Folks, I have some very important things to discuss with you about the state of rock. But wait ... not just any rock. This post is about
wizard rock.
This post is about Harry Potter.
Let me explain. As we all know, there is Harry Potter. As some of us know, there is also "Harry and the Potters," a band comprised of two brothers from up in New England somewhere who write and perform songs from the perspective of the boy wizard. If your reaction is already "What the hell?" then you may want to check them out before proceeding:
Fiercely creative?I first heard about Harry and the Potters, vaguely, I don't know, maybe about a year and a half ago? The idea amused me greatly, but I didn't look for any information on them or try to listen to their songs for a while after that. The first song I heard was pretty excellent, but it set me up for disappointment. My verdict was: Sadly, they were not brilliant. But they had the possibility of being brilliant. Their first album is ... well, it contains such scintillating insight as "My cousin is real fat." Their second album is leaps and bounds better, and contains the song "The Missing Arm of Viktor Krum" which is, in fact, brilliant. Plus, I hear they're just terrific live. They've just put out their third full length album, and I have high hopes. I'd like to purchase it once I devise a cunning plan to buy things off the internet without a credit card. Again.
Here's where things go off the deep end.
We have Harry and the Potters. The kids like them. The kids like them so much they think, "Damn, why didn't
I do that?" Then? They do that. I stumbled upon an enclave of this thing now known as "wizard rock" in the scorched and barren wasteland that is MySpace. And I discovered more bands than I can think about, named after just about every character and every item in the books that you can remember, and even ones you can't. Nigh on to
one hundred of these "bands." It's crazy! The formula for making your own is pretty simple:
1. [Character First Name] and the [Character Last Name]s (Harry and the Potters, Draco and the Malfoys, Ron and the Weasleys)
- or -
2. The [Character Full Name]s (The Remus Lupins, The Neville Longbottoms)
- or -
3. [Character Name] and the [Something Related to Them]s (Romilda Vane and the Chocolate Cauldrons, Dobby And The House Elves)
- or -
4. Anything else (The Wands, The Firebolts, The Whomping Willows, The Sectumsepras)
Think of one, and they have it. Very few of these "bands" have gone so far as to release albums; only a small number have. Most of them have simply written a handful of songs that they've uploaded to MySpace. Many only have two or three. Some, as it happens, haven't even made any music yet, they're just rushing to stake their claim in this very odd phenomenon, before someone else steals their name. As for what they do outside of Harry Potter, do they have their own, regular bands? I don't know. I'd wager that it varies.
Then, you have the songs. Generally, most of them write from the perspective of whatever they've chosen to name themselves after. The Whomping Willows? Are all about the Whomping Willow. The Giant Squid has a band. I left that one alone, I can only handle so much. Some of them cover various character perspectives. Most are overt, drawing their topics right off the pages. Some are a bit more murky, but no one manages to stumble on that "Robert Plant clearly digs Lord of the Rings" medium that I would have liked to find.
Then you have the music, and this is where I get into critique. I wasn't sure what to expect when I started testing these waters, but I guess it was something along the lines of the homespun, endearing kitsch that I'd heard so far. Most of it, though? Blows. So Hard. Seriously, there is some bad, bad music ripe (and I mean ripe) for the plucking. It's honestly not worth it to listen to most of what's out there, unless it happens to be written by your children. So what did I do? I spent a good deal of my otherwise unusable time listening to it. I listen to bad music so that you don't have to. Of the 70 or so bands that I gave a listen to (I typically gave a song 30 seconds to impress me, which was perhaps a bit harsh, but hell, it's not like I was being paid), I found 8 that I can say I think are worthwhile. Actually, 5. And three halfs. But of those bands, I have this to say:
Runners up: These are two groups that I sort of like but can't give my complete support too. They seem to be pretty popular with the "community," for what that's worth. First is
The Hermione Crookshanks Experience. +11 points for the name, right there. That name cracks me up. The songs are written and sung by a very nice young lady and are ... passable. The best of them is an anthem for SPEW, which is catchy and darling enough to make me ignore that she pronounces it "
spew " which everyone knows Hermione wouldn't. The second is
The Remus Lupins who, in actuality, is just one guy. He's, like, crazy popular with the kids, or so the internet has lead me to believe. I actually think he's a pretty good musician, and his songs are fairly well written. But unlike most of the bands, he throws in a lot of things that are speculative and non-canon, so it's almost like fanfic set to music. And I don't have any interest in that.
