Wednesday
Monday
Oh, importance!
If you have my home address, you no longer have my home address. For I have moved. Thus, if anything were to be sent to my former address, I probably wouldn't ever get it. (Note: Um... this isn't a subliminal message to send me stuff, or anything.) Any parties interesting in learning of my new whereabouts should contact me via email. If you don't have my email address, tell me so and I'll get to rectifying that.
My home phone number is still the same. In fact, nothing changed from a mail standpoint except my street address.
Thank you.
My home phone number is still the same. In fact, nothing changed from a mail standpoint except my street address.
Thank you.
Sunday
April 2003
Dear Amy,
Last month, our office conducted a survey of students, like yourself, who are receiving financial assistance through the state's Outstanding Scholars Recruitment Program (OSRP). The response to the survey was excellent, as over half of all OSRP students completed the program questionnaire. For your information, I am pleased to share with you the results of that survey.
98% of the university's Outstanding Scholars considered the OSRP scholarship to be Very Important (82%) or Somewhat Important (16%) in their decision to attend Rutgers.
Three-fourths of the university's Outstanding Scholars had been accepted by out-of-state colleges or universities before choosing to attend Rutgers.
68% of the university's Outstanding Scholars plan on attending graduate school after completing their undergraduate work at Rutgers, while 32% intend to enter the workforce.
Two-thirds of the university's Outstanding Scholars plan on staying in New Jersey following graduation from Rutgers.
Clearly, the Outstanding Scholars Recruitment Program has played a vital role in attracting the best and brightest of New Jersey's high school graduates to our state university.
In other words.... we're all here because we're poor and you paid us. I could have told you that. Thank you for reminding me why I am here. ...Oh, and there was other stuff after that blah blah legislators... who cares.
Last month, our office conducted a survey of students, like yourself, who are receiving financial assistance through the state's Outstanding Scholars Recruitment Program (OSRP). The response to the survey was excellent, as over half of all OSRP students completed the program questionnaire. For your information, I am pleased to share with you the results of that survey.
98% of the university's Outstanding Scholars considered the OSRP scholarship to be Very Important (82%) or Somewhat Important (16%) in their decision to attend Rutgers.
Three-fourths of the university's Outstanding Scholars had been accepted by out-of-state colleges or universities before choosing to attend Rutgers.
68% of the university's Outstanding Scholars plan on attending graduate school after completing their undergraduate work at Rutgers, while 32% intend to enter the workforce.
Two-thirds of the university's Outstanding Scholars plan on staying in New Jersey following graduation from Rutgers.
Clearly, the Outstanding Scholars Recruitment Program has played a vital role in attracting the best and brightest of New Jersey's high school graduates to our state university.
In other words.... we're all here because we're poor and you paid us. I could have told you that. Thank you for reminding me why I am here. ...Oh, and there was other stuff after that blah blah legislators... who cares.
Friday
And now for something completely different.
I just walked in my hall, and I smelled the scent of warm food. I could not tell if it was hamburgers or waffles.
Then I thought about that and realized that was pretty gross.
I am now watching The Ring. I hope it's more effective than it was on Matt.
Then I thought about that and realized that was pretty gross.
I am now watching The Ring. I hope it's more effective than it was on Matt.
"It's a girl, Mrs. Walker, it's a girl."
Several weeks ago. Or... I don't know [accurate measure of time] ago, I saw a play in Princeton called Fiction . It was, I must say, excellent. I really, really, really adored it, and on the way back home, I was thinking of all sorts of things to write about it. And then, what with my life needing to be a never ending cycle of shit, shit prevented me from continuing to want to do that. Um... I'm still not going to talk about it. But, anyway, I had to see it for a class, and last week, we discussed it in class. Only my professor (who I ordinarily 'be cool wit') said that the discussion was going to be brief, because he hadn't seen it. Thought it was running longer than it was, blah blah, whatever. Ass. Now, I know it's not his fault, and it's not as if this is a theme. But this was so much better than the usually dreck he sends us off to see and critique, and I was really genuinely disappointed with him that he couldn't provide me with any intelligent discourse on it. Also, the class was small that day, because... well, it's a long story that can pretty much be summed up with the word "douchebags". And of course, no one there appreciated it the way I did, and they hadn't paid attention, several of them didn't go as well. Yet they keep expressing opinions about it. It was so annoying. Their opinions could be logically countermanded, and were formed on part of the show missed, and then the people who hadn't even been to the show started expressing their opinions based on the bullshit they had been hearing from the people who hadn't paid attention.
