to actually be in charge, because she needed validation from whoever was in charge that she had done a good job. Yeah, she grabbed up power left and right at Hogwarts, but only so that she could tell Cornelius Fudge all about it and have him pat her on the head.

The other important thing to note about Umbridge is that she's a bigot. Why is that important? It's important because Slytherins don't have the market cornered on bigotry. I think, in fact, that her expressed prejudice is conditional to that of the people around her. As far as we saw, she had no opinion on Muggle-borns at all until the Ministry decided to go after them. As we heard, the Ministry had a long-standing bad treatment of part-humans, which probably allowed her personal dislike to flourish. She was just taking the views of the day to their most extreme end. If the Ministry suddenly decided to take of the cause of house elf rights, she'd probably denounce Hermione for not being pro-active enough.

Furthermore, there's this perception that Hufflepuffs are always nice and friendly and accepting of everyone, but that's not true. I'm remembering that scene in Chamber of Secrets when all the Hufflepuffs are gossiping about Harry, and then when they catch him overhearing, they fully turn their backs on him. Hufflepuffs can be insular and hive-minded at the worst of times. When cornered, their loyalty is to their own group, to the exclusion of anyone who's not in that group. Umbridge, again, gives an extreme example of that in the way that she treats Harry and the other students: if you're not with her group, worse, if you're against her group, then she seriously does not even have the wherewithal to be concerned about you.


I think I'm out of examples. BUT SERIOUSLY, THOUGH.

A narrowly defined genre.

A while back, Annika wrote in her blog an entry that I thought was truly cool. Really! I'm still talking about it! I'm sad that it didn't get more replies.

Today I discovered that I have liked a narrowly defined genre of music without even realizing it. (Though, to be fair, the boy pointed this out to me about a month ago.) It turns out that if you write a song about St. John the Divine, I will probably like it and listen to it a lot. It also turns out that this applies to a lot more songs than you would suspect!

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - St. John the Divine (not technically a song about the man himself, for the most part)

Neko Case - John Saw That Number (even though she name drops John the Baptist, this song is actually about the guy who wrote Revelations)

Son House - John the Revelator (best bluesman ever)

The New Pornographers - All The Old Showstoppers (took me a while to discover this one, but there you go - same dude)

I'm sure there are more! I don't know what to make of this! Besides imaginary fanvids about Locke!

Guys, guys. Guess what this post is about!

This post is about Harry Potter. I know! It's been a couple months.

Also, I feel like I should mention (and, uh, apologize to the P@) that I won't be doing that thing where you summarize your life in six words. I just ... no. Sorry.

NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT HARRY POTTER.*

As I've mentioned a few times, I listen to Harry Potter podcasts. Specifically, I listen to PotterCast and MuggleCast. Caz knows what I'm talking about. Anyway, I decided recently that I'm going to stop listening to MuggleCast. I just can't take it anymore. The last episode I listened to (which may or may not be the last one they put out) the hosts mispronounced (because they were clearly completely unfamiliar with) no fewer than four words, and not terribly complex ones at that. For example, "truant." You've been to fucking high school, don't even give me that. (I mean, except for the one girl on the show, who was homeschooled, and who therefore never has any trouble with pronunciation or comprehension.) Also, they debated why the Weasley twins would use the code name "Rodent" for that thing they do. (Are there still spoilers?) Is it because they're ratting people out or something? The Weasley twins, people. That, plus the way they massacre Latin every other episode just really pushed me over the edge. And! They all seem to enjoy Twilight, unironically, and I just don't even know what to do with that.

Not that PotterCast doesn't have its moments of stupidity. And then there's Sue Upton and her whole obsession with Hufflepuff, which, when I'm paying attention, makes me want to stab myself in the eye. Just the one eye, though. However, even with some lapses, I find myself pretty consistently entertained by PotterCast. So I'm going to keep listening to that one. They really need to cut out the segment with all the chicks who can't read off a page, though. Cut it, or give them a few speech lessons or something. I can't even pay attention to what they're saying half the time; it's painful.

Um. What's my point here? One of the dangers of listening to podcasts is that it's like reading a message board where you're not registered and can't reply to anything. It's very frustrating sometimes when you've got the answer down and they're floundering all over the place trying come up with something. And then you yell and curse at the air in front of you. It's awkward. It's why I listen to podcasts in my room.

There are two things that I'd like to discuss today that I've been thinking about because of podcasts. Well, actually, I'd been thinking about them before podcasts, but the podcasts gave me the desire to talk about it because apparently I'm the only one who understands. And, naturally, my blog is the only place where I have that kind of platform. But that's okay, you guys like Harry Potter. Right? You guys still like Harry Potter? Guys?