Harry And The Potters: Seriously, listen to them, just so you can say you have. Original and still champ, their music making skill has improved greatly since they had to come up with a bunch of songs one afternoon and said, "Why not Harry Potter?" Seriously, I will send you "The Missing Arm of Viktor Krum." It is brilliant. Seriously.
Oh, Ron.Draco And The Malfoys: This is the second wizard rock band I ever heard of. They work with Harry and the Potters a lot. When I first heard of them last year, I didn't think they were a real band, because I hadn't figured any of this out yet. Anyway, as you can imagine, they are the musical foil to Harry and the Potters, sung as Draco Malfoy. It's ... such a good time. The songs, with titles such as "Your Family Is Poor," "Voldemort Is Awesome," and "Hippogriffs Deserve To Die," are earnestly,
gleefully mean-spirited and funny as hell. You will laugh as your jaw drops and you think "So wrong. So, so wrong."
The Moaning Myrtles: The Moaning Myrtles hail from the lovely Garden State. They're from the same town my cousin used to live in before she dumped the person she's no longer engaged to to move back in with her mother even though she's twenty-six and makes a damn lot of money working for Bristol Meyers Squibb. I don't know why you needed to know that, but it adds color, doesn't it? Anyway, the Moaning Myrtles are from Jersey and they are actually brilliant. They've got good voices that were probably trained in high school choir that they blend into pleasant harmonies. One plays bass, one plays keyboard, and they do it well. And they're fricking hilarious. Their Myrtle is saucy, and if you saw the bathtub scene in GoF, you'll have some idea of what to expect. In one song, entitled "Prefects Are Hot," they proclaim: Death Is Way More Fun With Bubbles. I bought their shirt that says that, because that's how much I love them.
Ginny And The Heartbreakers: Besides having a name that I love, these girls get extra points for being the only group I listened to that actually made me believe that the character would sing their songs. If Ginny Weasley had a band, these are the songs she would play. Probably. I was a little worried at first, because their signature song starts with the declarative statement: "I have red hair." Oof. What am I in for? It turns out, however, to be a deceptively simple and lovely ode to personal confidence. I have listened to it many times on repeat and I hope they write more songs soon.
Roonil Wazlib: There just really should be a band called Roonil Wazlib. That just makes me happy. Anyway, I think this is just one girl. Her songs are hit or miss, but when she hits, she's very entertaining. There's one song, from the point of view of Molly Weasley, that's a tenderly sung ode to her husband. Aww. Then there's another, sung in the same tender tone, by Wormtail, regarding his "awesome silver hand." Hee!
Honorable mention: There's one last band that I'm putting on here for the sheer entertainment of it. It's called
Siriusly Black. The conceit is that, à la Tupac, Sirius Black keeps it "wiz rockin' from the behind the veil." It's so awesome. I can't guarantee that anyone will share my sense of humor, but I
nearly stopped breathing I laughed so hard. Yo, Bella, what the hella?
There are some other bands out that that are, I suppose, good, but simply don't appeal to me. Since the only requirement is that the songs be inspired by Harry Potter, "wizard rock" is a broad umbrella. There's some dark, metal type music going on as well as atmospheric experimental stuff and some honest-to-goodness unrepentent emo. Interesting, sure, and with merits, perhaps, but nothing I'm interested in. My biggest disappoints were from the band styling itself "Weezard" (talk about aiming too high) and the girl who played the hammered dulcimer. I wanted to like them.
And there, my friends, you have it. Wizard rock. No, I am not kidding.