I wanted to explode. I can't enjoy anything. And I wish to God that people who don't know what they're talking about would just stop talking.
I long to interact with normal, agreeable people. If only I knew where I could get me some of those.
I wanted to explode. I can't enjoy anything. And I wish to God that people who don't know what they're talking about would just stop talking.
I long to interact with normal, agreeable people. If only I knew where I could get me some of those.
Tuesday
To quote Kirk.
"Internet people are weird. I am not like them."
[sigh ] Seriously, we you all always this fucked up and I just never noticed, or is it a more recent development?
[sigh ] Seriously, we you all always this fucked up and I just never noticed, or is it a more recent development?
Sunday
Bye, house.
So, the moveout date is Tuesday. But for me, the moveout date was today, as I am now back at school. Which means that I've walked out of "my house" for the last time. It was weird. I remember distinctly the first time I walked in it (I was three). I didn't like it. My neighbor is unpleasant. The houses are too close together for my liking. And I never did figure out why we aren't religious enough to go to church ever, but we are religious enough to keep a statue of Mary in our backyard. Pfft!
The stairway and the upstairs hallways are bordered by a white bannister. The one little pole-dealy on the corner over the stairs (this would make more sense if you knew what I was talking about) has been lose since we moved in. Of course, this did not prevent me from grabbing it and using it for some swinging-leverage (like a monkey) whenever I came up or down the stairs. I always wondered how long it would hold up. Well, it broke today. Probably when my father was moving stuff downstairs. Figures. Anyway, that's the sort of day it was. [/what?]
Eh. I feel like I should feel. I made sure I walked through all the rooms, and "say goodbye" to them. There's a crawlspace in the basement behind the boiler. We somehow managed to get a large wooden trunk, a suitcase, and my mother's guitar back there, but there doesn't seem to be a pratical way to get them out. So we're leaving them there. My sister said she doesn't want to know if anything has nested in it or something. This turn of events pisses me off. Anyway, so, I was was having all these nostalgic feelings upon my departure, but, you know, in an apathetic way. I did lay down on the bed in the spare room and I wound up falling asleep. Eeeehhhhh.
I left early, because the computer was disconnected, and so was my VCR, so I didn't really know what time it was. "American Pie" played on the radio. That was pretty neat. Did you know that the Joker refers to Bob Dylan?
So, I'm going to go back up next weekend, to help my mother unpack. I have to work on some... well, work this week, and i'm going to go see one of my professors and lie to him shamelessly about why I've been such a lazy schmo this semester. This will be odd. And tiring. I don't have a home anymore, I've realized. I mean, I'll never be homeless. There are lots of places that I can stay, at all times. But I'll be living in "my mother's house" now. There is no "my house". I think of it as my mother's house. I don't have any attachment to it. So I don't really have a home. That idea makes me feel very tired.
Hey, did you know that it's Easter? I found that out this weekend, because I was presented with chocolate. Go Jesus. I miss Human contact.
In other news, where the devil is bettie?
The stairway and the upstairs hallways are bordered by a white bannister. The one little pole-dealy on the corner over the stairs (this would make more sense if you knew what I was talking about) has been lose since we moved in. Of course, this did not prevent me from grabbing it and using it for some swinging-leverage (like a monkey) whenever I came up or down the stairs. I always wondered how long it would hold up. Well, it broke today. Probably when my father was moving stuff downstairs. Figures. Anyway, that's the sort of day it was. [/what?]