Okay, Issue 1. This is the general issue, and it has to do with Sorting, and how people are sorted. There seems to be this ... fundamental misunderstanding about Sorting. A widespread fundamental misunderstanding, that leads to unnecessary consternation about things like, why is Hermione in Gryffindor if she's so smart? Should Snape have been sorted into Gryffindor if he did brave things? Is Luna really smart enough to be in Ravenclaw?

Here's the thing. On casual inspection, Sorting seems like it's one thing. If you're smart, you go in Ravenclaw. If you're brave, or a jerk, you go in Gryffindor. If you're evil, you go in Slytherin, and if you're D. none of the above, you go in Hufflepuff. But see, you have to wonder. JK Rowling makes this big deal about how it's not our abilities that define us, but our choices. It's a theme. So, it's weird, then, for her to have this system in place where people are labeled, separated, and therefore defined, according solely to their abilities.

A-ha! Here's the crux: people are not sorted based on their abilities. They're sorted based on their values. Loyalty, bravery, intelligence, ambition: which one do you place higher than the rest? That's what Sorting is. Yes, Hermione is smart, but she would be a Gryffindor no matter how smart she was because, as she explains in the very first book: there are more important things [than book smarts]. Snape would never be a Gryffindor, no matter how many brave things he did, because he didn't give a shit about bravery.

This also explains why families tend to wind up in the same house. Look at the Weasleys. All of them wound up in Gryffindor, despite the fact that they're all very very different people with different talents and goals. Why? Because their parents instilled them with the same values growing up. I mean, at least until the time they were eleven. Neville (I want to punch in the face everyone who says Neville should have been a Hufflepuff) was raised to believe that his parents were the ultimate standard, his parents who were very brave. He was never going to be anything other than a Gryffindor. Sirius wound up in a house where none of the rest of his family had ever been placed because his values went against theirs.

I mean, I'm right, aren't I? You see the logic in this, don't you? So why does no one else seem to get this? (I don't mean you people. I mean the Harry Potter people.) Why are they still trying to figure out what houses people would be in based on what they do?


Which brings us up to Issue 2. And this is no where near as long. A couple weeks ago PotterCast had a discussion on what house Dolores Umbridge would be in. And they gave arguments for three options. Which was hilarious to me because the house that they didn't even consider is the house that I always assumed she would be in: Umbridge is totally a Hufflepuff. Think about it. I mean, I'll explain further if anybody wants, but ... think about it.


*Oh, snap, looks like I did it anyway.

ISSUES.

For the past week or so, I have have been getting inundated with ideas to make fanvids for Twilight.

I will take this opportunity to remind you that:
1. I still can't make fanvids.
2. I loathe Twilight.

GAH!

Schadenfreude is love.

There are few things that make me angrier than people driving all crazy around my also envehicled personage. There's usually gesticulating.

However, today, I figured out what can make that anger immediately dissipate. It's the greatest thing in the world. It is watching the person who swerved to cut you off get pulled over.

Woo hoo!!

One less.

Today I went to my doctor to get the first of three injections of Gardasil, the vaccination against human papillomavirus and cervical cancer.

I know that for most of my readers, this is something of a non-issue. The vaccine is for ages 9 - 26, which many of you aren't. Also, it's for chicks, and some of you are dudes. But, if you do fall within that age bracket, and you have a cervix, I would recommend that you get the vaccine.

But Amy, that one or two of you could say, what if I'm in a committed monogamous relationship (or, you know, engaged) with someone that I already know won't give me HPV? Isn't that the way you get it? Isn't this, essentially, a vaccine for, um, sluts?

And to that I would say, no. It's not a statement about morality. It says nothing about who you are or what you intend. You can hem and haw about why you probably don't necessarily really actually "need" it, but, let's get real. It's about not getting cancer. I like to do a variety of things in my life to help ensure that I won't get cancer, and this is one of those things. Seriously, if you could get a shot in the arm that would guarantee that you wouldn't get at least one form of cancer ... why on earth wouldn't you?

[/The More You Know]

Because Pat has better ideas for blogging than I do.

Here’s what happened when I seek/scanned through the radio stations in my car. My car’s a little old, and the seeker only works up, not down. It stopped on a lot of stations that were just static, too, which I have included for thoroughness rather than prudence.

