Yes, there were pirouettes.

No, you won't be able to sing along.

Today I lived a dream that I had waited literally twenty years to see realized.

That's right, my friends: NEWSIES THE MUSICAL.


And, much like the ultimate outcome of the 1899 newsboys' strike, compromises were made, but it was ultimately a positively transformative experience.

Firstly, and most importantly, you will not be able to sing along. In my case, this may have been for the best. But in addition to adding several new numbers, the stage production changes a significant portion of the lyrics of the familiar tunes. "King Of New York" comes away with the least editing, so prep yourself for that. The dancing, though, was all in. It was like the most niche-market Cirque du Soleil you could imagine. The stage is its medium and it was glorious. The curtain call was more entertaining than perhaps half the shows I've ever seen. The set, comprised mainly of blocks of fire escapes, was a little Jailhouse Rock, but it made for an excellent platform for swinging and spinning.

There are also many changes to the storyline. Some of these worked for me, others didn't, but most just made me question. I feel like I need to sit for a while and suss out what the message of the show is, and how these choices serve (or don't serve) that message. Most reviews that you can already find of the show have made note that the story of the working class struggle against the wealthy elite is more resonant these days than it was in the early 90s. While that's certainly true, the story here is actually about the working class youth and their railing against the oppressive institutions of their elders. Considering that I attended a matinee performance, this was surprisingly well received by the audience. I have not yet reached a verdict.

Let me break down some of the other changes for you:

STARBUCK DENTON IS A CHICK!
Omg, you guys. You remember Jack Kelly's love interest? She was a blonde girl, I think she was Davey's sister or something? Of course you don't. No one remembers her because she served absolutely no purpose. So they went and did the best thing I can think of: They made her Bryan Denton. It is by miles the best change in the production. (And, earning my love even further, she is still the king, not queen, of New York.) Unfortunately, the actress playing her is only half as delightful as she needs to be. But in more dynamic hands, this could be a role that little girls grow up longing to play, and her solo song is the only one of the additions that I fully enjoyed.

Crutchy's up ... nearly everyone else is down.
Without the megawatt star power of Max Casella, our main newsie becomes Crutchy. This makes a lot of sense, and it works for how they tell the story. Unfortunately, while the rest of the ensemble retains their quirky nicknames, they're even less discernible as individual characters than they were in the film. That's not Crutchy's fault; he's not getting more lines at the expense of anyone. But it seems like a waste of resources. I would have liked to see distinctive and memorable characters*. In addition to Crutchy, they also bulked up the role of Les, Davey's little brother. I liked that, too. He was entertaining. He added to things. Unfortunately, this left Davey himself off in a corner. Played very much as a Portrait of the Nebbish as a Young Man, he neither establishes a meaningful relationship with Jack nor does he stand on his own as a strike organizer. Around the beginning of the second half, I was trying to figure out, "Which one is that again?" before realizing it was Dave. Oy.

*Most especially for the love-of-my-young-life, Spot Conlon. Yes, Spot. He's a glorified extra. I should have asked Harvey Fierstein if he's familiar with the term "ensemble darkhorse." Oh hey, by the way, I totally met Harvey Fierstein. If he's reading this, I was the girl who shouted "Thank you, Mr. Fierstein!" as you were bookin' it to the parking lot. It is so, so, so weird that you don't have a beard anymore, by the way.

Pulitzer's moustache was not long enough to twirl.
But damned if he didn't try. In my least favorite modification, Joseph Pulitzer was portrayed as the most villainous villain this side of Anastasia's Rasputin. Granted, almost anything is a step down from Robert Duvall, but it was sour to realize that he could have gotten away with his monopolistic schemes if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.

Let's talk about Jeremy Jordan.
Jeremy Jordan played Jack Kelly. In his bio, it reads: "Jeremy Jordan is fulfilling his lifelong (well, since he was 9) dream of playing the infamous Jack Kelly!" And you guys, the highest compliment I can pay his performance is that I believe it. He was amazing. Christian Bale can get in line. God, I hope he makes it.


As a final note, I'd just like to say that the Paper Mill Playhouse has some serious layout issues to which the wicked bruise above my right knee can attest. They did provide me with an iced pumpkin muffin, though, which was nearly worth the $5 I paid for it.

Ladies and (... just ladies, right?), Newsies! the Musical.