Eh. I feel like I should feel. I made sure I walked through all the rooms, and "say goodbye" to them. There's a crawlspace in the basement behind the boiler. We somehow managed to get a large wooden trunk, a suitcase, and my mother's guitar back there, but there doesn't seem to be a pratical way to get them out. So we're leaving them there. My sister said she doesn't want to know if anything has nested in it or something. This turn of events pisses me off. Anyway, so, I was was having all these nostalgic feelings upon my departure, but, you know, in an apathetic way. I did lay down on the bed in the spare room and I wound up falling asleep. Eeeehhhhh.
I left early, because the computer was disconnected, and so was my VCR, so I didn't really know what time it was. "American Pie" played on the radio. That was pretty neat. Did you know that the Joker refers to Bob Dylan?
So, I'm going to go back up next weekend, to help my mother unpack. I have to work on some... well, work this week, and i'm going to go see one of my professors and lie to him shamelessly about why I've been such a lazy schmo this semester. This will be odd. And tiring. I don't have a home anymore, I've realized. I mean, I'll never be homeless. There are lots of places that I can stay, at all times. But I'll be living in "my mother's house" now. There is no "my house". I think of it as my mother's house. I don't have any attachment to it. So I don't really have a home. That idea makes me feel very tired.
Hey, did you know that it's Easter? I found that out this weekend, because I was presented with chocolate. Go Jesus. I miss Human contact.
In other news, where the devil is bettie?
Thursday
Geez, God. You're so petty.
I think the almighty was a bit miffed at my weather commentary. For today, I got rained on, and blown the fuck down! I swear to... well, you know. Now, for reference, I weigh about 135 pounds. Um... possibley less, but I don't think so. I've actually been having a substantive meal almost everyday for the past two weeks. Anyway. You'd think this would be enough bulk to allow me to keep my frame upright. BUT YOU'D BE WRONG! I was actually knocked over by the wind today. Knocked over. By the goddamn wind. I could all but hear it yell "CHILDREN!" at me.
Oh, also, my day was completely crap besides. I did however just take an exam without having studied for it or done any of the readings, and I was still able to answer all the questions. And now I don't have to leave my room anymore. So, perhaps things are looking up.
Oh, also, my day was completely crap besides. I did however just take an exam without having studied for it or done any of the readings, and I was still able to answer all the questions. And now I don't have to leave my room anymore. So, perhaps things are looking up.
Tuesday
Um. This probably is not good.
I think I'm cracking up. No, I mean, really. I chronciled my problems with warmer weather, yes? The bugs, the heat, the light, the noise, the smells, the crushing, teeming, herds of people? It's really a problem. I can't deal with it. There's this painful constriction in my chest, and I get disoriented, and scared, and I want to scream and cry and start punching people and run away. I'm shaking. I don't want to leave my fucking room. I've only gone to two classes so far this week. And that's too much.
I really think that I am crazy.
I really think that I am crazy.
Sunday
As the Earth's bountiful Skin, your Dragon color is...TAN
A TAN Dragon Lies Beneath!
I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a Tan Dragon on the inside. My Inner Dragon is the true draconic magic-user. Tans have been all but forgotten in popular literature, but that suits them just fine. They're slightly shy and spend most of their time in impassable mountain valleys. When feeling brave or adventurous, Tans use their shape-shifting ability to blend in with society. Given a choice, however, Tans still much prefer to be left to their own devices.
I like to spend time devising new and interesting spells, and counting my gigantic treasure. My favorable attributes are longevity, security, magic, and reverence for life. To top it off, my breath weapon is a curious mix of Fire and Air. Just tell folks to watch out, like all Tans I've got a seriously short temper!
......Eh?
About me and the things I do
I have decided not to go to my first two classes tomorrow. I decided this early today, and that's very freeing. Now I can do nothing this evening, (ie, I can fiddle around online) and sleep late tomorrow, and perhaps actually do constructive school things.