This list was transcribed starting at approximately 6:30 PM, after I arrived home from driving. Yes, when I arrived home. I should note that I only recently started listening to the radio, and even then only very tentatively. But I’ve also started driving a lot more, so it balances out. Still, though, I know very little about what’s on the radio. Just that it’s usually crap.

This took longer and is longer than I originally thought it was going to be.

87.7 – There’s a song playing that sounds like an extended dance remix of the Rolling Stones. Really? Oh, apparently this is a new song by Mick Jagger! And apparently this is “The Pulse of New York.”

88.3 – Jazz

89.3 – Static. Thanks, seek.

89.5 – A song is on. What is this? Slipknot? This sounds like Slipknot. Skip.

89.7 – Static.

89.9 – Jazz again, only this time with more sax. Ugh. I think the saxophone is the only instrument I really dislike.

90.1 – A song is playing. What is this, reggae? Hip-hop? Reggae hip-hop? Okay, apparently, this is “New York’s Cabbie Flavor.” I’M NOT KIDDING.

90.7 – A song is playing. Soft rock or something. Maybe emo. I can’t really make out the lyrics, so I’m giving this a skip.

91.1 – WFMU [Preset 1]. Here’s the deal with this station. I’ve recently been talking with Sarah from the WD, and she’s a real big fan of WFMU. My the boy also claims that he told me about it months ago, which may or may not be true. They’re an ad-less “freeform” music station. And they are frequented by Local-Boy-Made-Good Love of My Life, Ted Leo. Should be great! Unfortunately, most of the time I listen to it, someone is talking. And talking. You really have to cross your fingers to even hope to hear music, and then it’s pretty hit or miss. Right now, they’re playing some kind of world music that I have no hope of identifying. Skip.

91.5 – Some dude is talking about Hitler. Um, in a historical way. Not a Neo-Nazi way. Now he’s talking about German-American saboteurs? Tempting, but, no. Skip.

92.3 – K-Rock! [Preset 4] I find myself listening to K-Rock the most out of any station these days. Time was, they sucked big time. But now they have all these gimmicks that have made it both more musically satisfactory, and more entertaining (Pat would probably enjoy it). Like their “March Bracket Brawl” and how every Monday, they play listener-submitted playlists, exclusively. The weird side effect of this is that the station sounds like it’s being broadcast out of the 90s. I don’t mean that it sounds like they’re “playing 90s music”. It’s not like “The Best Mix of the 90s!” I mean that it sounds like radio sounded about a decade ago. It’s seriously like everything stopped updating after 1996. Not that that’s a bad thing. Right now the English dude is on. I don’t know who he is yet, but he sounds like a young Londoner transposed to Manhattan, and his name is Ian. So radio DJ is probably really what he’s best qualified for. He’s talking about … something. The Raconteurs’ new album, I believe. Oh! And now, as if to prove my point, they’re playing “Basket Case” by Green Day.

92.7 – Spanish music.

93.1 – More Spanish music.

93.9 – Some dude talking about our war expenditures. Oh wait, now they’re playing music. Oh, no, sorry, that was just their theme music. He’s now talking about something I’m too bored to listen to.

94.7 – Classical music. It’s choral right now.

95.5 – PLJ. This is my sister’s favorite radio station. They’re alright. They play new music, but the kind that’s just new and popular enough to make someone who was young in the 80s feel with it, but bland enough that they won’t get freaked out and alienated by it. Ahem.

96.3 – More classical music. And I think this is the station my clock radio is set to. Or maybe not any more. I have no idea what it’s set to, really. It used to be loud static. Woo boy, that’ll wake you up. Anyway, that was the King Arthur Suite by Elgar.

96.5 – Hip-hop, and ads! At the same time! Genius!

96.7 – More FM talk radio, but this time in Spanish.

97.1 – A song is playing. Won’t someone please show this poor fellow the way? Because the devil is trying to break him down. I don’t know what this song is, even though I probably ought to; I’ve heard it enough times. It was on the commercial for a movie that ran all the time a while back, but I forget which one.

97.5 – Dude. This sounds like reggae gospel. That’s fucking awesome!

97.9 – Some dude is speaking very loudly and emphatically in Spanish. … And now some more people are laughing very loudly and emphatically. (In Spanish?)

98.3 – Celine Dion is telling me that I was her strength when she was weak. I have no idea what this station is.

98.5 – Static.

98.7 – A commercial for PNC Bank. I have no idea what this station is.

98.9 – Static.

99.1 – I am being told that this is “Star 99.1.” What is this? OH!! This is Christian rock. Skip.

99.5 – Someone is talking about Halliburton and oil and today’s war protests. Now they have an audio clip of an 18-year-old girl who was picked up at one. Um, by the police, I mean. Lord. She should … not talk.

99.9 – There’s an ad for a record store on, ironically. Or maybe a club? I don’t know what this station is, but I have a feeling I won’t like it.

100.1 – static.

100.3 – Z100. My niece, who will be ten in May, loves Z100. It’s totally her favorite station. Z100 also used to be my favorite station … when I was ten. Then one day I decided that the music had just started to suck too much and I more or less gave up radio all together. Z100 was, and I believe still is, the biggest radio station in New York. However, I’ve recently wondered if it isn’t just the sort of enterprise that’s only cool if you’re ten. Right now, someone seems to be singing in Spanish? All I can make out is the word “marshmallows.” Skip.

100.5 – Static plus carry-over from Z100.

100.9 – More of the same. Told you they were big. They broadcast from the top of the Empire State Building.

101.1 – CBS FM. This used to be the station that my father listened to all the time, because they played “oldies” by which they meant doo wop. Then a few years ago, they redefined “oldies” to mean “the 70s.” I’m not sure what changes they’ve since undergone, but right now they’re playing "96 Tears" by Question Mark & the Mysterians.

101.3 – Static.

101.5 – I have no idea what station this is, but right now they’re having the traffic report. There’s lots of pockets of traffic on Westbound 80. And also lots of traffic in general. It’s been raining all day, you see. Oooh, an overturned tractor-trailer! … I’ve just now realized how many times I’ve heard that phrase in my life. Probably more than is seemly?

101.7 – Static.

101.9 – I feel sure that this is a real station of some sort, but I don’t know what it is, and right now they have a Jeep commercial on. Oh wait, that’s right. This is CD 101.9. They play smooth jazz. God bless Jeep.

102.1 – Static.

102.5 – More Spanish music, but far more peppy than the other ones!

102.7 – “Fresh” 102.7. This is the brand new “Fresh” light music station. As opposed to the old light music station that we’ll encounter later on in our program. Right now they’re playing commercials.

102.9 – Static.

103.1 – Staticy Bible talk!

103.5 – KTU, “The Beat Of New York”. Right now some chick from Brooklyn is OMGing over something. Oh, she’s going to St. Lucia, courtesy of the radio station. That’s certainly nice of them. … I believe we’ve all just witnessed the best thing about KTU. Let’s move on.

103.7 – Static.

104.1 – Static.

104.3 – Q104, “New York’s Only Classic Rock Station”. [Preset 2] Q104 is pretty much my default station. They tend to play the same songs over and over again, but at least I know them all. Unfortunately though, they’ve recently decided that Nirvana and Pearl Jam fall under the purview of classic rock, and I don’t truck with that bullshit. Also, not to tattle, but one time they played Nickelback. Hand to God. Anyway, right now they are playing the tail end of “Layla”, so of course now I’m thinking about Goodfellas.

104.5 – Static and bits of Layla.

104.7 – Calypso!

104.9 – Static.

105.1 – I don’t know what station this is, but right now they’re playing a Rachael Ray/Dunkin Donuts commercial, so I’m already biased against it. (NB: I don’t hate Rachael Ray because everyone else hates her. I hate her because she pops up everywhere just like Jaslene on America’s Next Top Model . JASLENE’d! That shit makes me crazy.)

105.5 – Fat bottomed girls make the rockin’ world go ‘round! Woo hoo! I have no idea what this station is! But I’d like to go inside soon, so I’m moving on!

105.9 – Ads in Spanish.

106.3 – A song is playing. About a girl named Carrie Ann? Not the Hollies song. Oh, maybe it’s “carry on”? The singer really wants me to carry on. Is this the Used? This sounds like the Used. Skip.

106.5 – Static.

106.7 – Lite FM. I’m not saying that to be deprecatory, that’s really the name of the station. This is the Old School Lite Station that “Fresh” is rebelling against. However, right now, David Bowie is entreating me to dance in my red shoes, so, advantage to the Old School.

107.1 – The Who are goin’ mobile!! I seriously have no idea what this station is! But maybe I’ll check it out again later.

107.5 – A Honda commercial.

107.9 – [Preset 6*] I recently discovered that this is “We Be 108**” (which must be their call letters), and it’s broadcast out of Connecticut. Connecticut!! They play “Connecticut’s Best Music Mix.” I don’t know if that’s true, but I preset them because one day when nothing else was on they were playing Love Shack. Sometimes it’s just that easy, people. I wouldn’t say that they play light music, but I wouldn’t say they play good music, either. Mostly, they play songs that I don’t hate. Like right now, when everyone else has commercials on, they are playing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” I’m okay with that.