Um... I probably won't do constructive school things, but let's just assume that I might.
See? It's all planned. Not spontaneous. That makes it less like slacking.
Um... I probably won't do constructive school things, but let's just assume that I might.
See? It's all planned. Not spontaneous. That makes it less like slacking.
Saturday
Way to go, Jimmy - fuck you, Q104.
I am truly an independent woman today. I decided that I wanted cookies, and so I drove to the store at 10:00 PM to buy myself some cookie-making ingredients. On this excursion, I happened to catch some radio chatter on the following subject:
The "reunion tour" of Led Zeppelin. [shudder ] Now, according to announcer dude, Jimmy Page recently stated that there's "no way". Then, the announcer dude expressed skepticism, and disappointment at this claim. He assured listeners that such an endeavor will surely come to pass. Fuck you, announcer dude.
Led Zeppelin cannot rejoin, because Led Zeppelin exists only in the past. Led Zeppelin was a band consisting of four musicians: Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham. Of course and as you know, John Bonham, he be dead. Sans Bonzo, you have Plant, Page, and Jones. That's not Led Zeppelin, that's Plant, Page, and Jones. The three of them recognized at the tail end of 1980 that they were not Led Zeppelin without Bonham, and thus Led Zeppelin became officially no more.
So, reunion tour my ass.
I don't want them to become The Who. Half its members dead, half the remaining incarcerated, and yet, Somehow!, it's still a complete band.[/I've used this joke too much.]
The "reunion tour" of Led Zeppelin. [shudder ] Now, according to announcer dude, Jimmy Page recently stated that there's "no way". Then, the announcer dude expressed skepticism, and disappointment at this claim. He assured listeners that such an endeavor will surely come to pass. Fuck you, announcer dude.
Led Zeppelin cannot rejoin, because Led Zeppelin exists only in the past. Led Zeppelin was a band consisting of four musicians: Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham. Of course and as you know, John Bonham, he be dead. Sans Bonzo, you have Plant, Page, and Jones. That's not Led Zeppelin, that's Plant, Page, and Jones. The three of them recognized at the tail end of 1980 that they were not Led Zeppelin without Bonham, and thus Led Zeppelin became officially no more.
So, reunion tour my ass.
I don't want them to become The Who. Half its members dead, half the remaining incarcerated, and yet, Somehow!, it's still a complete band.[/I've used this joke too much.]
Thursday
Eeeee!!
Eeee! I got a letter today. It was from Crystal! It contained Crystal art!! CRYSTAL ART! It is so pretty. It is very special.
And I actually gasped when I got it.
That was very nice.
Thank you Crystal
And I actually gasped when I got it.
That was very nice.
Thank you Crystal
Wednesday
FYI
My legs are all sore and bruised. It really sucks. The reason for this is that yesterday (or maybe the day before it, I can't really remember) I fell down the stairs. Yes, stairs, and I fell down them. About half a flight. No one was around at the time, though. So, I really only slightly injured my ego. And, well, legs, obviously.
This makes me sad, for reasons unrelated to my legs.
I will now watch Angel . I hope it makes sense this week. In the meantime, I would like words of sympathy. Thank you.
This makes me sad, for reasons unrelated to my legs.
I will now watch Angel . I hope it makes sense this week. In the meantime, I would like words of sympathy. Thank you.