*You may have noticed that I have no presets at 3 or 5. … Deal with it.
** I find it interesting that both Pat’s and my stations at 107.9 tout themselves as “108.” Radio stations and horseshoes, eh?

Wtf?

Anthony Minghella is dead.

I feel like I should promise to post when people aren't dead. But seriously, what the fuck.

I lied! There's four!

I've been without steady internet for a while: I'm glutting. I just made four posts. Scroll down. Collect them all!

I've been thinking about adding a sidebar to by blog. Somewhere. Now that I'm not in 800x600 anymore, there's a lot of blank space on here, and that seems imprudent. The last post should totally go in a sidebar post. As should this.

Sidebars are basically Testing for blogs.

Speaking of which, it seems today is the board's and my 8-year anniversary. I'm not going to tell it this time, though.

Alright, now, seriously.

Am I the only person who knows that it's spelled storey? And that the plural is storeys? Seriously! Did I grow up in a parallel universe? The spellcheck isn't even recognizing it!

Brad Renfro is still dead.

I watched the Oscars on Sunday. Apparently not too many people did. Probably because it's usually in March: what the hell?

They got to the memoriam, and by the end I was quite upset. Not because of who they mentioned, but because of who they didn't. That's right, Brad Renfro. My mother claimed that the list was sort of a number of people who'd died last year, but I don't know about that.

When he died, I checked out Access Hollywood, which my mother usually has on while she eats dinner. I was waiting for them to say something, but they never did. A slew of weeks later, the same show released what turned out to be Mr. Renfro's last interview. He looked rough and bloated. He talked about how he hoped people would remember him as a great actor. It was very sad. Afterwards, the video was outtroed with an alarming coldness. "Yeah, he got all fucked up on drugs, now he's dead, let's move on." I'm barely exaggerating. They wouldn't curse on network television, of course.

I don't know. It seems like it's a thing. Why? I really don't understand this, but it's definitely standing in stark relief against, you know, the treatment of that other fellow who died recently.

Parenthetical: (I have nothing against Heath Ledger, nor the outpouring of grief for him. I was honestly not upset by his passing, but I don't mean that to be a remark on him, and any anger or negativity I have is not directed at him. It's merely frustration at this ... thing. Mr. Ledger just happened to die. It's not his fault.)

Seriously, is it just me?

At least it was technically free.

This is one of at least three blog posts that I plan on writing today. Right now. With only breaks to get more apple juice and maybe dinner, depending on how late this goes.

Okay, so, what this post is about is, see, I recently picked up and read Twilight, the first in the eponymous book series by author Stephenie Meyer. I would like to talk about that.

Fair warning, if you have any interest in reading this series, you probably shouldn't read any more, because I really don't know if I can be bothered to use spoiler tags. Maybe, though! We'll see.

Twilight has recently been heavily pimped by the Harry Potter podcasts I listen to. Prior to that, I don't think I'd heard of it. The Potter geeks are interested because a movie version is in the process of being made, and the male lead is to be played by Robert "at least three 't's HOTTT" Pattinson, better known to most of us as the late, lamented, Cedric Diggory. After some cursory research, I found that the film will also include a few more people whom I register on the neutral/positive spectrum: Kristen Stewart, whom I greatly enjoyed in Panic Room, wherein she played a character who was essentially Lauren (though I've so far not managed to see her in anything else), and Michael Welch, who was wonderful as Amber Tamblyn's brother on "Joan Of Arcadia."

Variety of title style is getting a workout in this entry.

So, anyway, after they'd mentioned this a few times, I decided to try it out. I was promised sexy times, action adventure, and vampires. Seriously, odds are it was up my alley.

I went to the library to try to snag it there, but for the third time in a row, the book was listed as being in the library, but it was not on the shelf. So, either my public library has a large problem with theft, or they can't catalogue for shit. I wound up picking it up at the Barnes & Noble because I found a gift card I had for $30. I also finally picked up the last Ted Leo album.

The book is about 500 pages, and I finished it in less than 24 hours, gross time, even with doing other actual activities. This book bothered me greatly. Why, you may ask? It is a resplendent example of why I'm scared to write a novel: because I worry that this is the sort of story I would produce. Now, don't misunderstand. I'm not saying I didn't like it. I did, after all, just pay it the high compliment of saying that I could see myself writing it.[/hubris] I'm saying that it wasn't any good.