Tuesday
I hate all people
Especially the friendly ones. Dieter's class has been sparsely populated of late, so he's begun taking attendance. Not that I care, I'm always there anyway. On the bus to my next class, a chick gets on and sits down next to me, and immediately engages me in conversation. Are you amused yet? She recognized me from Dieter's (although I think she called it "class". Pfft.) and apparently this will found our lifelong friendship. So I was pumped for information, and I gave it (major, housing, future plans: "I'm not sure" read: fuck off) because I was disinterested and tired. I could tell from her twattle that we had relatively little in common. I figured that she was probably trying to hit on me, but then she started talking about how she had started her own business (I wasn't listening, so I don't really know) and that she was looking for a few other people to help her out, and she thought it might be something I would like, because I seemed like a real people person. I restrained the urge to laugh in her face, but corrected her that no, I really am not a people person. So, she wasn't hitting on me, just oddly trying to rope me into some kind of job or something. Or maybe she was doing both, I'm not sure, but in any event, I was rather pissed off by this encounter. I sincerely hope that I don't ever have to talk to her again.
People have just been looking at me today. And there's been more talking going on than usual. I have no idea why. I don't look any different today than I do on any other day, at least not that I can tell. What the fuck are they all looking at? I'm really glad that I'm staying inside for the rest of the day.
I had the urge to yell at my professor today. There wasn't really any provocation for me to do so. Perhaps I have rage issues. Anyway, I like her, and she seems nice, but she smiles all the time, and I don't trust that. I think there's something wrong with people who smile all the time. I think it's a way to mask other feelings, and I think those people are disingenuous. Note that I am not saying that I don't trust people who are happy all the time, just people who smile all the time.
I saw my cousin when I went to get my mail. I had to manuever so that she didn't see me. I really didn't feel like talking to her stupid ugly face and pretending that I cared about her drunken escapades and how exciting she finds college.
I really, really hate people. Dieter says that hermits don't follow the natural human agenda. Perhaps I'm not a normal human.
People have just been looking at me today. And there's been more talking going on than usual. I have no idea why. I don't look any different today than I do on any other day, at least not that I can tell. What the fuck are they all looking at? I'm really glad that I'm staying inside for the rest of the day.
I had the urge to yell at my professor today. There wasn't really any provocation for me to do so. Perhaps I have rage issues. Anyway, I like her, and she seems nice, but she smiles all the time, and I don't trust that. I think there's something wrong with people who smile all the time. I think it's a way to mask other feelings, and I think those people are disingenuous. Note that I am not saying that I don't trust people who are happy all the time, just people who smile all the time.
I saw my cousin when I went to get my mail. I had to manuever so that she didn't see me. I really didn't feel like talking to her stupid ugly face and pretending that I cared about her drunken escapades and how exciting she finds college.
I really, really hate people. Dieter says that hermits don't follow the natural human agenda. Perhaps I'm not a normal human.
Monday
!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Oh, that's very well done! Funny how people just don't know when to quit.
*whistles * "
GUah!! Everything you say makes me dislike you! That's it. A fucking jihad on this woman. [/Izzard]
*whistles * "
GUah!! Everything you say makes me dislike you! That's it. A fucking jihad on this woman. [/Izzard]
Today was productive because
I saw two Kirsten Dunst movies that I had not seen before. Of course, she was only in the one for like, five minutes. And I didn't see those minutes. I just saw a lot of Meredith Baxter being a drug addict.
It was a Lifetime movie. She makes much better career choices now.
Also, I'm not really watching the second one, because I have apparently completely lost any attention span that I once had. However, from what I've seen, this movie is most likely offensive to every Native American culture ever , and also marks the fourth film I've seen her in in which her main costume is braids and overalls.
This is productivity.
It was a Lifetime movie. She makes much better career choices now.
Also, I'm not really watching the second one, because I have apparently completely lost any attention span that I once had. However, from what I've seen, this movie is most likely offensive to every Native American culture ever , and also marks the fourth film I've seen her in in which her main costume is braids and overalls.
This is productivity.
Thursday
Wednesday
Tuesday
For your reading pleasure,
I promise that this entry will not be depressing. If you're not me. Um... it'll still be boring, though. There's nothing much I can do about that.
Anyso, I have for a long while been endeavoring to learn myself to sing "Con Te Partiro" in Italian. You know, it's the song the blind guy sings. I kept putting it on hold because it's hard . Seriously. The song starts out with 24 words sung in less than 10 seconds. In Italian! I just could not get it. This, even after looking at all the words and understanding what they mean and crap. Still, no go. So, last night, I decided that I'd help myself out and give me some lexical transcription to go along with the orthography. Translation: I sounded it out.
After doing this, I discovered something neat. Phonology isn't bullshit! The theories and crap that I learned about actually have real world applications, in ways that calculus never has! Suck it, math department! What am I going on about? Well, I had been transcribing words like "te" and "che" as "tay" and "kay", respectively. Um, that's an approximation. I can't figure out how to use IPA in my little box. This, to my English speaking ears, was quite regular, since English (or at least, American English) is just chock full'a dipthongs. However, in Italian, what you say is what's written. (Um... unless there's two "zz"s or a "g" in there. Have I mentioned that I don't really know anything about Italian except how to curse someone off in entertainingly vulgar ways?) There are no dipthongs. "Te" is properly transcribed as "teh", or, [voiceless alveolar plosive][schwa]. And what I was at first writing would, to the Mediterranean ear have been "teh-ee", which is how I realized that there was a contrast between words like "se" (seh) and "sei" (seh-ee), which had been confusing me before. I'd been trying to say "say" and "say-ee " or some nutty thing.
What does this have to do with my crappy singing? Aha! Morae. Syllable weight. The theory goes that syllables are broken down to units of weight, called the mora. If it has more than um.... two morae or something (leave me alone, I forgot) then it's a heavy syllable. All of my dipthongin' was creating all sorts of heavy syllables all over the place, where as Andrea was unencumbered. In the first line, I had added 4 morae. In the second line, I added four more. In those initial ten seconds, I was inserting 8 extraneous um... beats, or something like that. The kicker? After having identified and isolated the problem, I can now sing the troublesome lines with relative ease.
And here I thought I was studying useless stuff. [rolleyes]
Anyso, I have for a long while been endeavoring to learn myself to sing "Con Te Partiro" in Italian. You know, it's the song the blind guy sings. I kept putting it on hold because it's hard . Seriously. The song starts out with 24 words sung in less than 10 seconds. In Italian! I just could not get it. This, even after looking at all the words and understanding what they mean and crap. Still, no go. So, last night, I decided that I'd help myself out and give me some lexical transcription to go along with the orthography. Translation: I sounded it out.
After doing this, I discovered something neat. Phonology isn't bullshit! The theories and crap that I learned about actually have real world applications, in ways that calculus never has! Suck it, math department! What am I going on about? Well, I had been transcribing words like "te" and "che" as "tay" and "kay", respectively. Um, that's an approximation. I can't figure out how to use IPA in my little box. This, to my English speaking ears, was quite regular, since English (or at least, American English) is just chock full'a dipthongs. However, in Italian, what you say is what's written. (Um... unless there's two "zz"s or a "g" in there. Have I mentioned that I don't really know anything about Italian except how to curse someone off in entertainingly vulgar ways?) There are no dipthongs. "Te" is properly transcribed as "teh", or, [voiceless alveolar plosive][schwa]. And what I was at first writing would, to the Mediterranean ear have been "teh-ee", which is how I realized that there was a contrast between words like "se" (seh) and "sei" (seh-ee), which had been confusing me before. I'd been trying to say "say" and "say-ee " or some nutty thing.
What does this have to do with my crappy singing? Aha! Morae. Syllable weight. The theory goes that syllables are broken down to units of weight, called the mora. If it has more than um.... two morae or something (leave me alone, I forgot) then it's a heavy syllable. All of my dipthongin' was creating all sorts of heavy syllables all over the place, where as Andrea was unencumbered. In the first line, I had added 4 morae. In the second line, I added four more. In those initial ten seconds, I was inserting 8 extraneous um... beats, or something like that. The kicker? After having identified and isolated the problem, I can now sing the troublesome lines with relative ease.
And here I thought I was studying useless stuff. [rolleyes]
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