I checked out the author's website, and I read some of her background on her writing. (This is her first novel.) Among the things that quirked my lip corners: She got the idea for this story from a dream. Also, she obsesses mainly over the details of the characters. And she looks a lot like Charisma Carpenter. That last point is just for color.

She takes an awful amount of pages to say not very much. There's no plot to speak of, except towards the end where the characters passively happen to fall into a weak and contrived scenario. There's no active decision making that I can remember at all. The writing is painfully repetitive. The human girl's vampire boyfriend is very pretty. The author mentions this in every sentence in which he is described. Which happens 5-10 times for every scene that he's in. ... Which is pretty much every scene. Also, the human girlfriend is clumsy. Vampires are pale. She loves her vampire boyfriend. Her breath catches. Her heart beats erratically. Et cetera. Also, the vampire boyfriend has some sort of issue where he'll go from laughing to scowling and angry to smiling every other sentence. In a few years, if you're ever flipping through the premium channels and you catch Mr. Pattinson and he's doing this - he's not insane. He's in character.

The secondary vampire characters are all fairly ridiculous and not worth mentioning. They attend high school for Chrissakes. Listen, if you were a hundred years old, would you go back to high school? On purpose? Even if people left you alone and you aced all your tests and occasionally got a human girlfriend? No. You would not. There are a variety of subplots that wind up never having anything to do with anything. And of course there's the usual dilemma. You know, the vampire boyfriend totally loves the human girlfriend and they want to be with each other forever, but of course he doesn't want to make her a vampire. Except, see, in the mythology created by this book, and in the context of this story, this makes no effing sense. Seriously. As written, every single objection is discounted or can be worked around. So the dilemma comes across as preposterously artificial, and I was instantly tired with the whole thing as soon as we got there. Because I've read this before. Innumerable times. And it's been done. Better.

Of course, they don't really address the question of whether or not vampires have souls. I'm going to have to come down on the side of "no" though, because of one exchange. The vampire boyfriend claims that he likes music from the 50s and the 80s, but not the 60s or the 70s. And I can't. freaking. understand that! He must be evil, because that's a completely soulless thing to say. Furthermore, it doesn't make any sense. Most of the music in the 80s was a direct derivative of the music they were playing in the 70s, except for the teeny pop, which was based on the music of the early 60s. THAT SHIT MAKES NO SENSE. Get me a flow chart. What is he saying? That he would rather hear Tiffany than the Jackson 5? He would rather listen to Billy Joel than Bob Dylan? Poison is better than the Zep? Is he seriously saying that he prefers WHAM! to the Beatles? Human girlfriend: dump his stupid evil ass.

Of course, the author listed some of her musical preferences on her website, and she's got shit taste, too, so this perhaps explains it.

So, wait, what was my point? Oh yes. I worry that I would write something like this. I mean, obviously, my taste in music is better, and I would like to believe that my writing skills are better, but about the meandering plotless vacuum with excessive focus on character thing. About vampires or something like that. What's baffling, though, is that this series seems to have a large cult following. It's mostly teenage girls OMGing about romance and hot boys, but still. It was a NY Times bestseller. It's gotten all sorts of good reviews from various sources. Is it me? Are people just not that discriminating anymore? And ... I don't know, could that conceivably work to my advantage?

I'm not as keyed up about it as the entry probably sounds, though I have all these issues. Again, I didn't dislike it. I'm a sucker for vamp angst. It's like chicken. Even if it's not the greatest, I'll probably eat it. It's one of the few things I enjoy. But I definitely won't be getting the follow-up books. Especially as I'm given to understand that a werewolf storyline gets introduced, and man, I just don't have the time. The book collectively took less than 6 hours of my life, but I just do not have the time for that.

I'm pretending to be a writer today.

I had a little burst of inspiration last night that got me thinking about some of the stories that I would, in theory, like to write some day. I pulled out Robert McKee's Story and everything and am now reading the first chapter.

I'd like to write one of the stories in a particular way. I feel no fear in talking about this because I have zero plot, and therefore nothing to steal. I'd like to write a story wherein the main character is not the protagonist. What I mean is, I'd like to have the bulk of the events happen to, and for most of the action to come from, a character who is not the focus of the story. Not in a Nick Carraway kind of capacity, necessarily, but more that the main character doesn't really understand or get involved with the events of the story at all.

Can I do that? Has that been done before? I mean, I assume that it has, but I'm wondering if there are examples that could be brought to my attention.